Jesse Palmer and the NFL - Update

Anemic Dog · 09-27-2005, 05:24 AM

Yep, 99% of you are already yawning. I can hear it from across the country. Yaaaaaawwwwwwnnnnnn.

As some of you know, everybody's least favorite Bachelor (well, not counting the guy who was endearing when he was fat and getting the heave-ho from The Triscuit, but a real jerk when he toned up and wanted to launch a music career) has had an up-and-down NFL career.

Drafted by the New York Giants in 2001, Jesse has made about a million dollars, maybe a million-and-a-quarter, doing very little over four seasons.

His only real NFL on-field action came at the end of the 2003 season, when the Giants were ticked off at their coach and the team needed a sacrificial lamb to start three games. He did okay, but didn't exactly wow the world.

After filming the Bachelor in early 2004, he rededicated himself to football, had a pretty good camp, and won the opportunity to hold the headsets while number-one draft pick Eli Manning apprenticed to Kurt Warner, then won the starting job.

Apparently, he regressed in the 2005 training camp, and lost his job to, of all people, Tim Hasselbeck, better known as the husband of Elisabeth Filarski, one of the very few reality television stars to make it in the business.

Elisabeth now plays the conservative commentator's role on The View, and probably makes more than a million-and-a-quarter. But she has to put up with Star Jones five mornings a week, which is probably a lot harder than holding a clipboard while Eli Manning plays football.

Anyhow, Jesse got released toward the end of training camp. The Arizona Cardinals gave him a brief shot at backing up Warner, who may or may not still be the starter after a wretched start to this season. But he got released again very quickly.

Unemployed, Jesse resisted the temptation to return to California and hunt down some 14-year-old blonde chick he gave a plane ticket to long ago, and remained in shape. Which brings us to yesterday.

The New York Jets had a bad day. First off, they lost an overtime game to the Jacksonville Jaguars, one of this year's surprise teams. Worse, their starting quarterback, Chad Pennington, suffered what could be a career-ending shoulder injury. And their backup, Jay Fiedler, also hurt his shoulder, though not as severely.

This leaves the Jets in a bit of a quandry. So Jesse, among a couple of other unemployed former quarterbacks, got a phone call today, and is back in New York competing for the opportunity to hold a clipboard once again.

We should know within a couple of days whether Jesse will be employed once again, and all will still be wrong with the world.

I thank all of you who made it through this incredibly boring recap. Yaaaaaawwwwwnnnnnn.

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Broadway · 09-27-2005, 12:12 PM

Anemic... that was actually a hilarious recap. You turned what could have been boring (

) into a worthy giggle.

Qboots · 09-27-2005, 03:39 PM

Yeah, thanks Anemic!

Pomeraniac · 09-27-2005, 11:27 PM

Thanks for that update, Anemic Dog!!! I can't stand Jesse Palmer, and I hope he fails miserably, so I appreciate your taking time to let me know that the loser's still on course, still swirling his way down the toilet bowl.

Broadway · 09-28-2005, 08:52 AM

Oh bummer... sounds like Jesse lost out again. The Jets signed Vinnie Testeverde again.

Sorry, Jesse. Heh.

Anemic Dog · 09-28-2005, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Broadway

Oh bummer... sounds like Jesse lost out again. The Jets signed Vinnie Testeverde again.

Sorry, Jesse. Heh.

Yes, the Jets did sign Testaverde, but he's there to start within the next month. He knows the team, maybe some of the system, and he has a lot of starting experience.

They need two new quarterbacks. Jesse's still in the running for the clipboard spot.

Anemic Dog · 09-30-2005, 01:20 AM

They signed Kliff Kingsbury to hold the clipboard. He'll cost less than Jesse would have, and will wear #3 for the Jets (the same number Jesse wore for the Giants).

So, Jesse's free to continue to pursue meaningless relationships. Let's hope he remembers the name of the next woman he wakes up in bed next to, and that it's not Martha Stewart.

Amy Lee · 10-02-2005, 02:06 PM

Some how i don't feel to bad about this.

FireWoman · 10-02-2005, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anemic Dog

They signed Kliff Kingsbury to hold the clipboard. He'll cost less than Jesse would have, and will wear #3 for the Jets (the same number Jesse wore for the Giants).

So, Jesse's free to continue to pursue meaningless relationships. Let's hope he remembers the name of the next woman he wakes up in bed next to, and that it's not Martha Stewart.

Out of context I guess.. But I hope his next one isn't with the Cleveland Browns

Qboots · 10-02-2005, 03:35 PM

Perhaps Jesse can turn to acting. I saw him doing a cameo appearance on Law & Order SVU last Tuesday night.

09-27-2005, 05:24 AM	#1
Anemic Dog Anachronism before Noon Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: From Here to Eternity Posts: 1,000	Jesse Palmer and the NFL - Update Yep, 99% of you are already yawning. I can hear it from across the country. Yaaaaaawwwwwwnnnnnn. As some of you know, everybody's least favorite Bachelor (well, not counting the guy who was endearing when he was fat and getting the heave-ho from The Triscuit, but a real jerk when he toned up and wanted to launch a music career) has had an up-and-down NFL career. Drafted by the New York Giants in 2001, Jesse has made about a million dollars, maybe a million-and-a-quarter, doing very little over four seasons. His only real NFL on-field action came at the end of the 2003 season, when the Giants were ticked off at their coach and the team needed a sacrificial lamb to start three games. He did okay, but didn't exactly wow the world. After filming the Bachelor in early 2004, he rededicated himself to football, had a pretty good camp, and won the opportunity to hold the headsets while number-one draft pick Eli Manning apprenticed to Kurt Warner, then won the starting job. Apparently, he regressed in the 2005 training camp, and lost his job to, of all people, Tim Hasselbeck, better known as the husband of Elisabeth Filarski, one of the very few reality television stars to make it in the business. Elisabeth now plays the conservative commentator's role on The View, and probably makes more than a million-and-a-quarter. But she has to put up with Star Jones five mornings a week, which is probably a lot harder than holding a clipboard while Eli Manning plays football. Anyhow, Jesse got released toward the end of training camp. The Arizona Cardinals gave him a brief shot at backing up Warner, who may or may not still be the starter after a wretched start to this season. But he got released again very quickly. Unemployed, Jesse resisted the temptation to return to California and hunt down some 14-year-old blonde chick he gave a plane ticket to long ago, and remained in shape. Which brings us to yesterday. The New York Jets had a bad day. First off, they lost an overtime game to the Jacksonville Jaguars, one of this year's surprise teams. Worse, their starting quarterback, Chad Pennington, suffered what could be a career-ending shoulder injury. And their backup, Jay Fiedler, also hurt his shoulder, though not as severely. This leaves the Jets in a bit of a quandry. So Jesse, among a couple of other unemployed former quarterbacks, got a phone call today, and is back in New York competing for the opportunity to hold a clipboard once again. We should know within a couple of days whether Jesse will be employed once again, and all will still be wrong with the world. I thank all of you who made it through this incredibly boring recap. Yaaaaaawwwwwnnnnnn. __________________ *Passing over to the Dark Side*

09-27-2005, 12:12 PM	#2
Broadway . Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 17,391	Anemic... that was actually a hilarious recap. You turned what could have been boring () into a worthy giggle.

09-27-2005, 11:27 PM	#4
Pomeraniac FORT Fogey Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Enjoying Real Life Posts: 5,731	Thanks for that update, Anemic Dog!!! I can't stand Jesse Palmer, and I hope he fails miserably, so I appreciate your taking time to let me know that the loser's still on course, still swirling his way down the toilet bowl. __________________ Click HERE for Great Music on Your Computer

09-30-2005, 01:20 AM	#7
Anemic Dog Anachronism before Noon Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: From Here to Eternity Posts: 1,000	They signed Kliff Kingsbury to hold the clipboard. He'll cost less than Jesse would have, and will wear #3 for the Jets (the same number Jesse wore for the Giants). So, Jesse's free to continue to pursue meaningless relationships. Let's hope he remembers the name of the next woman he wakes up in bed next to, and that it's not Martha Stewart. __________________ *Passing over to the Dark Side*

10-02-2005, 02:06 PM	#8
Amy Lee He's mine! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: whatever Age: 25 Posts: 5,389 Blog Entries: 4	Some how i don't feel to bad about this. __________________ Sunday Mornin' rain is falling...

09-27-2005, 03:39 PM	#3
Qboots Go Bruins! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: LOST in the 70's Posts: 10,321	Yeah, thanks Anemic! __________________ "I'm telling you - it's a madhouse out there. I feel like Charlton Heston waking up in the field and seeing the chimp on top of the pony." ~ Dennis Miller

09-28-2005, 08:52 AM	#5
Broadway . Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 17,391	Oh bummer... sounds like Jesse lost out again. The Jets signed Vinnie Testeverde again. Sorry, Jesse. Heh.

10-02-2005, 03:35 PM	#10
Qboots Go Bruins! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: LOST in the 70's Posts: 10,321	Perhaps Jesse can turn to acting. I saw him doing a cameo appearance on Law & Order SVU last Tuesday night. __________________ "I'm telling you - it's a madhouse out there. I feel like Charlton Heston waking up in the field and seeing the chimp on top of the pony." ~ Dennis Miller