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Thread: Episode 2 Recap (4/4) Wacky Charlie and the Ho Factory

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    Episode 2 Recap (4/4) Wacky Charlie and the Ho Factory

    Episode 2

    Welcome back to another episode of this season of The Bachelor. I’m Silverstar and it’s my pleasure to bring you another recap of this surprisingly amusing season. Last week was filled with cat fights, roses given out at random times and the realization that the show was not in fact filmed in New York City, but in Hoville. Also, Charlie prefers blondes. At least, that’s what we thought.

    I’m Sorry, This Seat Is Taken

    Krisily, or as we all know her, body shot girl, wastes no time at creating some drama. Kerry, who’s the oldest in the bunch at 32 years old, confronts her and says that she doesn’t understand why she’s after her. Krisily says that she didn’t like hearing how upset Kerry was to be sitting next to her at the rose ceremony. Crying and arguing is key in this show, so that’s what we witness. All in all, we get that Krisily is a major troublemaker and that she thinks she’s better than Kerry, because she’s 25 and looks 25 and Kerry is 32 and looks 32. Kerry’s definitely upset and starts crying.

    We then see Charlie at his apartment, where, out of the blue, he decides to play with the pictures of the ladies that Chris gave him last week. He picks up Danushka’s pic and makes it dance around the other ones, saying, “Are you a slut?” And are you a slut? What about you?” Hysterical moment if there was ever one in this show. He proceeds to throw away her picture as far as possible.

    Our friend Chris enters the ho-loft and states the obvious; 12 girls left, 2 individual dates to be handed out and one gigantic group date for 10. But there is a twist! All together now, ooooh! If the ladies going on the solo dates don’t get a rose… they are going back home to their mamas! So the question on everyone’s mind now is, who’s going and what’s the deciding factor? Could it be a friendly game of Go Fish or a Spelling Bee? No, silly me, it’ a compatibility test, made by ABC! After hours of extensive research and experts hired, it comes down to Megan and Sarah W. (who will now be called Sarah Scar) to go on the dates.

    Contest: Do Blondes or Hos Have More Fun?

    As Megan packs her things, she’s thinking a lot. What could make Charlie notice her? The first thing anyone would do is of course call a “famous” hair stylist who charges more than the price of a small car for an hairdo to do some blonde highlights on your hair! So she calls up Caesar, he does his thing and also gets her eyebrows done. Meanwhile, our friend Krisily says that no one should ever dye her hair for a guy. Fine, believe that if you want, but letting a guy do a body shot on you is fair game? Ha! You’re never going to live that one down!

    So Megan walks out with her new ‘do and the girls are all in admiration. The second she walks out with Shady Elevator Man, the ladies start exposing their true opinions on the matter. “Oh my Gawd, her hair is so not blonde! They’re just highlights! Sha-aa!

    Charlie meets Megan and it takes him, according to editing, 2 seconds to analyse who’s standing before him. Inside his head goes a little something like this… Ok, the producer said I was meeting a girl named Megan. I have not kissed her yet so she’s not blonde. But wait… she IS blonde! Confusion fills my mind! Mayday! So this is actually more like 2 minutes. Tricky editing rocks.

    Charlie says he likes the hair and they are off to get a bite to eat at his friend’s restaurant. They are sitting and the conversation is highly uncomfortable. They talk about the last rose ceremony and Megan says she likes Charlie because he’s laid back and real. He then asks her if she likes him because he’s The Bachelor. Boring conversation ensues so I will just say that it’s really not going that well. New Blondie repeatedly makes it clear that she wants a rose and she wants to stay. They make it look like she likes Charlie and wants to see if there could be something between them but in reality, I think she wants to go back to Hoville because she forgot her favourite mascara. After many other weird moments of discussion, Charlie says that he would love to give her a rose but he will hold out on it. Mmm… too bad for your mascara darling, you must go back home. We then see Shady Elevator Man take her bags away and puts them who knows where. Who is this guy?

    The girls see S.E.M. with the bags and are in disbelief. That’s got to be a joke! But she forgot her mascara! How unfair is life, I ask you. It’s now Sarah Scar’s turn to go on a date. Their evening will be one of water-taxi and brewery visiting. That sounds really fun. They flirt, kiss, cuddle and they actually, for half a second, look kind of, sort of, a little bit, and dare I say it, cute together. *Sigh * Charlie gives her a rose, of course, and the biatch throws it on the floor! Hey now, there’s a florist somewhere that’s got to mad. I would be. * Shakes fist at Sarah *

    As Little Clothing as Humanly Possible

    While all this was going on, the remaining hos women have a pajama party… with matching pajamas. How fun. Impersonations were running abound and wow, whipped cream body shots! I’ve never seen something as outrageous as this in my entire life. They have fun and Krisily says that they all got along well. Foreshadowing, you could be a little less obvious next time. I know you are good, but don’t overdo it.

    This is the time for the overcrowded date and the clothing of choice is a bikini. I ask you, what would be a season of the Bachelor without the bathing suits dates? This mini pool party is going swell, and when Charlie is asked what he does to prove to a woman that he cares about her, he answers that he lets her have the remote. Ha ha ha. Dude, if I want to watch The Bachelor *hint hint* I just do. End of discussion.

    Krisily takes him away for a little chitchat and they laugh and goof around. If Charlie isn’t careful, Krisily will say something bitchy, like that he’s 29 but acts like he’s 16. Somewhere else, Sarah Nurse and Kara Mom talk about how close Body Shot and Jerry’s brother are. Kara Mom says that she doesn’t see the connection at all. Okay, shall we start a fund to buy the girl some glasses?

    We then see Sarah Scar a.k.a Rose Destroyer receiving a video message from Charlie. He actually took time off from all the hos to “call” her? Like my friend Usher would say, Charlie, you got it bad! Kara Mom and Charlie talk and the subject of her being a single mom comes up yet again. It doesn’t seem to scare him away as Kara receives a rose! They all pack up their clothes and head back to the Hoville headquarters, where the drama is sure to be waiting.

    Whatever You Do, Don’t Knit!

    Sarah Scar is there, knitting, and stupid Charlie, who’s on a date with 10 other women, goes right up to talk to her. Dark-haired Jenny dares to sit close to Charlie, to try to have some kind of conversation with him. Beforehand, Jenny said that Sarah Scar was kind of annoying. Keep this information in mind and let’s see what’s going on around the house.

    She’s Got Legs Breasts , She Knows How To Use Them.

    You all remember Kimberly, the swimsuit model? First off, I recapped the show about the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models. Let me say that Kim, while having some assets, would not make the cut for that magazine. Well, she decides there’s only one rose left and if she can’t get him with her words, she needs to change her clothes. Why must we, poor defenseless viewers, see this? She chooses a pink ensemble that would only make an exhibitionist proud. See, when I saw her dressed like that, I immediately feared for her well-being. What if she caught a cold or something? It’s not like she’s got much clothing on. Anyway, she asks for one-on-one time and I’m not sure if Charlie ever said yes or not, I just saw him jaw-on-the-floor, walking like a zombie. She talks to him about perogies but he probably is thinking about something else, if you catch my drift. He hands her a rose and they kiss, in not a pretty way. In another extremely funny moment, Kim tries to get away from the kiss, presenting her cheek. Charlie doesn’t seem to be a good kisser.

    During this exceptional moment of television, some girls are sitting at a table and Krisily is back in fine form. Sarah W. is the target this time and they ask why she changes her attitude around Charlie. Oh man, would you all just find something to do and stop bitching? I stop listening and go get myself a cup of tea. Carrie points out that Sarah’s knitting is a problem. Does Knitters Anonymous exist? Sarah, who has a lot of airtime this episode, takes Charlie by the hand and wants to talk to him… again! Like, she doesn’t know like, quite how to like, say that, well, like, she has kind of like a crush on him. But it’s not a creepy crush, no. It’s like that she likes him like that.
    Annoyed yet? Me too.

    I should probably mention that Sarah said that ever since first grade, she has to suffer girls treating her badly because of how beautiful she is and how the boys have always liked her. Yes, that is tragic indeed. Await Sarah W’s book in stores next summer, “The Curse of Beauty, Part 1.” (With special editor, Audrey from The Apprentice.)

    The Return Of The Trash

    Kerry’s worried that she won’t get a rose. Foreshadowing, would you please stop poking me, I get it, and you’re saying that this scene is important. Charlie has 5 roses to give out and it might take a little while since the girls have the right to bitch first. Krisily did not come here to make friends, Kerry says she has a destructive behaviour and they argue and bicker and they yell at Sarah the Knitter. Sarah says that if she could, everyone would be happy all the time and all would live happily ever after. Puh-leeze. Kindle decides to speak and says that she’ll be the first one to admit that they do not all get along and that the most competitive thing between girls is well, you guessed it, who has the best shoes. Ha, I’m kidding, it’s really boys, guys, men, hombres you know the deal.

    The first recipient of a rose, with no airtime this episode, is none other than a brunette, Anitra! The only thing Anitra said in this episode was that Kimberly was sexy and she knew it. (Sexy is not the first word your humble recapper would use to describe Kim.) The second rose is handed out to Jenny, another brunette! I guess she’ll have to suffer Sarah another week. The 3rd one goes to Sarah B. the nurse and the 4th one goes to Kindle, for her cool speech and the fact that she made quite an impression on him last week.

    The last one… will it go to Kerry, the old one? What about Carrie? Of course not, it has to go to the evil one, miss Krisily! I’m sure 99% of the audience of the show are pleased to see this. So this is the end for Carrie, Gina Marie (who was wearing jeans, undoubtedly a Bachelor fashion faux-pas) and Kerry.

    In her parting words, Kerry makes sure to call Krisily white trash and I’m sure other choice words were cut in editing. How I long for the days of a real bitch, Bob’s Trish. Now she was trash! Charlie makes me laugh once again by saying that he doesn’t know one girl in real life who would be happy to be one of eight women dating the same guy. True words Charlie, true words. But then again, when you look at some of them. . .

    Guess Who?

    Next week, much action is promised. One girl gets sluttier, one girl gets bitchier, another one cries and kisses Charlie and yet another one talks about her child. Oh, and Jenny gets mad.

    I’m not a bikini model, but I do enjoy whipped cream from time to time. Send me your thoughts at silverstar@fansofrealitytv.com

  2. #2
    eny
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    Charlie meets Megan and it takes him, according to editing, 2 seconds to analyse who’s standing before him. Inside his head goes a little something like this… Ok, the producer said I was meeting a girl named Megan. I have not kissed her yet so she’s not blonde. But wait… she IS blonde! Confusion fills my mind! Mayday! So this is actually more like 2 minutes. Tricky editing rocks.
    Dumbass Yay, this when I actually tuned to the show. Not blonde Megan didn't get a rose because she Confused Charlie too much.

    I just saw him jaw-on-the-floor, walking like a zombie. She talks to him about perogies but he probably is thinking about something else, if you catch my drift. He hands her a rose and they kiss, in not a pretty way. In another extremely funny moment, Kim tries to get away from the kiss, presenting her cheek. Charlie doesn’t seem to be a good kisser.
    OK ewww , I'm glad you saw that way too.

    I tuned out at that point. Thanks for suffering through for us .

    Does Knitters Anonymous exist?
    Maybe they all can run after chucklehead . Great recap Silver !!!

  3. #3
    Shark Week! dagwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverstar
    I should probably mention that Sarah said that ever since first grade, she has to suffer girls treating her badly because of how beautiful she is and how the boys have always liked her. Yes, that is tragic indeed. Await Sarah W’s book in stores next summer, “The Curse of Beauty, Part 1.” (With special editor, Audrey from The Apprentice.)


    Great recap, Silverstar.

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    FORT Fanatic Danger Bunny's Avatar
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    Much-o funny-o (my Spanish is a little rusty).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverstar
    He picks up Danushka’s pic and makes it dance around the other ones, saying, “Are you a slut?” And are you a slut? What about you?” Hysterical moment if there was ever one in this show. He proceeds to throw away her picture as far as possible.

    Sarah W. (who will now be called Sarah Scar) to go on the dates.

    The girls see S.E.M. with the bags and are in disbelief. That’s got to be a joke! But she forgot her mascara! How unfair is life, I ask you.

    They have fun and Krisily says that they all got along well. Foreshadowing, you could be a little less obvious next time. I know you are good, but don’t overdo it.

    She’s Got Legs Breasts , She Knows How To Use Them.

    (Sexy is not the first word your humble recapper would use to describe Kim.)
    Awesome job with their honesses Silverstar.

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    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverstar
    But there is a twist! All together now, ooooh!

    Contest: Do Blondes or Hos Have More Fun?

    Hey now, there’s a florist somewhere that’s got to mad. I would be. * Shakes fist at Sarah *

    In another extremely funny moment, Kim tries to get away from the kiss, presenting her cheek. Charlie doesn’t seem to be a good kisser.

    Annoyed yet? Me too.

    ...“The Curse of Beauty, Part 1.” (With special editor, Audrey from The Apprentice.)
    Thanks so much for the fabulous recap, Silver.
    Love The Bachelor? Catch the recap for this season's sacrificial lamb lucky guy here in Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6 and Episode 7.

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    Great recap, Silver. Thanks!

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    FORT Biscuit VeronicaBelle27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverstar

    Foreshadowing, you could be a little less obvious next time. I know you are good, but don’t overdo it.

    Yes, that is tragic indeed. Await Sarah W’s book in stores next summer, “The Curse of Beauty, Part 1.” (With special editor, Audrey from The Apprentice.)

    Foreshadowing, would you please stop poking me, I get it, and you’re saying that this scene is important.

    Oh Silverstar! Harkening to both SI and Apprentice in one Bachelor recap! I'm not watching this show, but I'm reading the screamingly funny recaps. Congrats on another great one!
    Could does not mean should

  9. #9
    LG.
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    Great recap, Silver! I'm shocked that I'm liking this season as much as I do, and the super recaps make it even more enjoyable. Loved this part:
    Like my friend Usher would say, Charlie, you got it bad!
    You and Ursher must be THISCLOSE

  10. #10
    Embracing the Inner Geek museumguy's Avatar
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    Great recap ....I loved the title AS LITTLE CLOTHING AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE....though the previews seem to suggest that fabric will be replaced with gause and saran wrap this season....

    Actually return of the trash was funny too...


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