The Bachelor Episode 5 - "And She's Outta Here!"
Guess who’s back…Back again. Jamie’s back - As a friend!
Another week of the bachelor, but this time Bob’s brought his friends, business partner, Greg, from Michigan and Greg’s wife, along with former Bachelorette alumni and bright smiled cutie, Jamie!
They get right down to business and begin interviewing the ladies to decide who will win the coveted one-on-one dates and who will be stuck together in a balloon with Bob. One by one the women are questioned – “What is your name? What is your quest? What is your favorite color?” No, really… the questions are more like – “So how do you feel about Bob being divorced?” and “Have you ever had a one night stand?” and “How long do you feel it is appropriate to wait before you hop in the sack with Bob?” (This will be an important question for any possible sleepover dates. As Estella’s answer is “On the first date” it is certain she will be packing a bag for her solo date. With Brooke’s answer to the one night stand question being, “No. I’m a virgin,” I foresee her future in a group date and then hitting the road.
We don’t really get to see much more of Bob’s friends after this tiny little segment. Basically, they are shuffled off to a corner of the house and the first date box arrives. And it’s for Mary!
What seems like mere minutes from when the date box arrived, Bob is ringing the doorbell with a limo waiting outside. As soon as he and Mary head off on their date, Mary tells Bob that she wants to pretend they are 12 again. Just kids out having fun. No more serious stuff. Bob concurs and her wish is granted as they arrive at an amusement park that has been opened just for the two of them! They spend the evening holding hands, giggling, riding giant roller coasters, bungee jumping and making out. Evidently, there is plenty of chemistry between Bobby and Mary.
Back at the mansion, the second date box arrives. It’s for Estella and they are heading to Vegas for the second of the solo dates! (See, I told you she’d get the sleepover date!)
The next day, Bob picks up Estella, who is looking very pretty for him. They arrive by private plane in Sin City and are taken to a suite at Caesar’s Palace. A table has been set poolside for the couple as soon as they arrive. They eat, they kiss, Estella baby talks. And baby talks. And baby talks. And I am Losing. My. Mind! After dinner, they wander around their palatial suite and are seeming to have a good time, when Bob breaks the cardinal rule of the solo date and mentions his upcoming group date the next day.
Instantly, Estella goes from baby talker to blubbering baby. She excuses herself to the restroom where she whispers to Bob through her tears that she wishes she could have met him under normal circumstances. Bob tries to offer her some comfort, but basically, he’s annoyed that they are in his favorite city and his usually jovial date is bawling in the bathroom. The date ends without all the requisite smooching, without a coin being played in a slot machine. Without anything else for me to say. I’m thinking Estella was exaggerating about doing Bob on the first date.
While drama mama is crying in Vegas, back at the house the third date box arrives. It’s in the form of a tiny little hot air balloon and the invitation is addressed to Meredith, Brooke and Lee-Ann! Kelly Jo can’t contain her excitement of winning the third solo date and jumps up and down whooping it up! Mary is standing off from the others, saying “I’m ok. I’m not sad.” – the very words that someone that isn’t ok and is sad would say. She excuses herself to the bathroom where she gives us her best Estella impersonation. (Ok, that’s harsh, I know. But what is wrong with all of these women?!!! The crying has GOT to stop!)
Meredith follows Mary into the bathroom and tries to get her to stop crying. In confessional Kelly tells us that she understands Mary’s tears. Mary had a great one-on-one date and is falling for Bob, and it upsets her to see other women going out with him.
Let me interject - this is how this show goes!! A bunch of women come together vying for the affection of one man. That one man is king of the world for awhile and he gets to go out and ho it up with all of these women at the same time. They develop feelings. He gets to pick and choose and stick his tongue down one or more of their throats (in this case, more), and in the end, he gets to pick the girl he likes best while all the others go home empty handed and broken hearted. Any questions?
Back at the house it appears that Lee-Ann has been banned. She sits outside on a bench with a box of Kleenex, crying to herself, “Why me??! Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy me?!!!” After a few minutes she bores herself, as this dramatic scene isn’t enjoyable without annoying all the other ladies, so she decides to take it inside. The rest of the group had been making lunch and laughing together, when Lee-Ann breaks into the kitchen and calls a house meeting. The girls sit on the couch as Lee-Ann blubbers that she’s really not a megabitch and that it’s been weeks since the last group of women she encountered loathed her so intensely. Usually it take a LOT longer for Lee-Ann to become so hated. The women tell her to behave, play nice and all will be fine. She blows her nose, wipes her tears and thanks the Academy.
The next day, Brooke, Lee-Ann and Meredith all gather for their group date. From what I can tell, Brooke is ok with her group date status, Lee-Ann is fuming that she didn’t receive a solo date, and Meredith is contemplating the best way to toss Lee-Ann over the side of the balloon basket without anyone noticing.
They land at the botanical gardens for a round of croquet – a game at which Bob sucks. Bob goes off individually with each of the women. First he walks hand in hand with Meredith, with whom he appears quite at ease. She seems comfortable as well, but isn’t the usual lighthearted and likable Mer that we have all come to love. She’s almost formal with him. Next he wanders off with Brooke. Honestly, they have nothing to say to one another. Last alone time goes to Lee-Ann. As soon as she gets him alone, she again tears into him! She is complaining – loudly – about how hard this all is… and why does it have to be so hard?!!!
In this instant, I believe Bob saw what the rest of us have seen all along… that if he chose this woman, he would suffer a marriage filled with the piercing yells and incessant complaining of a very bitchy woman. “Bob! You haven’t taken the traaaaaaash out yet!!! Why is this so haaaaard?!!!”
That evening, Bob is back at his bachelor pad and Kelly Jo knocks on his door. For their solo date, they will be staying at the house, boiling lobster and lounging in the hot tub. The two of them are really comfortable with each other, laughing easily and joking as well as discussing serious topics like the loss of her father. Nowhere in the night does she break down in tears, so I can safely say this was successful date!
Now for the most dramatic rose ceremony ever. Bob spends time with each of the ladies individually again prior to his deliberation, where each of them, except Brooke, begs for a rose. Well, now that I think about it – Mer doesn’t beg for a rose either. She just looks annoyed. Bob goes into the deliberation room and for the first time all season does NOT pick up Lee-Ann’s picture. Bad sign for Lee-Ann. In the mean time, Lee-Ann is telling the cameraman, “I gave Bob an ultimatum last time that he was not to give me a rose unless I would be one of the final women. I am SO getting a rose!”
Famous last words…
Bob comes out and hands a rose to Kelly Jo, Estella, Mary and Meredith. Brooke cries but doesn’t look surprised. Lee-Ann gets the resolved look of Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction” and doesn’t shed a tear. She walks up to Bob, thanks him for his time and begins searching for a bunny and a pot of boiling water.
Tune in next week when Bob will be going home to meet the families of each of the final four and for another great recap by Eny!
Oh and feel free to email questions, comments and Bob’s cell phone number to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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