The Bachelorette 2 Episode 2 - Studs, Steers and Baby Fears
Last week, Meredith whittled her twenty five prospective boyfriends down to fifteen. This week, after two group dates and one solo date, she must make the decision of which ten men get to stay and to which five she wants to say goodbye.
RoboChris shows up at the men’s house bright and early. All the guys gather in the living room while Chris explains that though there are normally three group dates at this point, this season things will work a bit differently – there will be two group dates and the guy who received the white rose at the first rose ceremony (Rick) gets to spend one-on-one time with Mer on a solo date. After the explanation, Chris tosses a video tape to the guys and leaves the bachelor pad.
The men quickly pop in the video and Mer appears holding a motorcycle helmet. She invites Matthew, Chad, RyanM., Marcus, Brad, Sean and Harold to come with her on a date that involves speed and heights, then blows them a really weird and windy kiss and says goodbye. Had all these men not been desperate for Mer’s affection, you know at least one of them would have ragged on her for that cheesy kiss at the end, but since that’s not the case, these men ate it up.
Later the seven selected guys are sitting in the living room waiting for Mer to arrive. There’s lots of watch checking and someone says, “She’s late.” Mer pulls up in an SUV limo and the guys all pile in. She looks great – very casual with her hair down and little makeup. The limo pulls up to a couple of helicopters and they all climb aboard. Mer looks a little sick, but Chad, who is sitting to her right, is happy when the chopper takes sharp turns so he and Mer get to lean on each other. Now, these must be some desperate men if they get excited when a woman on the verge of vomiting touches them.
The choppers land in a desert area where eight 4-wheelers are lined up. The boys will be riding green 4-wheelers and Mer will ride the red one. They all are like kids, speeding around the sand and plowing through the mud. This actually looks like a fun first date. And hell… what could be better than being on a date with 7 hot men who are all into you?! The guys are impressed that Mer is able to get out there and get dirty and not worry about her clothes or appearance. After the ride is over, Matthew takes the opportunity to get his hands on Mer by gently wiping the mud from her mouth and face. The other guys stand around Matt as he does this and they all have the look of “Damn! Why didn’t I think to do that!!?”
Off to the side sits a trailer. Not to be offensive to those trailer dwellers out there, but this thing looks like it’s straight off the set of “Raising Arizona.” The only thing missing is Ed standing outside watering the dirt as she cries “I’m barren!!!” Inside the trailer is pretty cool, though. It’s big and fancy in a rockstar kind of way. RyanM walks up to Mer and asks her to join him at the oasis. I’m thinking, “What the hell are you talking about?” when they head outside and waaaaaaaay over to this well…oasis… outside, which is piled with blankets and pillows.
Mer says to RyanM, “You seem to have a lot of energy.” He responds, “OhIdohavealotofenergyandithas nothingtodowithallthedrugsanda lcoholorRedbullsthatIconstantl yconsume,butratherisallaboutyo uandhowgreatIthinkyouareandhow excitingthiswholeprospectisand wowIneverthoughtIwouldfeelthis way,butWowwasIwrongbecauseyoua regreat!” Down boy. Though he is a bit eager, I can’t help but like RyanM. He seems to be a genuinely nice and funny guy and he makes Mer laugh, so I hope he gets to stick around for a while. One piece of advice though – cut out the caffeine.
To interrupt the oasis time of RyanM and Mer is Brad. Mer tells the camera, “I didn’t realize these guys would be coming one after another, but it’s kind of cool.” Not to be crude, but all I can think is this sounds like a clip from a porn – but that’s just me, and I’m tired. Back to Brad. Brad has these killer eyes, but something about him wigs me out a bit. He sits down next to Mer and begins giving her his credentials and reciting his resume’. Mer says, “You’re fired.” Oh wait… that’s The Apprentice. I’m confused. No, actually it’s Brad that’s confused. I have no idea why he thinks he needs to sell his work merits to Mer, but she stops him before he hyperventilates and tells him to relax.
Back in the trailer, RyanM is gushing. He’s going on and on about how he would definitely love to take this relationship with Mer to the next level. Mer and Brad come back into the trailer and bow chicka bow bow – no no no… this is NOT a porn. But Harold does take her into the back bedroom. He sits her down on the bed and gently begins to…. (get your minds out of the gutter already!)… tell her how great he thinks she is and how when he first saw her at the rose ceremony in her beautiful dress, all he could imagine was her… PREGNANT. Yes, you heard me. PREGNANT. Well, Harold, you just scared the hell out of Mer, but Mary from The Bachelor 4 has just added your number to her speed dial. We don’t see her take any alone time with the other four guys, and the trailer hits the road and heads home.
During the 4-wheeler date, Rick received his video message from Mer. She is all decked out in an evening gown and tells him to dress his best for a date at a Hollywood mansion that will be a ball. Mer reveals to us that the date will be really fancy, but will take a turn towards the end and the couple will go bowling. Rick dons his best formalwear and Mer picks him up in a limo. They arrive at the mansion and are seated in the study. The butler brings the couple drinks while they get to know each other. From Rick’s behavior, she can tell he is a high maintenance kind of man. He admits to her that he considers himself a metrosexual. Mer seems puzzled. I guess she missed the episode of Sex and the City that explained metrosexuality. But here’s the thing, and not that I’m an expert by any means… but I don’t get just a metrosexual vibe from Rick. I think he leans a bit more to the homosexual side. Then again, I thought Ryan Seacrest was surely gay, and turns out – just a metrosexual. Whooda thought.
Further signs of high maintenance metrosexuality and Rick are shown when he is eating his tomato, mozzarella and basil salad. As he talks to Mer, Rick is scraping the basil off of the tomatoes and cheese into a neat little pile on the side of his dish. Mer stopped listening to what Rick was saying and started staring at his fork as it worked away at removing every last bit of basil. So not only is he metrosexual, but he’s anal. I’m going to pass on any of the gay jokes that might be running through your head and just move right along.
After dinner, the couple heads to the elevator which opens to reveal a game room. In the room are hanging 2 bowling shirts and bowling shoes. Rick tells Mer that he is a great bowler and offers her a challenge – if he wins, he is guaranteed a rose. If she wins, she doesn’t have to give him a rose. She agrees then promptly wipes the floor with him and his lousy bowling game. I will give the guy props though. He looks cute in the bowling shirt.
In the limo on the way back to the bachelor pad, Rick is chatting away and Mer dives in for the kiss. Rick keeps talking while she kisses him, which is funny, and the kissing never turns passionate. I think Rick will make a really nice pal for Mer. When the limo pulls up to the house, all of the other bachelors have their noses pressed to the window and watch while Rick leans back into the limo and gives Mer a peck on the lips. I think with practice, MetroRick might actually be able to convince us that he enjoys kissing women.
While Rick was on his solo date, the third video arrived inviting Damon, Robert, Eliot, RyanR, Ian, Todd and Lanny on their date the following day. Mer is dressed in cowboy gear – straw hat and all – and tells the guys to get ready to saddle up for their roll in the hay. Again, more porn talk. The next day, the car arrives to pick up the guys. Mer has her hair back in 2 short pigtails and I am thinking, “So not a good look for you.” But whatever – I like her poncho.
The limo pulls up to a ranch and there are eight horses waiting. If you remember from last season, Mer does not like horses, so I’m not sure why she agreed to this group date of horseback riding and ranch handing. While all the men wander over to pick their horses, Mer stands back by the limo with her hands over her face. [sarcasm]Yeah, she’s not scared.[/sarcasm] They finally get her up on a horse and she tells the guys that they will be in a competition – they have to basically chase a white cow into a separate stall from all the brown cows. Now, I know there is a more sophisticated way to explain this, and I realize I am from Texas and should know the proper terminology for all of this, but screw it. I don’t. So the white cow goes into the stall and whoever can get it there the fastest gets one-on-one time with Mer.
I can’t remember all of the guys’ times, but know that with 3 guys left, the time to beat is 50 seconds. Todd hops on his horse and within 20 seconds has the white cow in its separate stall. Lanny is the last to go, and he has a lot of pressure on him as he’s considered the cowboy, but he is unable to guide that cow into its stall in under 20, so Todd gets the alone time. Lanny, if it’s any consolation, you look damn fine on that horse in that hat in those jeans… I digress.
Todd and Mer wander off to the barn. They sit in the hay and Mer asks Todd about his shirt. See, he’s wearing this black western shirt with red roses stitched on it. He said that none of the other guys wanted to wear this shirt – in fact, they were all wondering which sissy would wear it – but after he put it on, they all thought it was cool. During this conversation, for the first time, Todd becomes really likeable. We get to see that he’s not shy, he’s very good natured and he has a great sense of humor. Todd just became one of my favorites to win. To make the other guys think they had a “good time,” Mer puts straw on Todd’s hat and he puts straw on her poncho. Ahh… good times.
They rejoin the group sitting around a campfire. It looks like Ian has his guitar out and as Mer puts it, it becomes a Kumbayah moment. Lanny is sitting next to Mer and asks her if she would like to go for a walk. She says yes and the two wander off to the barn. Now ladies, Lanny is cute. He’s a honey. Being from Texas, I’m usually not too keen on the Texas twang, but Lanny has just enough twang to make him absolutely adorable. He and Mer sit in the hay with a blanket draped over them and just talk about regular stuff. Lanny and Todd – my two favorites.
Heading back to the campfire, the music dies down and the gang hits the road home. Ian tells the camera that he never felt that there was a good time to get away with Mer for some alone time and he worries that the guys that didn’t get to be alone with her will not get roses.
The next evening, Mer is sitting on a couch at the bachelorette pad when the men arrive. One by one they greet her with hugs and kisses on the cheek. They all start drinking and mingling again in hopes of catching Mer’s eye before she is whisked away to decide which ten men get to stay and which five will hit the road.
RyanM feels pretty comfortable that he will get a rose. Since in his mind he has concocted this serious connection with Mer, she must surely feel the same way. Ian finally gets a bit of time alone with Mer, and the more they speak, the more I like him. I hope she offers him a rose. HockeyHarold takes the opportunity to further freak Mer out when he pulls her aside and again starts talking babies. Marcus gets away with her, but doesn’t seem confident that she will choose him, though he claims to like her. MetroRick stays glued to her side. There are some men we barely see and do not get to hear from in this episode. The phantom bachelors include Damon, Robert, Eliot, RyanR and Sean.
Mer heads upstairs with RoboChris and after a while, heads back downstairs to offer her roses to Rick, Brad, Chad, RyanM, Ian, RyanR, Sean, Matthew, and my favorites Lanny and Todd. I was a bit disappointed to see Damon go as I think he is adorable, but Mer seems to be trying to give the shy guys a chance to get to know her better. And like I said earlier, not that my gaydar works any better than anyone else’s, but here’s hoping that Mer finds out that Rick (and I have my doubts about Brad) are both on the right show and not better suited for Boy Meets Boy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Tune in next week for more yummy bachelors and an awesome recap from Eny! For questions or comments, please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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