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Thread: Fun with the Bachelor Part 2- Outrageous Rumors

  1. #1
    His Peace after the Storm cafegirl's Avatar
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    Fun with the Bachelor Part 2- Outrageous Rumors

    Greetings Bachelor fans, I thought a good send off to Bachelor 8 would be to do what we do best and that's snark our best and most outlandish Rumors of what has happened since the show ended to any and all of the characters in Bachelor 8, including Travis, all the Bachelorettes, Chris Harrison, Fleiss and Co., ABC and the crazy fans!!
    This thread has been approved by the the moderators, but please, note this disclaimer: NOTHING in this thread has to deal with truths, they can include half truths, lies, myths, fantasies (keep it clean though :), outlandish reports, you name it, but do NOT post any of the entries that anyone includes here on another forum or blog or in any yellow journalism newspaper or online news site. We do not hold any claim to facts, this is pure fun and fiction.
    So, friends, let your imaginations run wild and feel free to include visuals if they help to promote your latest rumor!


    First rumor report:
    Travis has been reported to sign a deal upon finishing his residency to become a Doctor in the wilds of Africa, and occasionally doing Dr. Travis Tarzan reports for ABC. Sarah tried to sign up to teach school to one of the local tribes, but when she attempted to teach them the song/game, A toodie Ta, the local medicine doctor thought she was putting a curse on the local children and tied her to a stake where she is scheduled to be the next kettle dinner, unless she can quickly convince the locals that they would prefer bundt cakes to Pageant Red meat!

    Travis, incognito as Dr. Tarzan for ABC!
    "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me!"

  2. #2
    Peace MsFroggy's Avatar
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    ABC Media Release,
    3/03/2006

    Dr.Travis Stork, recent star of the popular TV reality show "The Bachelor: Paris", has been tapped to host a new reality based show called "Dr.Love". Produced by the award winning team of Michael Fleiss and Linda Levenson, the show will focus on the hunky physician as he travels the country dispensing much needed advice to the romantically challenged. He will utilize his hard earned ER skills to disect, resuscitate, medicate and otherwise treat relationships that have suffered either trauma or have contracted hard to cure diseases of the heart.

    His first assignment takes him back to meet a former flame of his from "The Bachelor". Moana Dixon left the show heartbroken and saddened by the state of love in general and the man who broke her heart now returns to right a wrong and cure her heart.

    Stay tuned to find out whether Moana will bash in the good doctor's skull or whether she will fall for him again. Either way, our intrepid medicine man will be breaking hearts and curing them weekly, Mondays at 10/9 PM EST/CT on ABC. Tune in for a heartbreaking good time!
    "Feel the sky blanket you/ With gems and rhinestones/ See the path cut by the moon/ For you to walk on" - EV

  3. #3
    Hating finales since 2006 finalefan's Avatar
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    The Final Rose Ceremony, pre-edit


    Travis: Sarah, when I'm with you, I feel like I'm home ... what I like best about you is that when I'm with you, I feel happy. BUT (pause), even though I haven't chosen Moana, I can't chose you, either. I'm just not --

    Producer: Cut! Cut! Cut! Whoa, wait -- what the --? What are you doing? You can't do this!

    Sarah: (in an expressionless little voice that no one is paying attention to) B-b-but, I wanted to win?

    Travis: I'm sorry guys, I'm sorry Sarah. I just can't --

    Producer: To HELL you can't! You have a contract!
    (turns to set's gaffer) Bobby, get me that contract!
    (turns back to Travis) Listen, buddy, you signed on for this. You knew this wasn't an option from the very beginning. After that stupid Jen snafu, we added to the contract that you HAD TO choose SOMEONE.

    Travis: But I'm not --

    Gaffer: Here's that contract, boss.

    Producer: See this? See this! (flaps a thick wad of papers back and forth in the air)

    Sarah: -- remembering that time in the Miss Junior Dairy Cow pageant when she tripped going up the stage steps -- (to herself) Just keep smiling. Just keep smiling. Just keep smiling.

    Travis: Well, what am I supposed to do?

    Producer: (storms onto the set) I'll tell you what ya do. You already sent that other girl -- whatshername? -- home sniveling in the limo, so you choose this one now, get it? GET IT?

    Travis: (gulps)

    Producer: (snatches final rose from table, thrusts it at Sarah) Here, hold this. And look happy about it for chrissakes!
    (addresses Travis) You got the ring, right? Right? Anybody here have a chain or something? You gotta give her the ring, pal. That's here in the contract, too. (flaps papers around some more)

    Gaffer: But boss, don't you have to film --?

    Producer: Shut up! I know what I'm doing! Everyone, places! (claps hands)
    (addresses Travis) And make it look real, buddy! Otherwise, ABC'll be hauling you right into court! You need cue cards or something?

    Travis: (gulps again) Uhhhhh, no? I don't think so?

    Producer: GREAT. (moves off-set) ROLL TAPE!

    Production Assistant: Season 8 Final Rose Ceremony, take two.

    Producer: Annnnnnnnnnd ACTION!

  4. #4
    FORT Fanatic victoria's Avatar
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    I was just forwarded on this email from my vet's dentist's cousin who's own cousin's next door neighbor is friends with Jennifer Aniston's accountant.

    >To: sucker@hotmail.com
    >From: liar@yahoo.com

    >I just heard an interesting thing through the grapevine. Jennifer Aniston
    >has retained Vernita Stone as her stylist for this Sunday night.
    >Apparently Jen is wild about green, but not so keen on sparkly sequins
    >and she thought Vernita's keen eye could prove helpful in choosing an
    >Oscar ensemble.

    ***disclaimer*** begging forgiveness b/c it's pretty low of me to snark on a participant's parent....I usually try really hard not to. But, WOW. I'm still crackin' up over the "not too sparkly" comment and that green dress was heinous, to boot, sparkles or not.
    "A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." -Groucho Marx

  5. #5
    Likes Scottish Vikings! talldede's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by finalefan View Post
    The Final Rose Ceremony, pre-edit


    Travis: Sarah, when I'm with you, I feel like I'm home ... what I like best about you is that when I'm with you, I feel happy. BUT (pause), even though I haven't chosen Moana, I can't chose you, either. I'm just not --

    Producer: Cut! Cut! Cut! Whoa, wait -- what the --? What are you doing? You can't do this!

    Sarah: (in an expressionless little voice that no one is paying attention to) B-b-but, I wanted to win?

    Travis: I'm sorry guys, I'm sorry Sarah. I just can't --

    Producer: To HELL you can't! You have a contract!
    (turns to set's gaffer) Bobby, get me that contract!
    (turns back to Travis) Listen, buddy, you signed on for this. You knew this wasn't an option from the very beginning. After that stupid Jen snafu, we added to the contract that you HAD TO choose SOMEONE.

    Travis: But I'm not --

    Gaffer: Here's that contract, boss.

    Producer: See this? See this! (flaps a thick wad of papers back and forth in the air)

    Sarah: -- remembering that time in the Miss Junior Dairy Cow pageant when she tripped going up the stage steps -- (to herself) Just keep smiling. Just keep smiling. Just keep smiling.

    Travis: Well, what am I supposed to do?

    Producer: (storms onto the set) I'll tell you what ya do. You already sent that other girl -- whatshername? -- home sniveling in the limo, so you choose this one now, get it? GET IT?

    Travis: (gulps)

    Producer: (snatches final rose from table, thrusts it at Sarah) Here, hold this. And look happy about it for chrissakes!
    (addresses Travis) You got the ring, right? Right? Anybody here have a chain or something? You gotta give her the ring, pal. That's here in the contract, too. (flaps papers around some more)

    Gaffer: But boss, don't you have to film --?

    Producer: Shut up! I know what I'm doing! Everyone, places! (claps hands)
    (addresses Travis) And make it look real, buddy! Otherwise, ABC'll be hauling you right into court! You need cue cards or something?

    Travis: (gulps again) Uhhhhh, no? I don't think so?

    Producer: GREAT. (moves off-set) ROLL TAPE!

    Production Assistant: Season 8 Final Rose Ceremony, take two.

    Producer: Annnnnnnnnnd ACTION!
    Thank you! Bravo! Encore!

  6. #6
    Just browsing GreekMama's Avatar
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    This JUST in:

    The reason why Sarah Stone has been spotted with Titans agent Matt Lauderdale is because she is the new Titans place kicker! Yes, folks, those of you who thought her thighs looked muscular in that tennis skirt were absolutely correct; the girl can nail a 47 yarder like Adam Vinatieri! Travers is MIA because he is busy getting his Queer Eye makeover, only guess what folks, he will be the first makeover in a new series called Queer Eye for the QUEER Guy! Carson decides to bring back the long-haired BOHEMIAN look and go for a more primal, rugged style. Then Travers will actually join the Queer Eye Team as a relationships expert -- that's right, he will be doling out such advice as: how to look totally stone faced when your woman tries to make you laugh. Susan was arrested and a restraining order filed by Susan Lucci. After being caught rummaging through Ms. Lucci's trash, and seen following her through Beverly Hills, Ms. Lucci felt her life was in danger. As they took Susan Edds away in handcuffs she could be heard screaming, "I am the next Erika Kane BEYOTCH!!" Dr. Allie has cryogenically frozen her eggs pending finding a man who is not intimidated by her...good thing she rented the space on the 30 year plan instead of the 10. And finally, what we all thought has finally been gruesomely confirmed. Chris Harrison is a robot. His wires short circuited at a promotional event and his head exploded right on to the lap of Kristin from E...man that woman always gets the first scoop!!!!!

  7. #7
    Fort Fan
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    Travis: Sarah, when I'm with you, I feel like I'm home ... what I like best about you is that when I'm with you, I feel happy. BUT (pause), even though I haven't chosen Moana, I can't chose you, either. I'm just not --

    Producer: Cut! Cut! Cut! Whoa, wait -- what the --? What are you doing? You can't do this!

    Sarah: (in an expressionless little voice that no one is paying attention to) B-b-but, I wanted to win?

    Travis: I'm sorry guys, I'm sorry Sarah. I just can't --

    This first part of the story is absolutely true!

    The rest partly true.

    Very funny

  8. #8
    Forum Assistant sweetpea's Avatar
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    OMG! I'm in stitches!
    You guys are WAY TOO GOOD!

  9. #9
    Bachelor Addict berries's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GreekMama View Post
    This JUST in:
    ........
    Chris Harrison is a robot. His wires short circuited at a promotional event and his head exploded right on to the lap of Kristin from E...man that woman always gets the first scoop!!!!!

  10. #10
    FORT Fogey
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    Quote Originally Posted by GreekMama View Post
    And finally, what we all thought has finally been gruesomely confirmed. Chris Harrison is a robot. His wires short circuited at a promotional event and his head exploded right on to the lap of Kristin from E...man that woman always gets the first scoop!!!!!
    And it's too bad that Chris didn't get to announce it. Because *that* was the "most dramatic robot ceremony *ever*.

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