The Bachelor - Ep 7 - Welcome to the Fantasy Suite
Andrew is really happy to be at the “I get to sleep with someone” part of the Bachelor aka the overnight dates. Will he score three points? Well shopping channel girl Kirsten is has experience getting people to buy stuff they don’t really want .Because of her connections, she probably has Fredrick’s of Hollywood in quantity just for the occasion. The other two score zero on the HO scale, so I’m expecting only one shut door at this point.
Before the dates, Andrew says of the three
Kirsten- we have a blast, Jen – rounds me out, Tina – energy, fire, intriguing.
I’m hoping now that Tina and Andrew never get to the stage where they breed. Those kids would be as skittish as Bill Clinton caught watching Mr. Personality.
Andrew takes Kirsten to the winter Olympic facilities at Park City Utah. Weird choice for two kids who grew up in the Sunbelt, but maybe he wanted to show he was “up” to the Olympian task of putting up with Kirsten. They meet Olympic bobsled team member Bonnie Warner, who shows them around the bobsled track. She takes them for a nice 80 mph cruise around the track. He has totally ignored the advice of the pro athletes so far on how to spot a gold digger, I note this time he doesn’t even ask Bonnie’s advice on Kirsten. Andrew is impressed with her endurance on the bobsled track. I’m thinking you dork; Kirsten would take cruise in a Soyuz shuttle if she thought it would gain entry to the Firestone wallet.
They are next taken by horse drawn carriage to dinner. Kirsten spends most of dinner complaining there are two other girls, and drilling Andrew for info. Andrew has turned in to android, and isn’t budging on the scorecard. When asked for her opinion on the other girls she mumbles ….doesn't know Jen very well …. thinks Tina has a lot of growing up to do. It must have killed her to NOT say what she wanted to, but it was a very wise move. Speaking of scorecard , Andrew takes out the surprise ( yeah right – it’s the fourth show in ) letter from the producers offering the fantasy suite to “the couple.”
Kirsten’s eyes light up as she said she definitely wants to ‘check out’ the suite. She just wants to do her ultimate audition, and then check out any stray bank statements when he’s asleep. I swear she even says on air if she was presented with the opportunity to “sleep with him” she would. If someone else understood she said something different, tell me. I watched the clip a few times with my mouth hanging open. Andrew for his part notes she had “no hesitation” in where she would stay. I’m getting that train wreck kind of feeling in the bottom of my stomach.
Door # 1 closes.
The next date for Andrew is with Jen in the rain capital of Arizona, Scottsdale. I can only assume Kirsten was doing a rain dance back in Malibu. From what I know, Scottsdale doesn’t usually resemble a rain forest. Before the date Andrew says his feelings are getting stronger, and says she is very calming “That’s what I love about her” Oh, I hope it’s true he does. Since the torrential rain in Arizona has ruined any outside plans, they are stuck in a bowling alley. Jen deserves to win simply because she got the crappiest date, but I think her ‘go with the flow’ attitude makes this dud date a winner. The most amazing thing I have seen so far on The Bachelor follows. Mr. Silverspooninmouth looks like he’s a decent bowler! Yay for him, he comes up a notch in my books for not being the snob he first appeared to be. Bowling isn’t exactly a run of the mill sport for the horsy set. Andrew notes they can be anywhere and be happy. If he doesn’t pick this girl for that reason alone, he is simply stupid.
Jen and Android get another spa rub down. This time it’s in crushed turquoise mud, which shows up much better to the camera than the brown stuff. Jen remains quiet, instead of incessantly yapping. This is a relief to both Andrew and the viewing audience. They go into a shower to clean off the blue stuff and end up kissing. They just seem more natural than the other two with each other, and yours truly gets misty at seeing them. No wait - maybe its turquoise in my eye.
Even though the weather was horrible, he notes how comfortable he is. At dinner, easy conversation flows between the two. Jen doesn’t spend her whole date in a steady drone of complaints about how unfair things are, just smiles. Out comes the surprise note again to share the “fantasy suite”. Jen just smiles again, and Andrew grabs her ,and piggybacks her while running in the rain back to the Hotel. Anxious?
Andrew actually says at this point, “Its going to be the most difficult rose ceremony ever” Ok I’ve never heard that one before. He must have that, and the fantasy suite speech written down on a 3x5 card stuffed in his pocket. Door #2 closes
Tina the Fabulous gets the fabulous date. Hmm lets see bowling alley or swimming with the dolphins in Hawaii? Poor Jen, did she ever get a raw deal.
Andrew and Tina discuss the future, with Tina saying she’s opening the Fabulous Firestone day spa. It seemed to please Andrew she had plans for the future that didn't involve shopping. They lokked like they really get along. Tina seems in a shyer mood than her usual pushing Andrew away one. They swim with the dolphins and have a fabulous day. The last couple to have the Sea World treatment was Ryan and Trista. Will Shamu save the day? I’m waiting ….. Tina says she’s falling for him, and that she has butterflies. She gets the cool dinner in a gazebo with 1000’s of lights treatment. Uh oh – the last one that got that date was Russ.
Andrew grills her on being ready to start a family. She asks if he’s in a hurry. He says no but I’m thinking yes. With that, he pulls the fantasy card, and Tina accepts the invitation. No piggyback for her . They have the Jacuzzi decorated with a million candles. I’m concerned that she’s going to set her hair on fire. Whoever did that set decoration wasn’t thinking, and this time there’s no firefighter around.
It seems smooth Andrew has closed door number 3.
Andrew says he’s been back and forth lots on his choices, and claims he wants the best fit for him. I’m thinking Kirsten is toast. The dates were edited, so that it appears all Kirsten does is whine and talk about her. I’m thinking of the FORT Cali rule that you can’t edit in a bad personality, when I consider her, and he really isn’t going to pick her is he?
The “pick me” videos are pretty tame. Had the best time, want to meet your family type of thing. Why does none of these women have any spunk? They were picked for Andrew and he is bland I guess. Never thought I’d say it, but I’m dying for a Christi here.
At the rose showdown, Andrew is really wired. Give that boy some Valium will you. Robohost even notes Andrew is bouncing off the walls.
Andrew gives the ‘incredible journey/never thought I’d feel like this’ prepared speech from his notes.
Jen and Kirsten get the final nod. It appears Andrew wants his future to be living up to Kirsten’s expectations, or being safe with Jen (which isn’t a bad thing) all the talk of wanting to be challenged by his wife was just crap.
Tina gives one of the most dignified exits ever. No tears or hysterics .Inexplicably Andrew expects her to be nice to him after dumping her. he claims she never opened up to him. That's code for she wasn't willing to do what it takes, or be a doormat.
In the limo she said had better plans for her life than being barefoot and pregnant in the vineyard. You go girl.
While the credits roll, it shows Tina and Andrew mapping out the sharing of the Jacuzzi. I’m sure that’s the only thing these two shared on that date…
Last edited by eny; 06-02-2004 at 10:53 AM.
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