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Thread: A Reflection on the Military Wife

  1. #21
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
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    Re: A Reflection on the Military Wife

    That was a great post soccermom!

    Considering what everyone has just commented on, which of the three remaining women do you think would be the best fit for a military wife?

    I don't think that Danielle could do it since she hasn't moved away from home yet. Tessa's family said they were very downtown as opposed to suburbian. And Bevin's family just want's her to be happy. So I'd guess Bevin would adapt better than the other two.

    Any thoughts?
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

  2. #22
    Until he's home again.. jasbeck93's Avatar
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    Re: A Reflection on the Military Wife

    Quote Originally Posted by nliedel;2376064;
    I could not do it, not in a million years. A military wife has a strength I can never hope to emulate. Same for firefighters and police officers wives. I'd be a wreck. Hats off to military wives and military husbands!!
    nliedel, thanks for being so kind. When you love someone and you have a great life it makes it all the more easier. I've been with my O and G for 15 years and I would not trade my life for anything. My husband has been deployed for 8 months and won't be home until Christmas but I still have so much to be thankful for and a great community of women who are there for me no matter what. Don't underestimate yourself, I believe you could do it, too.
    You must be the change you wish the world to see.

  3. #23
    vB Tetris Champion beachgirl4's Avatar
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    Re: A Reflection on the Military Wife

    Quote Originally Posted by soccermom2;2374158;
    Trying to bump this up a month after the fact in case some of the newer members might like to see it.
    Thanks, I would've missed it otherwise and enjoyed it.

    My sincere respect and admiration goes out to all in the military and to their families as well. The sacrifices are great for both, but I hope the rewards are as well.

  4. #24
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    Re: A Reflection on the Military Wife

    My own perspective on this comes from something of a mixed point of view, having been an officer myself before being a military spouse. I was on active duty as a nurse practitioner in the Air Force for four years. I met my husband during my second active duty assignment while we were each stationed in Japan (he is a pilot). I got out because I was somewhat disenchanted with the health care system in the military - good care, no doubt about it, but because it is free it is often overused for rather trivial things such a getting a new bottle of Tylenol. (This is my personal and prefessional opinion - no tomatoes, please.) While in grad school and feeling broke, I joined the reserves and served an additional 8 years in that capacity. We married right after I finished grad school, and I accompanied my husband on 2 assignments, one in the Upper Peninsula of MI where we had to live on base, and one outside of Wash DC, where we lived on the economy, as it is called.

    I think a post elsewhere suggested that there are no generalizations that can fairly be made, and I would agree with this. So much, of course, depends on the individuals involved and the places you get stationed. Being an independent and somewhat non-conformist sort, I was happier as an officer than as a military spouse. The primary problem for me, as a spouse, was a relative loss of a sense of my own identity compared to when I was an officer myself. The family members of an active duty person are known as the dependents, and the annoying term for a wife is a "dependent wife" or D/W - commonly called the "D-slash-W" - not very flattering. Everything is done by your sponsor's rank and social security number, even taking books out of the base library. I once had a verrrrrrrrry overdue library book, and instead of the library contacting me about this, they sent a letter to my husband's commander, reporting that I was in possession of "stolen government property." Give me a break.

    Anyway, my speculation on who might be best suited to life as a military wife is colored not only by my own experience, but my bias as a Tessa fan. So, here goes:

    Danielle - is it possible that the loss of her college sweetheart remains a deep enough wound, so far, that to be married to a man whose life could be put at risk by being deployed to dangerous parts of the world would be too threatening to bear? When you have had a loss such as that, the last thing you want is to attach to someone else who might leave you.

    Bevin - as shown on the program, appears to be weepy and needy, but also assertive and adventurous, not to mention competitive. The rank of lietenant in the Navy is only the 3rd rung up the ladder of the officer ranks - not very high. There are, iunfortunately, some military wives who, as we used to say, "wear their husbands' rank on their underwear" and do not hesitate to let you know that they consider themselves to be more important than you. A competitive person could find that very difficult to take. A sense of adventure is certainly handy when moving around the world.

    Tessa - as a social worker, she likely has a nuturing nature and a desire to help and heal. Marching to her own drum could be challenging. You do need a strong sense of self to maintain your own identity, and this is definitely easier if you do not live on base. Growing up In the DC area probably has wxposed her to a variety of cultures and experiences that could grease the skids when adapting to life in other countries.

    The benefits of military life are legend, and largely true. The biggest ones for me are that I got to live in Japan for 2 years and that, both through my own service, as well as through my husband's, we developed life-long friendships that are of the type where you may not see each other for years, but within seconds just "pick up where you left off." Both of these are without price.

    (Hope none of this was TMI)

  5. #25
    Staying Afloat speedbump's Avatar
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    Re: A Reflection on the Military Wife

    Quote Originally Posted by soccermom2;2380414;
    The family members of an active duty person are known as the dependents, and the annoying term for a wife is a "dependent wife" or D/W - commonly called the "D-slash-W" - not very flattering.
    Or "D-dubs" as I've often called it. On the bright side, it's catchier than when the spouse calls her husband "DH" which just the mention of that term is akin to fingernails on a chalkboard. Whomever Andy picks, I hope he adds the "no DH nickname" clause when explaining the protocols of being an officer's wife.
    You got to cry without weeping. Talk without speaking. Scream without raising your voice.- U2

  6. #26
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    Re: A Reflection on the Military Wife

    Almost forgot something. When my husband and I made our bi-monthly retiree trek to Great Lakes Navy base on Tuesday to stock up at the commissary, I was reminded of one absolute constant of military life that holds true no matter where you are - in the the men's department of the base exchange you are sure to find the most godawful collection of fugly neckties you could ever hope to imagine - always good for a chuckle!!!

  7. #27
    Until he's home again.. jasbeck93's Avatar
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    Re: A Reflection on the Military Wife

    Quote Originally Posted by soccermom2;2380414;
    My own perspective on this comes from something of a mixed point of view, having been an officer myself before being a military spouse. I was on active duty as a nurse practitioner in the Air Force for four years. I met my husband during my second active duty assignment while we were each stationed in Japan (he is a pilot). I got out because I was somewhat disenchanted with the health care system in the military - good care, no doubt about it, but because it is free it is often overused for rather trivial things such a getting a new bottle of Tylenol. (This is my personal and prefessional opinion - no tomatoes, please.) While in grad school and feeling broke, I joined the reserves and served an additional 8 years in that capacity. We married right after I finished grad school, and I accompanied my husband on 2 assignments, one in the Upper Peninsula of MI where we had to live on base, and one outside of Wash DC, where we lived on the economy, as it is called.

    I think a post elsewhere suggested that there are no generalizations that can fairly be made, and I would agree with this. So much, of course, depends on the individuals involved and the places you get stationed. Being an independent and somewhat non-conformist sort, I was happier as an officer than as a military spouse. The primary problem for me, as a spouse, was a relative loss of a sense of my own identity compared to when I was an officer myself. The family members of an active duty person are known as the dependents, and the annoying term for a wife is a "dependent wife" or D/W - commonly called the "D-slash-W" - not very flattering. Everything is done by your sponsor's rank and social security number, even taking books out of the base library. I once had a verrrrrrrrry overdue library book, and instead of the library contacting me about this, they sent a letter to my husband's commander, reporting that I was in possession of "stolen government property." Give me a break.

    Anyway, my speculation on who might be best suited to life as a military wife is colored not only by my own experience, but my bias as a Tessa fan. So, here goes:

    Danielle - is it possible that the loss of her college sweetheart remains a deep enough wound, so far, that to be married to a man whose life could be put at risk by being deployed to dangerous parts of the world would be too threatening to bear? When you have had a loss such as that, the last thing you want is to attach to someone else who might leave you.

    Bevin - as shown on the program, appears to be weepy and needy, but also assertive and adventurous, not to mention competitive. The rank of lietenant in the Navy is only the 3rd rung up the ladder of the officer ranks - not very high. There are, iunfortunately, some military wives who, as we used to say, "wear their husbands' rank on their underwear" and do not hesitate to let you know that they consider themselves to be more important than you. A competitive person could find that very difficult to take. A sense of adventure is certainly handy when moving around the world.

    Tessa - as a social worker, she likely has a nuturing nature and a desire to help and heal. Marching to her own drum could be challenging. You do need a strong sense of self to maintain your own identity, and this is definitely easier if you do not live on base. Growing up In the DC area probably has wxposed her to a variety of cultures and experiences that could grease the skids when adapting to life in other countries.

    The benefits of military life are legend, and largely true. The biggest ones for me are that I got to live in Japan for 2 years and that, both through my own service, as well as through my husband's, we developed life-long friendships that are of the type where you may not see each other for years, but within seconds just "pick up where you left off." Both of these are without price.

    (Hope none of this was TMI)
    soccermom2, I believe that a military spouse can have their own identity especially when they have a supportive husband who encourages that. Granted, I am not sure how many of those gems are around but it can be done. My dh has been in 19 years and I am amazed at the changes that I see everyday concerning spouses and how they are treated. It is better, but still has room for impovement. When we lived in Korea I had to go through the same thing with the library card, the one difference I had was our librarian was very much against that rule and gave us our "own" card under the table so to speak. There is no doubt that there is misuse of the medical system in the military. It goes to show that when you don't have to pay for it, it is much easier to misuse. Same goes with electricity in goverment quarters. Changes are slowly happening and there has never been a better time to be a military spouse. I live on base on Fort Bragg and I see individuality in each spouse that I know. We are determined more than ever that we have a say in our lives (as much as possible) . It is very hard to move and readjust, but something or someone along the way always makes it worthwhile, and before long you find that you have wonderful friends sprinkled all over the world, and that is indeed rewarding.
    You must be the change you wish the world to see.

  8. #28
    FORT Fan chucksmiles's Avatar
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    Re: A Reflection on the Military Wife

    Quote Originally Posted by soccermom2;2380672;
    Almost forgot something. When my husband and I made our bi-monthly retiree trek to Great Lakes Navy base on Tuesday to stock up at the commissary, I was reminded of one absolute constant of military life that holds true no matter where you are - in the the men's department of the base exchange you are sure to find the most godawful collection of fugly neckties you could ever hope to imagine - always good for a chuckle!!!
    soccermom...How about going to the Commy at the end of the month and having to deal with the "older" patrons who make this their social event of the week! I know I will be there one day, but I will remember and stay out of the middle of the aisle.

  9. #29
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    Re: A Reflection on the Military Wife

    We do try to avoid right before or after payday, because the place will be a zoo.

  10. #30
    FORT Fogey Beachmom's Avatar
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    Re: A Reflection on the Military Wife

    Great post soccermom2! I have to add one thing about which of the girls would "fit" military life better. Personally, I think they all could adapt.

    My college roommate was a pampered only daughter. She was used to getting everything her way. When she got sick, it was a major "incident." She ended up marrying someone stationed in Germany. She had not even been out of her home state. We all thought she would never make it! She went to Germany, lived on the economy with a landlady who spoke no English, made it through the many field assignments her husband had, and had the first two of her 5 children.

    As I said before, I went halfway around the world too. I think with love anything's possible, and again, the trials you face as a military wife (I bristled at the "d" word too!) only make your marriage stronger. You may give up some - but oh, look what you get in return!

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