This is the week for the infamous overnight fantasy dates, where the bachelor gets to go out of town or out of state or out of country with each of the three ladies to show them a good time, and hopefully, get a little nookie behind closed doors without the cameras rolling.

The first date was a trip to Alaska with Kelly Jo. For future reference, each of the ladies selected to be on “The Bachelor” should make a comment early in the game to the bachelor about a place they really want to go on a fantasy date… but be slick about it. Say something like, “Bachelor Boy, I would even marry you in Tahiti or Paris!” Chances are you’ll get a trip to your requested destination – which is why Kelly Jo is freezing her ass off on a glacier in Alaska. Ask and ye shall receive!

Bob is standing in the snow as a helicopter drifts down to drop off Kelly Jo. She’s smiling and waving at Bob all the while. When it lands, Bob opens the door and KJ jumps out and into Bob’s arms for a kiss. They proceeds to hop on a sled pulled by a dozen sled dogs and go back and forth on the ice. Now I don’t know about you, but I was thinking snowmobiles would have been a bit more fun and would have sped up the trip to the fireside for a hot buttered rum.

After exhausting the dogs, Bob and KJ head towards a big wooden barrel of a hot tub in the middle of the snow. It’s steaming and nearby sits the requisite champagne. They drink, they talk, they make out, they go get ready for dinner.

KJ meets Bob for dinner wearing a sleeveless shirt and pants. I’m thinking, weren’t they just freezing in the snow? My best guess is that wherever the helicopter dropped them off to spend the night was in another warmer part of Alaska. The couple hops a tram and heads up to the top of a mountain for a scenic dinner spot. During dinner, KJ gets serious for a moment and tells Bob that she’s in love with him. Before he can respond, she says that he doesn’t have to say anything in response and that she understands that he can’t say anything – that she just wanted him to know how she felt.

Bob and KJ kiss for a while, when he reaches into his pant’s pocket and whips out the envelope. Yeah yeah, we all know what’s in the envelope… “Here’s a key if you should choose to forego your individual rooms and stay as a couple in the fantasy suite.” KJ and Bob wait about a millisecond before they head back to the suite. They head into the bedroom and shut the door on the cameras. Oh, it’s ON!!

Next date is with Mary in Wyoming. I’m thinking Mary got gypped on her fantasy date. I mean, Wyoming?!! When the car pulls up, Bob opens the door and Mary jumps out and into Bob’s arms for a kiss. They head towards the water and hop into a kayak where Mary says, “Maybe I should take off all of my clothes…” to which Bob responds, “I like your style!” Mary skims down to her swimsuit and they are on their way down the river. Without the muffling of her clothes, we can all easily hear the resounding TICK TICK TICK of Mary’s biological clock.

After the kayaking, Bob and Mary head in for honey and apricot massages. Yes, you heard me –they have honey and apricots slathered all over their bodies while they are massaged side by side. When Bob’s marinating is over, he gets up and rubs Mary’s feet. The masseuses leave and the couple heads for the shower to rinse off the sticky mess. Lots of kissing ensues. Mary confesses that she wants to get it on, but she restrained herself. Seeing as though they were being filmed, I’m going to say GOOD PLAN!

Later, Bob and Mary meet for a poolside dinner. They talk and kiss for a bit then the interrogation is on! Mary manages to ask Bob if he’s slept with the other women without ever really asking outright. Bob yada yadas and manages to answer Mary without ever really answering outright. Neither are satisfied with what has been said, but they both let it go as if they are.

The envelope is presented, they forego their individual rooms and head for the fantasy suite. Mary is too serious. She’s clearly in love with Bob, but she can’t just lighten up and have a good time. Every time she kisses him it’s as if she’s trying to tell him exactly how she feels. Bob clearly wants her hot rod bod, but is wondering how to sleep with her and dump her by week’s end.

The next date is with Estella in Belize. When she meets Bob on the boat, there is a lot of googooing and gagaing, but no jumping into his arms for a kiss. We find out that Estella has been stressed out and sick for the past couple of days, but she assures Bob that she was instantly well upon laying eyes on him. Ok, now I’m sick.

Bob and Estella head out for some snorkeling with the sharks and sting rays. Like a perfect gentleman, Bob tells Estella “ladies first” regarding hopping into the ocean with the sharks. As soon as they hit the water, Estella is in Bob’s arms, cooing “Mmm. Fee-wulls good,” in her best baby voice. After the swim, they head back to the hotel to clean up.

They walk on the beach. They walk on the docks. They sip tropical looking drinks. They have dinner. Estella tells Bob, “I reawwy reawwy like oooh,” tips her head and beams at him. They kiss. Bob reaches into his pocket and offers Estella the invite to forego the individual rooms and they are off to the fantasy suite! The room is gorgeous… a complete fire hazard, but gorgeous nonetheless. Estella tells Bob, “We can come back he-ooh for our tirty fiff wedding anniversary.” The couple decides to take a dip in the plunge pool which is filled with floating candles and make out for awhile. I would tell you what was said, but between the sounds of baby talk and smooching, I was thoroughly disgusted.

Three perfect dates are done and everyone is back at the bachelor house awaiting their fate. Bob is in the deliberation room looking physically ill, while HostChris is making the ladies even more uncomfortable by saying, “This decision is even more difficult for Bob than it’s ever been before for past bachelors because he knows you are all in love with him.” Hearing this makes KJ look equally sick, makes Estella pout and makes Mary look like she could kill them both.

Bob watches the beggin’ ho videos and comes out and offers Kelly Jo and Estella a rose to stay. Mary is completely disheartened, but takes Bob’s arm as he offers to walk her outside. They sit for a moment before she enters the limo. Bob tells Mary that he was concerned about her timeline for having a family and wasn’t sure that he would be ready for a family even with her most distant timeline. She understands, cries and tells him that he has to follow his heart – and that if the other two women were in love with him even half as much as she is, then he’s very lucky. After seven weeks of watching Bob in action, I have to say Bob is the luckiest man alive.

Tune in next week for the long awaited reunion special and a recap by Eny!

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