Meet the Parents
Yippee, it’s meet the parents night on Bachelor! Oh I had visions of Aaron being strapped to the lie detector 4 times and having to answer the questions “are you going to try and sleep with my daughter?”, “Did you just come on this show for the public exposure or are you really interested in my daughter?” But alas the ABC folks didn’t set this up. Too bad, the only thing better than watching ole Aaron squirm this episode, would have been to watch him squirm all strapped up. Heh Heh Heh
The first part of the show shows them packing up and leaving the Malibu Mustang ranch for their own hotel rooms. Wise producers know it’s easier to keep tabs at a hotel as to whether Christi is going to try and poison one of them or do bodily harm... But first they have to fly home to the families.
First stop was in Buffalo for Gwen’s parents. Take in a hockey game, the Sabres are really hot. Ooops, I forgot - its pre- recorded- silly me. Gwendolyn’s (as they called her) parents Marie and Phil are real salt of the earth type folk. Her sister Mary Beth looked daggers at Aaron, but warmed up a bit when he spoke Italian. Men take note – if you aren’t a real Italian, speak some – it makes girls go wild because Italian men really love all women. Sigh….Oh yeah; we were in Buffalo, my mind drifted off for a second.
Back to Marie who has just pulled the real 20 questions out of her purse. I’m thinking Yay, I hope she has lots of good questions, you know how our Aaron likes questions. We didn’t really get to hear a lot of them, which meant they were probably pretty tame.
Do you have time in your life for another JOB, that of Husband? – O Marie, what a romantic you are.
Are you ethical? – Stop it; you are making me go all fuzzy. But Aaron’s answer was more hysterical- “Well I work in banking and we are scrutinized all the time, so you sorta haft a be” I don’t know about your house, but ours erupted in some serious laughter. Yes Aaron, pretend that bankers are all honest, and that you’ve never HEARD of Charles Keating. Pretend you also don’t know that the FDIC (those damn folks doing the scrutinizing), keeps a whole part of its website devoted to FAILED “family banks”.
You know the upright ethical folks like you that ran off to Switzerland with other folk’s moola. Off on a rant, sorry.
Last question – the best one in my opinion, “What the hell makes you think you’re so hot as hubby material” .( note, sweet Marie worded it slightly differently) Aaron goes off on a repeat of, travel, fun, lots o cash from the bank, I’m a nice guy!
Marie and Phil bought it. Marie likes him. Phil’s planning the wedding already, as Gwendolyn’s 31 ya know, and this kind of prize doesn’t drop on his doorstep everyday.
Gwen then pulls an ace out of her deck by taking Aaron to nearby Niagara Falls. Nothing like getting Aaron in the right frame of mind like the honeymoon capital.
They stand by the falls holding hands and kissing. They are oblivious to the camera crew, the tourists crowding around, the traffic jams caused by the tourists watching them.
Gwen- “I never thought it could happen”
(One of the more overused sentences in this show)
Aaron- “The other girls have a tough act to follow”
checkmark Gwen, the honeymoon imagery worked!!
Helene’s parents are the next ones to receive a visit from our hubby wanna be. They meet of course, at the Philadelphia Art Museum so that Aaron can climb up and down the stairs Rocky style.
You Helene, you should be the one doing the Rocky dance as you are the wife in training. Then they inexplicably take a trip to Jersey. This is where Helene is really from. What’s the matter girl, Jersey not good enough for you? Oh yes you are a psychologist, and Jersey only has big hair Springsteen girls. At the harbor, Aaron tells her she has a lot going for her. In the limo Aaron continues his pile of compliments. Helene notices the pile getting high and comments on his Bull S*, both to her and the other girls. She point blank tells him she can’t trust him YET. Helene you minx, you sure know how to sweet talk.
Aaron says Helene’s a challenge. He then sniffs he’s going to have a rough day what with all of her type of questions, and with a family who could only be worse. Oh Aaron, there’s three big bros to ask you questions! Frank, Joe and Henry, are pretty tame to him given the circumstance. I guess they didn’t spend much time in Jersey, as they didn’t say if youse hurt my little sis, you’ll sleep with the fishes and all that. Aaron, who usually loves talking about himself, wisely turns the tables and asks for stories about Helene. None are forthcoming (thank you thank you) They start with the 'what do you do?' Banking - Oh yeah right . Writes down “has job”.
Aaron only works 50 hours! – That’s pretty 9-5 for the VP. It pays to work for Mom and Dad. Workaholics in similar jobs, spit up coffee after that statement.
Where are you from? - Missouri. Oh, the confederates don’t play well in Yankee central. Aaron skips out saying nice to meet you. When he’s gone, the brothers make fun of him, and Daddy says he’s no big whoop. Helene notes that Aaron now knows why she’s so flaky. Helene says she has feelings for him, but in true psychologist style um, doesn’t show them. This was a ho hum visit. Wake me up when he gets to Brookes…..Aaron closes out, by saying he doesn’t know how he’s going to get thru the next Rose ceremony. Note to Aaron’s family- it’s a good thing he’s not a teller. He’s so easily confused and flustered, the old ‘I gave you a twenty not a five’ routine would work on him big time.
Yay, its time to go to Alabama .Aaron notes that he has to see if any of the info he received will impact his decision. Interesting choice of words. I wonder if he has the choice to find out thru the network about daddy’s disgusting rap sheet. He sees Brooke, starts drooling and all is forgotten for now. He goes to see the parents in the ‘fire hydrant capital of the world’. Yeah sure, I don’t see one dog. If that were true, it would also be the dog capital of the world- RIGHT?
First stop is at Rudy and Dots house. Mom and JD are also there with stepsister Leslie. Nice house, awesome southern spread for supper. Big marks for nice family here. Can’t make jokes- I seriously want to move in! These folks are a hoot, as they drag Aaron through the muck southern style.
You ain’t from Alabama boy…… . Missouri sided with the south in the great war, but turned tail awful quick, so in some parts it’s almost like being a Yankee. Yes suh (Aaron all of a sudden notched the accent up a bit!!!) I have to stay with Mama and Pappy in the business. Yeah well, you still look like a carpetbagger to us. Did we mention Uncle Roger? He’s a third degree black belt marine, who’s gonna KILL YA if you break Brookes heart. Aaron gets the deer in the headlight look on his face, as the family sits in silence. They then break into laughter, as Aaron excuses himself to go to the facilities to see if he’s soiled himself.
The grilling continues - You got feelings for our Brooke?
We get along real well says Aaron, and I appreciate it ain’t a game. Translated this means- please god, don’t let them sic the uncle on me, I hope this accent holds out.
Next important question …You like Nascar? (all important in the south).Well Aaron hasn’t paid much attention to that (Duh- you should have faked it dummy), leading Mama to say what have I got my baby into?
Next stop is JD and Sharrons house. Brooke tells Aaron on the way over, if he doesn’t get shown the room, not to bother. After the uncle incident, Aaron sure as hell doesn’t want to see any “special room”. The visit mostly consists of JD showing Aaron around the famous room full of Bama State Football Memorabilia. I can’t make a joke here either because if I had the time and the money, I’d have a similar shrine to the Maple Leafs. Besides Memorabilia holds better value, than most investments, Aaron as a banker appreciates it.JD looked it up in the Civil War companion to find out that Missoura’s seceding to the Yankees wasn’t legal, as the confederate patriots, hid the great seal. In other words Missoura folks like Aaron are ok. Call it a draw. Evening ends with the- We couldn’t have found a better choice for Brooke, than if we’d a picked him up at Wal-Mart (Look for Aaron dolls at Wal-Mart for Christmas.)
Last stop is Aaron’s almost home, stomping grounds in Kansas City. Angela has the home ice advantage, and with the rumors online she takes the whole thing, I’m watching in extreme interest.
She starts out by saying Welcome to the city! (you Hick). Come and meet my roomie, she’s kind of odd. Kind of odd? , this bird is Hannibal Lectors twin sister. She has some real badass questions. The kind no one has dared to ask little Aaron before. Aaron perseveres, after all he knows he’s not that far from Mommy, and this IS the last stop on the love train.
What are you going to base your decision on? – Um er…..
What have you been doing with, or TO the other girls – I well. I mean ummm
If you proposed what would you say- Uh well I uh….
You are kind of superficial- Pfffffffff I huh?
Great answers farm boy, if Angela asks me my opinion, I’m going to say You have GOT to be kidding….. , now get out of my sight loser.
Aaron slinks out and doesn’t say much on the way to Angela’s house other than to comment her roommate may be a little negative.
Every one watching was killing themselves laughing at you Aaron!
The visit to Angela’s family is even better for Aaron. The whole crew ignores him. They couldn’t give a hoot if he’s there. Aaron is holding in his fury, at this routine. Nobody ever ignores him. He’s rich He’s Cute He plays John Tesh style piano for gods sake. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
The folks look up at this outburst, and dad says oh yeah, you’re a banker – fix her damn checkbook, I’m sick of doing it. He then makes the comment maybe a storm or something is coming up. They fall back into conversation as Angela and Aaron leave without anyone noticing.
Aaron is still stunned by his treatment at the hands of the city folk. What’s wrong now whiny Aaron? They didn’t ask questions! Make up your mind Boy...
Next scene is our familiar old bachelor shrine, where Aaron has the sudden revelation that ‘it’s serious’. Um yeah usually marriage is. Didn’t they explain the whole thing to you? Aaron deep in thought at the photos. I can’t help but think funeral home when I look at the setup. The videos Boring except for Gwen’s saying she wanted to do "it" naked, and Brookes “Uncle Roger’s waiting”.
Ceremony time and everyone but poor Brooke looks like they could care less. Aaron gives his now standard speech Hard for me … yadda yadda...Uncomfortable … yadda yadda... blessings for your families…..
And its Gwen, Helene, Brooke. All the info was wrong girls and boys, Angela takes the walk to the car with Aaron. Jeez I’m such a bitch says Angela, Oh well she shrugs, its Friday night- driver take me downtown!!!!!
It’s a show worth watching again, as all bets are off. Crap I hate it when I get sucked in like this. Till next week……………..