Welcome back everyone. I don’t know about anyone else but I have actually been looking forward to this show all week. Nothing excites me more than the desperate look in these women’s eyes as they battle for the attention of this faux prince. Last week, we had to say goodbyes to
someone of the most delusional bachlorette are ever, Erica and some other girls. If you missed out on any of last week’s exciting moments be sure to check out Roseskid’s recap here. This week we narrow the field down from six skanksladies to four. Throw on a fake crown, crack open a box of wine, and pull out your marriage timeline, it’s time to get started.
A Shocking Turn of Events
Chris greets the ladies and announces that there will be two one-on-one dates and one group date this week. In order to “win” (some of us (me) consider it a lose) a one-on-one date with the Prince they need to answer two questions. Someone will be judging their answers and they will find out at the end of the activity. The first question they need to answer is: Who is least deserving of becoming a princess? Second question is: Who is the most insincere person in the house? Seriously, these are the questions? They must be saving a ton of money on writers by hiring second grade girls to write this crap.
As the women are pondering the questions and figuring out how they can lie to make the best impression a white limo drives up unbeknownst to the girls. Out of the lime steps Erica dressed in a pink frou-frou outfit and crown. She is looking for the woman who gives the most honest answer as she pulls out her tiny pink journal with Hello Kitty™ emblazed on the cover. Actually, I can’t confirm if Hello Kitty™ is really on the cover but I would bet my life on the fact that it’s there.
Each woman gets the opportunity to sit in a secluded room and answer these two very important questions. I wish Fleiss and company had thrown them for a real loop and asked them some intelligence questions like: Is the Italian Monarchy still in existence? Or, Name the Italian Prime Minister? Instead, Lisa goes first and thinks that Jen is the least deserving of becoming a princess and the most insincere in the house. Lisa thinks that Jen is not well spoken or that pretty without make-up. I wish that last part I had made up but sadly, that is really what she said. Erica thinks that Lisa is not honest and has been gossiping about everyone in the house. She knows that because I think she has been the one gossiping with her.
The rest of ladies get the chance to answer but not a lot of screen time. The producers made a nice montage of them all claiming Lisa is best suited as the answer to both questions. As Sadie is giving her answer she becomes so distraught over having to talk about others she breaks down and starts to cry. She is really working for that one-on-one date and frankly I think she should win an award for her performance.
“What’s Up Bitches?”
After the questioning is completed Chris joins the ladies and announces that the person listening in on their confessionals is none other than Erica. The women muster up some fake excitement and Erica walks out to greet them with “What’s up bitches?” Erica tells the ladies that she was shocked by some of their answers and others seemed more real after what they had to say. I wonder if she is actually able to read her notes from that tiny journal she was using. She tells the ladies that they will find out who has won as soon as the date boxes start to arrive.
As the ladies are casually lounging around the first date box arrives and it’s for Sadie. She opens the card and it tells her she will be flying away with Lorenzo for a day of pampering. She is confused by the terminology “come fly away with me,” I am not. Most of the women look jealous and once again, I am not.
Taking It Higher and Higher
Sadie prepares for her date with the prince when he arrives at the mansion sporting a very new hairstyle. It’s all flat and stuck to his head. Methinks someone was out partying and forgot their shooting schedule. They go off to the airport and board a small plane that Lorenzo is going to fly them around in. Sadie is super excited and thinks Lorenzo looks like a stud flying. She really wants him to kiss her but nothing happens. My guess is he is concentrating on flying and not making out with some girl because he knows is never going to score with her. Sorry for the harshness, but it is running through his head. After a little bit of flying he tells her to grab
histhe stick and she gets to fly. I once was in a small plane flying for work and I was sitting next to the pilot and he also let me fly, it was pretty awesome. Lorenzo likes that she enjoys everything and that she is enjoying her time with him.
After their flying adventure they head off to a hotel to take a hot tub together. He tells her she was a great pilot and he was very impressed with the way she handled the controls. He really knows how to flatter the ladies. She tells him that she has always thought that pilots were hot. They keep eyeing each other like they are going to kiss and then absolutely nothing happens except they get out of the tub.
Back at the mansion the second date box arrives. Jeanette, Lisa, Agnese, and Desiree will all be going on a group date with the faux prince. Inside the box are shiny togas and the women are very excited to wear them. I am just embarrassed that they are excited to wear them. I am just in shock that they are in such an awesome place as Rome and they are being forced to go out and participate in gladiator games. Take these women to the Sistine Chapel, the Forum, Spanish Steps, Trevi Fountain… My screams at the TV go unheard.
After I get some water to help my sore throat from all the screaming we are back on the date between Sadie and the Prince. They are having dinner and Sadie brings up the virginity thing with him again. We get it already you are a virgin. She tells him that she was impressed with his response when she told him because some men have been jerks about it and he has not. Since the conversation is already awkward she tells him that she noticed that he wanted to kiss her all day. He leans in and kisses her and it seems to have no sparks behind it. In hopes of getting the rose so she can take him home to meet her parents (commoners) she gives him a little gift she brought. He opens up the box and it’s a t-shirt that says, “Whatever it takes.” He seems happy and offers her the rose. I am confused because what the hell does that shirt have to do with anything?
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
It’s group date time and the ladies have all slipped on their sexy togas while Plo is sporting a more traditional bed sheet type one. Everyone boards a bus for their mini adventure and I am scared about what is going to happen next although I am relived to find out there is not a stripper pole on the bus. The last time I watched a show with a group date on a bus with a stripper pole (Flavor of Love), dancing was done and crotch shots were blurred. The ladies are chatting on the bus and Lisa admits to knowing nothing about Roman history but everything about Bachelor history. This is not a shocking piece of information.
Lorenzo has decided to take the women to the Roman aqueducts for chariot races. Whichever lady wins the races gets a wish. I know what my wish would be for, a REAL prince. The first heat of races is Desiree and Lisa versus Jeanette and Agnese. Jeanette and Agnese win and then they compete against each other. Jeanette pulls out the win and now has to race Lorenzo. Jeanette wins again and is now able to make a wish; she doesn’t know what she wants so Plo tells her to tell him later. The faux prince likes Jeanette because she is smart, fast and a winner. What is she, a prize racing horse?
At the mansion the third and final date box arrives for a very eager Jen. Inside the box is a note that says, “In Rome wishes can come true.” Enclosed is a small change purse with coins inside. Jen has no idea what she is doing but tells Sadie that she plans to bring the purse with her on the date. With that response she confirms that she is not the sharpest tool in the shed.
On the group date it has moved from the aqueducts to a feast around a large swimming pool. The faux prince wants the ladies relaxed so he is going to ply them with alcohol and tells them there will be no rose on this date. The women look sad and decide to drink away their disappointment. After a few shots they all jump in the pool and have a quick swim in their white togas.
Agnese pulls Lorenzo aside and tells him she is sad that she did not get a one-on-one date this week. She is having a really hard time speaking clear English and I am glad they have the subtitles running. He wants to know if she thinks it will be weird if he meets her family even thought they don’t speak English. She tells him that she will translate or they will use the dictionary. That should be a really fun time.
Lisa and Jeanette sit and talk and Lisa tells her about her hometown date that she has been planning. Jeanette seems scared by this news and psycho comes to my mind immediately. Jeanette pulls Lorenzo aside and tells him that she really likes him and wants him to come home with her. He wants to know what her wish is and she tells him that her wish is for him to enjoy the moment. He thinks it’s a cop out wish and I agree. She should have wished for some of his royal family jewels and watched his face crumble, as he had to admit that they don’t have any because they are NOT royalty. At the end of the date with all the women he realizes he is going to have a really tough decision ahead of him.
Tossing Your Coins on a Date
It’s Jen’s date and she is excited and nervous about it. The faux prince comes to pick her up and I guess they are heading out to the local disco because he is ready to cut a hole in a rug and weave it back together with that jacket on. He is wearing sensible black pants and top with a white jacket. They are going out for a night on the town. They board a handsome cab and start their tour of the city, Lorenzo thinks this is the only way to see the town. I would have to disagree, the best way I have ever seen Rome was with a crazy driver name Rudy who taught me more about Rome than Lorenzo knows about his “faux royalty.”
As the cab is trotting through the streets they pass many important Roman landmarks like the Spanish Steps and the busy shopping road of the city. The night is romantic and Jen is grasping onto a huge bottle of beer as they ride. He takes her to dinner at a restaurant that overlooks the city. He points out the “pope’s home” and I wonder why they don’t go to the Vatican. Then I realize it’s because he is not royalty there and he would probably be uncomfortable with that. They talk about her job and her future goals of becoming a counselor. There conversation seems strained and awkward but what do I know?
Back at the house the ladies are talking about how hot the faux prince looked tonight when he came to pick up Jen. One of them comments on the fact that not many men can pull off that look. I would have to disagree because my senior prom date picked me up in a similar outfit and he look great. The women decide to relax and Desiree and Lisa relax to the point of streaking and skinny-dipping. I wonder if this was part of Lisa’s plan?
Finishing up dinner, Lorenzo asks Jen about her parents. She tells him about her parents and family and she asks him about his. He talks about his parents and how they met and she looks absolutely bored just like me. He decides to give her the rose and they go for a walk to Trevi fountain. Once they get to the fountain she throws a coin over her shoulder. Now most people think you are supposed to throw three coins over your shoulder and you will return to Rome if you do. I guess she thinks that one was good enough. After she tosses her coins they make out. All the tourists and locals around the fountain watch and I hit fast forward.
Last Chance to Get Loaded
Lorenzo joins the ladies at the party before the elimination ceremony and tells them they all look beautiful. Lisa is panicked because there are only two roses left and getting eliminated is not part of her plan. She is wearing the diamonds she won in the first episode to remind Lorenzo that she loves diamonds and will expect more in the future. She talks with Plo and tells him that her feelings for him have not changed and that she understands that he has to get to know the other women as well as her. He really likes what she has to say and I just want to slap him and warn him that she is a future stalker when she talks like that.
The other ladies all think that Lisa is playing the game and does not really have her heart in it. Desiree pulls the prince away and tells him that she feels something for him. I also feel something for him, its called revulsion at the cloud of delusion he is living in. He tells her she is beautiful and that he should be selling himself to her. I guess he is confused because they are in Rome not some seedy health spa where people do sell themselves to each other. The party is winding down as Chris comes and tells Lorenzo it’s that time.
Get the Hell Out of My Villa
The elimination ceremony is ready to begin and the women look very nervous as two of them will be departing this week to never be seen again unless they do a Bachelor: All-Stars. Sadie and Jen already have roses so that means there are only two roses left to be handed out. The first rose goes to Lisa and she mentally checks the box off in her head as she walks up to accept her rose. Agnese receives the last rose and I still wonder if she know exactly what is going on.
Desiree and Jeanette have been eliminated and have to say their goodbyes. Desiree is shocked that she has been eliminated; she does not feel that Lisa and Agnese should be left around. They ride off in a pool of tears when they should be breathing a sigh of relief to be off this train wreck.
Make sure to tune in next Monday for all the fun during Hometown visits. Lisa’s plan gets revealed as she shows Plo her wedding dress and Erica returns to ensure the show does not lose any viewers.
If you are interested in nominating me as the next Bachlorette, email me at Yardgnome77@fansofrealitytv.co m.