Welcome back everyone. I don’t know about you but I sure did miss this show last week and I am glad we are back in action tonight. Tonight is one of my favorite shows of the season, the fantasy dates. We get to see these delusional women actually feel like they are the princesses in some clouded fairytale. Two weeks ago we said goodbye to our favorite REAL Italian Agnese, and met everyone’s families for dinner. If you missed any part of it make sure to check out Rose’s wonderful recap here. Tonight the faux prince will whisk the ladies off to Sweden, Hungry, and Italy. I wonder which unlucky lady is stuck in Italy while everyone else gets an exotic trip. That seems like poor planning on the producer’s part.
The show kicks off with Lorenzo packing his suitcase for his exotic trips to Europe. Being a prince I wonder if he gets use of the Italian Air Force to escort him safely to where he is going? I guess probably not since the only place he is a prince is in his head. I am sorry, but I’m just not over it yet. Anyway, Lorenzo is excited about the overnight dates he has ahead of him and thinks all 3 women he could potentially see marrying.
Hello, My Name Is Simon…
First fantasy date is in GŲtenburg, Sweden with the lovely and forgettable Jen. When Lorenzo is around Jen he feels like she is the one. When she is around I continually have to ask myself, who is she again? We get a little recap of Jen and Plo’s relationship together and it still does not jog any memories of her to me. Lorenzo really needs her to open up to him on this date so he decides the best place to do that is at an amusement park. They ride a rollercoaster and he screams like a little girl and I am embarrassed for him. They next play some midway games and Lorenzo manages to
bribe the carniewin her a large, plush, red dog. She seems excited but also slightly ashamed to have to carry it around with her all day.
After the excitement of the midway games they head over to one of my favorite rides, the bumper cars. Jen fastens her seatbelt around her large plush toy and is ready to go. They start off and it seems pretty dead at the amusement park because their time on the cars seems pretty uneventful and disappointing, kind of like Jen’s personality. After they go on some other rides their time is up at the amusement park.
They next head over to a bar that is complete ice. I believe they did a challenge here on The Amazing Race a couple of seasons ago. Lorenzo orders some drinks to loosen her up for the
fantasy suiterest of the date. As they are standing at the bar drinking he ask her if she would ever consider moving to New York where he lives. She tells him that she would consider it and he likes her answer. After they leave the ice bar they decide to name the stuffed dog, Simon Fred. I wonder if that Simon likes to do drawwwrings?
Coffee, Tea, or Me?
Once the alcohol has worn off from the ice bar, the faux prince takes Jen out for a fancy dinner to show her what life, as a princess will be like. It’s basically the same as before but with a guy claiming to be a prince, which is kind of off in my opinion. At dinner, Lorenzo decides to get down to business with Jen and asks her some very important questions. He first asks her if she has been in love and how many times. She tells him that she has been in love twice, once when she was 16, and when she was in college. She tells him that since she has experienced love twice she has learned from it and is now ready to get married and have kids. She asks him what he thinks makes a relationship work. He wants someone who he can have a good time with, someone who is understanding, someone who listens, and someone he can stay excited with throughout the relationship. What about honesty? When is he going to drop the faux prince bomb?
Jen is very happy that they opened up to each other at dinner. As dinner is winding down Lorenzo produces the letter for the fantasy suite. She opens the letter and agrees to go back to the suite with him for the night. They go back to the hotel and the room is full of candles with a bucket of champagne and strawberries. Once they are settled in they go outside and get in the hot tub. Jen dips her toes in to feel the water and pulls it out quickly saying, “it’s too hot.” The whole process cracks me up because it reminds me of that old skit on Saturday Night Live with Eddie Murphy called “Celebrity Hot Tub.” They finally sit on the side of the tub and Lorenzo tells her that he had a better time with her then he expected. A great way to end a lovely date, you were better than I thought.
Disrupting the Timeline
After Lorenzo leaves Sweden he jets off to Budapest, Hungary to meet up with Lisa. He is a little concerned with her after her hometown visit and all the bridal magazines, timeline, and wedding dresses she had on display. He takes her to a local wine tasting festival to sample some of the local grapes and get her to talk to him. They select some wines and take them on a ferry trip.
On the ferry Lorenzo tells her that her parents told him that she was a fan of the show. He wants to know what Bachelor she liked best. She does as most Bachelor fans would and rips on all the Bachelors. She mentions that she thought Travis was hot but a tool and that Andrew was her favorite but he was a bit sleazy. At least they were not big fakers. He wants to know why she applied to the show if that is what she thought of the past Bachelors. She quiets up and feels put on the spot at that point and we never get an answer.
Gettin’ Lucky Because You Can
After the uncomfortable ferry trip Lorenzo tells her they need to have a serious talk on their dinner date. Lisa is sad because she thought they were going to have fun on their date and not be all-serious. For someone who has watched the show religiously she must have missed the fantasy date episodes. He first asks her about being in love twice. I guess she told him she had been in love twice before but the editing is pretty choppy. She tells him that she was in love with a man and he moved to Oregon to be with her. They started having problems and she met someone else and fell in love with him but they eventually broke up.
After he finds out about her cheating escapades he next questions her on signing up for the show so soon after breaking up with her boyfriend. She tells him that she signed up on a whim and didn’t think she would make it this far. I am sure if we all looked in her planner we would see a completely different story. She is pleased that she has made it this far and with what is happening. He then questions her about moving to New York because he does not see himself moving to Oregon. She tells him that they can cross that bridge when they get to it. He does not seem happy with that answer but I am sure if it came down to it the doggie clothes prince could move his empire across the country. She feels put on the spot again and I am kind of upset with Lorenzo for demanding that these women move across the country for him. I guess I am too strong willed for that.
When their tense dinner discussion is over Lorenzo reluctantly produces the fantasy suite card and Lisa tells him he does not need to read it because she already knows what it says. This is one of those moments I wish Lorenzo could insist she open it to find the verbiage “our date will end here because you are a little too nutty for me.” Unfortunately that does not happen and Lisa tells him she would like to go to the fantasy suite with him.
In the suite Lorenzo for the first time that day sees her excited and relaxed to be with him. She tells him that she felt really awkward during dinner and that she almost started to cry. He tries to make her feel better and enjoys that for the first time she seems nervous and unsure of herself. They go into the bedroom and sit on the bed to “talk.” The doors close and I will assume that is all that happened. Sometimes I am glad this show is not like Flavor of Love.
Diving for Buried Treasure…Or Not
3rd and Final date time with Sadie in Sicily, Italy. He meets her in Mazam del Vallo for a relaxing spa day. She is very excited to see him and still a virgin so she is a little nervous about the fantasy suite card. The faux prince is also happy to see her. They go inside for their spa treatments and sit on the patio in white robes and talk. He tells her all about the other two dates he has been on and I once again forgot all about Jen until he mentions his Sweden date. Sadie enjoys listening but still nervous about the fantast suite.
He tells her that they are going scuba diving in one of the most exotic locations, the hotel pool. What’s the point is what she should say. They head off to the pool and get all suited up. Lorenzo gives her a
quickiequick lesson and they are off to hang out one foot below the surface. They sit at the bottom of the pool and hold hands. At least entertain your viewing public, have a tea party or something. Instead, they make out and I regret that I ever asked for more action.
After the lame scuba diving experience is over they head off to a couple’s massage. As they are lying on the tables getting rubbed down she tells him that he makes her a little nervous. He is concerned how they are going to respond to each other behind closed doors. I guess he will never find out because she is a virgin after all. Sadie moves from her table and climbs on Lorenzo’s and gives him a massage. She is falling for him and really getting nervous and worked up over the fantasy suite card.
Will She or Won’t She?
After the spa trip is over Lorenzo takes Sadie out for a nice dinner in the hotel. Sadie is so obsessed with the fantasy suite card she does not seem to be herself. He wants to know how Sadie feels about him. She likes him because he is mature, rich, smart, rich, handsome, and rich. She tells him that when he took her flying is when she really started to fall for him…but not literally. She asks him what he wants out of a relationship. He wants someone who respects him, a morning person (Lorenzo and I will never marry, shocking huh), and someone who enjoys being with him. Sadie feels the same way and can’t believe how much they go together.
After their dinner concludes Sadie excuses herself from the table to go have a breather in the hall and pull herself together for the fantasy suite card. She finally returns to the table and tells Lorenzo her feelings about the fantasy suite. Lorenzo cuts her off and tells her he gets it and that there is no pressure for them to have sex because he already had some with Jen and Lisa. He tells her that whatever her decision is he will respect it. He pulls out the card and without hesitation she accepts the invitation. Mmm, is someone playing the virgin card to get far?
They head up to the suite and the place is covered with rose petals including the bed. They sit outside and cuddle under a blanket watching the stars. As the camera pans out they star making out and I am sure some “heavy petting” is taking place under that blanket. Now, it seems that in previous seasons of the Bachelor, the bachelor always said up front they would just hang out in the suite and they would not have intimate relations. Lorenzo seems a little desperate for sex this series.
Overbooking the Date Book
The time has finally arrived to see who will be packing their bags and going home to their mommies. Lorenzo has to pick the correct two to move on because one of them could become his future wife. He tells the ladies that none of the dates were better than the others so know I now he is a liar. He says he wants to get this over so the first rose goes to Sadie. She is excited and goes up to gladly accept her rose. The tension is thick and Lisa looks like she might scratch Jen’s eyes out, although not part of her plan, an impromptu attack would surprise Jen. The second rose goes to bland Jen and Lisa is left in a pool of tears to say her goodbyes.
Lisa is sent packing by Lorenzo and now her marriage plan is ruined forever or at least until she gets accepted on Flavor of Love 3. Lorenzo pulls her into the hall to talk before she is sent on her way. He tells her she is beautiful but he didn’t know if she would ever marry him for love or for her schedule. She tells him she joined the show for fun and to find true love. He is now concerned that she joined for fun first. She tries to clarify what she meant but Lorenzo for some reason is being pretty mean and not really listening to her. He escorts her to the limo.
As the limo is driving off she is in a mess of tears and shocked that she did not get a rose. I consider her pretty lucky for getting out of this mess and she should be happy about that especially after Lorenzo’s behavior at their parting. She tells us she will always be a princess even if she’s not Lorenzo’s princess. I yell at the TV “you too can claim princess status just like Lorenzo, I am as well.” With that the faux fairytale has ended for one but there are now two new Princess Lisa’s roaming the earth. (My name is Lisa for the new readers.)
Taking Catty to a Whole New Level
Make sure to tune in next Monday at 9pm for the Women Tell All. See unseen footage of the wildest girls, Lisa’s return, and of course Erica is back with lots to say. In two weeks find out who Lorenzo chooses and the shock and horror the women experience when they realize Lorenzo is not really a prince…maybe not that second part.
If you too would like to be a princess please send me $5 worth of unmarked bills and you can join in the
cultfun. Email me at Yardgnome77@fansofrealitytv.co m.