Well, tonight’s the night we find out who PLo will choose to spend the rest of his life with…Jen or Sadie. *falls down laughing* You don’t really believe that do you? Actually tonight’s finale is when we find out who he will choose to spend perhaps three hours with, so let’s get on with this charade, shall we? A word of caution: Amazing is the word of the evening, so if you’re going to take a drink each time it’s uttered, don’t plan on driving. I care about each and every one of you. *pinches your cute cheeks*
PLo tells us he has very strong feelings for both Jen and Sadie, so fortunately his parents are coming to help him make the right decision. What? How many of you had your parents help you choose who to marry or even date? How old is he again…thirty four? Good grief. Mama Borghese is excited to see her little baby, and she wants him to find his soul mate (do you really think this will happen on a reality television show, Mama?) and be happy. Papa wants to know how they can help PLo choose his final girl. I wish someone would ask me, because I’ve got all kinds of suggestions: draw straws, pick a number between one and 10, or maybe draw names out of a hat. Bing, bang, done! Onto the next Bachelor!
Mama has a surprise for Little Lorry. Apparently he’s always wanted to have an engagement ring from the family (really?), and it just so happens she’s designed a ring for him that is currently being made, and the tradition can begin with him. If PLo can pick up what she’s putting down, I’d guess she’s telling him there ain’t no way she’s giving him a family heirloom, so she’s created something new “just for him.” Heheh.
Jen comes to meet her possible (emphasis on possible) in-laws, and she’s pretty nervous, and seems even more giddy than usual. Everyone hugs, and Papa gives her the once over. Mama is instantly impressed. Jen says from what she’s seen, she likes everything about their sweet boy. PLo says he likes that she’s strong and independent, and if he’s down, she can pick him up. I wonder if he’s talking about figuratively or literally. Maybe he’s thinking since he’s 10 years older than her, if they do get married, many years down the line if he falls off the couch, she can pick him up and put him back on it. Mama wants to know how Jen is different than Sadie, and Jen says she’s not as nurturing as Sadie, and she’s (Jen) a little tougher because her father raised her that way. Yeah, we know all about dad…he has a fondness for rifles. Papa is pleased with her because she has values, and if PLo chooses her, they will welcome her to the family.
Now things get a little weird. Mama takes Jen aside, and like some flashback to the 80’s, asks Jen what’s her astrological sign. Then before you know it, she’s reading Jen’s palm. She sees that Jen is a “daddy’s girl,” and that her fate will be determined by who she marries (no kidding). She will be married, and she will have two children, a boy and a girl. I hope Jen calls her up when she ends up having all boys, and lets Mama know she was all wet.
The Opposing Team
Although Jen’s visit, according to PLo, went perfectly, it’s Sadie’s turn to be grilled by Mama and Papa. Sadie is nervous, but as soon as they meet and exchange hugs, she feels instantly at ease. She tells PLo’s parents she thinks he’s amazing (drink!), but Mama insists on her being more descriptive. Sadie says he’s very deep, she loves his wit, and she “just really likes him.” I would venture to say her vocabulary is on par with PLo’s, so they’re certainly a good match there. She says she appreciated him the most when he flew the plane. Mama thinks Sadie is a little more flamboyant than Jen, and she likes that. Sadie mentions that she’s a strong girl (well, PLo is safe on the couch with her around, too) and needs a strong man in order for her to respect him. Papa thinks she’s a ball of fire.
Of course, the only business left to take care of is the little matter of reading Sadie’s palm, and asking for her astrological sign…because, you know, these are scientific ways of determining compatibility. It turns out that both PLo’s gals are Pisces, and looking at Sadie’s palm, Mama declares that Sadie’s head rules her heart. Sadie decides this is the perfect opportunity to confide to Mama that she’s a virgin. Mama later tell us that she thinks it’s wonderful Sadie has that kind of “courage” to break away from the norm of today which is what…to bed every man you meet? Mama says she would welcome either of the two ladies into her family. I think at this point, she just wants a daughter-in-law to give her those grandbabies she’s been coveting.
Hide The Rifles, Dad’s In Town
Jen’s parents drop by unexpectedly to visit Jen, and she is so shocked, she giggles, jumps up and down, and bubbles over with enthusiasm. Oh wait, that’s her normal M.O. Dad lets her know that the three of them have been invited to brunch at the Borghese villa. Papa is wearing a sports jacket and slacks, and in contrast I see Jen’s dad, Dennis, is wearing an ill-fitting un-tucked Polo shirt and jeans. Of course, as long as I’m criticizing I should probably mention that Jen’s hair could use some much-needed touching up as her roots are about two inches long. Maybe they were never into scouts and are just ill-prepared. Mom wants to know if PLo is romantic, and Jen says yes, but Dad asserts he hopes PLo isn’t “too romantic.” Ack. You don’t think he could have found a weapon in Italy already, do you?
In a cruel twist, Mama has decided it will be a “wonderful surprise” for everyone to eat brunch together. Now I don’t know if the Borghese’s are into some kind of twisted humor, but I suspect this little scenario has Fleiss written all over it. She’s curious to see what will happen if they throw everyone into a stew pot and stir it around. When she’s talking, especially since she’s wearing all black, I get a creepy picture of her morphing into a witch cackling over a cauldron. *shudder* Showing his keen observation skills, PLo sees it as a recipe for disaster, and for the first time this season, I find myself agreeing with him.
It’s Sadie’s turn to have her parents surprise her, and she’s extremely happy to see them. They inform Sadie that all three of them are meeting the Borghese’s for brunch, and she seems just as shocked as Jen. By the way, Sadie’s dad is wearing a dress shirt and slacks, so at least he’s looking a bit more dapper than Dennis. Sadie thinks her parents will get along great with the Borghese’s, and she can’t wait for them to meet.
Red Flag In Play
As Jen and her parents arrive at the villa, she announces that the place is “amazing” (drink!). Introductions are made and Jen’s dad let’s us know he’s been praying to the Pope that he doesn’t make a complete idiot of himself (I hope he prayed often). Mimosas are served, and Mama wants to know what Jen’s parents would think if PLo asked Jen to marry him. Dennis makes it clear he would find that “very scary.” But before the conversation can go any further, Sadie and her family arrive. Talk about a stony, awkward situation. Mama still tosses around her “throwing things in pots” idea, but I hope she notes that she’s the only one finding humor in this situation. Personally, I think it stinks, and I’m guessing the only reason no one walked out the door is that they’re all trying to be civil. Well, that, and they probably want to be on camera as much as possible….fifteen minutes and all that, you know. As far as Dennis is concerned, Sadie is the enemy, and he wasn’t sure if he should pull his sword and fight or be nice. Good God, he did find a weapon in Italy.
Everyone looks terribly uncomfortable but PLo’s parents. Papa looks bored, and Mama looks inappropriately happy. Conversation is awkward, but the parents try to be good sports about it all. The mothers discover they’re both guidance counselors, and Mama points out that both dads wear glasses and have a small beard. PLo has certainly narrowed his choice down to two very similar ladies…well, with the exception of the whole virgin thing. But I’m sure Jen was a virgin once upon a time.
In a humorous moment, Papa gives a toast in Italian, and I find it extremely funny, because not only can no one understand what he’s saying, his own son doesn’t even have a clue. It occurs to me Agnese would have been able to understand, though, heheh. My guess is he’s saying, “excuse my idiotic wife for this incredibly insensitive obnoxious prank, for sometimes she’s an ass.” Dennis, in trying to lighten the mood, asks PLo which woman he really prefers, but PLo doesn’t bite. So, Dennis ups the ante and says that on PLo and Jen’s fifth anniversary, they can talk about that Sadie girl and reminisce about the brunch so long ago. Jen is embarrassed, Sadie looks horrified, and I think Mama should be made to do the dishes…alone.
PLo takes Sadie and Jen aside, and apologizes for the awkward situation. Mama tells each mom that she loves both their daughters. Dennis asks Reed (Sadie’s dad) what he thinks of the possibility of them walking down the aisle, and both men agree things are happening “rather quickly.” They’ve obviously never watched this show. No one from this show will be walking down the aisle together, they can mark my words.
Going Through With The Charade
In a ridiculous let’s-pretend moment, PLo asks Dennis for his permission to marry Jen. Dennis pauses for what seems like days, and then says it’s important to him that PLo has Jen’s best interests at heart. If PLo can honor that, he can honor their marriage.
Jen and her mom toast to the possibility of Jen becoming a princess (gag), and they prepare for the Final Rose Ceremony. Dennis lets Jen and mom know that PLo asked for her hand in marriage, and Jen is overwhelmed by her “Daddy’s” conversation.
PLo then approaches Reed with the same preposterous question of asking for his permission to possibly marry Sadie. He also pauses for a long time, and says that Sadie told him she trusts PLo, and that he in turn trusts her. Later, Reed informs Sadie of their conversation, and she’s stunned they talked about a possible engagement.
Still Waters Run Deep
PLo and Sadie go sailing in a little boat, and look to be having a great time. There isn’t much wind, so it’s a pretty peaceful sail, which leaves a lot of time for chatting and laughing. They see a rainbow and PLo says that’s cause for a kiss. When the sun sets, they share a romantic dinner, and they enjoy each other’s company. Oh, and Sadie said “amazing” so drink! Sadie has made a little book for him where she has placed the various mementos from their time together. There’s the first rose he gave her, the Fantasy Card from their overnight date, and her criteria for the perfect man that he had asked her about on one of her dates. She lets him know she’s grateful for everything. They kiss goodnight, she says she loves him, and she doesn’t feel it’s the end for her. Oh, and there’s one more “amazing” so bottoms up.
Dennis Is Going To Think There’s More Than One Ass On That Horse
Jen and PLo go horseback riding for their final date before the ceremony, and as Jen is climbing onto the saddle, PLo puts his hand between her legs to help her straddle the horse. You can bet if I saw that, Dennis surely did, and you can also bet he’s loading the bullets in his rifle as I type this. Jen thinks PLo seems stressed out, but she’s having trouble getting her horse to cooperate with her, so she’s got a lot going on herself. When the sun sets, they return to the house for a barbecue, and as it begins to rain, and lightning brightens the skies, they cook hamburgers. She says she could be very happy in New York, and she thinks he’s “amazing.” (You know what to do). She confides in PLo that she respects him and hopes she’s “the one,” and adds that she knows he can’t say anything, so she’s not expecting him to. When she mentions it will probably be good when he can express his feelings at the FRC, and he agrees wholeheartedly with her.
On the last day, PLo wakes up totally confused about who he will choose at the FRC. I can’t be the only one who finds it odd that every single one of these bachelors can’t make up their mind until hours before the FRC. Give me a break. I mean, I know Sadie and Jen are remarkably similar, but certainly one woman has a more amazing (drink!) connection (drink!) with him than another.
PLo’s about to see the ring his mother designed, and he takes a deep breath. It is a huge solitaire diamond surrounded by smaller diamonds. He says he could see Jen or Sadie wearing the ring. *rolls eyes*
Sadie wakes up and tells us she could definitely see herself spending the rest of her life with PLo. By the way, she mentions she’s a virgin again for the upteenth time. Okay, Sadie, we get it. She’s getting emotional because everything is so real, and she’s somewhat scared because she’s opening herself up (there's an easy joke there, but I'll let you handle it) and could be possibly hurt.
Jen is scared and can’t believe she’s made it to the final two. She’s fallen in love with him, and she’s excited about their future.
It Was A Dark And Stormy Night
PLo tells us he believes he’s making the right decision, but love is complex and he hopes his heart is steering him in the right direction. He feels awful about hurting someone he cares about. The limo pulls up and who steps out first? Sadie, looking ravishing in a white flowy dress with a plunging neckline, and the girls are sitting up at attention. PLo smiles broadly at her, and she smiles coyly back at him. They grasp hands and exchange small words. He tells her she looks stunning. He says he first had feelings for her when they went flying together, and he thinks the book she gave him is incredible and it means a lot to him. He says that in her wish list she states she wants a guy who can’t fathom being with another woman, but the truth is, there’s another woman here and at this point, he’d rather be with her. Gah, my jaw drops. He’s as insensitive as his mother…the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree it would seem. She looks stunned, and he stops talking. She tells him that he must know what is right for him, and she just wants him to be happy. She’s trying very hard to be gracious, and she thanks him again for everything she’s experienced. Damn, she’s too good for him, and she’s better off without him. I hope she realizes this soon, as she’s one of the classiest women we’ve seen on this trainwreck of a show. When he says he hates to see her upset, she reassures him that she’s fine, as she wipes tears from her cheeks. She feels foolish because she thought what they had was real, and he finally decides to snap out of it and try to console her. He says his feelings for her were 100% real, and he begins to cry along with her. He hugs her goodbye, and they walk to the limo hand in hand, then she climbs in and disappears down the road. He says he feels horrible for what he did to her, and tears trickle down his face.
"Damn, I wish I wasn't such a good girl and I could knee him in the groin or something..."
Sadie’s Final Words
She’s definitely confused, and says she took such a huge chance. She’s upset because she wanted to be with him. She adds that she hasn’t even given a guy the time of day for a long time because she was afraid of being hurt, and when she finally opened up to him she was hurt again.
Here Comes The Sun
PLo takes a deep breath and tells us he’s found love in Jen. He says she has all the characteristics and qualities he’s looking for in a wife, and when he’s with her he feels like the luckiest guy in the world. In the limo, Jen is practically crawling out of her skin in excitement. She’s wearing a sparkly black gown, and as she walks toward him, he smiles broadly. They kiss and grasp hands, then hug.
“Jen, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’ve loved only you from the first time I met you. You complete me. Huh? What makes you think I'm lying?”
He tells her he came here in search of love, that he wanted only one woman. He finally tells her his third wish at the Trevi Fountain was that when he would be standing here, he’d feel like he made the right decision, and he does.
He fishes in his pocket for the ring, and she gets even goofier when she sees the ring box. He tells her the ring is a family ring, that his mother designed it, then he says he loves her, but at this moment he can’t ask her to marry him because he wants them to get back to planet Earth, and see how they do in the real world.
“It’s the most amazing, beautiful non-engagement ring I’ve ever seen." *giggle*
She says she’s fallen in love with him, too, and she wants to move to New York with him, and they’re both happy as he places the non-engagement ring on her finger. They cuddle, kiss and laugh together, and I truly hope they live happily ever after. However, realistically speaking, I give them three days. Tops.
Ooh, now look who’s got a choice to make! Hmm, will she choose Chris or PLo?
But enough of PLo, bring on the next Bachelor, Fless. I’m already anticipating the next roller coaster ride with the “hottest Bachelor ever.” Oh-la-la, he’s Lt. Andy Baldwin, a handsome Navy doctor and an Ironman competitor. And “gosh darn it” he’s looking for Mrs. Right. Yowza. If you’re ready, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.