Just Forting Around
10/13 The Apprentice-Martha Stewart Recap: Dawn Of The Dead
10/13 The Apprentice-Martha Stewart Recap: Dawn Of The Dead
Previously on Martha, Primarius continued to kick the butts of Matchstick, and Shawn basically used Martha’s 24-karat shovel (I’m sure she has one), and dug her own grave by telling Charles if her team lost, she could be fired. See ya, Shawn.
I Found My Thrill…On Turkey Hill
The teams get their latest task information from Martha, who is on location at the farmhouse she and her husband bought on Turkey Hill Road, New York, when they were first married. She tells the teams the house was a wreck when they first purchased it, but they had a vision. Knowing that she and her husband divorced years ago, I’m wondering, while they may have had a vision for the house, if she wishes they had had a vision for their marriage. The teams’ task will be to design and furnish an empty two-bedroom suite at the Westin Hotel in Times Square. Hey, we’ve seen a similar task on the Trump Apprentice! Are they running out of ideas already? Personally, I think this show has a lack of vision on Martha’s part, but I’m sure she sees it as ‘recycling,’ and therefore in her eyes, it’s a ‘good thing.’
Alexis, or as I like to think of her, Martha Stewart Version 2.0 (MS2.0), asks who on Primarius thinks they’re the strongest leader. Being versed in trick questions, everyone raises their hand. When Charles poses the question, “who thinks they can lead Matchstick to victory,” all hands quickly drop. Ha! Take that, Matchstick. You’re such a big bunch of losers, no one, no matter how creative, intelligent, and/or savvy they think they are, thinks they could help you win. Then, Leslie decides to take on the challenge, and she is unceremoniously thrown to the wolves of Matchstick. Good luck, Leslie, I hope you can put out fires.
Martha’s Tip: A great idea is only as good as the people who believe in it. (I believe it’s a great idea to have fewer commercials on television. Let’s see how that works for me).
Let Us Entertain You
Amanda volunteers to be the Primarius Project Manager for this task, and begins brainstorming with her group. As they eat, and toss ideas around, they hone in on the vision of ‘Westin Entertains,’ and they decide to have a game-theme throughout the space. Although Carrie has come to the meeting complete with paint swatches, Amanda nixes her input, and decides an executive decision like paint color is best left up to a designer.
Ryan found an interior decorator, and the team picks out wallpaper and paint colors. Hey, who’s this Ryan guy? Has he been on the show all this time? He definitely needs more air time. Although Carrie continually offers her wallpaper preferences to Amanda, Amanda knows what she likes, and Carrie’s not bringing it to her. Back at the suite, Ryan tells us he’s not feeling as confident in this task as in the others, but there’s one thing he’s learned, “never overestimate Matchstick…no matter how bad we do, they’re always gonna find a way to do worse.” Heheh. They need to show more Ryan. Me like.
Amanda is doing great managing the painters and wallpaper hangers. Although things appear to be moving along smoothly, the main color palette is gray, and most of the teammates are not happy about it. Howie says it looks like Atlantic City on crack. Jennifer describes it as a “prison gray,” and I’m thinking perhaps Amanda chose the color hoping Martha would feel at home with it…I’m just saying. Cleverly when her team begins to question her vision, and they begin to fall apart, Amanda reminds them to think of the big picture, and not get bogged down in details, and they respond to her direction.
We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Furniture
I can’t tell if this team is really as scatter-brained as they appear, or if the editing is such that the show is going to great lengths to convince us they’re really out-of-control, but according to what we're shown, this team is in desperate need of Ritalin. Their meeting is disjointed chaos, with people checking their watches, talking over each other, and with Dawn continually yawning.
There is lots of eating, arguing, and water drinking going on, but time is flying by with contractors sitting idle, waiting for the team to come to some/any kind of decision about color and design. Late in the day, the team finally decides their theme will be F.L.O.W (For Leisure Or Work). I’m not feeling the F.L.O.W. love. When I think of FLOW, I think of water leakage or other bathroom activities, but whatever.
Bethenny is in charge of ordering the furniture, and she’s upset because at 9:00pm, she’s not only just now getting the time to do it, she’s only got four minutes to accomplish the task. Leslie says Bethenny did a good job, but it took her eight minutes. The nerve!
As they move on to the hardware store, they receive the bad news that the contractor left at midnight, and therefore if any walls are to be painted, the team is going to have to do it themselves. Sure enough, at 2:15am, everyone on Matchstick is painting walls. Well, actually everyone but Dawn, is painting the walls. We see her sitting in a chair, refusing to paint, and I’m surprised once again, at how contestants can be on these shows, and not realize there are some long days and nights required. After all this time, how can she not know this? Does she want the job or not? Besides, don’t they realize potential employers are also watching them? Someone please, explain this to me.
By 6:30am the following morning, everyone on the team is up, has eaten, and their bags are packed ready for the day. Everyone but Dawn, that is. They have to practically drag her out of bed. Does anyone reading this think Dawn has a chance in hell of NOT getting fired today?
In contrast, Primarius is eating breakfast together, and Amanda tells them they are the sharpest people she knows, as she hands out sharpened gold pencils, with little encouraging notes tied around them with gold ribbons. Ryan says with a broad smile on his face, that it was hokey, and they chuckled, but for some strange reason it worked to unite them and pump them up.
Their suite is looking great, and everyone appears to be working well together. Charles and MS2.0 enter the room, and seem to be quite impressed with the suite. On the other hand, they appear to be a little thrown off by Matchstick’s suite. Of course, I’m just going by Charles’ reaction. MS2.0 is a little hard to read, since her robotic facial expressions rarely change no matter what she’s thinking (assuming there are thoughts rolling around in her head). Charles finally asks where guests are supposed to sit, and Bethenny assures them the couches are coming.
As the focus group comes to see the Primarius Suite, Amanda presents their vision of Westin Entertains. The group is impressed and a gentleman in the group goes so far as to say, “it doesn’t look like a hotel.” Now I don’t know about you, but sometimes a hotel room looks better than my house since I don’t have room service at home. But I’ll take his word for it, that he meant it as a compliment. Their suite is sleek with clean lines and seems to make a good impression on everyone.
Matchstick on the other hand is doom and gloom. The question I have, is it doom and gloom because they have little-miss-I-have-a-cloud-over-my-head Dawn on their team, or is it because the couches never arrived, or both? My money is on both. I’m also left wondering is this Bethenny’s fault, Leslie’s fault, the deliveryman’s fault or Crate and Barrel’s fault? We’ll never really know, but I’ve learned if I ever need furniture, don’t order it in six minutes, and don’t expect delivery overnight. Martha should be proud to know her show has taught me something. Oh, and one more thing I’ve learned…don’t be on a team with Dawn because it’s a sure bet you’re going down in flames.
PM Leslie admits without any chairs or couches in their suite, her presentation of F.L.O.W. is ridiculous. Oh, I understand now. In their suite, F.L.O.W. stands for Fatigued Lean On Walls. A gentleman in the focus group gets a big laugh when he says it reminds him of his first apartment after graduating college when he couldn’t afford furniture. Leslie is not amused. I think she’s mortified.
The clear winner of the challenge is Primarius (no surprise there), and Martha joins them in the suite they decorated, letting them relish in their design. And their reward for winning? I just told you. Their reward is letting them relax in their Westin Suite and relish the win. Yes, friends, that’s it. Pbbbtttt. Has the budget for rewards been slashed? Martha, Martha, Martha.
Over at Matchstick, the save-your-ass scrambling has begun. Once in the conference room, the scramble is heightened. Leslie blames Bethenny for the furniture not coming. Bethenny blames Leslie for not giving her enough time to order it properly, and everyone blames Dawn for being a negative stick-in-the-mud. Martha is shocked to hear that Dawn refused to paint, and that she couldn’t get herself up in the morning. At one point Martha threatens, “none of you want me to lose my patience,” and MS2.0 gives them a knowing look that I’m sure had just a hint of fear behind those robotic eyes of hers.
It’s finally decided that everyone but Bethenny, Dawn and Leslie can go back to the loft. Quickly Dawn becomes the major focus of attention. Oddly enough, MS2.0 admits that she likes Dawn because she is usually the one everyone likes the least on the team. Dawn, uncomfortably thanks her (what do you really say to a comment like that?), but MS2.0 goes on to say, that no one has ever accused her of not working really hard. Naturally Dawn argues that she did work hard, but Martha cuts off the chatter. She makes her decision as follows: since Leslie left a winning team to try to help them, she should stay. Since Bethenny’s design was good, she should stay. Which leaves dear old Dawn. Since she doesn’t fit in with the team, she’s outta there. With that, thankfully it’s over. Dawn and Bethenny hug, and Martha confides to Charles and MS2.0 (and us) there will be a reshuffling of the teams next week. With pen in hand Martha writes,
Your hair is brown.
You wear a frown.
You bring everyone down.
I don’t want you around.
What would you write to Dawn? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Last edited by roseskid; 10-15-2005 at 12:09 PM.
Good job, roseskid. Great recap.
A pirate's life for me
Funny, funny recap, Roses, great job!
Originally Posted by roseskid
Always looking for cat treats! Breathe out, so I can breathe you in...
When I'm 64
I don't know which I like more: the recap or the poem at the end.
roses, THANKS for this wonderful piece!!! You wrote a great recap that detailed the happenings perfectly!
Thanks for the funny snark and for keeping us so entertained!!!
Thank you for the laughs!
Yeah, good luck with that.
Originally Posted by roseskid
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