Hey, this was supposed to be the week that the bachelor met the girls, or so I thought. I really tried to miss this show, as last round it was a waste of time ( I missed American Idol for this?). Maybe they replayed it You guys will have to tell me, I thought they had already aired the runners up.

Well to find THE man himself, it’s an old-fashioned cattle call. I swear they showed lines of guys at the mall. So much for the crap about only the elite being considered. They had thousand’s of entries phones, faxed, e-mailed and I suspect brought down to the mall by mommy. (Edna will you get that kid out of the basement – No I don’t care if he’s running a million dollar website)
It was narrowed down to 100 who had to submit a video. Some of these were beauts, like the nerdy looking guy who jumped on his bed, patted it, and smiled. (No insult intended for the nerdish at the FORT). The final 10 were sent to LA for blood tests, psychological testing, and judging for what the producers called “the whole package”. I wonder if they were required to submit to a check of the actual “package” as well. Since this is supposed to be a “get married” show, I feel a direct question about their sexuality is in order after the Alex fiasco. Has anyone EVER seen Alex on a date with a girl since the show ended? Nothing wrong with being gay, but STOP going on the frickin dating shows.

Final 5 – Trent- Funny lawyer from Denver , Dave- Eye candy lawyer from - Um I forget, I was distracted, Dain – from Santa Monica – Olympic gold medallist in beach volleyball ( that’s an OLYMPIC sport?- ok whatever),Sean - Mergers and Acquisitions. I was again distracted again by the fact this guys buds allowed that it would be hard to find 25 girls he hadn’t already dated. I’ll have to drag out the trap door I had set up last time, just to send this guy through it.

And the winner is Andrew Firestone , of the tires blowing up on your SUVs Firestone’s. Don’t blame him though, as his Dad fled the rubber set in 1972 for the wine business. They have eight vineyards, 1 brewery, and several restaurants. He has a degree in business, and is a currency trader. He allows he loves to get his hands dirty, and is shown getting spit on by a Llama. I hope it was a family Llama, as that’s way too far to go to show you are a bit rustic. Yuck. Don’t rich people have dogs? Mommy says he’s choosy, but as he appears to have been packed off to boarding school quite young, I wonder how she knows.
I can’t help but think that once he walked in to the picture, the casting crew all got up and high fived each other and didn’t consider anyone else. We got us A REAL Joe Millionaire- take THAT Fox!!!! – neyah neyah neyah-

The Girls – or as I like to say - Send in the Clones.

Rachel 22- excited to be here after watching, (At least you watched the show)
Amy 1 29 – why not do it?, ( Too many reasons dear)
Kerri 25- I’m desperate ,( Good first impression )
Christina 1 30- no quality men around,( Define “quality” do you mean rich?)
Amy 2- Parents think it’s a disgrace,( Well only if you act like Christi from B2)
Kirsten 23- Parents say don’t embarrass us, ( See above)
Audree 26 – Mormon in Las Vegas , (maybe the wine thing won’t be a problem),
Jen 26- Find someone special,Courtney 24- wants someone long term,( at least until the next version of bachelor airs)
Angela 25- ready to get married,( Doesn’t seem to care to whom)
Amber 23- wants to find the one ( See Christina 1)
( Is this stuff scripted as we found out Joe Millionaire was?),
Liz 23 – has mom’s wedding gown ready to go,( This is beyond desperate)
Ginny 25- Wants forever,( Was sincere , so no cracks)
Shannon 26- has dreamed about wedding since little ,( funny I dreamed of being happy)
( Ok this has to be made up, real girls don’t talk like this) ,
Jennifer 2 26- I just know my wedding will be the greatest day of my life,( Maybe later on , you will think your Divorce is)
Brook 22, never thought much about a wedding( Finally a clever response),
Lisa 24 , crying already about walking down the isle,( See Angela)
Ann- Michelle 25, positive thing no matter what,( A healthy response ? How did this girl get in here?)
Heather 22, I want to be #1 thing in his life,( Not TOO overbearing)
Stephanie 22, pageant girl wants that RING,( Pageant girls always want the trophy)
Christina 2 24, will do what it takes to win,( Did you see what Amanda did?)
Tina 1 22, not competitive ( hey it worked for Helene)
Tiffany 26 , not very good odds ( ok did you seriously just figure this out ?)
Kristen 29, hopes he’s not too smooth ( Not likely , the other two have been pretty dorky at times)
Tina 2 27, going to go after “it” full force ( Not sure what “it” is . The ring , the guy or the competition?)

I’ll check in next week when he really does meet the girls, or maybe for yet another stall tactic. Who knows?
Anyone that wants to fess up contact enygma@fansofrealitytv.com. Bribes accepted for better opinions of you.