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Thread: The Bachelor 01/09 Recap: There's Something Rotting In Paris

  1. #21
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    Excellent job, Roses! I can't believe I missed this meltdown. Your recap was hilarious.
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  2. #22
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by roseskid View Post
    Tonightís kickoff begins with shots of Alex and Amanda, Aaron and Helene, followed by a blur of all the other ABC failed romances. Honestly, who in the hell thought it was a good idea to remind us thereís not a snowballís chance in hell this might even work? If it werenít for Trista and Ryan, and potentially Byron and Mary, none of their matches would be successful. These are not good odds. I wouldnít even use a dry cleaner with such bad results.

    so without further ado, letís bring on the women, and hope thereís at least one sane woman in the bunch (Iíve always been one to dream big).

    Susan, 24, Financial Associate, Overland Park, KS
    Ideal Mate: Huge heart (Iím assuming she means a generous spirit, not physically challenged)

    I canít stand the way she spells her name, but she seems harmless enough, and sheís wearing the first black dress of the evening, so thereís always that.

    April, 29, Corporate Real Estate, Dallas, TX
    Ideal Mate: Taller than me (well, she obviously isnít expecting much, unless sheís 6í9Ē)


    Jehan is wearing a gorgeous yellow gown, and asks if heís Prince Charming. Since sheís the second lady to mention this, it leaves little doubt the ladies were watching Cinderella in the limo.

    She points out sheís been in Paris before, but says she wasnít with anyone special. Iím not sure if sheís telling us her family or friends arenít special, or if she was here with a man who wasnít very special. If our luck holds out, weíll never find out.

    Venus, 33, Physician, Huntington Beach, CA
    Ideal Mate: Relaxed (most relaxed men Iíve known were unemployed)


    Moana, 26, Distribution Manager, Los Angeles, CA
    Ideal Mate: Traits of Gregory Peck, Luke Wilson, Tom Cruise, Robert Redford, John Cusack (itís probably not a big leap to say her hobby is watching movies)

    Kathy, 25, Graduate Student, Stockton, CA
    Ideal Mate: Does not give up (that quality could be attributed to stalkers, too)


    Sheís not done, though, and she hunts Travis down and wants to know if he didnít choose her because he didnít find her attractive, is she too short, or are her boobs too small? I think he should just inject her with a sedative, and be done with it.

    Great recap, roses.

    I missed the show, but know you've bought me up to date in extremely entertaining fashion

  3. #23
    Premium Member Pansygirl's Avatar
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    Great Job roseskid ! Much better than the actual show and so many funny lines!
    Smile it makes people wonder what you are up to.

  4. #24
    When I'm 64 William13's Avatar
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    Knowing that you were going to recap the show I tried to watch this, I really did. I even duct-taped my hands to the arms of my chair so I would'nt grab the remote control. Sometime during the arrival of the women I must have passed out because the next thing that I remember was a very bright light. I was just about to walk towards it, but something pulled me back and suddenly there was a man hovering over me holding some paddles in his hands and telling his companions that "cardiac rythmn has been restored".
    Having cringed through the parts of the show that I did manage to see, including some of Dr. Allie's tirade I must say that you make the show sound a lot more interesting than it deserves. I don't know how you managed to keep track of all the women and make comments about them all. I laughed all the way through the recap.And any recap that references Warner Brothers' Cartoons deserves a five star rating.
    Great work as usual.

  5. #25
    Shark Week! dagwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by roseskid View Post
    Allie G., 33, Doctor, Oncologist, Delray Beach, FL
    Ideal Mate: Good butt (in retrospect I think sheís enough of a butt on her own)

    She leaves swearing like a seasoned sailor. She says that maybe she just wonít date anymore (I donít think thatís going to be a problem after the men in the world have just witnessed her in action).

    As the show ends, Dr. Allie is still ranting to some strange man sheís plucked off the street. Oh, okay, heís probably on the production team, but itís still hilariousÖfor us. Itís got to be humiliating for her. Oh well, cíest la vie.
    Allie would have been pure viewing gold but I am glad he cut her loose. She was freaky.

    Great recap, roseskid!

  6. #26
    FORT Fogey snoopy's Avatar
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    We have to praise you, Rosekid! Thank God for this site, except for you and the reproductive queen, the show was almost not worth watching!
    Go Tigers!

  7. #27
    FORT Newbie quatrecat's Avatar
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    A small observation from a new member that I don't think I've seen commented upon elsewhere. Many have long snarked upon Chris Harrison's love of stating the obvious - "final rose of the evening," etc. I was amused by his emphasis on Travis having to send "over half the women home." The competition does get a bit bloody sometimes, but, not to put too fine a point on it, he would have to have been King Solomon to send home exactly half - half of 25 is 12.5 - who should he have sawed in half???

  8. #28
    FORT Fanatic vicyn8's Avatar
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    Perhaps it was decided to add all the heights and divide by 2.

  9. #29
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    That was wicked good, girlfriend.

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