Bachelor 2 Ep2 or 3- Mutiny and War
War and Mutiny- Bachelor Ep 3-or 2
The show opens at a race track. For a moment I expected to see the girls saddled and running around the track.. I had just begrudgingly switched over from the opening Avs /Dallas hockey game, and was thinking this looked worth missing the game. Alas, the girls simply picked horses, and the winning ride got a special ride with Aaron. See girls, you should have paid attention to your crumpled old uncle Joe with the racing form.
Gwen must have listened, as her horse won, and she and Aaron took an evening ride in a hot air balloon. The sad puppy faces on the earthbound are comical, as they float away. The balloon was fitting, as Aaron seems to be getting full of hot air himself. Look for the Aaron balloon at the Macy’s parade, with the dumpees as anchor. ABC will do anything to keep the ratings going.
Flashback to the OK corral where the phone rings. Suzanne leaps over the others Jackie Chan style to answer. Surprise! It’s for Angela, a birthday call, aww how sweet and unexpected says Angela, making sure the camera crew has her best side .She hangs up and goes Nyah Nyah to the others. Suzanne slinks over to the corner to sharpen her claws and chew on some raw meat.
Back in the gondola, Teary eyed Aaron claimed to not be able to express the feelings he felt. Grabbing a hold of Gwen he tried, with a kiss that was pretty lame. If that’s as excited as he gets in a moment he claims he is wordless – well don’t expect fireworks ladies. I’ve had more exciting kisses from Uncle Joe. Giddily he skipped off the ride claiming it “the most romantic date ever”. Gwen pushes him out of the way singing “is that all there is?” Nothing like a good show tune to liven things up.
Back to the swinging pad again, as one of the Heather and Erin sets retrieve porch mail. It’s a basket full of fake grapes and wine glasses. Where’s the date - Pottery Barn?
The smart girl’s rifle through the basket, looking for the wine bottles. A few days with this bunch and they are ready for a good bender. Too bad girls, no wine, you have to go to Napa valley to get it. Christi white knuckles her empty glass, declaring it perfect for her. I don’t think she’s been to Pottery barn lately. Someone get this chick some shopping therapy. Suzanne makes the she’s taking my idea speech..We know when the theme from Jaws starts playing, there is trouble ahead.
After being whisked off to an undisclosed but secure location by Lear jet, we find the crew in the basement of the winery. Screaming fits involving bloody chunks of hair being ripped, and nougies given, upsets the winery tours. The management has wisely set aside a room in the dungeon for reality show contestants .They have it for just two hours before the first of the AR3 group gets here, and the stage manager has to reset the lighting.
Suzanne, Christi, Anandita Angela and Helene are shown madly mixing wine potions. The challenge entails getting Aaron drunk and dragging him across the finish line. No not really, but it would have been fun.. It’s a challenge for the best potion! The winner gets to go out and get Aaron even drunker. Sounds like a plan. Suzanne, used to dealing with drunken air line pilots, slips in a roofie she usually saves for her mile high club members. A blindfolded Aaron concludes this is the best mix. Suzanne drags him out the door, leaving the others to form the opinion she may be a tad forward. They roll their eyes in unison .While chugging copious amounts of wine, Anandita rips into Christi for being no better than Suzanne, and a sore loser. Christi storms off to dunk her head in a wine barrel. Helene the sane one, follows and reminds her she’s only known Aaron for 2 days and not to be such a jerk. Anandita has suddenly realized what a stupid show she has signed up, for and has decided to have some fun. When they return, she is dancing on the table with a wine bottle in hand. This is the happiest I have seen any of the bachelorettes since the show started
Back at the harem, it’s more porch mail. They open the date box to find a pail, some shovels and a long length of rope. Oh good the hang em and bury em challenge. I can’t wait. Who’s the girl to be voted most likely to be strung up? Well Anandita, Christi and Suzanne are gone, so it will take a little thought.
In the dungeon, Aaron returns from his drunken make out session . He reenters the reality show room, though the blood seeping under the door should have given him the clue these girls mean business. He looks kind of sick around the gills, as he observes Anandita . Aaron pulls Christi out of the door after observing she’s upset. Did that beotch ask you some questions? I hate questions. Anandita is so outta here says Aaron. Christi takes advantage of the situation by grabbing Aaron and kissing him. He is visibly alarmed when he realizes she has crazy glued herself to him. He gives her a dry granny kiss to get her the hell off of him. Christi is laughing her ass off at her coup. Aaron is remembering the tonsil surgery he has just performed on Suzanne.
Aaron spent the first week taking about how much better he was than Alex. Alex promised them all, that they were the ones. Aaron pulls out and passes old Alex in the lounge lizard department, this segment.
At the beach hut, the second group prepares to go on a date to Lake Powell. They take a really cool Hummer limo. (No explanation of that given) This is a fun group, and Aaron appreciates this lack of drama. No questions, no girls trying to stir stuff up, and no wine in sight, he breathes a sigh of relief, and tells the group how happy they make him. The gals respond by pouring copious amounts of sunscreen on them. They didn’t buy into Christi’s trick of pretending hair spray is sunscreen, and getting fried .It wasn’t an old pageant trick for a good tan folks, it was designed to get rid of the competition. Suckers…. Back to the anointing of Aaron, Paulies pizza girl is hiding expectantly behind the palm tree. Too bad for her, the group takes off on a wholesome round of tubing. Aaron proves he’s the man, by getting creamed on the ride. Brooke hangs in there for a win .When they are out of the water and settled – uh oh its question period. He tries to escape, maybe back into the dungeon at the winery. The “fun girls” drag Aaron back to answer up. Aaron decides to co-operate, as they seem to be not hostile. First question, is the easy media standard. “Do you intend to marry the girl at the end?’? Aaron is so happy, as he reads his response off the cue cards. “Yes if it feels right”. Wa hoo, he didn’t have to think. He likes these questions.
After a fun in the sun day, Heather declares Aaron gives her the chills. That’s ok hon, think of the cash.
It’s Rose time! Chris asks Aaron, (damn, I swore I wasn’t going to mention the lame host), If he’s made up his mind. Aaron has knocked Anandita and Christi out, but hasn’t a clue about the others. Aaron looks at the host with a stunned look and says “No I haven’t. I’m not handing out Roses to strangers this time.” The host does not remind him that he has only spent a few minutes with everyone but Suzanne and Gwen, and they indeed are still strangers. What the heck let Aaron think what he wants.
The girls get one last shot at Aaron before he goes to the bachelorette shrine to make his decision. The gals swoop in with their best shots. First Christi, who apologizes for being a complete tool for throwing a tantrum. Aaron ignores her mostly. Shots of crestfallen face. Suzanne is next. Aaron decides she doesn’t look quite so good when he’s not totally wasted, and besides she’s 5 yrs older, is sure to have many questions, and is way too freaking tall anyway. He narrows his eyes, and is quite polite.He knows he has garlic stuffed in his pocket to keep her away. Aaron corners Helene, as we’ve hardly seen her. She was the one who calmed down Christi after her fit. She tells Aaron she is thinking of leaving, giving him her name & number for after the show. “Too much Drama.” I’m looking around for Survivor Vee, when I realize she means the winery fight. Brooke is panicking in the washroom that Aaron will find out her daddy’s in jail. Mama, Texas Heather assures her that most fathers in Alabama are in jail, so he probably knew anyway. Dana inexplicably is highlighted at this time asking for a rose. Good god girl where have you been? You have been completely edited out of the show, so we know you aren’t getting one.
Aaron runs into the shrine screaming “A coupla Girls got me goin”.He then calms down, popcorn in hand to view the - begging for a last chance videos- from the girls. I have to say, I like the videos on Meet the Folks better. They should have videos like that. Their best friend rats them out for the tear they went on senior prom night, when they ended up sleeping with the football team- or similar juicy dishings. Every one but Kyla, THE MORMON VIRGIN, would have an excellent one. Hers would be when she spilled her cocoa in the lodge after skiing or something.
The best video in this bunch is Brooke’s. She says simply “pick me” with a thumbs up.
Aaron appreciates her no drama style.
It’s Time – The host gives the blah blah don’t have to accept the rose speech .When he is finished – Oh My - Anandita rises! Crap, thinks Aaron, a question. Anandita says she ain’t feelin it and she’s outta here. She tosses a wine bottle behind her, as she runs and says “There isn’t enough wine in California” Aaron is stunned. Frances stands up and bolts for the door too. “Aaron promised me dancing” she yells behind her. She just wants to blow this joint before they close the door. Aaron is pissed this time and looks at the rest crossly. They remain nervously in their seats. I KNOW some others wanted to go, but stayed put. I suspect the team of network lawyers called up to stand guard out of camera range had something to do with it. Aaron recovers his composure, and states he didn’t want those Ho’s anyway.
He starts quickly to stop any more desertions from the ranks
Aaron has decided he may not be able to trust Suzanne, especially after the drugging incident.In fact she scares the bejesus out of him. He also likes the fact that Christi is incredibly grateful for this second chance.
- Helene –don’t run out says Aaron under his breath, my homeboys are watching.
Kyla- (personal note my daughter calls this one Ditzy Barbie, she’s not far wrong as this model has no genitalia until she buys the wedding gown pack with matching shoes )
Angela- comments on the drama
Brooke- gives a big whew
Heather from Texas- I genuinely like this girl
Heather from Calif- I haven’t seen this one either, she must have hung out with Dana
last rose takes a long time to be given-Suzanne glares daggers
Christi gets the rose!– the relief on her face, was as if she had a stay of execution
He’s envisioning many years in the lazy boy, with Christi at his beck and call.
Life is good as the mutiny is forgotten.
Tune in next week for mud wrestling or something similar.