The Reunion- The Bachelorette Beotch
Michael Buffer stands center stage and yells his famous – “Let’s get ready to rumble”
No. Just kidding.
It’s still just Chris Harrison. He has not attended compelling announcer school yet, but that would have been SO great. It’s been rumored the ABC brass stalk this boards, as they finally caved in to our mad BOB love. Maybe next time. Watch for it – you heard it here first …
ABC officially pegs this as ‘The Women Tell All.' It’s mostly ‘The Women Crying, Bitching and Whining About Their 5 Minutes In The Spotlight’, but that wouldn’t pass the network censors as a title. There are some happy exceptions, and I did a rethink about at least two of them. Audree and Tina notfabulousbutstillcool .
The show opens appropriately with a one on one with Tina Fab . Number three’s are always given the greater part of the reunion show, deservedly so in Tina’s case. Watching the reruns of her time on the show really did confirm she was one of the most entertaining of the Bachelorettes ever. If there is a guy left out there who isn’t impressed by Tina’s 40 yard pass in heels- shame on you – Try it .
Chris told her ‘that alone’, should help with her ‘dating’ game.
She said she kept giving Andrew the cheek, because she wasn’t ready to kiss him, and she knew some of the others were. Good for her for not jumping on the Firestone bandwagon, and waiting for the tires to blow out. Tina had a nice time with him in Hawaii, and on her back home date. She didn’t have one bad word to say about him or anyone else for that matter. Her response to Kirsten’s “she’s not that fabulous” jibe at her was that Kirsten “didn’t have the nicest things to say about anyone”. She looked sad when she told everyone that Christina’s comments hurt her. Tina and the others didn’t buy the fake “I’m sorry honey” delivered by Cristina. It didn’t help her cause when she delivered the apology in such a condescending tone.
Tina brightened up and laughed when they mentioned the watch, which she still had on. Andrew apparently wasn’t in a hurry to wear a watch branded as ‘pimped out’ ever again. Her final take on the whole show was “that things happen for a reason.” She may be only 23, but she has more poise and class than about 99% of the other contestants ever on the show. I’m still laughing over the ‘being barefoot, pregnant and on a vineyard’ not being ‘that fabulous’. Best line on the show ever.
Next spotlight was on Liz. When they replayed all of her clips together, it made me jumpy and neurotic. All I can say, is they must have some kind of drug rule on the bachelorette. This girl needed some serious meds. From her manic behavior at the house with Cristina and Amber, to her pitiful “are you going to kiss me?” speech to Andrew, it was unsettling to watch. The final “I’m crushed” just seemed flaky and not sincere. A lot of contestants are embarrassed and even remorseful that long after the fact. Not Liz. It was I “Had to” act that way, “EVERYONE said bad things”, “I said bad things about everyone”, “I HAD to eat the lamb” Um, no Liz.
Her confessional “I fall in love quickly and easily” remark should make every man within a one-mile radius run as soon as they see her looking at them. Five stars on the bunny boiler potential on this one. She still said repeatedly if ‘she only had a chance’ with a one on one things ‘would have been different’ .Lucky thing for Andrew, Chicago is a long way from Santa Ynez.
Cristina didn’t fare a lot better in the light of reality .From her first “I’m destined to be Mrs. Firestone”, through to her meltdown at not getting a one on one date, not a pretty rerun. I don’t remember her doing the puppet hands in the limo when Andrew was ignoring her. That was funny! The montage of her asking constantly how he felt was creepy.Cristina shrugged off everything she did as “smart dating”. She also admitted since she was thirty, she really needed to be aggressive . I have to echo the thoughts of an audience member who branded her as the least mature in her actions. That had to hurt. It still flew over her head that even the general public saw her as vindictive and selfish instead of aggressive. Good luck with that.
She didn’t even talk about the cod cakes – one of the best ‘Andrew is a dork’ moments of the show.
Audree had a little cameo at this point in defense of Amber. “If someone is going to judge you for 5 minutes on TV then too bad for them”. If she feels this strongly about defending an alcoholic, then maybe her faith would NOT have been ruffled by living on a vineyard. Audree might have been a missed opportunity for Andrew. I remember she was the one who was labeled least likely to be a gold digging ho by the Lakers. Got to love that endorsement.
Amber sits on the hot seat next to explain why getting hammered at every opportunity, is not a drinking problem. She claimed not to know "where the line was to quit." Far from being in her favor, that statement confirmed what every family of someone with a drinking problem already knows. They never know where the line is, that is why it’s a problem. She did claim to have been nervous at the intrusive cameras. Robochris was a little mean I must say, when he was recalling both the cameras and the Olive Garden incident. He pointed out that she “couldn’t fathom why everyone didn’t like the Olive Garden” Andrew showed himself to be rude and snobbish by that whole interaction. Chris must have been hanging with Andrew too long. Just what is wrong with Olive Garden anyway? Someone give that lady an endorsement deal.
I’d rather be at Olive Garden than be stuck with a rich snooty ass
The show then descends into a total catfight .
Amber – “Liz is totally different when the camera’s are off”
Tina Fab – “I don’t think it’s ladylike to say hurtful things when you know others are going to see it.”
Tina notfabulousbutstillcool – “There are girls here, that if Andrew had have said he liked to kick puppies they’d have said cool, I love it when they cry”
Liz – “We are all cringing, but we HAD to say those things”
From the assembly – “someone in my limo said oh he’s not my type” then when they heard FIRESTONE, they changed to “oh he’s so my type”
Rachel- I expected Cristina to set the matronly example since she was the oldest (Ouch)
Robo interrupts before there is a smackdown . “Ok here’s a message from Jen.”
See, he knew Jen would calm them down. She speaks, and all the girls coo except for Cristina who is sharpening her claws in the corner, and Liz who is twitching (or pulling imaginary flies out of the air). Jen says how much she misses them all, and hopes to see them soon. She is surprised she lasted this long, and that she fell in love so quickly (hmm). She then jokes about Tina Fab and the “damn watch”. The girls all laugh and smile.
Everything is calm until they play Kirsten’s video. All of a sudden, the girls are back on red alert and sullen. Kirsten says she is shocked by what the girls think about poor little her. She tells them that she was there for the same reasons they were, and that was she “wanted to find true love”. I’m confused . I’m getting the happy feeling that the contrite type of message passed by Kirsten, is a kind of round about apology because she didn’t win. It could also be that she was so embarrassed by her carrying on in the show, it was damage control to sooth wineboy.
Audree puts on her crusader helmet again, this time defending Kirsten. She is wasted as Vegas hairstylist , and should be an attorney.
Her take on the Kirsten situation was that the girls were jealous of her from day one, because Andrew so obviously liked her. There is a bad Helene vibe in that statement. Remember how much everyone disliked Helene in B2 early on because she had given her phone # to Aaron? We all know who clawed their way out of that mess, and it wasn’t pretty.
The show ends with a recap of both Jen and Kirsten’s time with Andrew. As they go through the Jen stuff, I notice Andrew seems happy and content. They both seem to light up when they are around each other. Going through the Kirsten footage , all I see is him being led around by the nose, and notice she has really shifty eyes.
Since he has claimed all along , that he found love on the show, it has GOT to be Jen he’s talking about. Cross your fingers, even though it won’t make one bit of difference .
Oh the other girls ? Just set decoration as Chris totally ignored them. Why bother bringing them all back , They probably had lots of better things to do.
Andrew didn't show ... Liz creeped him out too much
Last edited by eny; 06-02-2004 at 10:57 AM.
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