Final Thoughts on Bachelor 11

[MomLady]

Although I was disappointed in the outcome (for my own selfish reasons ) I think Brad did the right thing for Brad. And that's the crux of it isn't it? That we all do what we feel is in our best interest? I agree that he didn't exactly proceed in the manner in which we would hope a guy who "just didn't see it happening" would proceed. I think we can all see the confusion that these girls experienced because of his inability to be more examining and truthful with himself earlier in the process. Of course it doesn't excuse the mixed messages he was sending after the fact.

But in the end, I think he did the right thing, and it's not because I have a particular affinity for Brad or think he traversed this journey with any amount of decorum or correctitude. Quite the contrary actually. But it's a process, and I think he may have honestly been swept up in that process. He may have been too busy chasing those ever elusive (Utopian Bred) "Butterflies" - hoping he could capture and cage them forever - to examine how he was actually feeling about Deanna and/or Jenni.

I don't know Jenni or Deanna (and don't pretend to know anything about them from the total sum of what I've seen on a television program) but they should actually count themselves lucky that Brad didn't follow through with the charade he found himself living at the end. We can't know these people's hearts, not truly what they feel - and I'd much rather see it happen as it did, than to have Brad marry Deanna/Jenni, have children - and then move on because he no longer feels his Monarchs fluttering.

No...although not ideal for the viewing audience, it's a much better outcome for the girls rather than going forward in a relationship that is by no means true to heart and soul for one of the participants. I hope both girls find someone deserving of their hearts, thoughts, and trust.

Brad seems to want to be ready for marriage, but I think he's neither equipped nor qualified to be anyone's husband at this point. He has no "issues" as far as I'm concerned, that's mere pop psychology that the audience, and Brad himself, has bought into. He just has some personal growth to experience in life before he'll be ready to settle down. Most of that growth will include learning that butterflies can indeed be lasting, but are rarely the same species as the initial ilk.

The type of love required for a happy marriage beyond the immediate gratification of a queasy stomach, takes work - but it's a "good work". It's growing together, and it's acceptance, and it becomes a very meaningful journey. And it can sometimes be a choice, a choice and a committment to that journey.

One of the most truthful and meaningful things I've ever heard with regards to long term love - was said by this elderly man who was celebrating his 60th wedding anniversary. The local reporter inevitably asked the couple:

"What's your secret for such a long, successful marriage?"

...and his reply

"We both never fell out of love at the same time."

dodie430 Welcome to FORT

dodie, Thanks for your quote. And how true it is.

"What's your secret for such a long, successful marriage?"

...and his reply

"We both never fell out of love at the same time."

Your post reminded me of the Waltons. The grandparents, they did not always agree with each other, but they loved each other.

I can honestly say I do not know anybody who has been married more then 45 years, most long term marriages, there is a death of one of the spouses some time after 35 years. These couples, who have been married this long were before the me generation. Marriage was a union of the two. When I looked at thes marriages the people were very strong, but they did not but heads, they each brought their strenghts together. I do not know if this was by choice or what.

What I found intresting is that even with these strong long term marriages as role models, many of the children of these marriages are either not married or divorced. Some of the siblings that did make a commitment for better or worse and work at thier love have been married longer then 20 years.

I think marriage has to do with a mind set to commit to being part of a life long marraige. I do think love and happiness is a choice. (I am not advocating that anyone stay married or in an abusive relationship or otherwise unhealthy marriage.)

[grneyedgirl]

My final thought on Bachelor 11...

Sometimes in life there are things that we have to understand that we will just never understand.

It has been fun this season! I have made several new friends, saw a few new places, and laughed until I had tears coming out of my eyes!

But, now it is time for me to put this to rest, close the book, and put it back on the shelf.

Brad, DeAnna, and Jenni--I wish ya'll nothing but health, happiness, and love!

[MomLady]

What about Jenni being picked up from the airport by her ex boyfriend coming from the FRC, and appears to have been dating him ever since. Several posters from Phoenix indicated Jenni has been seen around town with her ex during the airing of the show, well they were correct, and those postings were not rumors.

I am mentioning Brad, because he is always talking about how honest he is and about his integrity.

Does Brad's honesty and integrity stand up to scrutiny?

People do not have to be perfect, but if keep mentioning honesty and integrity, then make sure it stands up to scrutiny.

I do not know about Jenni's honesty nor her integrity. First of all, I know a couple of us who mentioned the possible that Jenni came on the show to get back at her boyfriend and/or that she was back with her boyfriend. We were shot down, because we were not Jenni fans. I have always like Jenni.

Rumour has it that Solica had her boyfriend pick her up from the airport as well.

Kate, as she so blatantly wrote in her blogs went on the Bachelor 10 while she had a her boyfriend waiting back home.

It is not for me to decide what others think of as right or as wrong. Everyone lives by their own moral codes.

[Bet2Win]

I am mentioning Brad, because he is always talking about how honest he is and about his integrity.

Does Brad's honesty and integrity stand up to scrutiny?

People do not have to be perfect, but if keep mentioning honesty and integrity, then make sure it stands up to scrutiny.

I do not know about Jenni's honesty nor her integrity. First of all, I know a couple of us who mentioned the possible that Jenni came on the show to get back at her boyfriend and/or that she was back with her boyfriend. We were shot down, because we were not Jenni fans. I have always like Jenni.

Rumour has it that Solica had her boyfriend pick her up from the airport as well.

Kate, as she so blatantly wrote in her blogs went on the Bachelor 10 while she had a her boyfriend waiting back home.

It is not for me to decide what others think of as right or as wrong. Everyone lives by their own moral codes.

Babyface was at the family meetings IIRC, since he is Brad's brother (can't remember if half-brother or step-brother), but wasn't part of the "cast". Probably why he has the information he does have, he was there.

[www]

This is interesting, coming from someone who has actually been there.

I noticed how quickly Brad would close up, if someone questioned him or as you said get that deer look. I felt it was an anger issues, but maybe you are closer to the truth then I was.

Well, just a few other last observations on this whole thing.

1. Why did Brad go on this show? Like many commitment phobes who don't have it in them to REALLY face their relationship problems, he probaby felt the "right" woman would magically wipe out all those past behaviors. So he may have felt that he'd find it this way and live happily ever after, but the truth is, the pulling away, etc. just reared its ugly head once again because the issues don't "just go away".

2. The MORE they feel toward someone the more likely you will see this push/pull and "meannness" toward the one they love because this person "makes them" feel all this angst/panic attacks.

3. At the end when he was sitting there on the stoop teary eyed- what I saw was him thinking "yup, I did it again, sabotaged another relationship w/a wonderful woman"

Just my perspective but as someone who's experienced this first hand, his behavior shows all the signs of someone w/serious intimacy and commitment issues.

Oh one last thing - many commitment phobes are excellent friends and employees - they cover their true selves well and others who are NOT in a romantic relationship with them could never fathom this person behaving the way they do. Workaholics are typical because they can avoid commiting to anything with ANYONE - "might have to work", "too much to do", etc.

Bottom line - actions speak louder than words so when the words and actions don't match - RUN!

[Montrealgirl]

Sorry for the long post :

Brad signed a contract with ABC which said that he had to choose 1 lady out of 25. He didn't fall in love with either of them. We can go on for months speculating what happened but the fact is we'll never know. But he had the right not to fall in love.

He must have felt something for DeAnna because you don't have a big smile like he had when you kiss someone if you don't have any feelings for this person. But maybe the LCD and the comments about the toilet lid and the dishes made him doubt that this could work forever. After all he's 35 and is used to his way of life. He said love needs compromises and I'm sure under normal circumstances he would but not under The Bachelor circumstances. What were they :

- DeAnna was in love with him while his feelings weren't as strong.
- DeAnna would move to Austin in his place and wanted to make changes.
- DeAnna would have to quit her job
-DeAnna would have to be alone quite often since he would have to work long hours.
-DeAnna would be far from her family and friends.

If she had lived in Austin, came one day and asked for a job ( like Dillon did). Would he have asked her out? I think so. Would they have dated? Probably. Would it have lasted? Perhaps because Brad would have been only seeing her and fell in love with her. Plus, when she would have move in, it would have been more harmonious and easier to make compromise.

Under The Bachelor circumstances and with Brad's personality, it was doomed because he couldn't ask DeAnna to make all those sacrifices if he wasn't sure a 100% that he could reciprocate her feelings and love her forever. He said he would follow his heart. I think he followed his head. But I think he should have let her decide if she wanted to take that risk.

So he forced ABC to change the rules. Being a successful businessman, he should have make the business come first. He should have chosen one but not propose and do his speech about marriage... Happy ending then when the camera are not rolling, he tells the truth to the chosen one like : I wanted not to chose anybody but ABC forced me to do it. Would DeAnna have been more devastated had it been done like that? I don't think so and I think it even would have been easier for her. The break up would have been made in private. She could have had the closure that she desperately wanted and asked for. A closure that she will never have. The next 2½ months wouldn't have been full of hopes because she would have known that them would never happen and why.

ABC could have forced Brad to chose someone. They didn't because they figured out it was a risk they could take just to have THE MOST DRAMATIC FRC IN BACHELOR HISTORY. They figured that people would follow a B12 if they played their cards right. They didn't care about nor Brad, nor Jenni nor DeAnna but only for the ratings. And sadly they were right, everybody talks about their SHOCKING FINALE and that's only what counts.

[rileymeboy]

Babyface was at the family meetings IIRC, since he is Brad's brother (can't remember if half-brother or step-brother), but wasn't part of the "cast". Probably why he has the information he does have, he was there.

I don't think BabyfaceC is Brad's brother. I think he is Jason, who is a close friend of Brads and also a partner in the business. (not sure about the last)

[Bet2Win]

I don't think BabyfaceC is Brad's brother. I think he is Jason, who is a close friend of Brads and also a partner in the business. (not sure about the last)

Hi Riley ... I know I read somewhere that Jason is Brad's brother, but had a different mother, so is either a step-brother or half-brother ... and when I read it, it made me understand that why it is referred to as a "family" business, because Jason is a partner. I thought Jason also posted IIRC that he was at the Malibu bach. pad during the family meeting the girls.

[rileymeboy]

Hi Riley ... I know I read somewhere that Jason is Brad's brother, but had a different mother, so is either a step-brother or half-brother ... and when I read it, it made me understand that why it is referred to as a "family" business, because Jason is a partner. I thought Jason also posted IIRC that he was at the Malibu bach. pad during the family meeting the girls.

I remember him posting about being at the malibu house and met the girls, so you are probally right..my mistake, sorry. I thought Wes, was his half-brother, but I wouldn't go to the bank with it.

[grneyedgirl]

Hi Riley ... I know I read somewhere that Jason is Brad's brother, but had a different mother, so is either a step-brother or half-brother ... and when I read it, it made me understand that why it is referred to as a "family" business, because Jason is a partner. I thought Jason also posted IIRC that he was at the Malibu bach. pad during the family meeting the girls.

Jason is one of Brad's business partners--along with Wes and Chad.