This is the season that got me to de-lurk and write comments!
This is the season that got me to de-lurk and write comments!
I've calmed down a bit.
I don't have a problem with Brad dumping both girls. I don't have a problem with him deciding that there wasn't one in the entire 25 who was right for him. I don't have a really big problem with him "leading them on" because we know that the producers force some of that.
My problems with Brad come from three things:
1. The "I'll dump you, but you must forgive me immediately" statements made in various ways.
2. The variation of #1 that roughly translates to "this hurts me as much as it hurts you, so have some sympathy" -- no, it hurts the women more, and you need to tough it out and not demand more than they've already given.
3. His evident assumption that love happens like a lightning bolt, and it's either there or it isn't. If he was on the verge of proposing to Deanna and decided he just didn't feel it, that's legit in my book. But if he was on the verge of proposing, I would hope he'd have the presence of mind to realize that this was an artificial situation, and that she might look different to him away from that situation. The "look different" part cuts both ways -- she could look better or worse.
I think he should have said something like "I think you are more invested in this relationship than I am, and I'm unclear about my feelings at this point. If you can accept my uncertainty, I'd like to see if being in the real world clarifies things. If that's too hurtful, I understand and respect any decision you make."
Oh, well. It's over. I hope we soon learn of DeDe and Jenni being in happy, loving relationships. I'm not so sure about Brad, because he doesn't seem very realistic about love.
On a personal note, had I been a Bachelorette and my DH one of the 25 guys, I would have cut him the first night without a second thought. I went out with him reluctantly at first and fell in love slowly. I've also experienced love at first sight, but that's not the only way it happens. All I can wish for Brad is that he quickly learns that love is more multi-dimensional than he currently seems to believe.
Big disappointment. Brad seemed like a stand up guy, said all the right things, kept the ladies with the most class around long enough to get to know them. Then the bottom dropped out when the real Brad showed up. Looking for a Stepford wife not a real woman with real emotions. Ah, well this too shall pass. Shewhoshallremainnameless did.
SweetElvira, I think many of your observations and comments are right on.
I read somewhere that Fleiss didn't see the ending coming, so maybe that is why he didn't show more of Brad's conflict leading to that final moment. Maybe Brad never showed it to anyone.
A friend has suggested that Brad was trying so hard to make it all work, that he convinced himself of false feelings all the way until the last moment. I find that possible.
It does seem that Brad has some relationship/commitment issues. That was actually noted before the season started by someone who knew him, but also with the note that Brad had been working on it all and finally felt he was ready. Apparently not. Not so much because he didn't choose one of the women, but because he couldn't open up about the process inside him that got him there.
If he did open up and it wasn't aired, then shame on Fleiss. But I suspect that Brad was afraid to show or express any of it.
Love most definitely is complex. It is nothing like a romance novel. But, I think, even most people who expect a romance novel, realize the real thing when they have it. Because it simply feels good. Happy. Peaceful. Right.
I could never pick from 25 people I've just met to find my soulmate. It would be far too tempting to pick the ones that make you swoon, instead of the ones that may take longer to know, but are more real for you. The process is flawed from right off. Elvira, you have me wondering if I would have picked MY dh. I'd like to think I would have, but I also know how starry eyed I was in those single days ...
But, it still can be fun to watch. A totally, completely guilty pleasure.
Also, I'm among those who felt for a long time that there wasn't a love match. I kept hoping there was, of course. I would have really, really enjoyed being wrong. But, I really don't think it was there. On that, Brad was right, I think.
Long-time lurker, mostly because many of the comments out here usually perfectly capture my thoughts and impressions pretty accurately. But there is one thing I have been thinking about for the past few days that I haven't seen expressed here (though it certainly may have been since I have not read every post!). I have been wondering if the ending would have been different if either of the women had stopped short of declaring their love. I mean, instead of saying "I am falling in love with you." or "I love you." Maybe if they had said something less definitive, though still positive, it wouldn't have freaked him out so much. Imagine what it must be like to hear someone with whom you have essentially spent just a few hours over the course of six weeks and almost every minute of that time was in front of a camera and crew and other women...imagine them declaring their love for you. Wouldn't it sort of freak you out because, let's face it, that person doesn't know much about you yet? They haven't seen your temper or your weird sense of humor or your little quirks that make you you. And maybe you are thinking this is a pretty special person but wouldn't you question their judgment in making such a declaration so quickly and with so little real information about and experience with you? Even if the PTB had pushed you to encourage them, don't you think it would be a relief to have just one of them say, "You know, I feel a definite spark here and I am really excited about what it might be. I'd love to take some time with you and see what happens." Oh, I know, for many people that would ruin the show but better to ruin the show than ruin people's lives by making them look like fools on t.v. I just wonder...
well i missed the last two weeks, but i did watch the show up until that point, and i watched on monday
my final thought? i thought brad was too boring of a bachelor, he was like travis lite....no emotion, no personality, just...dull
and i didn't even think he was that good looking, i didn't get all the "sexiest bachelor ever" hype, plo to me was better looking and that's not saying much
however, i think this had to be one of the best endings ever, finally a bachelor who didn't play the stupid game, i give him kudos for sticking it to ABC, but boy did they make him suffer, last night's show was just painful to watch
Of course he played the game. He played it in his own warped, dysfunctional way. But play he did - he wouldn't have been on the show if he wasn't playing.Quote:
Originally Posted by snickers;2685560;
what? because it was an ending you didn't like its dysfunctional?
what's dysfunctional is the whole concept of finding love in 6 weeks when dating 25 people
no, if he had played the game he would gone the route of just about every other bachelor minus 2 or 3 and pick a girl and break up one week after the final show airs
but is it really even breaking up? how about it never being a real relationship from the beginning, brad admitted it was a farce, the only problem is, he did it on national tv when most of the other bachelor's most likely did it in private with the supposed "winner"
He played the game. The whole show is one big game. I have never bought the premise that there is true love at the end of dating a whole bunch of people simultaneously. That is part of the game and he played.
The ending did not make it dysfunctional. The way he played it was. Get the dad flown in. Say sweet nothings to make one or both girls believe and I do mean believe that he was for real and into the game. And then be all hurt and "Boo-hoo" poor me, the lady is shutting me out after I told her goodbye. I care about both ladies so much, I have very real feelings for both, I think about both of them all the time. But Buh-Bye. That is the warped part. That is the dysfunctional part.