Iím back! Much thanks to Shazz for covering last weekís show so splendidly. Iíd love to start out with extensive vacation stories, but thereís no time! Weíve got another one of these puppies coming up in mere hours, so Iíve got to slam this out so you can all be caught up by the time the finale comes on tonight. Whatís that thing staring me in the face? Itís a deadline. *eek*
In that spirit, Iím giving you a rundown of the penultimate episodeís action, ďReduced Shakespeare CompanyĒ style. Because hey, less is more.
Anna: Weíre going to Tahiti.
The guys: Woot!
Limo driver: But first weíre stopping at this fountain.
Anna: Hark, whatís that I see through this water fountain?
Four eliminated, made-over Joes: Yo, babe. You donít recognize us because weíve changed.
Anna: Really? Two of you look just the same.
Nathan: Not me.
Anna: Then you get to come to Tahiti. Now that youíre hot I like you, even if I didnít before.
Nathan: Ok, thatís not shallow at all.
Men in limo: Damn.
Everyone: Oooh, Tahiti.
Anna: Line up, boys, itís date time.
Rocky: Iím a dreamer. And a model.
Anna: Iím not. I have goals. And right now my goal is to stick my tongue down your throat.
Average Josh: I love you. Thank you.
Anna: Gratitude isnít sexy. Get me off this pedestal. Wait, let me kiss you first.
Hunk Josh: I love you. Hereís some coral.
Anna: Thatís sweet. Wanna see my tonsils?
Arthur: I love you. I can love again! Donít mind that bee sting, youíre not allergic, are you? No, no one as lovely as you, and as perfect as Iím sure you are even though Iíve barely gotten to know you, could be allergic.
Anna: Good for you. Can we sit silently for a few minutes? And stop crying.
Nathan: Iíd like to kiss you, but despite my new-found confidence, Iím just going to stare at you awkwardly.
Anna: Youíre pretty smart. But are you going to stare at me awkwardly all night? Because I havenít been kissed in two whole hours and Iím jonesing, man.
Anna: Time for three of you boys to go.
Anna: You can see how hard this is by the tear in my eye. But I donít want to be worshipped and thanked and adored. I want a partner. Average Josh, Hunk Josh and Arthur, buh-bye. Rockyís a good kisser and Nathan writes me letters so they can stay.
Average Josh: That sucks, but Iíll be ok.
Hunk Josh: *sob* I canít go on!
Arthur: My darling, itís cool. I can love again!
And, curtain. *curtsies*
Be sure to tune in tonight for the finale (which will then be recapped in regular style, fear not.)
If brevityís not the soul of wit, keep it to yourself. firstname.lastname@example.org