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Thread: Bachelor Jesse, The Mole , and Winona Ryder - the Bachelor Pre-cap

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    eny
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    Bachelor Jesse, The Mole , and Winona Ryder - the Bachelor Pre-cap

    Welcome to the Fort staff room . Since Paulie was on a mysterious assignment - (something to do with a former Survivor cutie) - I thought Iíd break into his locker and test out the old cracked crystal ball. Bah he hid it, and all I found was an old Jango Fett sno globe. Well whatever, Iíll give it a whirl and try and crack the air tight security around ďThe BachelorĒ. There in the swirling masses beyond Mace Windu I see our Jesse...

    ah HA ! Well that explains the temporary reconnect to Bob at the ABC website. Things didnít go as planned. Jesse dumps all of the bachelorettes, as his imbedded spy feeds him too much negative info a la John Kerry. The dumpees all add/model/actress to their names( sanctioned by ABC as a consolation prize), while Jesse runs off with Chris Harrison. The NFL dumps Jesse by invoking the ďalpha maleĒ clause in his contract. Besides heís Canadian. Who ever heard of a kid from Ottawa who didnít play hockey anyway. Chris of course, is fired with a terse note from Mike Fleiss - do you think this is queer eye or what? He and Jesse only last til Chris pursues his true calling of programming the speech of Japanese robots - in Japan. No football there , Chris leaves while Jesse laments not playing baseball.
    Suddenly Winona Ryder jumps out of the bushes. A media hound she hasnít slept with ! She latches on to our Jesse as Jeff Probst..... whaaa? Damn
    - Paulieís back, and the sno globe goes dim. I carefully replace it along with his hair trigger trap. Ha there is no crystal ball I say , but that's a secret just you and I will keep to ourselves.

    Well my little Fortlettes, while you are here, Iíll spill the real story. We built fansofrealitytv on the same principle as field of dreams - build it and they will come. Same deal with the posts. If your former alumni know your pic is posted online, they will come . And they will rat you out.

    Jesse Palmer , the backup QB for the sad NYGiants is ABCís new ďThe BachelorĒ (version 5 ,if you are keeping track). Was he sadly contemplating the horrid season he had, and decided to take a wife? Nah, as with most reality TV contestants , the offer came to his agent. With free agency looming , and not much actual football coming from his client , Iím sure Jesse was urged to take it. After all , who loves pseudo celebs more than Broadway? It might be his only chance at contract renewal.(See NY Rangers) A list of 24 ladies with bad dye jobs and with no real jobs ( except for an attorney, and an ever present pharmaceutical salesperson) was leaked to the press. Not to us , that will come. 24 you say ? It seems that the mole isnít just a bad show on FOX. Jesse has installed one in the Bachelorette house to report on the ďreal motivesĒ of the cast . Kirsten from Bach 3 are you watching ? Brilliant. Well sort of. All Bachelor/ette candidates have a strong media whore streak in them, I mean you get to be on TV, in a mansion , and you donít have to eat bugs or put up with not changing your clothes for a month. Your bad - they all have no serious intentions. I think she can at best scratch the surface. Still for a show gone stale , itís a great move. yay Mikey ..

    Well - suddenly on the day that the mole story broke, we were in possession of the official bio pics of the cast including a mysterious Jenny - that no-one else seemed to have crammed under the Fort front door. Can you say moley moley mole? We posted her, the other bachelorettes , and sho-nuff the Gators ( Jesseís alma mater) came crawling out of the woodwork.

    *** Spoiler for those who don't wanna know *****

    The mole is Jenny DeLoach , a fellow Gator, with whom he shared academic and athletic awards on graduating. Whatís with the Jenny S then ? Well another Gator told us the mole was married to his best friend. His best friend is his former roomie Nick Schiralli. Another Gator told us Jenny was Mrs Schiralli. They met while sharing duties on the on the campus christian acedemic group. Awwww. I donít know about you , but I think this is really fun stuff. In my experience, a motivated good christian girl could suss out a ho after a buddy in about 30 seconds flat . Itís looking better and better for a good show. We thought TX Heather and her panty check was good stuff in B2 - this could well outdo even that.

    So thatís the scoop on how the FoRT got the story. Sort of. If you want to join in the fun with us you can find us here along with the pics and bios . Sher and I will again be co- capping if I can drag her away from that evil AI. Oh well better that than Forever Eden I guess. We better get out of the staff room before John comes in and catches us here...

    Any more dirt, Gator related or otherwise enygma@fansofrealitytv.com. See you in the forum. I was just kidding about Winona Ryder and Chris ya know. Bachelor Jesse starts April 7 on ABC

  2. #2
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    I can't wait for this season. Thanks for the update, Eny.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

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    FORT Devotee Mike'sgirl's Avatar
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    Pretty sure the abc show "The Mole" is not on Fox.

  4. #4
    eny
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    my bad - all crappy reality shows usually are.. just a metaphor.This stuff isn't anything new to the guys hanging around here, more for the new kids who might find us online.

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    Full Snark Mode ON Maxima's Avatar
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    Wow! I didn't know you dig up so much dirt on the mole. You out-mole the mole!
    Snark with the best
    Die like the rest

  6. #6
    MIA, RIP, or Busy...
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    Quote Originally Posted by eny
    I donít know about you , but I think this is really fun stuff. In my experience, a motivated good christian girl could suss out a ho after a buddy in about 30 seconds flat . Itís looking better and better for a good show. We thought TX Heather and her panty check was good stuff in B2 - this could well outdo even that.
    Thanks for the laugh Eny. I had forgotten about that finger snapping Heather asking BAMA (not our Bama) where her panties were at.
    A Bachelor fan til it dies a slow death and oddly enough, A Rock of Love fan...finest hair extensions from Europe and all. ;-)

  7. #7
    Team Choca. Brad who?! Alanna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by eny
    In my experience, a motivated good christian girl could suss out a ho after a buddy in about 30 seconds flat . [/i]
    Oh my gosh I nearly fell off my chair reading this!! Can't wait until this season starts
    Big: You know, Manhattan has a lot of beautiful women.
    Carrie: What an amazing observation!
    Big: But the thing is, after awhile, you just wanna be with the one who makes you laugh.
    ~ Sex and the City

  8. #8
    eny
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    Just a note. The Canadian press is reporting that Jesse and Ryan Sutter share the same agent. Not surprising since Sutter has both NFL and CFL connections. It really was the agent that talked him into it. I can't find an online link to the story, but the agents name is Peter Schaffer. The article also says the mole will be revealed to the audience in ep 2 , but not the other girls. Of course we all know who it is . The mole may be encamped with the others long enough to really make a difference after all !

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    FORT Fan Pandimonia's Avatar
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    i am looking forward for the new season, i wonder how the mole thing will work out, i like that idea, since the guy can't be there all the time, he has someone there looking out for him

  10. #10
    Anachronism before Noon Cat Bowling Champion Anemic Dog's Avatar
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    Jesse is technically a restricted free agent. This means the Giants have significant interest in him, and while he's free to shop for offers, the Giants have the right either to match any offer, or accept a fourth-round draft pick as compensation. That's a fairly big deal. The Giants wouldn't have tendered him (at about $630,000 for one year) if they didn't feel he could be their backup this season.

    I don't think it's likely Jesse will receive a better offer from another team because of the compensation.

    Pretty soon now (by the end of the month), Jesse will probably sign the tender offer. While NFL money isn't guaranteed, there's really no reason to expect him not to be part of the team next season.

    Some are saying the Giants may draft Ben Roethlisberger with their #4 pick in the first round. That might end Jesse's tenure with the team because he's more expensive than the clipboard guy they signed to be a number-three QB this year. But I'm thinking Robert Gallery, a tackle that the Giants desperately need, might well be on the board at #4, and the Giants just won't turn down that opportunity.

    But if Roethlisberger goes to the Giants, Jesse will likely become an unrestricted free agent, and I think he'll be signed by someone. His stats were bad last season, but it should be noted that the Giants (especially the offensive line) just collapsed the second half of last season, and Jesse was facing nothing but good defenses. He held up pretty well under the circumstances.
    Passing over to the Dark Side

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