Last week on America’s Next Top Model (as with every other week), we saw lots of tension and Fatima was at the center of it once again. The girls all got makeovers but, alas, there was no head shaving. The photo shoot involved lingerie from Elle MacPherson and Allison went home after not being able to saw two little words: thank you. Once again, the previews promised us drama and fighting. This show is starting to turn into Celebrity Boxing.
We pick up the action this week with the girls in the giant, yellow FabCab on the way back to the loft after Allison’s elimination. Dominique serves up a warning to the other girls: she’s going to be here for at least another week. Dominique then dips her toe into Lake Delusional when she calls last week’s bottom two the best the show’s ever had. Back at the loft, the girls discuss the elimination and the fact that Lauren was called up first. She admits she’s still not secure with herself. Meanwhile, Amis and Katarzyna goof around and dance while Fatima looks on and mutters “stupid” under her breath. If you ask me, Fatima could do with a little more silly in her life.
”Turn up the heat or you’ll get hosed.”
Every wonders what Tyra means by “hosed,” but since this isn’t 1:00 a.m. on Cinemax, you know it’s not that kind of hose. The girls all pile into the FabCab and end up in front of a fire station. They scream as fireman come down the pole, quickly dress and then take off in the fire engine. Next down the pole is Miss J (there’s a joke in there somewhere, but I’ll let you find it). This is going to be another runway teach. They’re at a fire station because fire fighters must change into their gear quickly. Models have to do the same thing when backstage at fashion shows.
Right now, the girls will have to show their quick change skills. Behind them are outfits for each of them and they have 90 seconds to change into them. The outfits are… how can I say this? Well, they’re straight out of a pinup calendar. Either that or bad porn where the guy goes into a fire station and all the firefighters are hot chicks. Each girl has black heels, black shorts, a tight, white shirt with suspenders and a black fire fighters hat. The girls all hurry to get changed, even Aimee, who is still shy about dressing in front of everyone. They all line up for Miss Jay, who immediately calls out Fatima for not changing her shoes.
The audience for this runway teach will be the guys from the firehouse. Each girl takes a turn walking the “runway” wearing their little pinup calendar outfits. The girls meet with various degrees of success as Miss J critiques them. Anya looks like she’s walking on hot coals and Fatima walks like a Clydesdale. Dominique may have the best walk, according to Miss J. Unfortunately, Dominique blows it and starts flirting with the firemen. Whitney remarks that she knows drag queens that walk better than Dominique. Miss J mocks Dom, bending over for the firemen like a stripper. Lauren pulls off another awkward walk and Miss J simply says “Good bless her.” He tells us that Lauren has all the elements to be a great model, but doesn’t know how to use them. Amis half walks, half skips her walk and Miss J calls her out. She says her walk makes her happy, but Miss J says it was one step away from blowing kisses.
A Cha-Cha Diva Diss
Back at the loft, a big hoo-ha erupts when Aimee calls dibs on the shower. She isn’t comfortable being naked in front of everyone and wants the bathroom to herself. The girls all discuss the situation and Marvita goes after Aimee and doesn’t really let up, even after Aimee explains her feelings. Aimee cries over feeling ganged up on and Whitney steps up to defend her. Fatima tells us that Whitney stirs things up, which really is the pot calling the kettle black. Dominique and Fatima bond over their dislike for Whitney. Dome calls her “uncultured trash.” Charming.
”Better keep your story straight or you will be out of order.”
The girls all pile into the FabCab and head out to meet Miss J and Bryan Bradley, from the House of Tuleh Designs. For today’s challenge, they will be walking in a fashion show and wearing Tuleh designs. Backstage, Lauren worries about the runway and hopes she can remember all of Miss J’s tips. Andrew, the runway show producer, introduces Ann Shoket, the Editor in Chief of Seventeen and Jaslene, ANTM winner from cycle 8. They will be judging the challenge. Ann tells the girls to be careful how they rock the runway. The winner will pose in an editorial for Lot 29 with Jaslene.
Miss J’s firehouse runway teach required the models to be quick change artists. Today, they’ll have to be on their toes: they’ll be expected to quick change by themselves. If they aren’t ready, the show will go on without them. Fatima is worried because she doesn’t work well under pressure and had trouble with the last quick change.
Honestly, trying to describe what everyone did on the runway is sort of pointless in that it’s tough to describe the clothes very well and it isn’t all that interesting to read. For the audience, I’m sure, the highlight was Whitney flashing them as she went down the runway, a la Sarah from cycle 8…only Whitney isn’t built like a Skipper doll. Unfortunately, Lauren’s appears to have forgotten anything Miss J ever said to her: she stalks up the runway like she’d rather be anywhere else. Fatima might have gotten the clothing on her body, but she certainly didn’t pay much attention to what she was doing. While buttoning up her jacket, Fatima missed a button: the white band at the bottom of the jacket isn’t even.
Backstage after the show, Ann and Jaslene come back to give the girls from
brutalconstructive criticism. Ann tells the girls that, while they were pretty good overall, there were a few missteps. She points out Fatima’s mistake buttoning her sweater. Jaslene praises Katarzyna: she walked like a model. Ann tells Aimee she looked very sweet on the runway and had nice flow. Everything’s going pretty well until Jaslene turns to Lauren. She begins by asking Lauren if she wants to be here and be a model. It doesn’t look like she wants to be there. Lauren cries and tells us she feels insulted by Jaslene’s comments. You know, I thought Lauren’s walk was pretty bad, but Jaslene was pretty harsh. Made me want to give Lauren a hug.
The winner of this challenge is Katarzyna. She’s asked to pick two friends to appear in the photo shoot with her and Jaslene. Katarzyna chooses Amis and Marvita. At the photo shoot, the girls meet the Lot 29 marketing director and see Jaslene again. During the photo shoot, Jaslene totally dominates. It’s like she’s the only one on set. Back at the loft, Amis tells the others how great Jaslene was. Lauren sits there stewing over Jaslene’s comments.
"Prove that you’ve got the chops for this competition or you will be sent packing.”
A Very Un-Vegan Photo Shoot
As a rule, the photo shoots for ANTM have gotten progressively weirder and this cycle is no different. This show is becoming like Fear Factor: Extreme Fashion Edition. The models all meet Mr. Jay at a warehouse in the meat packing district. The warehouse is filled with hanging meat. Fatima is completely disgusted. Mr. Jay emerges wearing all white – striking against all that bloody meat, natch – complete with fur collar (let’s hope that’s faux fur). Today, Mr. Jay reveals, they will be posing with hunks of meat, so they’ll have to work extra hard to make their photos work. Not only will the girls be posing with giant carcasses, they’ll be wearing garments made out of meat. Yes, you read that correctly.
While some of the girls look positively alarmed at the notion of wearing meat, Whitney doesn’t think it’s a big deal. After all, she eats steak: wearing it won’t be so bad. Mr. Jay explains that this shoot is about being provocative. When he told them they would be wearing meat, he wasn’t kidding: the stylists actually made clothing about of thin slices of meat, including underwear.Call them beef panties, if you will. My first thought is “Please God, tell me they get to wear something under the meat.
Claire is up first and she dons the beef panties and a sort of beef necklace. She also has a white button down blouse knotted above her waist. Fatima looks on and tries to learn from the critiques Mr. Jay is giving Claire. Each girl takes her turn wearing some sort of beefy garment – some of them get two items. It’s all pretty alarming, although the meat looks quite beautiful until you realize that it’s dead animal flesh. It’s just this side of Silence of the Lambs. In the end, the girls all get through it. Some do better than others. The “others” would include Amis, who Mr. Jay said had to push a slab of meat back and forth just so they could get some movement out of her: otherwise, she just stood there looking boring. Ouch. Dominique, on the other hand, really works the shoot. She even sits on a barrel overflowing with meat and fat. I’d be sitting in a bathtub of antibacterial soap for three days.
”Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only 10 will continue on in the hope of becoming America’s Next Top Model.”
Aimee is really nervous: she doesn’t want the judges to be disappointed. Lauren feels confident about her shoot, but hopes she won’t be eliminated because of her runway performance. The girls all take the time to get ready for panel….all but Amis, who is still asleep. When the others remind her that they have to leave in 10 minutes, she wonders what the problem is: she can get dressed in two seconds. Amis does get dressed in time. She wears a sparkly jacket and a scarf tied around her head like Pocahontas – looks like she got dressed in the dark….with both hands behind her back
Tyra welcomes the girls to panel or, rather, her audition for American Idol: Celebrity Edition. Tyra sings the list of prizes and then introduces the judges while singing as well. The guest judge this week is Bryan Bradley from Tuleh Designs. Enough of the singing. Lets get to the judging!
Stacy-Ann: Nigel finds the picture disappointing in that she didn’t use any of the great props provided to her. Miss Jay thinks it’s a Modeling 101 pose. Again.
Whitney: Nigel thinks she’s probably the most exciting one this week. Tyra says Whit was fabulous this week and likes that she’s showing off her body in the shot. Bryan Bradley thinks the picture has a bit of a comedic element, but is still sexy.
Aimee: Nigel thinks she looks like a mannequin. Tyra admits she was bored with Aimee’s film and Paulina remarks that Aimee looks like she smells something bad in this picture.
Katarzyna: Nigel thinks she took risks in the photo and says it tells a story. Tyra likes how she’s holding out the meat skirt like it’s material.
Fatima: Paulina doesn’t like the position of her legs in the photo. Tyra says it was hard to find a picture in Fatima’s film that didn’t have her growling at the camera and flashing her bottom teeth.
Anya: Paulina says “bravo!” Nigel says he looked at her first and then noticed the meat. Bryan thinks she was a natural.
Claire: For Paulina, Claire’s picture looks like 1990’s heroin chic and not really in a good way. As if there's a good way to tell someone they look like a junkie. Really. Miss J isn’t thrilled with her expression in the picture, but Tyra loves it.
Dominique: Nigel thinks the picture is perfect for a pinup calendar in the meat packing district.
Lauren: Miss J mentions Lauren’s tragic runway walk and urges her to just walk “normal.” As for Lauren’s picture, Miss J loves it. Nigel thinks Lauren is very present in the picture and praises her use of props: she’s holding a meat hook in one hand.
Amis: Amis steps forward and says she looks like Axl Rose with the scarf tied around her head. Paulina says the picture could be of anybody because she’s in profile. Miss J agrees and wishes she had looked at the camera. Tyra is not feeling Amis in person and lectures her about her outfit: she knows better than to dress like that for panel.
Marvita: Paulina calls the photo beautiful, but thinks there isn’t any feeling behind the shot. Bryan tells her she should just make up a story for herself if they don’t give her one at the shoot.
Tyra shoos the girls out so the judges can get to it.
Stacy-Ann: Paulina thinks that, while Stacy-Ann hasn’t shown a individual personality, she does have potential. Miss J thinks Stacy-Ann is relying on “safety poses.”
Whitney: Nigel thinks she’s the most exciting model here. Tyra agrees – her eye goes right to Whitney in that photo before she notices all the dead beast.
Aimeee: Paulina proclaims the picture horrible. No one disagrees.
Katarzyna: Paulina thinks she has model potential, but might be trying too hard.
Fatima: This photo shoot might have been the time to growl, but Tyra thinks she needs to try harder. Miss Jay thinks Fatima looks like a Pekinese dog in the photo.
Anya: Paulina says Anya comes to life in photos, but isn’t so great in person.
Claire: Nigel thinks Claire is well-rehearsed in basic modeling.
Dominique: Nigel repeats his meat packing district calendar girl comment.
Lauren: Nigel thinks she’s almost vapid in person. Paulina says she’s been in the competition long enough and should know better how to behave on the runway.
Amis: Paulina thinks Amis is like a little child wanting to stand out with her kooky behavior.
Marvita: Tyra points out that Marvita’s expression isn’t angry: she looks positively doe-eyed in her photo. Paulina agrees that Marvita is gorgeous, but thinks she needs a bigger repertoire..
Here’s the call out order:
Amis and Fatima are this week’s bottom two.
Amis: Tyra tells her the judges feel like her focus is not here and that, combined with her attitude at photo shoots makes them all wonder why she’s there. Does she really want to win this or is she just there for a fun experience.
Fatima: Tyra reminds her that, last week, the judges saw her photo and thought she was the second coming of Iman. This week? Not so much. In last week‘s shoot, she modeled from the face up, but this week she modeled from the face down.
Fatima is in. She cries and thanks Tyra as Amis says goodbye. She leaves with some class, thanking the judges and saying she’s grateful for every opportunity she’s been given. Amis tells us she only feels gratitude for this experience, which she says is the best thing that’s ever happened to her.
Next Week: There’s a posing battle on the streets of Brooklyn and a shocking showdown between Whitney and Dominique. The only thing “shocking” is that Fatima isn’t involved. Yet.