Average Joe Recap 11/10 Ė Honestly, Iím Not Shallow!
Last week, four guys were sent packing. While Melana was at peace with her decision, a number of the remaining guys were not. Tears were flowing, heartfelt good-byes and uplifting parting words exchanged. All for guys that spent less than a week together. Iím starting to think this show should be renamed to Emotional Joe.
Average Joe, Meet NFL Star Joe
Tony Gonzalez from the Kansas City Chiefs pays the guys a visit. Turns out Tony knows Melana from her cheerleading days. Tony, compared to the rest of the guys, is impossibly good looking. Geez, that canít be too intimidating for them. First on the agenda is cleaning the bachelor house before Melana shows up. I think if I were Melana, Iíd go for Tony. Rich, good looking and knows the importance of a clean house. Alas, heís not an option. Tony then takes the Joes out to run through some drills. Zach says he had a good time because he, and I quote, Ďgot to hit peopleí. Heís a charmer, ainít he? Melana joins the guys and suggests they show her their touchdown dances. Rather than macho posturing, Dennis shows her his dance, complete with cartwheel. Well, that certainly is a different approach. Afterwards, Tony comments that there are many great guys for Melana to choose from. He says some of these guys are the kind that you could take home to mom and marry. I think Tony is definitely in the running for Average Joe 2, not that thereís anything wrong with that.
When Bullies Attack
Zach overhears John tells some of the other guys that he used to play football. Once again demonstrating his expert social skills, Zach asks if it was pee-wee league. This pushes John over the edge as goes on a well-deserved tirade. Johnís furious that Zach is still there because had he left, one of Johnís best friends would still be there. One of his best friends? Werenít these guys together for less than a week? John explains that he really felt a connection with one of the guys and canít understand why Melana would pick Zach over the others. After all, this is the guy that wanted to go because he found being king of the geeks humiliating. Apparently being king has its rewards. To his credit, Zach gives John some time to cool down and tries to mend fences. John refuses the olive branch and runs to, you guessed it, Dennis, for sympathy. Dennis is his usual sympathetic, understanding self and relates to being picked on as one of the little guys.
Oh Right, Kathy Griffin is on the show!
Kathy makes a brief appearance and assembles the troops. They will be heading out on group dates, 3 groups of 4 and one person from each group will get the opportunity to spend some alone time with Melana. They will commence their group dates at 1200 hours and are not to deviate from the assigned mission. If captured, they are only to disclose name, rank and serial number.
Yeah, Thatís Not Awkward
Tareq, Marc, Joe and Brad are part of the first group heading out to Two Bunch Palm Spa. The date consists of going into a private room, massaging Melana who is face down, and leaving. Kind of like a reverse rub & tug. Tareq is first up and attempts to put her to sleep by telling her all about his family of academics. His plan backfires as Melana is intrigued and finds him dynamic and intellectually stimulating. Marc follows and Melana immediately asks him about Zach. Rather than sharing the egg incident, he tells her Zachís a womanizer. Excellent strategy. Women donít like womanizers, well, not the smart ones, anyhow. Joeís up next and is apparently the first person to pick up on how bizarre the situation is. Melana again wants to talk about the other guys. Joe says he wants to get to know the other guys, but allows that Marc is odd. Ya donít say. Brad wastes no time with his alone time and immediately tells her heís in heaven. He quickly informs her that heís had a relatively quiet sex life. Probably didnít need to tell her that, Brad Ė Iím sure she already guessed by the way you attacked her naked back. Melana then asks him about the other guys, as she does with all the guys sheís not interested in. She asks Brad who heíd like to see advance besides Dennis. Brad takes the opportunity to bash Dennis a little bit and suggests heíd be better suited for a friend.
The guys later retreat for a mud bath and Brad decides to get in naked. His strategy? His wacky stunt will get back to Melana. Most guys would not want something like that to get back to the object of their affection, but not Brad! Ever so proud of himself, Brad shares with Tareq what he said about Dennis. Tareq is less than impressed and says he thinks Brad went a little too far.
She Likes Me, She Really Likes Me!
Melana emerges and selects Tareq for the one on one date, citing that sheíd like to continue their conversation. Guess she got enough information about the other guys from Brad, Joe and Marc. Melana and Tareq have a cozy little date and do indeed continue their stimulating conversation. Tareq really knows how to turn on the charmÖ he was talking about machines having the capability to think and everything! Melana is impressed with Tareqís accomplishments at the tender age of 21 and Tareq is impressed that Melana has a brain in her pretty little head. I think he was more impressed that Melana was interested in what he had to say, which even he had to find boring at times. Tareq admits he let his guard down and believes heís starting to develop feelings for her.
Meanwhile, Brad is back at the house complaining to (who else?) Dennis. He shares with Dennis what Melana said, but neglects to add his own observations about Everybodyís Best Friend. Brad soon lapses into how he knows Melana really likes him because she was looking at him the whole time when she selected Tareq for the one on one date. He knows they have this strong connection, see, and his fear is that she has denied herself the opportunity to spend even more time with Brad and sheíll regret it. Honestly, the guyís knowledge of women is staggering. If I had a choice to be bored to death by Tareq or annoyed to death by Brad, Tareq would win by a landslide.
Iíll Tumble For Ya
Jerry, Zach, Adam and Dennis join Melana on a rock-climbing excursion. Melana goes first and struggles. Zach stares at her ass the whole timeÖ when heís not commenting about it, of course. Melana suggests that whoever can get the furthest on the hill will win a date with her. Dennis is up first. Heís tentative at first because he has severe hearing loss and rock climbing is naturally difficult for him. We learn he tried out for the Air Force and Survivor twice and was rejected each time. As Dennis makes his way up theÖ rock, I guess it wasÖ he almost falls but composes himself and reaches the top. Everyone is impressed, especially Dennis who says he wanted to do it for himself most of all. Iím so relieved he didnít say he did it for MelanaÖ you know Brad would have been all over that one.
Adam has the unfortunate task of following Dennis and after smacking himself squarely in the groin, decides to quit. While Jerry makes his attempt, Melana takes the opportunity to pull Zach aside and ask him about his attitude. Thereís Jerry, scaling this hill for a chance to spend some time with Melana and sheís off talking to Captain Obnoxious. Melana asks Zach why heís such a jerk and he insists heís really a great guy. And she takes his word for it. Iím going to try that at my next interview and be my own reference. Meanwhile, Jerry has made it to the top and apparently beaten Dennisí time. Iím sure Jerry is just thrilled at the prospect of spending time with her, but the editors appear to care less about Jerry than Melana does and we donít get much feedback. Last and certainly least, Zach takes his turn. Much to the surprise of no one, Zach beats everyoneís time and wins the date with Melana.
Would you like a Tic Tac?
Melana admits that sheís attracted to Zach and was from the beginning. Zach once again trots out his Ďbest of the averageí line. Soon they end up in a pool and Zach admits he wanted to kiss her, but Melana didnít want to do the reality show, Ďkissing in the hot tubí scene. Um, Zach? Itís a pool. We are treated to Zach trying to make his move on Melana and Melana doing her best to avoid him. Until he corners her and they start kissing. And they kiss some more. And Iím not really sure what happened next as I had an attack of the dry heaves. Melana asks Zach if he smokes because as it turns out, he has bad breath. Zach was obviously not embarrassed for too long as he quickly says he wants to stay in the game because Melana would be lucky to end up with him. No really, thatís what he said.
I canít pay attention to you, the sun is in my eyes
The last group, consisting of John, Craig, David (D-Lo) and Jay, heads out for an afternoon of water-skiing. The guys take turn approaching Melana while sheís hiding at the front of the boat. First out is John, who says heíd like to get to know her and asks about her faith. Melana is impressed. Sure beats idiots who want to talk about her body! Jay comes out joking that she missed all his stunts on the water. Melana says she loves talking to Jay because heís so funny. She has more great things to say about Craig and insists that beauty comes from within. David says has the unfortunate role of being the last of 12 guys to get some one on one time with her. I think Jerry might beg to differ. David is a little bit put off by Melana since sheís not listening to what he says, interrupts several times and canít look at him on account of the sun in her eyes. Pay attention everyone, thatís a great line to use when you want to blow off an unwanted suitor.
Itís time for Melana to choose and she selects John thanks to their intriguing conversation. David is still in a mood and thinks she selected John because they are both fidgety Ė as if thatís a quality women seek. He must study about women with Brad. The date with John starts out well in what appears to be the fakest campfire set I have ever seen in my life. John suddenly has a brilliant idea and sings a Vienna choir song for her. He thinks sheís impressed, sheís not. She must be a great actress. In an effort to shut him up, Melana leans over and gives him a quick kiss on the lips. John spends the remainder of the date going on and on about how ecstatic he is. John confesses that he thinks heís in love while Melana hopes that heís not.
Bad Breath is Temporary, Ugly is Forever
On their way to meet Melana, Zach chants ďNerdsĒ before boarding the bus. This rubs Dennis the wrong way and pulls Zach aside to explain his feelings. Zach assures Dennis that he doesnít see Dennis as a nerd at all. Normally, Iíd think he was lying, but he seemed almost human so I give him the benefit of the doubt. Once Melana shows up, Adam jokes that if he gets a chance for any one on one time with her, heís got gum and lollipops Ė an obvious shot at Zach. Melana finds this incredibly funny, as do most of the other guys. Zach pulls Adam aside and explains his feelings and Adam sort of apologizes. Pot. Kettle. Black. John approaches Melana and tells her the date was the best he ever had. How sad for him. Dennis confesses to Melana that heís a virgin and still manages to come off as less pathetic than John and Brad.
Kathy arrives, albeit all too briefly, and tells the guys that Melanaís about to send 6 freaks home, cutting the group in half. Melana approaches the guys and tells them that this is a very difficult decision. Just once Iíd like someone to say it isnít a difficult decision. Let the roll call of shame begin. She quickly eliminates Marc, Craig, Jay, Joe and David. Before revealing her last reject, she states that she has feelings for this person and it will come as quite a shock to them. Please be Zach! Itís not, itís Dennis. Dennis is visibly crushed, but the remaining guys give him a round of applause. Zach has tears in his eyes. Heís become a real live boy, after all!
Dennis gives the classiest exit in reality TV history and says his experience was nothing but victory. Melana says he makes you think about the person you want to be. If physical appearance reflected the beauty within, this guy would look like Brad Pitt.
P.S. Marc dipped Zachís toothbrush in the toilet after the egg incident. Very BB2 of him, but funny nonetheless.
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