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Thread: 7/26 recap: A Complete Account of the Tahiti Trip, Abridged

  1. #1
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    7/26 recap: A Complete Account of the Tahiti Trip, Abridged

    Iím back! Much thanks to Shazz for covering last weekís show so splendidly. Iíd love to start out with extensive vacation stories, but thereís no time! Weíve got another one of these puppies coming up in mere hours, so Iíve got to slam this out so you can all be caught up by the time the finale comes on tonight. Whatís that thing staring me in the face? Itís a deadline. *eek*

    In that spirit, Iím giving you a rundown of the penultimate episodeís action, ďReduced Shakespeare CompanyĒ style. Because hey, less is more.

    Act I:

    Anna: Weíre going to Tahiti.
    The guys: Woot!
    Limo driver: But first weíre stopping at this fountain.
    Everyone: Huh?
    Anna: Hark, whatís that I see through this water fountain?
    Four eliminated, made-over Joes: Yo, babe. You donít recognize us because weíve changed.
    Anna: Really? Two of you look just the same.
    Nathan: Not me.
    Anna: Then you get to come to Tahiti. Now that youíre hot I like you, even if I didnít before.
    Nathan: Ok, thatís not shallow at all.
    Men in limo: Damn.


    Act II:

    Everyone: Oooh, Tahiti.
    Anna: Line up, boys, itís date time.

    Rocky: Iím a dreamer. And a model.
    Anna: Iím not. I have goals. And right now my goal is to stick my tongue down your throat.

    Average Josh: I love you. Thank you.
    Anna: Gratitude isnít sexy. Get me off this pedestal. Wait, let me kiss you first.

    Hunk Josh: I love you. Hereís some coral.
    Anna: Thatís sweet. Wanna see my tonsils?

    Arthur: I love you. I can love again! Donít mind that bee sting, youíre not allergic, are you? No, no one as lovely as you, and as perfect as Iím sure you are even though Iíve barely gotten to know you, could be allergic.
    Anna: Good for you. Can we sit silently for a few minutes? And stop crying.

    Nathan: Iíd like to kiss you, but despite my new-found confidence, Iím just going to stare at you awkwardly.
    Anna: Youíre pretty smart. But are you going to stare at me awkwardly all night? Because I havenít been kissed in two whole hours and Iím jonesing, man.


    Act III:

    Anna: Time for three of you boys to go.
    Men: Duh.
    Anna: You can see how hard this is by the tear in my eye. But I donít want to be worshipped and thanked and adored. I want a partner. Average Josh, Hunk Josh and Arthur, buh-bye. Rockyís a good kisser and Nathan writes me letters so they can stay.
    Average Josh: That sucks, but Iíll be ok.
    Hunk Josh: *sob* I canít go on!
    Arthur: My darling, itís cool. I can love again!

    And, curtain. *curtsies*

    Be sure to tune in tonight for the finale (which will then be recapped in regular style, fear not.)

    If brevityís not the soul of wit, keep it to yourself. lucy@fansofrealitytv.com
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  2. #2
    eternal optimist Shazzer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucy

    In that spirit, Iím giving you a rundown of the penultimate episodeís action, ďReduced Shakespeare CompanyĒ style. Because hey, less is more.

    Anna: Then you get to come to Tahiti. Now that youíre hot I like you, even if I didnít before.
    Nathan: Ok, thatís not shallow at all.
    Men in limo: Damn.

    Anna: Iím not. I have goals. And right now my goal is to stick my tongue down your throat.

    Anna: Thatís sweet. Wanna see my tonsils?

    Nathan: Iíd like to kiss you, but despite my new-found confidence, Iím just going to stare at you awkwardly.
    Anna: Youíre pretty smart. But are you going to stare at me awkwardly all night? Because I havenít been kissed in two whole hours and Iím jonesing, man.

    If brevityís not the soul of wit, keep it to yourself. lucy@fansofrealitytv.com
    OMG this was the best idea EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fantastic! I love this version!! HOly cow pies! Fantastic! And so freakin' hilarious! MY SIDES! *holds sides* Now I must utter a statement that has never been more sincere: I could have quoted the whole thing! Sooooo TRUE!

    This is how I feel right now: --> *insert giggling and snorting*

    Be afraid: we might all want to use this format from now on.

    You are witty, hilarious, and as delightful as ever. Much love!
    "If you're like me, you have a 'been there, done that' attitude when it comes to paleolithic paleontology." - Jon Stewart

    "I swear, you are the ho-ho ho." - OTS

  3. #3
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    I echo Shazzer's sentiments exactly. Never in the history of FORT has someone captured the very essence of an episode in so few words. Brilliantly hysterical, Lucy.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

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    Pineapple! ClosetRTWatcher's Avatar
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    That was HILARIOUSLY accurate!!!!

  5. #5
    LG.
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    FORT Writer LG.'s Avatar
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    Great job, Lucy! I love the abbreviated format. Now if only the SHOW were so direct and interesting
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

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    Courtesy and Goodwill Mantenna's Avatar
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    Lucy, you are a bloody genius! Absolutely magnificent, m'dear.

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    Too cold to run away! Burntcrow's Avatar
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    That was great Lucy!

  8. #8
    Come Along, Pond phat32's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucy
    In that spirit, Iím giving you a rundown of the penultimate episodeís action, ďReduced Shakespeare CompanyĒ style.
    "But soft! What light through yonder Windows breaks? It is a brilliant recap, and Lucy is the sun!"

    Who knew a mini-cap could be so entertaining? +
    "...Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things donít always soften the bad things, but...the bad things donít always spoil the good things." - The Doctor

  9. #9
    Kip
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    Beautifully done, Lucy. You captured the essence of the entire show.

  10. #10
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucy
    Four eliminated, made-over Joes: Yo, babe. You donít recognize us because weíve changed.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

    #oldmanbeatdown - Donny BB16

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