Episode 3 (4/11/05) - “Welcome to Hooch Fest 2005, Bitches!”

[Kip]

This Bachelor is breaking all the rules, even the ones about hanging up the handset after making a phone call.

Chucklehead Charlie [I’m always going to think of him as this now!]

You get the feeling Kimberly’s the kind of girl you take home to share with your childhood best friend, not to impress your mother. "You’re good with the foot rubbing," he comments, voice cracking. To put it in old movie telegram speak, Charlie’s return signal would read: MESSAGE RECIEVED STOP YOU WANT SEX AND/OR ROSE MADLY STOP.

What kind of drunk do you have to be to start waxing about the joys of Sunday school while on a date with a known womanizing D-list actor?

Charlie shows up in an untucked apple green blouse (I’m sorry, that color is never anything but a blouse)…

After walking out, though, Jenny confesses that she’s frustrated and annoyed to be the loser. Maybe she shouldn’t have listened to the shoplady who told her she looked like fairy princess in that pink gathered horror, then.

Excellent recap, hepcat!

[roseskid]

If we had any doubts as to what a “one-on-one” date means to Kimberly, we’re crystal clear now.

Hasn’t he learned by now that the only people who want to see the paintings of 18-month-olds are grandparents?

Forget morality, she’s on a cheesy reality show famous for producing non-couples; what does that say about her powers of judgment?

Let me guess...it’s because you’re the prettiest, isn’t it? You didn’t say it this week, but we all know what you’re thinking.

Sarah B does the math ponderously (Krisily, Kimberly, and Jenny) and manages to carry the 2 in her head.

That’s a snappy future epitaph; I hope Kimberly wrote it down for posterity. Kimberly comments that he’s keeping the girls out late, since it’s all of 9:00 P.M.

What kind of drunk do you have to be to start waxing about the joys of Sunday school while on a date with a known womanizing D-list actor? Luckily for Sarah, Charlie takes over the conversation, and she can sit back in the circular alcove thingey and nod drunkenly. Oh, for fun.

Who will feel the sting of the cat’s claw? *hiss*

Heppy, what a wonderful recap. You are a natural at this Bachelor crap. Bravo!

[Pomeraniac]

Oh hep, this is a great recap! My husband is wondering what's so funny out here.

Hepcat, it was such a funny recap that applesauce's husband called on the phone and asked ME, too, what the heck was so funny!!!!

Then he yelled at me to "Keep it down out there in Boston!!"

Thanks for your great efforts, hep!

[museumguy]

Too late to quote but now I know why I went on a cookie run in the middle of the show....

ty hepcat....for a very funny recap....

Loved the nickname....Chucklehead....

[misscrispy]

I haven't watched the show, but I don't need to. At one point as I was reading this recap, I was thinking that you must be making all of this up. This show has reached new lows. (Still, I wouldn't want it gone if it means no more amusing recaps!!!)

[Critical]

Great recap hepcat!

Too many great lines for me to quote them all!

Whenever I think "No, these people can't be that stupid, something like this happens:

She oohs and aahs with Charlie as he considers a picture of an oval inside a rhombus. Charlie is amazed the artist can draw such a perfect oval, and Kimberly gushes that it’s great Charlie has “all those thoughts.”

[speedbump]

And you just know he’s leaving that toilet seat up, no matter who won’t leave is hanging out on his couch and/or bed. Outrageous!

Masterful recap Miss Heppy-san. Very hepi-licious. Sorry for being tardy to the party *I swear I thought I had commented earlier*. Your episode title drew me in and kept me rolling.