Average Joe Recap Ė 11/17 Ė Everybody Loves Adam
A pretty blonde runs half naked on the beach in slow motion, in the style Baywatch made famous. Weíre told about her quest for love and a soul mate. Then weíre treated the now infamous shot of 16 guys lined up, half naked themselves, their beer guts exposed for the world to see. Donít forget the particularly unnecessary shot of Marc to point out how short he is. The guy is gone and heís still the butt of jokes.
Yes, boys and girls, itís time for another episode of Average Joe.
Food, Fun and Manipulation
The six remaining bachelors are treated to a day at a waterpark with the lovely Melana. The park has been shut down just for the seven of them. Adam admits heís a little apprehensive about running around with his shirt off since heís now the biggest guy left. The guys wait at the bottom of a slide as Melana slides down to greet them. Melana slides right into Bradís waiting arms where Brad declares himself her hero and says it was fate that she floated right to him. Uh huh. Does Brad remind anyone else of their desperate thirtysomething cousin that always hurls herself in front of the crowd to catch the bouquet?
Size aside, Adam has a clear jump on the other guys by using his most valuable asset; his humour. Adam makes a beeline to the concession stand and starts ordering huge quantities of food, topped off by a diet coke. Melana laughs and says sheís impressed with his great sense of humour. Like all women, sheís made that trip to 7-11 and purchased the same items during her, uh, ladiesí days. (You donít understand, regular coke is just too sweet!) Later, Adam scores some more points with Melana when she realizes heís also scared of going down one of the larger slides. He offers to go down, uh, the slide, at the same time to overcome their mutual fear. This scores him a hug once they survive the evil waterslide, despite his wedgie. (And you all called her shallow). Adam can do no wrong today.
Zach is extra excited about the date today, not because he gets to spend more time with Melana, but because he has the chance to manipulate people. I cannot believe this guy is the frontrunner. Fortunately, we donít witness Zach manipulating anyone, but we are treated to clip #46267 of John complaining about Zach and calling him a jerk. I can only guess that John is a victim of Zachís so-called sport of messing with peopleís heads.
The guys get a few moments alone with Melana as they travel down the lazy river with her. Tareq asks Melana why she picked him and she tells him itís because she finds him intriguing. Jerry finally gets some alone time with her and comments that they havenít had much time together. Melana throws him a bone and says she loves his sense of humour. John, still drunk on passion from their date, playfully tells her that they were supposed to kiss under the London Bridge. She playfully asks him not to kiss her. Ouch. Brad wastes no time telling Melana about the intense connection they have. Melana doesnít reciprocate, not that it matters to Brad. Still on the connection theme, Zach tells Melana that they have the best connection. How the hell he would know this is beyond me, but Melana appears to agree. Finally Adam gets his turn and Melana says she loves that heís Ďalways Adamí. Adam is obviously flattered.
Kathy Griffin appears for her Alex McLeod like appearance and sends the troops off on their next mission: 3 group dates of 2, where the guys must compete to spend the remainder of the evening with Melana. Once the dates are completed, 3 guys will be sent packing. Actually, it was Ďhome to Mommyí, to quote Kathy.
Stuck in the Desert With You
Jerry one again gets the short end of the stick and is paired up with attention hog Zach. Before the competition, Jerry again points out to Melana that he hasnít had much alone time with her. Melana wishes heíd make the most of his time and show her his personality instead of complaining how little time heís had with her. Sheís got a point there. The newly regained respect I have for Melana soon evaporates when she says she wants Zach to win the competition. The competition is a TAR/Survivor style race. Each guy will race on ATVs to stations where they will answer a question about Melana. If they get the answer right, they will travel down a short path to the next stop. If they get the answer incorrect, they will take a longer path. Whoever completes the track in the shortest amount of time wins. Iím no genius, but this seems to be stacked in Zachís favour since Jerry, as we all know, has had very little time to get to know Melana. Zach does indeed win despite getting a couple of the answers wrong. Jerry, on the other hand, gets every single answer wrong. We learn one thing about Melana; her middle name is not Elizabeth.
Itís private date time with Zach and despite my gut instincts, I stay tuned. After all, I have a recap to do. They go on a camel ride and make their way to a tent in the middle of the desert, straight out of Arabian Nights. Zach takes the opportunity to pour on the charm. He tells her that he wants to forget about the camera and make the most of the night together. Zach musters up every bit of his false sincerity and tells her this could be the last night they spend together. Since Zach has crowned himself the best of the average, the chances of him believing that are slim to none, but Melana falls for it hook, line and sinker. Has she never heard about soldiers who use this line when they head off to war? As suspected, Zach shares his not-at-all shocking opinion that heís the best guy for her and heís be surprised if heís not the last guy standing. Ya donít say. Even more shocking was the discovery that Melana was unaware that most Jews do not celebrate Christmas. Religion conflicts aside, the two discuss wedding preparations before engaging in a nauseating make out session. I feel ill.
Golf is Frustrating, Deal With It
Adam and Tareq are paired on a golf date with Melana. Tareq, who has never golfed in his life is incredibly stressed out and begins practicing in the backyard the night before. Tareq is not good. Faced with the reality that there is one thing he is not good at, he freaks out and jumps in the pool. Any shred of doubt that Tareq was a bit on the odd side is erased. Adam and Tareq head out to meet Melana on the golf course. Tareq, obviously threatened by Adamís superior sense of humour, dresses up in the most stereotypical golfer outfit E V E R. All it was missing was the little ball on top of the cap. It appears the effort was in vain as the outfit elicited no laughs from Melana.
Tareq desperately tries to win the one on one date. He agonizes over every swing and is doing his best to talk himself through it, much to the amusement of Melana. Furious that he hasnít been able to master the game of golf in 10 minutes, he throws the club, which turns off Melana big time. Obviously sheís not familiar with golfers, as this is the first thing Tareq that is relatively normal. Adam is able to beat Tareq easily and wins the date, just as Melana had hoped.
Meanwhile, a miserable Tareq returns to the bachelor house. Brad and Zach especially start trashing his outfit. Donít they understand he was going for laughs?
A Different Kind of Hero
Adam and Melanaís date is a private ride in a glider, but Melana is not looking forward to it. As with the waterslide, Melana is afraid of heights. She is very anxious about being in the air, with no engine, in a small compartment. Obviously, the producers did not consult Melana when planning these dates.
Adam is at first disappointed with the bad mood that Melana is in, but quickly tries to distract her with a riddle. Iíll admit when he said riddle, I was thinking tongue twister. I was thinking that I would personally kill my boyfriend if he ever started chanting She sells seashells by the seashore when I was stressed out, but I quickly remembered what a riddle was. Adam asks her the old ďa man leaves home, turns left three times and runs into 2 men in masks Ė where is heĒ riddle and gives Melana something to think about. It does the trick and Melana is out of her funk. Who knew that a riddle could create a hero?
The two head out on their ride and enjoy themselves, particularly Adam, as they are squished into the small compartment. Halfway through the ride, Adam asks Melana if they are going to eventually kiss because if they are, this would be a perfect time to do it. Melana answers by kissing him. Later on, the two go back to her house and create a new drink that Adam suggests they call the Glider, which once again impresses Melana. Adam can do no wrong tonight. Later Adam sends Melana on a giggling fit. Adam notes that anytime thatís ever happened with a girl itís led to a relationship. Things turn serious and they start to kiss. Melana pulls away and comments that sheís amazed heís such a good kisser. Talk about your backhanded compliments. The date ends on a good note and Melana admits sheís developing strong feelings for Adam.
Iíll Take People Who Like to Trash The Competition For $200, Alex
Brad and John are paired for the Melanaís Midnight Movie date. Almost immediately, Melana quizzes the two on the other guys, always a hint that someoneís not interested in present company. Brad tells Melana that heís not one to talk badly of other guys. No, of course youíre not... except that time you trashed Dennis on the spa date.
Brad is determined to win the one on one time. Iím surprised Brad doesnít realize that heís fated to win the date because of their strong connection. They head off to a theater where they will face off in a movie trivia challenge. Brad starts off on a strong note while John, the directorís assistant, answers almost every answer with Cuba Gooding Jr. Wait, I think he answered Star Wars, Episode One once. In any case, Brad easily defeats John. If John did throw the competition as suspected, itís a safe bet he did it to seem much less desperate and pathetic than Brad. Mission accomplished! Not that itís hard to do.
Unlike the other two, Melana fails to tell Brad that she wanted him to win the competition. Remember Brad, the guy that doesnít want to talk badly about other people? (If you donít count Dennis and Tareq, that is) Brad decides to trash his good buddy Zach. Brad first tells Melana that he and Zach are on the same level and are very close. Iím sure Zach would not agree with this assessment as there can only be one best of the average and Zach, so clearly, has claimed that role. Brad goes on to tell Melana that Zach has told him Melana isnít his type. But Brad doesnít want her to be crushed. Melana is dumbfounded. Rather than quit while heís ahead, Brad goes on to say Zach doesnít think Melana is genuine and not his ideal. Of course, he doesnít want to hurt her. She asks if Zach has said this recently and Brad says he has. Now aside from comments on the first day, I cannot recall Zach saying that. Could this finally be the big lie? (Ooops! Wrong show) Iím pretty sure that if Zach does feel this way, he most certainly did not tell Brad this. Brad is now my least favourite contestant based solely on the fact that heís made me defend Zach.
Do You Love Me?
Itís elimination time and the guys all try to make a last ditch effort to save themselves. Jerry once again pleads his case with the ĎI havenít had time to get to know youí card. John starts off strong telling her that he hopes heís left a good impression on her and nearly blows it when he tells her heís started to fall in love with her. Tareq takes a cue from Adam and jokes that heís rich and will give half his kingdom to her. Adam suggests Melana trust her instincts and confesses heís worried heíll get cut. Why, I have no idea, but then, they canít all be like Zach. Speaking of Zach, he tells her heís nervous that heíll be cut since she may have heard bad things from other people. Brad tells her to let her heart guide her, that she canít help but be the winner and corny crap like that. He says he thinks he and Zach are battling for the third spot. Iím stunned that he doesnít think heís a lock given his masterful sabotage of Zach.
Itís time for Melana to make the rejections. She gives a flowery speech about how they have all made an effect on her and how she values them all. Apparently sheís been taking lessons in insincerity from Zach.
First gone is Jerry. Jerry is angry and feels like heís a Revenge of the Nerds reject. Thatís not it Jerry, you just didnít get enough time to get to know her. Next off is Tareq. Iíll admit that I was surprised, but Tareq is classy and admits that their connection just wasnít strong enough.
The camera pans to the remaining four and they are all incredibly nervous. Even Zach. Surely heís not that good of an actor. The last guy sent home to his mommy is Brad. Brad is stunned. Of course he is, what with fate, the connection and all that other stuff. He feels he should be there and upset that heís not deemed good enough.
All The Reality Shows are Doing ItÖ
Kathy makes an unexpected appearance and tells the guys that there is a surprise for them. To the incredibly cheesy strands of Kylie Minogue, in walk three new guys to the game. Mike, the limo driver from the first episode; Jason, with model good looks and apparently well aware of that; and Alex, who looks, in my not so humble opinion, like he didnít make the original cut with the rest of the Average Joes.
Melana looks as uncomfortable as she did the first day with her pasted on smile while Zach, John and Adam all look ready to cry and then kill. Likely, themselves.
Next week: How will Zach deal with being the worst of the hottest?
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