Last week the teams created an in-flight advertising video for Song airlines. But the real show was witnessing Ryan drink beer after beer, as Marcela passively stood by and watched, until he was convinced his tag line, need we play more? was “almost genius.” Oh, and thinking he had an awesome idea, he inserted a subliminal message into their video. This prompted Martha to send Ryan and Marcela packing, which leaves Jim, Bethenny and Dawna as the final three candidates. Join me, as we watch Jim get the axe…come on, you know it’s inevitable.
Back in the loft, Dawna and Bethenny have been waiting three hours to see who will return from the boardroom. Meanwhile, Jim’s been catching up on his beauty sleep (sleep, Jim, sleep), but eventually he joins the women in the kitchen, and concludes that no one will be returning, the idea of which never occurred to the women. I wonder if they would have stayed up all night, had Jim not told them the obvious? With this new revelation, they all go to bed…separately. This is NBC, not HBO, you know. Although having them all sleep in the same bed would certainly make this show more interesting to me.
And So It Begins…
Bright and early, Martha calls with the instructions to meet at her Connecticut office. Martha informs them the teams will be disbanded, and the candidates will be competing individually. With Martha, are four MSLO executives, who will be
grillinginterviewing the candidates and will be reporting their opinions to her. Jim confides in us that with the exception of his wedding day, this is the most important day of his life. Hey, didn’t his wife just give birth a few weeks ago? And doesn’t he have another child? I’m sure his children will be thrilled to hear this when they’re old enough to understand what it means. Teenagers are tough enough to be around, let alone bitter, angry teenagers. Ah, sweet revenge. Heheh.
What follows, is spliced footage of the candidates’ interviews. You know the routine from Trump’s show…disjointed questions, close-ups of lips, and sweating brows. We see Jim being asked why he should be hired, but we don’t see his response. Dawna tells one interviewer she’d be great in media. Bethenny describes Martha’s branding as “clean,” and later tells us she’s never had a corporate interview. What? That’s amazing. During another interview she says that Dawna is the strongest corporate person, and she’s the strongest creative person. I can't believe she's pointing out a strong point in one of her opponents. When Jim is asked if he regrets anything, several things come to my mind, most recently the bare-feet on the kitchen counter as he jumped around like a monkey, but in typical Jim style, he can’t think of anything. Later he tells someone else that, “he uses his concepts to seek beauty, to pull truth out of what he sees, that is life…” and the interviewer cries FOUL, and makes Jim explain what in the hell he’s saying. Ha. Then things get even better, when Jim says, “I’m the worst candidate applying for Martha, except for all the other candidates applying. It’s an [Jim finger quotes here] easy job.” The gentleman disagrees, laughs, and jots something down. I’m guessing here, but I assume he wrote down, DON’T HIRE THIS ASS, then he dismisses Jim. Hee.
There are some things in life that are not fair. As adults, we all know this. But, I’ve obviously done something horrible in a previous life, that I’m being punished for now. I got an important phone call while recording the show, and when I answered the phone, I must have bumped the pause button on the remote. By the time I noticed my VCR wasn’t recording and got it reset, I see Jim walking out the door with his bags, and I hear Martha’s voice-over saying Jim succeeded where others thought he might fail, and she gives her best wishes to his patient family. Damn! I missed Jim’s actual firing. Damn, damn, damn. I’ve been waiting all season to see this, and I missed it. *shakes fist* I understand Martha’s dismissing words were, “you’re out of here,” but I would have loved to have heard it for myself. By the way, when she gives her best wishes to Jim’s “patient family,” is she saying they’ve been patient tolerating him being away on this adventure, or patient for putting up with him on a daily basis. I suspect it’s the latter.
Required Reflective Remembrances
Martha informs Dawna and Bethenny they are the final two candidates, and that they will be picking three previously-fired employees to help them on their final task, ala Trump. We all know the drill by now, and sure enough, right on cue, it’s time for the walk down memory lane. They open a bottle of champagne, and flip through the photo album conveniently placed on the table. I see Martha is following Reality Television 101 formatting, but I refuse to take the time to mention any of these people, because I’m sure none of you care about remembering these yokels any more than I do. With the exception of Ryan, that is. The five of you who read these recaps know he made quite an impression on me. *sigh* Remember his subliminal message fiasco last week? Well, I’m sending my own subliminal message to the two women, “pick Ryan, pick Ryan, pick Ryan…” Dawna says she would like to pick Amanda, Sarah and Howie, because she wants people who will help her win. Bethenny, who feels she’s got the tougher choices because she made more enemies, says Marcela, Chuck and Jim would want her to win. But says, she can’t take Marcela or Chuck (and why is that?), so she chooses Ryan, Jim and Carrie. Yay, Ryan! Dawna questions why Bethenny would pick Carrie, since Carrie probably hates her for the terrible things she said about her, but Bethenny feels Carrie will forgive her and still do a good job. Who else wants to place money on those odds? That decision alone, should convince Martha that Dawna is the right person for the job.
Giant, Not Yuuge, Charity Events
Bethenny’s task is Apple and Eve (a juice line) Presents the Big Apple Circus, with proceeds going to the Boys and Girls Club of America. Dawna will manage a Liz Claiborne Fashion Show and Charity, with proceeds going to Safe Horizon, which benefits victims of domestic violence. At this point, Bethenny officially tells Martha she chooses Ryan, Carrie and Jim, to which Martha says, “uh huh, interesting selection.” Dawna officially chooses Amanda, Sarah and Howie.
Bring On The Limos
Further demonstrating her lack of people skills, Bethenny climbs right into her limo, without acknowledging her team members. Right off the bat, Carrie is complaining about that, and having to blindly follow Bethenny without knowing where they’re going. Yep, she’s going to be a great asset on Bethenny’s team, all right.
In contrast, Dawna greets her team members with a big smile, as she informs them what they’re task will be, and where they’re going.
Bethenny begins the chatter via the car phones to inform her teammates of their task. As they’re driving through the city, Carrie is still whining about the day she was fired, and in a bizarro-world twist, Jim says she needs to put her feelings aside because Bethenny needs their help. Later Jim questions Bethenny’s choices saying Bethenny decimated Carrie in the boardroom, and she’s never worked with Ryan. But suddenly he understands….she doesn’t have any friends. What an odd turn of events for Jim to seem so sane, after all his insane actions on the show. While Carrie’s complaining, I realize the cameraman has a great job, as the ill-fitting bodice of Carrie’s dress is at risk of becoming one more televised wardrobe malfunction. Yikes. Her boob is *almost* peeking out saying, “hi, there!” In all honesty, I’d prefer to hear her boob talk, because what’s coming out of her mouth tells me she’s not going to let go of that gigantic grudge she’s carrying around anytime soon.
It’s A Circus In Here
The team meets with the head guy of the circus, which you might think is the ring leader, but in this case, it’s Jim, Head Circus Guy. He lets Bethenny know she’ll be in charge of the acrobats, lighting, sound, rigging, staging and a VIP party, as well as manage all commitments to all the sponsors. She sets Carrie and Jim up with a graphic designer for the programs, and she and Cute Ryan *sigh* go to the nightclub where the circus is to be held. It’s a rather large building that can hold approximately 700 people.
The Boys and Girls club representative meets with Bethenny, and tells her their fund-raising events normally raise around $1 million. Bethenny is rendered absolutely speechless, but eventually she responds that she needs to focus on the fund raising in order to pull this off.
Jim and Carrie seem to be working well on the graphics for the program. On the way to the printer, however, Carrie is still harping about being fired, and says Bethenny needs to justify why she should work for her. Carrie.Give.It.A. Rest. Later she says Bethenny should be shaking in fear of her. Jim puts his arm around her shoulders, and says, “such a beautiful girl, to hold such a grudge.”
High Price Of Fashion
Dawna puts Amanda and Howie in charge of the fashion show, while Dawna and Sarah will concentrate on the lighting, VIP reception, choreography, and music. Sarah is an event planner, and says she’s psyched up. They go to the venue where the fashion show will be held, and are met with Jim, who will be helping them organize. They’re told they need to decide where to put the seating, where the models will be dressing, where hair and makeup will be done, and where all the racks of clothing will be. Jim thinks Dawna is a little overwhelmed. Hell, I’m overwhelmed just listening to him…I can’t imagine how Dawna feels.
In the meantime, Amanda and Howie meet with the executives from Liz Claiborne to choose the clothes the models will be wearing. The clothes are displayed around the room, and all they have to do is choose which outfits they think will be the big sellers. Amanda immediately walks over to an outfit and says it looks frumpy, and that she wouldn’t be caught dead in it. Howie’s response unintentionally implies the Liz client is frumpy, then realizes how it sounds. The executives look stunned, and frankly, who can blame them. Then Amanda bases their decisions on how many of each style to include, and when the executives question the idea of letting numbers decide their choices, instead of strength of looks, Amanda changes tactics. Keep in mind, Howie owns a fashion company, but says he handles the business end of things, not the creative end. They’re reminded the models will be arriving tomorrow, and as the executives leave, they look underwhelmed.
The Circus Comes Early
Everyone meets back in the loft at what we can assume is the end of day one, and it looks like Howie must be vying for one of the clowns in Bethenny’s circus. He’s wearing a black Liz Claiborne t-shirt, with a bright green headband pulled cross the top of his head like an idiot. Jim, Amanda, and Ryan join him around the kitchen table laughing and having a good time. It appears Jim, Ryan and Howie are enjoying those free beers again tonight, while Amanda is sticking to bottled water. Dawna bids them a pointed goodnight, but it’s obvious their evening is just beginning. Sensing Dawna’s disdain, Amanda comes in to talk to Dawna, who is in bed, and Dawna confesses she’s worried about Howie. Apparently he’s already had a full bottle of wine, and she’s not sure he’s going to be of much use tomorrow. Amanda says Howie won’t embarrass himself, just as the camera pans back to show Howie making a weird face, tugging on his ears, stretching them out from his head, laughing hysterically, then doing the drunk-head bob. I’d say it’s a little late for Howie to avoid embarrassment.
In the meantime, Carrie joins Bethenny in the car running errands, and immediately starts in about their final conference room showdown. Again, let me just say…Drop. It. Carrie. Sheesh. She questions Bethenny’s statement that everyone on the team said Carrie was the weakest member. Bethenny defends her comment, by reaffirming people did say that (if that’s the case, why the hell did she bring her back?). They resolve nothing, and afterward Carrie tells us she’s willing to give Bethenny her effort, but not her endorsement. Good grief, like that’s supposed to carry any weight. Doesn’t your opinion have to matter to qualify being called an endorsement?
Good Morning, Sunshine
The sun rises with a ready-to-go Dawna gently waking a hung-over Howie, who is still counting empty beer bottles in his sleep. Howie tells us he feels like a truck backed over him five or six times. I guess that’s an endorsement not to drink too much. Oh, that’s right, his opinion doesn’t matter much either.
In the car, Howie is rubbing his eyes, and yawning loudly, and it’s all Dawna can do to silently roll her eyes, and bite her tongue. As they arrive at the Liz Claiborne store, Dawna is not happy with the outfits Howie and Amanda have chosen. One of the executives tells Amanda since she never called them, they decided to drop by. She apologizes, and walks the executive over to take a look at their choices. The woman is not happy with their choices either, and Dawna looks understandably concerned. At this point, I’m thinking she’s probably wishing she had taken over this part of the task, instead of entrusting it to Amanda and Howie.
Hey, Buddy! Can You Spare A Dime?
Since Bethenney has decided the main focus of her event needs to be the fundraising, she spends a major part of the day calling various organizations to see if they’d be willing to donate to her event. Ryan is concerned that she’s forgotten a large portion of the task is managing the actual circus. Jim is worried where they will store the refreshments, who will organize the caterers, and when they will hang the banners. As if they don't have enough problems, a bus pulls in with 30 performers. Yes, the actual circus performances may not be until tomorrow night (televised live next week), but it’s truly Bethenny’s circus right now. Jim, tells us Bethenny has a terrible management style, and he’s put together a little visual aid for us in the form of a noose, which he puts around his neck to illustrate that he thinks she’s hanging herself. As I watch I send another subliminal message, “tighter, Jim, tighter…keep going, keep going…”
Next week we get to see Ryan one last time, as this exciting *yawn* first and final season of Martha’s Apprentice will thankfully come to an end. Join the illustrious Suncat7 as she covers the finale, and we discover who Martha chooses to fill her substantial apprentice shoes. Can you wait One.More.Week? I can. If you could care less who wins, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.