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Thread: Average Joe Parody

  1. #1
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    Average Joe Parody

    So far on ‘Average Joe’, Melana has met and spent time with sixteen completely normal, run of the mill, ordinary men. Among these common everyday men are Tareq, your typical twenty-one year old college professor on the verge of attaining a doctorate, and Dennis L., a plain old hula hoop toting thirty-five year old virgin. Over the course of six weeks – or three episodes – Melana has narrowed the group down to three guys: Adam, John, and Zach.

    The Average Joes discuss their feelings in private interviews.

    “Melana’s a great girl,” a jovial Adam says as he wolfs down a large pizza, a bag of chips, and a box of Twinkies, “We seem to have a good connection. And she has a great ass.”

    “I’m in love,” John swoons, “I’ve only spent a total of six minutes with her and know nothing about her beyond her physical beauty, but I love her. And I haven’t washed my lips at all since she kissed me.”

    “She’s okay,” Zach shrugs disinterestedly, chain-popping tic-tacs, “But I hate being the only decent guy in this group of hopeless geeks. I’m so far above the others, it’s pathetic.”

    “These guys are so . . .um . . . unique,” Melana gushes to the camera, “I didn’t think it was possible, but I definitely have feelings for these three guys. Sometimes the feeling is friendship, sometimes it’s mild attraction, and sometimes it’s hellacious nausea. ”

    Before Melana gets the chance to use the standard reality TV dating show key words – connection and journey, Kathy Griffin barges into the room.

    “Hello, losers,” she sneers as she paces in front of the guys, “Have you heard the expression ‘nice guys finish last’? Well, they do. Behind those doors is a twist that will change this entire game and determine whether Melana is a genuine person searching for love or a shallow witch.”

    On cue, the doors open and three seemingly far above-Average Joes enter and introduce themselves as Michael, Jason, and Alex, a Chippendale’s dancer, an Armani runway model, and a Mr. America finalist.

    “Oh my! Wow!” Melana shrieks with glee while Adam, John, and Zach hang their heads in defeat.

    “Okay, geeks,” Kathy says to the conventional, common fellows, “Meet your new competition!”

    The Average Joes react in private interviews.

    “This sucks!” Adam proclaims level-headedly, munching on a dozen chalupas and box of Lucky Charms, “But we’ll see what happens.”

    “What am I going to do?” wails John, adjusting his thick-rimmed glasses, “I love her! We are meant to be together! This isn’t fair!”

    “I’m still confident about my chances,” Zach says, unable to hide the fear in his eyes, “Those guys don’t worry me at all.”

    Melana reveals, “This is so awesome! Finally I get to party with some hot guys! Oops, I mean – um . . . This is such a shock. I didn’t expect this at all. I hoped for it, but I didn’t expect it!”

    With the entire game on the brink of changing forever, the evening has come to an end, but not before we get a glimpse of what lies ahead . . .

    “This is so hard!” Melana whines in the previews as she primps in front of the mirror. She applies a few layers of makeup and adjusts her push-up bra. “It’s tearing me apart inside!”

    Will Melana’s bond with the alleged geeks be strong enough to thwart the advances of the hunky new players? Will Zach consult a dentist regarding his bad breath? Will loose cannon Tareq return to exact his revenge? Will Kathy Griffin be able to effectively insult the new pretty boys? Will Melana be able to avoid being labeled as superficial by convincingly pretending she’s still interested in the original guys? Will there be more disappointing shocking twists? Find out on the next episode of ‘Average Joe’.

  2. #2
    Anarchist AJane's Avatar
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    Emma!!! Thank you!!!

    Hilarious as usual!
    All my life, I have felt destiny tugging at my sleeve.~ Thursday Next
    I don't want to "go with the flow". The flow just washes you down the drain. I want to fight the flow.- Henry Rollins
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    Sigh... Cryssa's Avatar
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    and sometimes it’s hellacious nausea.
    Will loose cannon Tareq return to exact his revenge?


    You captured the show perfectly. You should write one for tonight's show!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cryssa


    You captured the show perfectly. You should write one for tonight's show!
    Thank you! If they give me enough to work with, I'll certainly try!

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    FORT Fogey Noreen's Avatar
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    Thanks for the laughs, again and again

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    Life is good KatieKat's Avatar
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    Emma, you are TOO funny! This was great!

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    FORT Newbie Diabolicalmissm's Avatar
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    That was awsome

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    FORT Fan lildebi123's Avatar
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    hahah that was so funny. you are great!

  9. #9
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    Part 2

    Now that the territory of the geeks has been invaded by hot guys, everyone has their own opinion about the forever changed game. . .

    “This sucks so bad,” Adam bellows, slinging clothes around the room in a Tareq-like fit, “From now on, I eat only two buckets of KFC for breakfast everyday.”

    “I’m a loser again,” John sobs while he cleans his pocket protector and re-tapes his glasses, “I’m always a loser. I’m a pale, flabby, dorky loser.”

    “I’m still number one,” Zach announces, shaking uncontrollably as sweat beads form on his forehead.

    Meanwhile, the new guys introduce themselves in private confessionals.

    “I’m Jason, and I would like to let Melana know that there is a cold front approaching, so we’ll be seeing quite a bit of rain this weekend,” he says, pointing at an imaginary map, “But early next week, temperatures should be at a record-breaking high.”

    “I’m Alex, and my ex-girlfriend tried to shoot me in the head after I spent eleven months stalking her and stealing her garbage,” he begins, “I have a family history of mental illness, and I was forced to leave South America due to an excessive amount of restraining orders filed against me.”

    “I’m Michael,” the third guy mumbles, “And I look like Joe Millionaire.”

    “I’m going to give all of the guys a fair chance,” Melana says, “But then I’m going to cut the ugliest ones.”

    Alex is the first guy to score a one-on-one date. He charms Melana by telling her stories of his sexual escapades and massive porn collection. At the end of the evening, he takes romance to the next level by showing her his really weird rash.

    Later, Melana spends time with some of the other guys.

    John, in a spastic exchange, fishes for validation and serenades Melana incoherently.

    In a private interview he reveals, “I really wanted some assurance from her, and when she accidentally sneezed on me I knew it was a sign that our connection is real.”

    Next, Melana chats with Adam for a few minutes.

    “I just wanna make sweet love to you,” he tells her candidly.

    Melana spends the evening with Jason, who has cleverly decided to change his last name to “Weatherman” to coordinate with his future career in meteorology. After discussing the jet-stream, Jason and Melana cuddle under the stars, downing copious amounts of wine.

    “That nail polish is so pretty,” Jason tells her, “And your shoes are to die for! Are they Prada?”

    “Yes, they are!” She tackles him for their first kiss, “Oh, wow! You are such a great kisser!”

    “Thanks, I’ve been practicing on Zach,” Jason replies modestly.

    “Are you gay?” Melana asks suddenly.

    “Um. . .no, not really. . .”

    “Feel my heart!” Melana begs him. She proceeds to execute the patented ‘Bachelor-Estella’ move by placing his hand on her chest.

    Finally, Kathy Griffin sternly tells Melana that it’s time to kick two of the losers to the curb.

    After a weak speech about how great everyone is, Melana decides to get rid of Adam because he’s so creepy, and John because she just respects him so darn much.

    Adam runs away in tears, crying that no one can see past his good looks. John follows, pouting about how much of a loser he is.

    Melana congratulates herself on making such a tough decision. Fifteen losers down, only three more to go!

  10. #10
    not a star, not an elf StarryElf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emma888
    After a weak speech about how great everyone is, Melana decides to get rid of Adam because he’s so creepy, and John because she just respects him so darn much.

    Adam runs away in tears, crying that no one can see past his good looks. John follows, pouting about how much of a loser he is.


    Great stuff, but a little mix up with Adam and Alex at the end there. Oops.

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