Bachelorette Episode 5- Ten Things I Hate about Russ
Well not hate - I don’t hate anyone, lets say really annoy me. My partner in crime is off having a good time somewhere in the Northwest, so I must soldier on alone ‘sniff’.
The Trista gossip this week, is having T claim she only ‘got dirty’ with one. I was really expecting a mud wrestle between the three guys after that statement. Nice idea but more for the porn crowd, than primetime. The other gossip is last week’s loser Greg, being busted at JFK for coke in a gum wrapper. More good reason to dump him.There are a zillion dealers in NY- why would you smuggle it in? (Of course, not even mentioning getting involved with a cokehead is a bad idea) Oh that silly casting crew not doing their jobs again. I'm glad they don't recruit for the CIA . At least they caught the half that applied, that allegedly had genital herpes.
Anyway, you know the drill – recap the last show. The apartment - Trista’s horrified face.
Russ’s nice family – dude have you ever considered you were adopted? And of course, Charlie’s families free for all on Trista after she left.
First trip was to Seattle with our yummy firefighter Ryan. (I forgot to mention one of our posters Eden, found modeling pics of Ryan – does the media whoring ever end?) Some of our other folks have mentioned Trista’s squeaky voice, I must say the water taxi trip was the first time I ever noticed it, as you could hear it above the boat engine.
They ended up in a beautiful houseboat in the Seattle harbor. Well what shall we do? Ryan suggests hot tubbing it after about a nanosecond. Lots of heavy smooching in the tub leading them both to suggest jumping in the harbor water to cool off. I had visions of that 'Everybody loves Raymond' show where Deb gives him a ‘REAL’ kiss, and he yells at her “Look what you’ve done – You’ve activated the launch sequence.”
Cut to the space needle one cold shower later. They discuss how they feel-
I thought you had potential _ no I thought YOU had potential
Giggle's and googly eyes at each other.
Trista says she wants to stay here forever. Um you do realize you are at the top of a very high building in a prime volcano/ earthquake zone, don’t you?
That Mount Rainer is supposed to blow any minute?
Trista takes her safety monitor duties seriously by using the ‘get Ryan into bed free’ card, thoughtfully provided by the producers. Oh, what’s this? Trista says with a smile. Check please! says Ryan after thinking it over for another nanosecond. He then demands the phone off the hook, and a deadbolt. They enter and find tons of candles lit, yet somehow this doesn’t fizz on our firefighter. I mean that, combined with the rose petals thrown all over, was a definite fire hazard. I guess he doesn’t do fire inspections.
Trista says they spent the entire night submerged in love and it made her feel warm and appreciated. Well as long as Ryan was ‘submerged’ as well, I guess you could say it went well...
Excuse me while I get some ice water.
Wait I don’t need it, the next date is with Russ. I wouldn’t even need ice water in Arizona( their destination ) with Russ, unless he has had a total personality change. What’s up with that Dennis the Menace hair anyway?
Trista starts by having a confessional that Russ has the kind of qualities she’s looking for in a husband. She gave him a chance because of the wonderful time she had with his family. Well if your idea is to have a hubby that bosses you around every second of the day, then TELLS you, what you are thinking and feeling without asking. I guess Russ is your man.
They arrive in a helicopter, which is cool .Now Russ’s voiceover is saying –well just as soon as I saw her, I knew IT was on again. Get over yourself.
They go to of all places, an aura photographer. I can tell without seeing the photos that Trista’s aura is golden , because she’s a happy gal .Russ’s is black like the third ghost in Dickens Christmas carol story.
No? Well Trista’s aura is very golden, but the aura reader says she’s guarded. Try taking it again when Russ is out of the room. Russ’s says he likes freedom and autonomy. This means he will feel free to boss you around . Maybe there’s something to those auras after all.
Russ and Trista then sit down to the least romantic dinner ever in the history of any reality show . Even Fear Factor munch downs have lighter moments. It reminds me of the kids fighting in the back seat of the car. Shut UP Russ.
R-You don’t let me be me
T-You are too pushy
R-Yeah well, you don’t open up
T- I don’t open up because I can’t trust you.
On and On .
Hey wait, what about giggles and google eyes? None here now, and there isn’t going to be… Trista rips the conjugal room card out of the envelope and reads the message in about ten seconds. , and not in her charming voice. They go check it out have a few more rounds of the R & T fight above, and Trista says she’s “kind of thinking she’s not ready to stay”. I jump up and clap. Trista FINALLY has a clue. She says, “If we are like this now, what kind of knock em down, drag em out fights are we going to have later?” Trista, we have been trying to tell you that since day one with the bracelet. Bob was right about the bracelet. Aren’t you sad Bob’s not here? Bob have you e-mailed Sher yet?
Good Luck Charlie, and Trista get to go to Cabo San Lucas Mexico. Yee Ha!
Trista and Charlie are happy to see each other. They spend the afternoon on the beach talking about how they feel. Talking about how his parents felt about her. She’s 100% better than anything else he’s dragged home . Boy I’d hate to see how they cut up the other ones. Trista talked about she felt about his parents. Talking Talking Talking.
Trista says her and Charlie have good conversations. She is obviously comparing him to the Russ/ Trista smackdown that happed on the Russ date. Eww lets not think about that that.
She asks about what he thinks of the others. Weird but ok , I expect both to get the thumbs down. Charlie shows class by saying what a nice guy Ryan is, and what a slimeball Russ is. Well slimeball is my word, but he told her not to trust him. If you won’t listen to Charlie Trista, there isn’t much hope.
Then she says “I don’t want to talk about the others” – um you brought it up hon.
They then go on a boat ride where Charlie is trying to dig info on the other dates. If she had not have started it … She’s not in a sharing mood about the others. Just smiles and nods.
Dinner is a romantic setting under a canopy on the beach. More candles. This show is so not into fire safety. They talk, they hold hands, and they smile . (See Russ- this is a romantic dinner)
Trista is talking rings , then she whips out the ‘have a good time with Charlie card’ and reads it very softly. I guess this is Charlie’s audition . No good time, no ring for you. Charlie is actually a gentleman, and says whatever your comfort level is. Trista looks like she’s going to smack him upside the head and says I’m COMFORTABLE, It’s all good.
They sit in the hot tub and talk kids names, oh, this IS serious. I didn’t talk kids’ names until after they were already here . They have it planned out. Trista says well I’m going to bed and drags poor Charlie out of the Tub. Nothing like starting on those kids now.If the rumors flying are true, she’s already preggers.
Back at the mansion , Robohost asks for a rundown. She says she’s in love with two, and doesn’t even pretend as if it’s a hard choice. She also says she’s going to sleep with ‘them’ if she wants to. I really want to say, “You go girl “, but two guys in one day is well, not what I would do. Then I haven’t been in the hot tub with Ryan and Charlie either, so benefit of the doubt goes to Trista for sure.
Begging vids – Ryan- a poem
Boy and a girl and our friend Shamu
I’m really glad that your date with Russ blew
I’m better than Charlie
A slice of heaven is me
Take me home Trista
I’m the best you see. – Loving giggles from Trista
Russ – blah blah blah
Trista fast-forwards it - Better understanding
Blah Blah Blah
Got off to a Fast start
Well wasn’t that special – Trista winces at the sight of Russ
Charlie- Hi sweetheart it was romantic to fall asleep and wake up with you.
They don’t call me good time Charlie for nothing wink wink… Trista smiles
Next stop is the most shocking rose ceremony ever.
Unless Russ knocks her over the head and drags her out the door with dynamite strapped to him, I doubt it. *Yawn*
Robohost comes in and says, “ You know the drill . We know you aren’t going to refuse the rose, so let’s get on with it.”
Trista acknowledges she’s been “in their shoes”, which is very true.
That leads me to ponder for a second one of life major mysteries - Where the hell did they get Alex again ? Any one of the 24, let alone the finalists, were better.
Back to the ceremony – No shock at all - its Ryan and Charlie with the rose boutonnieres.
Russ doesn’t reveal any explosives, so my hunch was true about the ceremony.
People are dancing around my family room at Russ’s ouster.
On saying good-bye Russ is still carrying on . Shut UP Russ , Be gracious Russ, Goodbye Russ. Trista run, don’t walk away from that headache.
Parting shot from loser boy is that "He lasted as long as he wanted to."
Ok now really - Stop talking or my TV is in danger of being kicked.
Next week we get to see the reunion show and, you guessed it - BOB . Yay !!!! Looks like somebody makes fun of Brook too, so I’m there. Sher will be back too, for the bobathon.
As always cash , free hockey tickets , or folks on the show that want to redeem themselves e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org You can try email@example.com too, but I think she’s entrenched at Starbucks, hopefully far from the active volcanos.
Last edited by eny; 06-02-2004 at 11:25 AM.
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