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Thread: Jesse Palmer and the NFL - Update

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    Anachronism before Noon Cat Bowling Champion Anemic Dog's Avatar
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    Jesse Palmer and the NFL - Update

    Yep, 99% of you are already yawning. I can hear it from across the country. Yaaaaaawwwwwwnnnnnn.

    As some of you know, everybody's least favorite Bachelor (well, not counting the guy who was endearing when he was fat and getting the heave-ho from The Triscuit, but a real jerk when he toned up and wanted to launch a music career) has had an up-and-down NFL career.

    Drafted by the New York Giants in 2001, Jesse has made about a million dollars, maybe a million-and-a-quarter, doing very little over four seasons.

    His only real NFL on-field action came at the end of the 2003 season, when the Giants were ticked off at their coach and the team needed a sacrificial lamb to start three games. He did okay, but didn't exactly wow the world.

    After filming the Bachelor in early 2004, he rededicated himself to football, had a pretty good camp, and won the opportunity to hold the headsets while number-one draft pick Eli Manning apprenticed to Kurt Warner, then won the starting job.

    Apparently, he regressed in the 2005 training camp, and lost his job to, of all people, Tim Hasselbeck, better known as the husband of Elisabeth Filarski, one of the very few reality television stars to make it in the business.

    Elisabeth now plays the conservative commentator's role on The View, and probably makes more than a million-and-a-quarter. But she has to put up with Star Jones five mornings a week, which is probably a lot harder than holding a clipboard while Eli Manning plays football.

    Anyhow, Jesse got released toward the end of training camp. The Arizona Cardinals gave him a brief shot at backing up Warner, who may or may not still be the starter after a wretched start to this season. But he got released again very quickly.

    Unemployed, Jesse resisted the temptation to return to California and hunt down some 14-year-old blonde chick he gave a plane ticket to long ago, and remained in shape. Which brings us to yesterday.

    The New York Jets had a bad day. First off, they lost an overtime game to the Jacksonville Jaguars, one of this year's surprise teams. Worse, their starting quarterback, Chad Pennington, suffered what could be a career-ending shoulder injury. And their backup, Jay Fiedler, also hurt his shoulder, though not as severely.

    This leaves the Jets in a bit of a quandry. So Jesse, among a couple of other unemployed former quarterbacks, got a phone call today, and is back in New York competing for the opportunity to hold a clipboard once again.

    We should know within a couple of days whether Jesse will be employed once again, and all will still be wrong with the world.

    I thank all of you who made it through this incredibly boring recap. Yaaaaaawwwwwnnnnnn.
    Passing over to the Dark Side

  2. #2
    Scrappy Spartan Broadway's Avatar
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    Anemic... that was actually a hilarious recap. You turned what could have been boring () into a worthy giggle.
    Never let the things you want make you forget about the things you have.

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    Go Bruins! Qboots's Avatar
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    Yeah, thanks Anemic!
    "I'm telling you - it's a madhouse out there. I feel like Charlton Heston waking up in the field and seeing the chimp on top of the pony." ~ Dennis Miller

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    FORT Fogey
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    Thanks for that update, Anemic Dog!!! I can't stand Jesse Palmer, and I hope he fails miserably, so I appreciate your taking time to let me know that the loser's still on course, still swirling his way down the toilet bowl.

  5. #5
    Scrappy Spartan Broadway's Avatar
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    Oh bummer... sounds like Jesse lost out again. The Jets signed Vinnie Testeverde again.

    Sorry, Jesse. Heh.
    Never let the things you want make you forget about the things you have.

  6. #6
    Anachronism before Noon Cat Bowling Champion Anemic Dog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Broadway
    Oh bummer... sounds like Jesse lost out again. The Jets signed Vinnie Testeverde again.

    Sorry, Jesse. Heh.
    Yes, the Jets did sign Testaverde, but he's there to start within the next month. He knows the team, maybe some of the system, and he has a lot of starting experience.

    They need two new quarterbacks. Jesse's still in the running for the clipboard spot.
    Passing over to the Dark Side

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    Anachronism before Noon Cat Bowling Champion Anemic Dog's Avatar
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    They signed Kliff Kingsbury to hold the clipboard. He'll cost less than Jesse would have, and will wear #3 for the Jets (the same number Jesse wore for the Giants).

    So, Jesse's free to continue to pursue meaningless relationships. Let's hope he remembers the name of the next woman he wakes up in bed next to, and that it's not Martha Stewart.
    Passing over to the Dark Side

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    Amethyst Amy Lee's Avatar
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    Some how i don't feel to bad about this.
    Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me
    Infect me with your love and Fill me with your poison...

  9. #9
    I Bleed Scarlet And Gray FireWoman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anemic Dog
    They signed Kliff Kingsbury to hold the clipboard. He'll cost less than Jesse would have, and will wear #3 for the Jets (the same number Jesse wore for the Giants).

    So, Jesse's free to continue to pursue meaningless relationships. Let's hope he remembers the name of the next woman he wakes up in bed next to, and that it's not Martha Stewart.

    Out of context I guess.. But I hope his next one isn't with the Cleveland Browns

  10. #10
    Go Bruins! Qboots's Avatar
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    Perhaps Jesse can turn to acting. I saw him doing a cameo appearance on Law & Order SVU last Tuesday night.
    "I'm telling you - it's a madhouse out there. I feel like Charlton Heston waking up in the field and seeing the chimp on top of the pony." ~ Dennis Miller

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