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Thread: The Bachelor 01/30 Recap: Goodbye Yawnfest, Hello Bitchfest

  1. #11
    FORT Regular himaintenance's Avatar
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    Perfect assessment as always, roseskid! I especially loved that you mentioned Tara Lindsey Lohan/Nicole Kidman/Reid's annoying and incessant mumblings about their "Boyfriend". Geesh! She must have said it 5 times....Honey, if he WERE your boyfriend, you would have gotten a rose.

  2. #12
    FORT Fogey aname's Avatar
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    Synopsis is much better than the show. I agree that Travis is bland and boring, but those aren't man boobs, those are well developed pecs (a little too well developed). Great upper body, but he sure has skinny legs. So far he's kissed only Susan and Sara B. (from what we've seen). If he had such a "romantic" connection with Sara S., how come he didn't kiss her? Is Mike Fleiss waiting to make us go "what the ____" when he chooses her in the end?

  3. #13
    FORT Phanatic PHan's Avatar
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    As usual Roses, you've captured the essense of this not-so-amazing journey. You deserve a whole bouquet.

    I didn't notice the quick disappearance of the meal between Sarah S and Dash, but I did happen to see Jehan wearing her personal Eiffle Tower during a "confessional" before she received it. Talk about editing!

    Looking forward to your take of the home-town visits.

  4. #14
    When I'm 64 William13's Avatar
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    Not being much of a people person myself, I don't know if the conversations on the show reflect any that people outside of a reality tv show would have. I do suspect that it was while watching a medieval version of this show that Benedict decided that rather than listen to any more vapid blather of this nature he would prefer to live in a stone building without any heat and would require that everyone living there take a vow of silence. And so, a monastery was born. These people are killing me.
    Fortunately, you are the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down.I force myself to watch because I know that they are ideal resources for your humorous alchemy. As much as I dislike them, I love the way that you skewer them.
    Dash gives Tara a big hug goodbye, and she whispers to him, “just watch out for someone that’s fooling you. You deserve someone amazing. Someone here is trying to fool with your head,” (the camera points directly at Moana, hee). But I have to ask, why can’t she just say Moana’s name? Why does she have to word her warning so that Dash needs a decoder ring to know for certain who she’s talking about?
    When you described that scene I had this vision some very bad spy movie spoof (Carry on Bachelor Spy) or a Pink Panther movie (The Pink Bachelor).
    Tara says "Watch out for--- Moooooaannnn" and falls to the ground with a knife in her back.

    Your version of the Bachelor is much more entertaining than ABC's. Thanks again for keeping me amused.

  5. #15
    FORT Fanatic vicyn8's Avatar
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    A vow of silence - what a clever idea. Although I'm taking you words out of context, I vote the next Bachelor Show be in B&W and silent. The sneaky Final Rose Tune could be plink plinked on a player piano. All FORT posters would receive 3-d glasses in the mail - for kiss kiss scenes, you know.

  6. #16
    Shark Week! dagwood's Avatar
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    Great recap, Roses.

  7. #17
    Bachelor Addict berries's Avatar
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    You've outdone yourself once again, roses!!
    I really admire the fact that you've managed to keep it up... with this snoozefest , it can't be easy! Again - too many funny parts to quote them all!

  8. #18
    Toby's Slave kimrs's Avatar
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    Thanks so much for another awesome recap Roseskid! I have a feeling I'll start watching the show now that they are down to the final four and are having the home visits, I can't wait to see all of the characters with your descriptions in the back of my mind!

  9. #19
    Premium Member Pansygirl's Avatar
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    Great Job Roseskid! Alot of great lines but on a side note I loved it when you added Gomer Pyle to the Story!
    Smile it makes people wonder what you are up to.

  10. #20
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by roseskid View Post
    It’s a little hard to take her seriously, though, since she’s wearing a coat that looks like the one my sweet little grandmother brought over with her from Ireland, and believe me when I tell you, that wasn’t yesterday.


    They tell her they’re afraid if they give her the one-on-one, she’ll get plastered, and Tara innocently says there’s no way she would do that. But basically, she knows she will, and has no rebuttal.

    She says, after they were married, she discovered the man married her in order to stay in the country. (Sort of like Gérard Depardieu in the movie, Green Card, I guess, only her version doesn‘t sound like a romantic comedy).

    They walk up to the top of the Eiffel Tower, say “amazing” about 200 hundred times...

    This whole scene reminds me of a teenage boy asking a girl to the prom, and her telling him she wants to wait and see if anyone better comes along first. My advice to her is to gather her pride and run.


    Dash says there will be a bike race, and whoever wins gets a prize. A prize? Ooh, I hope the prize is a date with a real man who isn’t afraid of a divorcée.

    Are Those Rollers In Your Hair, Or Are You Happy To See Me? <-----makes no sense, but I’ve got a headache


    Dash thinks it’s “pretty cool” they both come from Nashville, but met in Paris. He may be a great doctor, but he sure has a limited vocabulary.

    Tara Lindsey Lohan looks as shocked as if someone snatched her wineglass right out of her hand.
    Superb as always

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