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  1. #11
    FORT Fan who_me?'s Avatar
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    Good one Ms. Froggy!!!!!

  2. #12
    Bushbasher JFlo's Avatar
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    Dear Travis,

    They are women, girls, gals, maybe ladies, definitely b---hes, but they are not GUYS!

    Sincerely,
    A concerned female
    Stay Gold, JFlo

    "Craft Idea: Want to prevent a rerun of the Gulf of Tonkin off the coast of Iran? Just send Britney to the Strait of Hormuz and drop her on the Frigate USS Ingraham." Paparazzi As Unexploited Guardians of Democracy by Cintra Wilson [cintrawilson.com]

  3. #13
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    Dear Fleiss,

    Should this show be renewed (which is about as likely to happen as Travis actually marrying any of these girls), we have one favor to ask. PLEASE do not cast anyone else named Sarah!

    Even though she may have been Miss Hawaiian Tropic 3 years in a row, be a natural size D cup, and can do 10 Tequila shots in a row, while standing on her head (and not get a buzz), therefore making her PERFECT for the Rhodes Scholar Triathlete/Shipping Tycoon, who moonlights as a brain surgeon, please Just Say No.

    It is too confusing for us to keep them all straight!

    Thanks!

    P.S. We want to see more of Chris. We know that you two are on the outs because of that godawful 3 hour finale to Charlie's show, and for you not warning him that Jen was going to reject Jerry, therefore forcing him to ask on Live National TV if it was because the sex was bad, and, well, for Bob's entire season, we like him!

    Although we are comforted when he hear him say "This is the Final Rose this evening" (it reminds us of better days), you need to show more of him or something to keep us watching. This season looks to be a bust and we need something to keep us tuned in. Plus, his outtakes are a riot!

    Also, thank you for not showing us clips of Jen's season last night on the recap show. You spared us all the headache/sleepless night/nausea that would have come from that particular walk down memory lane.

    Thanks again!
    Last edited by Nomadgal; 01-17-2006 at 04:59 PM.

  4. #14
    Anachronism before Noon Cat Bowling Champion Anemic Dog's Avatar
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    Dear Dr. Fleiss,

    After seven of these poorly-produced epics, why can't you get it through your thick skull that you're sucking the very life out of this show every time you have Chris Harrison say, "coming up..." and you show clips from the rest of the show.

    I'll give you an example. Seeing Kristen cut the orange up and create fake pirate teeth was just one of those wonderful cringe date moments - the kind of thing that should make this show come alive.

    But you teased it twice during the program. By the time Kristen started cutting the orange, we knew what was coming and the surprise was gone. It didn't have any impact.

    I'll give you another example... a few seasons back, Jesse Palmer got a name wrong during the rose ceremony. It was just a beautiful, obviously unscripted moment of horror for everyone involved. Had you just let the show flow to that point, it would have been one of those surprises that would make a show memorable.

    However, you decided to tease it endlessly before and during the show. When it happened, we felt like we'd already seen it 100 times, and it had no impact.

    If you do one thing for the Bachelor, please just add another two minutes of dating and eliminate these in-show previews. For that matter, eliminate everything but a tiny preview at the end of the show. I'm tired of knowing everything that's going to happen long before it happens.

    Can you imagine how the audiences of Survivor and American Idol would react with similar stupid previews?

    You're sucking the life out of what should be a good show. Stop it, please.

    Sincerely,

    A. Dog
    Passing over to the Dark Side

  5. #15
    Anachronism before Noon Cat Bowling Champion Anemic Dog's Avatar
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    Dear Allie G,

    Please note the expiration date printed clearly on the container holding your eggs.

    Sincerely,

    A. God

    PS: If you keep your eggs in their original container, and chill out a bit, they should stay fresh over a longer period of time.
    Passing over to the Dark Side

  6. #16
    Anachronism before Noon Cat Bowling Champion Anemic Dog's Avatar
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    Dear Cole,

    We went 4-12 this season. Our coach was fired and our quarterback sucks. Please come back, we need you.

    Love,

    The Oakland Raiders
    Passing over to the Dark Side

  7. #17
    FORT Fanatic vicyn8's Avatar
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    Dear Benny Franklin,

    I am a conductor of electricity.

    Susan


    Dear Susan,

    Stop wearing steel wool. Natural fiber breathes better.

    Ben

  8. #18
    There are Cameras?!? Arielflies's Avatar
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    Dear Elizabeth

    It is difficult to write this farewell note as I feel I have come to almost know you in your allotted 3.5 seconds of airtime. Your calm lady demeanor and generous smile shone through in that bit of nano-time.

    It was the calm lady part that was probably your downfall in the Duke's eyes. With all those giggly village maidens vying for his glances, how could a Lady hold attention?

    I know, I know - I veer off into fantasy - but the chateaus and country houses, the whole parsien theme has blinded me to reality. In real life, though, the maidens would throw roses at the Duke's feet and try to steal kisses and pull at him and display their wares...ahem - back to fantasy.

    So, Lady Elizabeth, I bid you adieu. May you find your prince and not have to settle for a duke.

    Yr Servant,

    Ariel

  9. #19
    Anachronism before Noon Cat Bowling Champion Anemic Dog's Avatar
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    Dear Sarah B.,

    May I suggest a piece of excellent literature written by a good friend of mine, Greg Behrendt.

    It might help you with those troublesome situations when you tell a guy you want to kiss him and he decides to do an impression of a constipated Eskimo instead.

    Sincerely,

    A. Friend



    Dear Sarah S.,

    I think you have lovely eyes, and should go far in life. Perhaps to New Mexico? By bus?

    Anyway, if you win, just understand that a wedding is never final until the guy with the collar says it is. Just don't pretend to be kidnapped by angry ethnic types - that doesn't go over very well with the press.

    With Love,

    Jennifer Wilbanks



    Dear Tara,

    Thank you for single-handedly bringing back hotpants. This was long overdue.

    Warmest Regards,

    Jane Fonda
    Passing over to the Dark Side

  10. #20
    Peace MsFroggy's Avatar
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    Dear Moana,

    What is the best way to sort one's failures? Would a chronological arrangement be apropriate?

    Froggy
    "Feel the sky blanket you/ With gems and rhinestones/ See the path cut by the moon/ For you to walk on" - EV

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