This week on The Bachelorette, Meredith and her three remaining men hit the beaches of Puerto Rico on overnight dates. These dates will help Mer decide which lucky two will be going back to Portland to meet the parents. I think it is wise that the producers finally saw fit to make each of the dates within the same area. In the past, the show has made the overnight dates cross country and cross continent, leaving the bachelors/ette exhausted. This time, Mer looks fresh for each date and ready for some action!

Mer wanders around Old San Juan when Ian saunters up wearing shorts, a T-shirt and brown shoes and socks. Seriously, brown shoes and socks with shorts. Her future with Ian should be flashing before her eyes in this one image. She should be thinking – “I would be married to a dink.” However, this doesn’t seem to be what she’s thinking as she greets him with a big hug and a kiss. Silly girl.

Mer has set a goal for this date with Ian – she wants to know how he feels about her. Ian, too, has set a goal. He wants to make sure he lets Mer know exactly how he feels about her. Whaddya know. Their goals coincide. Has all the makings of a boring date or if Ian falls back on his “communication through action” thing, there should be some serious bow chicka bow bow going on tonight in the fantasy suite! Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. Back to the date.

The couple wanders through Old San Juan arm in arm, stopping for kisses along the way. Then they find some grassy hillside and fly some kites, which quickly get tangled together, leading the couple to drop the “Sound of Music” act and lay down on a blanket with what appears to be a bucket of ice filled with several bottles of wine and champagne. Seriously, how drunk do the contestants on this show have to be in order to get good TV?

While laying on the blanket, Ian strokes Mer’s hair and kisses her. She tells him that she is not the best communicator and he kisses her to tell her that is how he gets his point across. In the confessionals, does anyone else notice that Ian really is an effective communicator? He easily tells the cameraman his intentions and how he feels about Mer, but when he gets in front of her, he can only talk with his tongue in her mouth. Regardless, she seems to really like him. The two part and head back to their rooms to prepare for dinner.

After dark, Ian meets Mer at a mansion in San Juan for dinner and drinks. They head out to a candlelit balcony to talk. Ian asks Mer what she hopes to get out of this at the end of the show. She confesses that she didn’t know, but that she never expected to meet someone like him. Ian again proclaims that he will not be offering a ring to her, but softens his proclamation by saying that he just isn’t comfortable inviting a viewing public into an engagement which should be a very private thing. Mer seems satisfied with this, though to me it is obvious that this girl is clamoring for a ring. She tells us that she isn’t doing the show just to get the ring, but rather to find love. She asks, “What could be better than love?” Mer, the answer is love… topped off with a $25,000 Harry Winston diamond compliments of ABC.

At dinner she presents him with the “Ya wanna go back to the fantasy suite and sleep as a couple” card. He says, “Yup,” and they head to their room. Back in the suite, they pop a bottle of champagne and Ian makes a toast, “To us. And to not holding anything back.” Mer clinks her glass to his and I think… this guy is smooth. “Not holding anything back” probably means emotionally to Mer. “Not holding anything back,” clearly means let’s get naked to Ian, as he is intently focused on the king sized bed.

*****

The next date takes place in Isla Verde – another part of Puerto Rico. Chad meets Mer on a boat in the marina. The two sit in white plastic chairs in the back of the boat and enjoy a morning mimosa. I must confess that getting drunk might not be a bad idea for this date. Throughout the ride, Mer and Chad chat and cuddle and give each other pecks on the lips, but it is obvious to me by Mer’s body language that there is no chemistry whatsover between them. Chad, on the other hand, seems to believe there is a love connection. How odd.

While getting ready for dinner, Chad says it is time to step up his game – he’s going in for the passionate kiss! Mer walks up and meets him wearing an ugly green shirt. Her shirt alone would be enough for me to rethink that passionate kiss idea. He stands and more awkward hugging and chicken pecking goes on. They sit on a couch and Mer drapes herself over his body – Mer is really quite a draper. She is giving him the eye, and leaning in, and opening her mouth a little, but Chad drops the ball. Or else he has no balls. I can’t decide which. He asks her if he can kiss her passionately. Okay! Game over – annnnnnnnnd yooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu’re OUTTA HERE!!! She says, “Don’t ask. Just do!” He still doesn’t get it and continues talking about WHY he was asking instead of doing. I swear to God, Chad… I’m going to come through this TV and smack you silly! BE A MAN! The moment is ruined and Mer and Chad head to dinner.

To make things even more uncomfortable for Chad, Mer brings up the living at home and having no job thing. He stumbles through an answer, really giving her no more information than, “Yup, it’s true. I am unemployed and live at home with mom.” As if the passionate kiss thing earlier weren’t bad enough, this topic was the equivalent of a verbal castration. I feel bad for the guy… the big wussy. Mer interrupts him, putting him out of his misery, by handing him the “Wanna have a sleepover” card. He says, “I’m taking you there. Yeah, whatever Chad. You left your balls back on the boat.

In the fantasy suite, Mer skips laying on the bed and plops herself on the couch. She asks Chad, “So, are you a very sexual person?” After taking a lifetime to answer, he says, “Yes.” I call Bullsh**. Chad kind of leans in beside her and finally kisses her. It. Is. Awkward. They spend time telling each other where to put each other’s arms and trying to get comfortable. To make matters worse, he is an ugly kisser. Every time he goes in for a kiss, I literally cringe and yell out EWWWW. Seriously. Not good. I am happy when their date ends. She really should just tell him to skip the rose ceremony and head back home.

*****

The next date is in Dorado, Puerto Rico with Matthew. Mer is wearing an unflattering black swimsuit with an unflattering sarong like cover-up. Matt is so excited to see her walking on the beach that he runs over to her and hugs her and kisses her. The two clearly have the hots for each other. Upon meeting up with Matt, Mer decides to scrap all the elaborate plans for the day. Instead, they lounge around on the beach chairs and drink liquor out of coconuts. The couple talk about a possible future and Mer confesses that she feels like she and Matt can handle anything together. Shortly into the date, Mer hands Matt the “Do me baby” envelope. He looks at her and says, “I’m going to leave it up to you as to whether we share the fantasy suite.” She quickly says, “Well, I want to.” And without pause he says, “Good. I do, too.” Together they run at break neck speed to their room for room service.

In the room, Mer drapes herself on top of Matt on the couch and lays her head on his chest. She says he is the kind of guy she has always stayed away from and he says he can’t believe how much he feels for her. He tells Mer that he is not sure where the relationship is headed, but he is willing to find out. Hearing this makes Mer happy.

The dates are done and it’s time for the rose ceremony.

Seriously, do we even need this part?

Mer picks Ian and Matt and walks Chad to the limo. Chad seems shocked. He has a hard time imagining that Mer had more of a connection and better overnight dates with Ian and Matt. Well Chad, then I bet this episode of The Bachelorette shocked the crap out of you.

Tune in tonight for “The Men Tell All” on The Bachelorette Reunion Special. And don’t forget to tune in next week to find out which man Mer picks.

For questions or comments, please feel free to write me at sher@fansofrealitytv.com