Who can turn the world on with a smile? Why, it’s Dandy, of course. But if truth be known, it’s not really the world he’s turning on, but nine
lunaticsladies who happen to live in the Hollywood Hills. Last week Sarge burst on the scene putting the ladies through their paces in an obstacle course on the well-manicured lawn, until Bevin turned her ankle and was rewarded with a rose, a watch and an ambulance ride, thus paving the way for her Manipulator Gene to spiral out of control. However, not every hour was devoted to Bevin, because Peyton, Amanda and Erin were given just enough airtime to discharge them back to their dismal, ordinary non-Dandy lives. Who will get cut (either figuratively or literally) tonight?
Disclaimer: I’ve waited long enough for ABC to offer pictures from the show, and they failed their mission - they will not be getting a rose from me this week. *shakes fist*
Mr. Obvious gathers everyone together in the living room telling them he has great news…no boot camp this week. He adds there will be two group dates (where one lucky girl gets Special QT [drink!] with Dandy) and one individual date. As if Special QT with Dandy isn’t spectacular enough, Chris informs the ladies they will be boarding a private jet to Lake Tahoe. Everyone squeals with delight, although minutes later there seems to be some confusion about exactly where Lake Tahoe is located. By the way, I have flown to the Lake Tahoe airport, and I can tell you it’s absolutely the steepest, scariest take-off and landing I’ve EVER experienced. It’s a given that everyone will be well liquored up before landing, and in this case, that’s probably a REALLY good thing.
Let’s Get Things Started
Dandy pulls right up to the private jet in his Bat Mobile and the ladies pile out of their limo. Everyone’s looking forward to their adventure, but dear Bevin. She’s got some major sulking going on because she realizes due to her sprained ankle, she won’t be able to ski or snowboard with the others. They land in Tahoe, and are shuttled into an RV for the drive to the motel, which fortunately leaves plenty of time for drinking and cavorting. They make it up to their suite, and I notice Bevin is carrying her crutches, but not using them. Hm, interesting. Like high school kids afraid of being too overt with sexual advances, Dandy and Steph T. find ridiculous excuses to crawl all over each other while laying on the bed with the others in attendance.
Crybabies Don’t Make For Good TV
The first date box arrives for Nicole, Stephanie W., Danielle and Bevin with a note that reads, “put your party dresses on and let’s see who’s lucky.” For some reason the girls only have one-half hour to get ready for the date, and the time constraint sends Bevin into a panic. Sweet Tessa finds her crying in the bathroom and patiently listens as Bevin sobs that her crutches make it hard to do anything, even the simplest tasks, and how “stupid” she feels having to hobble around on crutches. Believe me, I’ve broken my leg and know that crutches can be bothersome, but a good 10 minutes is devoted to Bevin's whimpers, sniveling and whining. Amber is of the mind that Bevin is milking her injury - you think? However in the end, Stephanie W. says they all banded together with some of them ironing her clothes, and others helping with her makeup and hair. Excuse me? What, does she normally apply makeup and curl her hair with her feet, and if so, how come that footage isn’t aired? Damn.
Meanwhile Dandy’s been waiting…and waiting…downstairs for the ladies to join him. Eventually they file in and, lo and behold, Bevin walks in sans crutches and WEARING HIGH HEELS. Let’s review, shall we. She can’t apply makeup, iron clothes or curl her hair, but she can walk in heels with a strap around her damaged ankle? Either she’s on some heavy duty pain medication or Dandy is quite the healer, or *gasp* could it be she’s not as injured as she might have us believe? Dandy makes several attempts at conversation, but Bevin has completely embraced her role in the Bevin Pity Party, and continues to sulk and pout throughout dinner. Being the keen doctor he is, Dandy immediately senses something is not right with her and pulls her aside, asking why she isn’t wearing her brace or crutches. Yes, Bevin, inquiring minds want to know. She whimpers as Dandy hugs her, and he tells us she’s been a trooper. A trooper? What rock did he just crawl out from under? She proceeds to explain to him that she feels badly because she’s 28 and is used to doing things for herself, and hates having to rely on the other girls for help. The fact that Dandy seems to be so easily sucked into her vacuum of crap tells me he hasn’t had much experience with manipulative women, and he may be more naïve than Virgin Sadie from last season. He asks Bevin if she can feel the current of electricity that flows between them when he touches her, but I suspect what he’s sensing is lightning from the heavens above because even God is sick of listening to her whining. Dandy seems totally taken with her and they continue to snuggle and kiss while Danielle, Stephanie W. and Nicole watch. Eventually the lovebirds unlock lips and join the ladies again. Bevin privately tells us she hopes the other girls won’t stab her in the back, but we all know better - they're probably already lining up with daggers in their hot little hands. Pffft.
It's All About Me! Me! Me!
Meanwhile the ladies back at the suite get the next date invitation: Tessa, Kate, Tina, and Stephanie T. are invited to play in the snow. This means Amber gets the one-on-one date, and she immediately goes into a tailspin fretting about what to wear and how to style her hair. The other ladies could care less and the more she talks, the more irritated they become. Ah, good times.
The Doctor Is In
The group heads down to the casino, and again, I can’t help but notice Bevin is walking quite well in her heels sans crutches. The gang plays craps and Bevin graciously allows everyone to have fun for a while. However, Stephanie W. is a quick learner, and takes her turn at sulking in order to catch Dandy’s attention. (What is wrong with these women? Some words of advice, Dandy: if you hitch your star to a woman who has decided the only way to seek your attention is by feigning hurt feelings etc., your life will consist of nothing but). Steph’s attention-grabbing antics pay off big time and Dandy takes her aside for some one-on-one counseling. She confides to him that she’s emotionally and physically drained, and naturally he’s there to listen. They have a stilted conversation about how she typically knows what’s going to happen in her life, but in this situation, she’s not in control. He assures her that she’s - are you ready for it - “amazing” (drink!), and he hopes to meet her family (well, yes, because they’ve known each other, what, three weeks or so?). She thinks he’s an extraordinary (wow, a six-syllable word) man, and he thinks she’s a solid contender. *sigh*
By now it’s clear Dandy needs a placard emblazoned with ‘Dr. Dandy’ on it, and a chaise for his
patientsdates to spill their emotional guts to him. This is one c-ra-zy night, and it’s now Danielle’s turn at the Dr. Dandy office. He says she’s a very strong woman (at this point I think Dakota Fanning would appear to be a strong woman compared to these nutcases), and Danielle tells him she feels a connection (drink!) with him. She continues flattering him by saying that she gets butterflies in her stomach (could be the shrimp…) when she’s around him, and then they kiss.
Once again reunited back at the craps table the gang is chatting lightly when Dandy says he’d like Bevin to join him for the Special QT. Ack, I just urped a little, and I swear, I saw a wart grow on the tip of her nose, and I could have sworn she cackled menacingly and flew off straddling a broomstick. The other girls are rightly disappointed or horrified, take your pick.
Dandy carries Bevin down the hall, which eerily smacks of a groom carrying his bride over the threshold, and they enter his private suite. I have been keeping away from our fabulous sleuthers’ threads (check them out here) so I have no idea which women stay or go, but if Dandy ends up with Bevin in the end, I predict she will forever be playing the helpless damsel. Perhaps being a doctor, he’s comfortable in the caretaker mode, and I hope so, for his sake. Once inside his suite, they sit with legs entwined and he confides to her that he is and always has been a nerd. He admits he’s always wanted to be an astronaut, and that NASA is beckoning for undersea medical officers to apply. They get down to some serious kissing, then Dandy says, “you and I are real.” Our boy Dandy is falling hard for this woman, and I wonder if they were to get married, and if he does go to the moon, if she’d want him to bring her back some cheese. He tells her she’s his “sanctuary,” and we’re treated to listening to the slurping and smacking of their kisses. As they finally leave the room, Dandy’s voiceover says their time together was far more intimate than he’s had with any other woman so far. Hmm, did you notice the key words “so far?” So did I…one down, eight to go.
The Ice Man Cometh (figuratively speaking only, not literally, heheh)
Dandy’s looking forward to today’s date and says it’s going to be quite different than yesterday’s. What, you mean different, as in fun? Tessa, Kate, Tina, and Stephanie T. catch up with Dandy on the slopes, and we learn it’s Steph T.’s birthday. She’s excited to be spending her special day with Dandy because they have a connection (drink!). Each bachelorette takes turns getting private skiing lessons from Dandy, some more accomplished than others. Tessa invites Dandy to stand on the back of her skis, and they go down the slope together. Everyone’s laughing, having a great time, and at some point Dandy and Tessa find themselves sitting in the snow together. Pull out that placard, Dr. Dandy, because it’s her time to confess that the tension and emotions are getting more difficult to handle. He wants her to know that he feels a connection (drink!), and he hopes she sticks with it. They hug and he privately tells us that Tessa is the person who makes him feel the most calm, and that he could see the fear in her eyes about this journey (drink!). He truly hopes she stays committed. I could see any number of these women being committed…to an asylum, that is.
Steph T. gives us this season’s first “I’m-not-here-to-make-friends” bitch-speech. She assures us that she will have no problem throwing another girl under the bus if they get in her way. Seriously, if any of you needed to hear her confirm that, raise your hand. Yeah, I didn’t think so. One of her gifts as the Birthday Girl must be the privilege to inform Dandy what flaws the other women have because she tells him some of the girls can’t be by themselves and can’t make their own decisions. She warns him to keep his eyes open. But gee, if he were to do that sweetie, you’d be gone, dontcha think? Later Steph tells us that Amber is insecure and doesn’t have any self-confidence which means she’s not the right girl for Dandy. She goes on to tell him that some of the girls are annoyed with him because he’s been rumored to be kissing some of them. He defends himself by saying he’s just trying to make some connections (drink!), and later tells us he doesn’t know what to make of their conversation. I do, and it’s going to make for one hell of a reunion show, which makes my heart soar.
The Plot Thickens
Dandy and Kate take a ride on the ski lift and the conversation quickly gets serious. This little lady is doing her best to stir up trouble because she tells Dandy that Amber has said he tried to kiss her. He looks shocked and denies it. She further explains that Stephanie W. was crying the other night because he was spending so much time with Bevin. He tells Kate he is beginning to develop feelings for some of them, and with them being roommates and becoming friendly, it makes for an awkward social situation. You think? I’m exhausted just listening to all this, and all I can say is, these Bachelors sure put up with a lot of nonsense just for a few stolen kisses…well that, and for the chance to drive a Bat Mobile, I guess. *rolls eyes*
In the gondola behind them, Steph T., Tina and Tessa watch Kate and Dandy, and Steph draws little hearts in the condensation on the glass. When questioned about it she says it’s the hopeless romantic in her that makes her always draws hearts. Hm, I’d swear it’s her sneaky way of ‘acting’ like a hopeless romantic on a television show that makes her do it. Meanwhile, Dandy asks Kate if there are any women here for the wrong reasons. Ooh, ooh, I know the answer to that question, but since he didn’t ask me, I’ll just note that she informs him that Amber is 50/50 on the line (whatever the hell that means). Steph T. is Kate’s next victim and she makes sure he knows that Steph has molded herself into what she thinks Dandy wants in a woman, adding that she’s not the kind of girl he’d want to take home to his parents. He confides to us that he appreciated Kate’s insight, and I appreciate her comments because once again I’m thinking how the reunion show is going to rock, baby!
They depart the gondola and Dandy wishes Steph T. a happy birthday, but chooses Tina for his Special QT (drink!). Steph is disappointed. Does it make me a bad person to garner some pleasure in her pain?
What’s One More Emotional Breakdown?
Back in the suite, Steph T. is morosely looking out the window obviously deep in her misery as she swigs some wine. She’s upset because she hasn’t had any recent time to connect with Dandy, and as she tears up, Kate looks directly into the camera with a look that speaks volumes about how crazy she thinks Steph is. Kate tells the others that Steph is upset, and when someone asks her if she thinks Steph loves Dandy, she replies, “no, I think she’s crazy.” Well said, Kate, well said. Ah, it wasn’t that long ago when Steph uttered the immortal words that she could handle anything, hee.
Wow, A Normal, Non-Crazy Woman, Part 1
Dandy and Tina are alone on the gondola and the fact that she’s a special, level-headed woman is glaringly obvious in contrast to these other insanely immature ‘ladies.’ She admits she isn’t very competitive, and for her it’s not about competing with the other women for him, but whether the two of them connect. He likes that she’s true to herself, not putting on airs, and certainly appreciates that she’s not joining in on the drama. He likes her and wants her to know she’s a contender. Good job keeping that ego in check, Dandy.
In A Tizzy
Amber is still stewing about what to wear, etc., and even asks the other girls what she can eat for lunch that won’t affect her breath later that night. Good Lord, this woman is 23 - how has she survived in life being so needy? Nicole thinks Amber is falling in love with Dandy. Amber admits she’s very anxious about their date, and the others exchange looks of annoyance.
Wow, A Normal, Non-Crazy Woman, Part 2
A table has been set just for Dandy and Tina outside in the snow. Dandy asks if she’s cold and she admits she is a little. Because she sees the multi-million dollar car and the yacht, she wants to know if he’s high maintenance. Wait a minute. Does she really think those things are his? If so, I’ve been giving her way too much credit. I *think* she’s teasing him, and he says he’s a modestly-paid Naval Officer who owns a Jeep. He says he’s about as low-maintenance as a guy can be, and she says she’s extremely low-maintenance too. He points out she’s the first one to ask him any questions, and she explains she really wants to know ‘him.’ This is the first conversation that seems remotely intriguing, and she says the guy she marries could be a doctor, lawyer, surfer, it doesn’t matter - there are people in life you ‘get’ and that’s what’s important. They toast each other and he respects her honesty and the fact that she stays out of the drama.
Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Insanity
Amber is in the last stages of preparing for her date, and she’s especially concerned whether there will be a rose tonight. Dandy likes Amber a lot and is looking forward to getting to know her better. A romantic dinner is waiting for them in a cozy cabin with a fire blazing, oh and a rose awaits in the corner. As they fiddle with fondue pots, Dandy brings up some of the things he heard today on the slopes. She tells him he can ask her anything, and he admits to having a connection (drink!) with some of the ladies, and says if he wants to be affectionate with someone he should be able to do so. She agrees. Really, what else is she going to say? He makes it known he doesn’t like all the cattiness he’s hearing about, and she’s worried there’s been talk about her. She tries to assure him she’s “here for the right reasons” but I’m not sure he’s buying what she’s selling. He wants to believe that she truly cares about him, and he hopes she does. What would a one-on-one date be without a hot tub, and sure enough this cabin happens to have one bubbling away. They soak for a while then Dandy offers her The Rose, and she turns him down. Ha, not really, but wouldn’t it be great if just once the woman would shout, “no fu#&*ing way, buddy, I’ve fallen in love with Cameraman Cody!” The evening ends with more slurping and smacking…excuse me while I get a Rolaids.
Here Comes Our 19th Nervous Breakdown
It’s Rose Ceremony evening and emotions are running high for the ladies. They may look put together from the outside, but inside most of these women are emotional wrecks. Steph T. is wearing a dress cut down to *here* and cut up to *there* leaving not much to the imagination. Her boobs are perkily peeking out of the plunging neckline and I would imagine she’s got to be using two-sided tape to keep them in check. She’s convinced she’ll be getting a rose because she always rises to the occasion. With that dress of hers, Dandy may also be rising to the occasion, if you know what I mean. *wink wink nudge nudge*
As Dandy arrives he reminds us (or himself) that he’s already given Amber a rose. He’s pretty confident who he’ll be giving roses to, but with these lunatics, he’s not sure if any last-minute accusations or confessions will change his mind. Kate immediately takes Dandy aside, fearing in retrospect she shouldn’t have babbled so much nonsense in Tahoe. She apologizes, but he respects her straight-forward manner, and she ends the conversation with the understatement of the night when she says, “it’s tough dealing with girls, huh?” Well, batty, hand-picked Fleiss girls, anyway.
Outside, Steph T. tells Nicole and Tessa that her dress is “smoking” and does a little shimmy to make sure her roommates notice the hotness. Also, she’s 90% sure she’ll be getting a rose. What a coincidence. I’m 90% sure her boobs aren‘t real. *rimshot* Bevin, Kate and Danielle are discussing how inappropriate Steph’s dress is and Kate goes so far as to say it’s not even appropriate for a strip club. Snap! Steph catches Kate mimicking her to the others’ enjoyment, which abruptly ends their entertainment, then Steph tells us the girls can say whatever they want about her, she’s comfortable with her relationship with Dandy and describes it as nurturing. She takes Dandy aside for one last attempt to convince him that Amber is not the right girl for him. While she’s lecturing him, you can almost hear her boobs beckoning his eyes to LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME. As the camera pans down, she’s holding his hand on her well-exposed thigh, and it’s a wonder Dandy can think about anything other than sex at this point. Actually that may be exactly what he is concentrating on, because he naively believes she’s looking out for him. I believe Dandy is our most naïve Bachelor to date - he’s like a little boy trapped in a man’s body.
Dr. Dandy must be quite the healer because Baby Bevin has ditched her crutches and brace again tonight. She just hasn’t had enough alone time with Dandy so she snags him and they snuggle outside under the stars. He’s really missed seeing her the past few days, and she’s been counting the hours to see him. She’s got butterflies, and he asks if he can kiss her. *smack slurp* When they return to the group, Bevin is shocked to see the women are not happy, and she can’t wait to get this show over with so she and Dandy can run off into the sunset together.
Bevin confides to Kate that she can’t trust anyone in the house and she doesn’t have any friends. Kate says she thinks she knows who can be trusted, but that some of the ladies shouldn’t trust her (Kate). Cut to Kate back in the house with Amber, Nicole and Steph W. and Kate whispers that Tina told her Dandy and Amber almost had sex the night in the cabin. Now, I realize we don’t really know these ladies, but Tina would be the last person I would picture spreading rumors. Amber breaks down into tears and behind her back Kate laughs. Amber runs to Dandy telling him what she just heard and he’s shocked. He does understand that she’s a marked woman because she has a rose.
Tessa and Dandy take a minute alone and she starts right in saying when she’s with him she has a lot of fun, but living with these girls who have such strong feelings for him, makes her think she should leave the house. He interrupts her and asks her to focus on the two of them, not the girls. He knows they have a connection (drink!), and wants to know if she would like to get to know him better. She says she would, and he promises his heart is completely open to her. She tells him if he knows what he wants, and it’s not her, please let her go because she doesn’t want to get hurt. He agrees, and as they hug and kiss he whispers, “Tess, Tess, Tess.” I can be a little on the cynical side, okay a lot on the cynical side, and I have to admit, that moment looked genuine to me.
Please End This Misery Now!
Mr. Obvious does what he does best - reminds everyone that emotions have been riding high, there’s a lot of tension in the house, and Amber has a rose which means only five roses will be offered tonight, and three women will be returned to whence they came. Dandy breathes a heavy sigh, and says the difficulty of the decision means he respects each of them and he’s relying on his heart. Steph T. is smiling broadly and I think I saw her boobs wink at me.
Roses are handed out in this order:
Tessa - she demurely accepts.
Danielle - she graciously accepts - Kate makes a face, Steph W. looks like she’s going to cry.
Bevin - accepts her rose without the brace, crutches or the slightest limp. When she returns to her spot next to Nicole, Nicole whispers something. Closed captioning claims she says, “carry it close, okay,” but I looked at the tape five times, and although I can’t make out what she says, I’m not sure the captioning is correct.
Tina - she cordially accepts and the others are getting worried.
Stephanie W. - she happily accepts.
Nicole, Kate and Stephanie T. (I guess he had those eyes open after all, eh, Steph?) say their goodbyes to each other, and Kate is the first to politely say goodbye to Dandy. Bevin and Nicole hug their goodbyes, and when a crushed Nicole talks to the camera she breaks down crying. Steph T. says goodbye to Steph W. and I’m overjoyed not only in seeing Steph T. leave my tv screen, but also because from now on I will only need to refer to Steph W. as Steph, and that makes me incredibly happy. Steph T. says she can’t believe Dandy didn’t feel the same way about her. I’m hoping now that she’s off the show, since she’s an organ donor coordinator, she can devote some time looking for a heart for herself in a tin-man sort of way. She is devastated and believes Dandy must not have liked the way she “sold somebody out” tonight. She also feels she’s going home because of “stupid little jealous girls, and it’s the story of my life,” adding, “if you really care about someone you want them to be happy, so let him go be happy, with or without me.” Uh, Steph, I think he made it clear he’s going to be happy without you.
Dandy toasts the six remaining ladies and next week’s previews show the seven of them on a yacht with Dandy and Bevin spending a great deal of time together, away from the others. Sheesh, if he doesn’t pick Bevin in the end, it would seem he’s going to have a lot of ’splaining to do to his fiancé. If you’d like to see footage of Bevin applying makeup with her feet, let me know via a pm here.