Final Thoughts on Bachelor 11

[Bloomers]

If the premise of the Bachelor is that he dates 25 women eliminating them until he is down to one (F1) which he gives the Final Rose to, then this show failed its premise.
Regardless of the fact that Brad felt like he couldn't propose because he didn't love the F1 enough, he still should have given her the Final Rose ( and forgotten all the mumbo jumbo about getting engaged which others have done).

***If Brad was not going to follow the premise of the Bachelor and present at least the Final Rose to one of the women, he should have brought them both out at the same time and rejected them both together.We would have seen Brad thinking about Brad, and Fliess would have gotten the same drama of NO WINNER.

[mrsbradwomack]

I didn't write anything bad, so why is it not letting me post?

[alizarules]

so let me get this straight, Brad's mom was married 4 times (or is that a rumor) and Brad has commitment issues. Duh?
I think that Brad did the right thing because as we can see Deanna is way more invested than Brad and to drag it out another 2 months just to get to ATFR episode is just cruel.

I don't think he knows what he wants and that's something he should have figured out before he went on the show.

I don't doubt he thinks about Deanna and Jenni because from what we could tell he enjoyed their time together.

They probably spent more "quality" time during the 5 weeks of taping than most couples spend in a year.

hmmm i think that's it for now.

[mrsbradwomack]

Before I start, the name should not be taken seriously aka I hate Brad Womack!

I watched the finale with my boyfriend (his first time watching) and he ended up getting so sucked into it that he went out of his way to watch ATFR even though he was busy and I was perfectly happy watching on my own. Watching it with him was somewhat telling though because he's a bit of a commitment-phobe and it was honestly a little bit scary because he related to Brad a lot. He said that Brad has a very idealistic view of marriage, so he can't be blamed for wanting rainbows, butterflies, etc because at that point it's just out of the question to settle for anything less. Also, watching the finale, my boyfriend really liked DeAnna until her comment about toilet seat. He said that that would have been the dealbreaker since it showed just how controlling/manipulative she is. He said that he was cool with the whole putting things where she wants, the dishes, laundry, etc because it showed that she knows what she wants. But the toilet comment was too much, apparently. He thinks that Brad realized last minute that he probably doesn't want to get tied down to someone like that because he might regret it. He also said that since Brad's parents got divorced like his did, he probably is looking for that missing piece that led his parents' marriage to fail, so he might be looking for a certain unattainable feeling to convince him that this is "the one."

I was reading some others' opinions and I came across this, which I thought was a really interesting take on the situation:

This is the Psychologist in me talking...

I think the problem is that Brad found his brother the perfect wife and that romance was exactly the type Brad described wanting - instant fireworks, knowing immediately that she was the girl. I don't think Brad needed to have love that way until Chad got it that way. If Chad had been best friends with his wife and fallen in love with her over 3 years, that's who Brad would want to fall in love. We would have heard him saying "I know I can't be in love, because love isn't something that happens in 6 weeks, it takes years, you have to be good friends first."

Brad has probably always wanted the exact same things as his brother - the same stuff, the same accomplishments, the same approval. I don't see him as the type to one-up his brother. I think the fact that they're business partners means that he wants to be like him, not better than him. Some twins are competitive, some find comfort in always maintaining symmetry.

At 35, after Chad had been unable to find a wife him, Brad decided to go on The Bachelor and get that big romance. Now that I've seen the whole thing, I do think he was sincerely trying to find THE girl.

Brad desperately wanted it to be Sheena because then the universe would have been balanced since Chadpicked her for him. I think that really would have made him happy and we saw him try really hard to love her, but unfortunately, Sheena's family sent him running scared. He couldn't blame Chad, because it wasn't Sheena, but her family that wasn't right. After meeting Brad's mommy, I think Brad knew that Sheena's mom would have driven his mom nuts and it was a big NO for that reason.

Once Sheena was gone, Brad focused on the other 2 and he really tried to convince himself there were feelings and those fireworks. I think that's exactly why he repeatedly made affirmations out loud - not to string the girls along, but to convince himself! That's why up until the last minute he said the them. He was really trying up until the last minute and he said tonight that he tried but there was something missing.

Brad didn't want to return home without a fiancee, because he's tired of not having what Chad has. However, at the last minute, he realized picking Deanna = settling for less than Chad.

The truth is, a lot of very happy couples marry without it being an instant head over heels thing. Some of the best married couples are friends who fall in love slowly over time. That's what Deanna wanted to try. She didn't need Brad to instantly fall in love with her, she wanted to see if they could walk away from the spotlight and fall in love off camera. She was saying it's only been 6 weeks and you say you care deeply about me, why isn't it logical that we keep dating?? Unfortunately Brad is too restricted by his Chad Equality Issue to do that. Agreeing to 'wait and see if love blooms' is admitting that he'd settle for less than his brother got. No can do.

I find it extremely illogical that Brad couldn't have a friendly dinner off camera with Deanna and not let things end badly. Why make it so they both leave feeling emotional and heartbroken (Brad's words) when there is nothing stopping them from talking until there's closure? I don't think Deanna is an unreasonable person. I think she just didn't want to be told "I care so much about you...but I never want to see you again" because it's a sucky way to treat a person who has been nothing but gracious to you. A person who opened her home and shared photos of her dead mother, not some bitch he met in a bar that never showed him kindness.

I'm glad Brad admitted he has some issues!

Also, during the finale, about Jenni, my boyfriend was like, "Are you kidding me?" when he heard her laugh over and over. He also said that she acted like a twelve-year-old and that that wasn't attractive. AT ALL. NOT AT ALL.

[dodie430]

One of the most truthful and meaningful things I've ever heard with regards to long term love - was said by this elderly man who was celebrating his 60th wedding anniversary. The local reporter inevitably asked the couple:

"What's your secret for such a long, successful marriage?"

...and his reply

"We both never fell out of love at the same time."

Now getting to read that makes this whole Bachelor11 experience worthwhile.

I'm new here [and to this forum process], so I can't tell if your response was meant to be serious or sarcastic. I'm genuinely asking

[longhornalum]

I'm new here [and to this forum process], so I can't tell if your response was meant to be serious or sarcastic. I'm genuinely asking

Dead serious. I LOVE this quote. People who reach their Golden Wedding anniverary (and beyond) are often asked that question and have cute answers. This one is the best of all. I know. Marriage does ebb and flow, and you do take turns sometimes holding the marriage solid.

[VinnsGirl]

I am new here, hey everyone

I am still shaking my head at the whole BRAD - Season 11!! What a mess it turned out to be. Honestly, I really did not think for one second that he would not pick either Deanna or Jenni. I, like, many of you have stated, can see that Brad has MAJOR commitment issues. He really needs to seek our professional help, if he hasn't already. I don't feel like he should have proposed for SURE, but, he should have known at the end of the 5 or 6 weeks, which one of the ladies he would have liked to have in his life!! He is very handsome, and, seemed like he was a genuine, loving, warm man....but, very quickly he showed us all his true colors. I DID NOT like for one second that me, and, all of you, were lied to. While I understand full well that this is a REALITY show, at the same time, these are REAL PEOPLE and they way these ladies were treated, along with Deanna's father, were treated like CRAP!

For Brad to request ABC to fly out Deanna's father so he could propose...that is just low...if he was confussed (which is an UNDERSTATEMENT) - Brad had second thoughts, he said he felt like purchasing the ring was the WRONG DECISION!!! I wish he would have been man enough to speak up then and there. To convince himself that everything would be okay...and NOT think of those ladies, Deanna and Jenni...just goes to show everyone what a self centered, self loving individual he is....he found love alright and it was and is with HIMSELF! I really am pissed but ABC is getting what they want from their audience and that is a REACTION. I am SURE they are pissed and pleased at BRAD all at the same time...they should present Deanna and Jenni as their next BACHELORETTE's but then again, maybe these ladies, feel burnt and totally guarded, which is how they should feel! I am very shocked still and honestly I am disgusted with MEN not having a clue! My husband was SHOCKED!! He could not believe that Brad would do such a thing, really, anyone for that matter. While I understand people that love and care for Brad may think he is wonderful, or, the people at ABC may feel this way.....come one, get a clue, BRAD will never find what he is looking for and he treats people like CRAP!! -- this is not a nice guy....he is gorgeous, but, not nice.

I feel very sorry for both Deanna, Jenni and their families. Just not nice treatment to receive. Brad needs serious, serious help and he has to think about apologizing not for NOT FALLING IN LOVE, but, for the way he treated everyone!

[dodie430]

dodie430 Welcome to FORT

dodie, Thanks for your quote. And how true it is.

"What's your secret for such a long, successful marriage?"

...and his reply

"We both never fell out of love at the same time."


I think marriage has to do with a mind set to commit to being part of a life long marraige. I do think love and happiness is a choice. (I am not advocating that anyone stay married or in an abusive relationship or otherwise unhealthy marriage.)

Thanks for the welcome.
And I agree that love, happiness, and commitment is a choice. I ended at least 4 relationships with very good, honest, loving guys, not because there weren't any butterflies, but because the butterflies began morphing into caterpillars, cute comfy caterpillars - but they certainly weren't butterflies anymore.

And then one day I chose to remain after the buterflies, and I am so glad that I did. The quote above may not apply to everyone, but it sure helps me with my inherent fickle nature. What gets me through the days I don't feel "overwhelmingly" in love is remembering how I feel on the days that I do. And I'm sure I can be difficult to like, let alone love, somedays.

Nine years and counting....

My point in my other post is that Brad will have to experience some type of growth in that direction or insight into what makes love work, really work, before he'll ever be able to settle down with a modicum of success.

But hey, it's his life. And I don't think that kind of stuff comes to us until we mature and realize that somehow we keep having the same type of relationships with the same kind of finales - and then one day [if we're really lucky] we have an epiphany and learn to love our fuzzy little caterpillars

Dead serious. I LOVE this quote. People who reach their Golden Wedding anniverary (and beyond) are often asked that question and have cute answers. This one is the best of all. I know. Marriage does ebb and flow, and you do take turns sometimes holding the marriage solid.

I'm so glad I asked - I loved it too

[itsyourmom]

My final thought is that Brad is very business savvy. We've been Fleissed and Womacked. I think Brad was smart enough to realize that if he chose no one, he could resume normal life. His business is good. Women post at the My Space and say he would fall in love if it had been them on the show. The media will not pester him endlessly about when the wedding is, the way they did Andy and Byron. He will fade out of our conscious sooner vs. later. One day we will read an article that says he's gotten engaged, like Andrew F., and we'll think it's cool and not a huge deal, just as we do with Andrew.

I think Brad's right that you can't make yourself fall in love. He must have realized that Deanna was everything he was looking for in theory and that he just did not have the emotion to accompany that. If they were to date IRL, she'd have to move. Making someone you don't deeply love move is bad. Proposing to someone you don't deeply love . . . also bad. Long distance relationships are difficult. Relationships in the glare of the media are difficult. It must have hit him at the end that if he did not fall madly in love on over-the-top dates like helicopter rides, dune buggy races, and exotic trips to Mexico, how likely was it going to be that he fell deeper in love over phone calls, e-mails, occasional visits, and text messages.

So he did the right thing and probably preserved his sanity in the process. I doubt we'll hear as much about him as we did about Andy and all the rest.

[itsyourmom]

Oh, I also don't think he has commitment issues or psychological problems. I think he's a typical male who was saying, "It's not you, it's me." Which really means, "It's you" or "It's us not being good together."