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Air kiss, air kiss! Darling, it’s so nice to see you again; when were we last together, was it at that club in Ibiza? Why, of course, it was just last week right here at the FORT! Well, this week on the latest AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL, our aspiring models learn a lesson in social studies: i.e. how to make a name for yourself in the business, the proper way to party, how to hobnob with the big wigs, and most importantly, how to kiss cheeks, both above and below, in order to further your fabulous career in fashion. All that, plus 50 Cent gives new meaning to the phrase “dropping the kids off at the pool.” Now hand me that Stoli, Sweety, and let’s get this party started.
Skinny Bitches Beware
It’s no party ofr the girls as they recover from yet another tough elimination. Whitney admits that while it was hard at first to be separated from her best friend, Diana, she knows her fellow plus-sizer is rooting for her to continue fighting the good fight. “I know that Diana wants me to go beat them skinny bitches and show all the other girls that I am a threat to this competition,” Whitney says eloquently, in a Big Girls’ Battle Cry that would put Shakespeare’s “Once more unto the breach” to shame. Well, I don’t know how Whitney plans on defeating the scourge of the skinny bitches, but what I would do is pretend to mistake their little bodies for Twizzlers and proceed to bite their heads off.
Speaking of biting peoples’ heads off, isn’t that Renee’s specialty? As Natasha and Dionne read the latest TyraMail (“Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet?”) and the other girls laugh and pal around together, Renee glowers in the corner, bitter and alone. “These girls are driving me absolutely insane,” Renee complains. Well, she certainly looks insane, what with the new look she’s sporting: a light grey scarf draped around her head and shoulders to create a hood that makes her look like an albino Darth Maul.
But back to Renee doing what she loves the most: Hatin’ ‘n’ Beratin’! Renee thinks Jael “doesn’t know when to shut up” and is “annoying.” Her opinion of Sarah is even less flattering: “That bitch does not deserve to be here.” Sure Sarah might have won a challenge by taking credit for an outfit she didn’t put together, but isn’t Renee being a bit harsh, especially considering she wasn’t even the one Sarah robbed? Is she a guest on the panel, because what gives her the right to judge? And don’t tell me Renee is suddenly this champion for Dionne.
You and Me Baby Ain’t Nothing But Mammals, So Let’s Nickname Our Daughters Like the Discovery Channel
The next day at Tantra restaurant in L.A., the girls see a large notepad of paper on which is scrawled the name “Lesley Hornby.” Hmm, now without googling, can you guess who that might be? Out comes fashion icon and regular ANTM panelist, Twiggy, who explains that when she was 15, a friend gave her the nickname “Twiggy” due to her skinny legs. When she was testing with photographer Barry Lategan, her friend called out to her as “Twiggy”; Barry commented that if she were to become model, that would be a “great name” for her. And thus Lesley Hornby became the legendary Twiggy that we know and love. We wouldn’t have her any other way, and yet, I feel like Austin Powers could have made something of that name: “Are you Horn-y, Bay-By?” Oh behave!
Twiggy says that having a more unique name had much to do with kick starting not only her career, but other models, such as the next person about to come out: World weary ANTM veteran Melrose emerges. (Don’t remember her? Maybe it will help to think of her as the old, childless version of Renee from Cycle 7—all joking aside, she actually looks great, I love her eye make up.) Melrose explains that her given name is “Melissa Rose” but to distinguish herself from the millions of other Melissa’s out there, she decided she didn’t “need that ‘–issa’.”
Twiggy and Melrose encourage the girls to find their “Super Selves” and create a memorable name. Everyone is given a moment to think, and slips of paper on which to write down their new names. Renee, today in a bright coral hood that looks like it came from the Grim Reaper’s Summer Collection, ponders the fact that all her nicknames growing up were “mean” ones like “Canoe Feet.” Hmm, even in childhood Renee didn’t seem to get on well with others. I’m thinking some of her other nicknames might not be fit to print on a PG-13 board, like perhaps another phrase that begins with a “C” and ends with a “T”.
The girls share their new names, which they have written on “Hello My Name Is” tags. Whitney copies Melrose’s idea and the result is the ungainly “Whitelle.” Sounds like the brand name of a spreadable cheese product to me. Sarah picks her middle name, “Moe.” What the hell kind of parents give their daughter the middle name Moe, hardcore Three Stooges fanatics? Brittany picks the simple alternative “Brit.” Jaslene likes her name fine the way it is, adding, “This is who I am.” Jael also feels her name is “already a super name” so she’s not changing either. Natasha has been called “Nata” before, and she likes it.
Dionne’s mom was watching a documentary on the Discovery Channel of a 14 year old girl about to be married off to a 40 year old guy, and since Dionne likes older men (no wonder she seems to be getting along well with Natasha now), her mother calls her by this girl’s name “Wholahay.” Whola-huh? Well, I do agree with Melrose that it is certainly a “conversation starter.” Renee decides to get extra creative and go with “Nayien” because it’s a bit of her own name, but spelled “really cool.” Okay, that is an original, but good luck finding it on those personalized keychains at souvenir shops.
Twiggy says that armed with their super new names they will be going to a super party with some super important people who can help further their career to superstardom. Twiggy gives some party pointers that are important to remember: 1) Be eloquent; 2) Don’t monopolize the conversation; 3) Have a sense of humor; 4) Know who to blow and who to blow off. Okay, they didn’t mention that last one, but seriously, it’s how networking’s done in this town.
On the limo ride home, Renee gives everyone stinkeye from beneath her hood, then states that she’s looking forward to the party because “I can’t wait to have some stimulating conversation.” Jael calls Renee out for implying that none of them have been able to provide stimulating conversation. Unapologetically, Renee says, “What does it sound like I’m saying?” And she wonders why everyone hates her.
B-B-B-Benny and the Jet Set
TyraMail says it’s time to try out their new super-self names and “Unleash your smart and sexy super-self, but beware of the funky cold Medina.” From that clue, Renee’s guess is that this will be a transvestite party. But personally, I’m hoping Tone Loc will be at this party to sign my audio cassette single of “Wild Thang.” A-List all the way, Baby!
The party is a fabulous Hollywood fęte, filled with beautiful people and prominent ads for Smartwater. There are big time celebrities like…Bill Maher?!! I’m sorry, I’m a fan of his show, but what in high heavens is he doing at an ANTM party? The only connection I can think of is that he likes young women; I saw him at a restaurant in L.A. once with a girl that I could only hope was his niece—hey, Wholahay, now’s your chance to hook up with an older man!
Sarah—er, Moe—is excited because she has lots of experience networking through her photography. Now she has a chance to schmooze with people like Tia and Tamera Mowry, although I expect the twin “Sister Sisters” are just there to convert people into Born Again Christians. Whitelle is “in awe” of the celebrities that include some guy I don’t know from Adam who’s on a show I’ve never heard of, and some other people that look kind of familiar and maybe were victims on CSI or something like that.
Some of the biggest name stars turn out to be Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, who apparently are reunited and it feels so good. They are certainly household names, but curiously, both are famous for…well, no one’s sure what, other than one having gotten really skinny and having great bangs, and the other for always having been skinny and being a great bang (although, arguably, from the videotapes she’s looking more like a mediocre bang if you catch my drift).
Another celeb in attendance is Curtis James Jackson III, better known by his super-self name, 50 Cent. Many of our girls go up to introduce themselves, and he seems friendly at first. Whitney, meanwhile, is distracted by a white room, in which she sees a group of very “I.”-looking V.I.P.’s. Whitney recognizes Benny Medina, Tyra’s manager, and to illustrate how influential he is in the industry, the producers insert pictures of him with actual A-List people like Will Smith and Mariah Carey…people who are, obviously, too good to actually appear on a program like this.
If you are guessing this is related to a challenge, you would be correct. Whitney is the first girl called in to see Benny, who is holding court in a room that also houses a number of important (or self-important) people in the industry, such as Nancy Josephson (Tyra’s agent), Larry Sanitsky (producer; coincidentally the title in L.A. that is most likely to melt the pants off up and coming stars), Beverly Johnson (legendary supermodel), Nikki Haskell (hatchet-faced “entrepreneur,” a.k.a. diet pill pusher), Indrani and Markus Klinko (photographers).
Benny asks Whitney who her super-self is, and she replies that she’s “just being Whitelle.” He reacts with confused disbelief, and says, “You’re living in a world of Madonnas and Beverly Johnsons and Beyoncés…Whitelle?” She later expresses regret at having chosen the name, offering the excuse that she came up with it in two minutes. Sarah goes in and announces herself as “Moe” which still sounds stupid as heck to me. She tells Benny and Co. that Tyra said she should go by “Sarah Vaughn” which Benny thinks is “hot.” Hello that name also is already taken in the celebrity firmament! You don’t see me going around writing as Snowella Fitzgerald. Brit does not have much success, either, regaling everyone with charming banter over how she’s still getting used to her weave.
Dionne, however, knocks the room dead as Wholahay. She knows it’s not the most attractive name, but points out that it does catch your attention. She also manages to keep Benny’s attention by answering all their questions gracefully, articulately, and honestly. She says the most important lesson she learned is how to dress and look like a model (reminds of those old ads, “How to be a model…or just look like one!”). When he asks what the toughest part of the competition has been, she breaks out into tears saying that the most difficult thing has been being away from her daughter. Dionne is surprised at her own show of emotion, mentioning that she has trained herself not to think about being away from her daughter. Everyone seems really touched by Dionne’s reaction, however. Benny gallantly whips out a handkerchief to hand the weeping woman, but not without mentioning to be careful with it, as it’s Hermčs. Well La Di Dah!
50 Cent Puts a Damper on the Celebration
Meanwhile, all this time, Jael has been outside trying to bond with 50 Cent who, surprise, owns like a whole bunch of shares in the company that makes Smartwater. I would write more about their chat, but the majority of their conversation is near unintelligible, and I’m not sure if it’s because Jael is drunk, or because 50 got shot in the mouth.
When Jael jokes, “You know how us from Detroit got a smart-ass mouth,” 50 Cent is curiously uptight, prim as a librarian. Nata (-sha) reports that 50 Cent was becoming annoyed by Jael, and at some point he tells Jael to go away. Jael is under the impression that he’s joking, so she keeps coming back around. 50 Cent seems troubled and on the verge of calling a restraining order on her.
The final straw for 50 Cent seems to be when Jael tells him that her mom is black and her dad’s jewish, making her “Blewish” and “You can’t hang with that.” I’m not sure exactly what tips him over the edge, but in an instant Jael is going over the edge—of the pool, because 50 Cent just pushed her in. That’s right. 50 Cent, big bad rap star that’s been shot 9 times, throws Jael into the pool. Dionne thinks “Jael deserved it because she didn’t leave that man alone” but I still think he’s a jerk. Sure Jael comes on strong, but what kind of grown man lays his hand on a young woman and pushes her into a pool for no other reason than she’s annoying him? Was he scared that she had a 9mm on her?
Oddly, I’m not sure how or why, but Natasha ends up in pool next (it looks like she jumped in with an identified third person). “Why the hell you wanna jump in a swimming pool when we’re there for business?” Dionne shrieks, aghast. Jael, peace- and fun-loving cuckoo bird that she is, says she doesn’t mind being tossed in the pool at all, and that she still thinks 50 Cent is an “all right kind of dude” because he “loves music and that’s all that really matters to me in a human being.”
Renee has to get her point of view in, of course, and she thinks a client might look poorly at Jael and Natasha’s behavior. Right on cue, a young lackey approaches a soaking wet Jael and Natasha (both conveniently covered in Smartwater pool towels) to tell them that Benny Medina would like to see them both. Now.
Jael’s not intimidated in the least by meeting power players after having just been pushed into a pool (in fact, she looks good doused in water—I want to know what eye make up she’s using, because that stuff is both waterproof and 50 Cent-proof). Natasha also has her indestructible powers of positivity working in her favor. They laugh and smile, and look much better dripping wet than most people do bone dry, still Benny has to give them a lecture like an angry father. “I do not get the getting wet thing first…you think you’re supposed to impress people…You don’t mess with 50 Cent!” He then summarily dismisses the both of them.
Outside, Jaslene is giving 50 Cent Spanish lessons before she’s called in. Benny and everyone else seems impressed by her confidence and focus. She mentions that she stuck with her own name, Jaslene; Benny thinks it’s a great name. Next up is Renee, who gets into a “Who’s on first?” type comedy routine with Benny Medina, who must repeatedly ask what her name is. Each time she says, “Nayien,” he thinks she’s saying “Name?” This could go on for hours, but it ends with Benny and the rest of the room looking confused and unimpressed.
Later, Renee has ditched “Nayien” and introduces herself to Paris and Nicole with her given, un-super-self name. Nicole asks how she likes being in the competition, and Renee says, “I like it, but I don’t like the girls.” Nicole, saucy little troublemaker that she is (if anyone recalls THE SIMPLE LIFE) asks, “Who’s the bitch? Tell me.” “All of them,” Renee answers, before finally settling on Jael as the “biggest” bitch of them all.
Later on, in the Girls’ Room (where all the best dish happens) Jael is chatting up Paris while Nicole Ritchie fluffs up her hair. Nicole flags down Jael and tells her, “I forgot her name but one of the girls told me that she hated you.” Like ohmigod what the eff is this it’s like totally junior high, you know?!!
All the Girls Hate Her
Back at home, Tyra Mail asks, “Finding your roommates to be two-faced? Well, you’re going to be four-faced.” Extreme close-up on Renee enshrouded in her stupid frickin’ death shroud scarf. Hmm, whoever could they mean? Jael, in the kitchen with Sarah, Whitney, and most notably, Renee, loudly mentions that some model had mentioned that they hated her to Nicole Richie, but Nicole Richie said Jael was her favorite. Renee loudly denies having said anything of the sort, trying to claim that Nicole asked who she thought was “the crazy one of the house.”
“Well you can get out of my face, bitch,” Jael says, with uncharacteristic aggression. “I’m not in your face, bitch,” Renee says, with characteristic aggression. Jael then says, “You’re really beautiful it’s such a [bleeping] waste of your brain.” If only I could screencap Whitney’s face as Jael said this, she has a grin so wide as she literally jumps for joy in the background. Whitney says, “Jael always prevails in any situation, she can cuss you up and down the street.” You know all those perfect comebacks you think of long after a fight that you wished you’d said? Jael seems to think of them right away and says them right to your face! You don’t mess with a girl from Detroit!
Renee scowls and defends herself by lamely saying, “I am not a mean person.” Jael points out, not inaccurately I might add, that Renee “has been disrespectful to every single girl” in the house. Renee says everyone has been disrespectful to her, but Jael claims it’s been “with good reason.” “I understand, and I back them all,” Jael state firmly. “Is that true, you all don’t like me either?” Renee asks a roomful of girls. The silence in there is deafening. “I put others before myself and you never will,” Jael sticks it Renee, who just sits there glumly. Did she really expect girls to run up and say they love her after all she’s put them through? “I stood up for myself and all the girls in the house because we really dislike her,” Jael says. If I could, I’d give her a standing ovation.
Why Stop At Two Faces When You Can Have Four?
The girls report to the studio where Jay Manuel explains their assignment: they will be recreating a page from Tyra’s beauty book [subliminal message implanted: MUST BUY BEAUTY BOOK! MUST BUY BEAUTY BOOK! MUST BUY BEAUTY BOOK!], which shows Tyra posing with a variety of different expressions that show her different sides. Because she’s just so multi-faceted! [MUST BUY BEAUTY BOOK! MUST WATCH DAYTIME TALK SHOW! MUST LISTEN TO “SHAKE YA BODY” SINGLE ON IPOD!]
For this shoot, the girls will be allowed to select four different sides of their personality, as well as direct their own hair and make up. Jael jokes that they should “be afraid” that they’ve “given Jael the freedom” to choose her own look. The photographer is Kareem Black, but before the shoot, they must learn the winner of the challenge.
On a monitor, they see video of Benny Medina (who, with his authoritative voice, in his white suit, in the white room, lovingly lit in luminous whites and blues, looks like a stylish version of God) who announces that the girl who impressed him most at the party will be sent out “on a real job” after the day’s shoot (Ooh, diss! It’s like he’s saying Mr. Jay’s little snapshots don’t constitute a “real job”): a national campaign for Keds shoes that will run in Seventeen. The winner is: Wholahay! Dionne is so overwhelmed with joy, she tears up immediately. She selects two friends to join in her victory, Whitney and Jaslene. “We can actually have fun,” Dionne says. What, Renee is not a barrel of laughs?
Back to their weekly shoot; the girls have 15 minutes to write down 4 different sides of themselves they’d like to portray. Jael says that she picked challenging personas to portray because “easy is boring.” Renee believes she is “gonna rock this photo shoot.” Sarah says, “I want this so badly, that I freak myself out.” Since Dionne had a hard time portraying a bad girl in the high school shoot, she wants to deliver this time around.
Dionne is up first, hair styled in marcel waves and with an elegant smoky eye. Her sides are “sensitive,” “evil,” “friendly,” and “hood.” Unfortunately, Jay remarks that “Dionne is afraid to go to the extreme and modeling is all about extremes.” Her “hood” face consists of a disgusted “Whatever” look that doesn’t resemble Renee’s “hood” look (the hooded scarf, by the way, was today passed in to Brittany, but her nappy looking weave justified it).
Mr. Jay speculates that Jaslene was “raised by a pack of drag queens” and in fact she does remind me of some Latino drag queens I used to know back in the day. Mr. Jay is critical, however, that the four sides she chose “cha cha diva,” “sentimental,” “drag queen,” and “modelesque” were not “really diverse enough.” He’s on a roll. During Natasha’s turn at bat, he says that one of her “sexy” faces looked like she was smelling “dog poo” on the sidewalk. Nice way to make me lose my lunch, Jay. His comment really seemed to help with her “surprised” shot—was this his strategy all along?
Whitney (I refuse to call her “Whitelle,” it sounds too ridiculous) feels pressure to perform since last time Mr. Jay commented that she was the “worst” of the day. She starts by playing the “seductress”; unfortunately, Jay feels it’s looking like “bad catalog” and he’s not buying it. He’s not into her “thinker,” “peaceful,” or “comedian” either and advises that putting too much arm in the frame and bending inward makes anyone look “rounder, regardless of weight.”
Backstage, the war between Jael and Renee has continued, with each one making comments to the hair and make up staff. Oh the chisme they must hear all day! Mr. Jay sees Jael’s bold and crazy make up, and calls her “very special” in a way that implies the kind of “Special” that’s usually attached to “Olympics.” They start with “sexy beast,” move into “dominator,” and “the revolutionary peacemaker.” Mr. Jay did not like the “overly dragged out make up” but admits her performance was “genius” reminiscent of early Grace Jones.
Sarah is reminding herself not to pose too much, but alas, Mr. Jay says her shots are “pretty” but still “all posed.” As she goes from “innocent” to “angry” she is still too posey, so Jay says, “You want me to make you mad? You want to go home this week? Use that frustration.” Her friend Jael tries encouraging her to let go from the sidelines. As they move into regret, Jay says he’s tried to get Sarah’s poses to look more “genuine” and “real” but it doesn’t sound like he’s having much success.
Brittany’s having a hard day too. Talk about a bad hair day, she feels her hair has been “possessed by an evil spirit that’s taken over and destroyed it.” Her little orphan Annie mop is getting unmanageable, but she does her best to work it as she acts out “innocent,” “spacey” (not the Kevin kind), and “goofy.” Mr. Jay feels they’ve finally found Brit’s “weak spot”; he feels she got too cocky, and that her last shot (“devilish”) fell flat.
As Jael and Sarah whisper to each other, Renee threatens that the girls need to watch who they mess with. How apropos, Renee’s first side is the “dark side.” She believes Jael was giving her the “evil eye” so Renee gave the “evil eye right back.” Renee, when are you not giving the evil eye? You give the evil eye to a mail box for God’s sake. Next up, Renee’s “sexy side” which Mr. Jay says looks “the same as the dark side.” Ahahaha, I don’t even have to write a joke for that.
Dionne, Whitney, and Jaslene are dismissed for their Keds shoot. “No downtime for you!” Jay says, and the girls are quickly whisked away to a beachside location for a colorful, fun Keds ad which will be published in the June issue of Seventeen magazine. Dionne is thankful for having won the challenge, and credits Benny Ninja’s training for helping her to model shoes (and throwing shuriken blades dead on target).
Salem Bitch Trial
Once everyone is home, Tyra meets with the girls for one of those heart-to-heart chats she so loves. She just came from a photo shoot, so she asks everyone to forgive her giganimous tarantula leg eye make up. The theme of their discussion today is “Revelations.” Has Tyra been talking to the Mowry twins about the Apocalypse? No, she means revelations with a little “r”—the things they have discovered about themselves and others in the course of competition.
They start with Brittany, who immediately starts crying over her the pain being caused by her weave (not to mention it looks like donkey crap). She shows Tyra her scalp which is almost as “bright red” as the garish hair color and Tyra admits they’ll have to do something about it, apologizing for the “cheap weave” they put on her head. See, even Tyra is big enough to know when to say she’s sorry. She says Brittany revelation is “You have to know when to speak up.”
Tyra moves on to the other girls. Dionne tears up again thinking of being away from her baby. Jael is still dealing with her friend’s death. “Death happens,” Tyra says (adding bumper sticker to her list of entrepreneurial ventures) “and when death happens we’re not expected to be stoic people.”
And now it’s time for Renee. Renee tries to pull some spin control, but she does not have the same powers as Natasha in this department. She cries crocodile tears over how she doesn’t feel she is “misunderstood.” Wah! Wah! The other girls look like they want to laugh and/or puke as Renee says this. Renee whines about she has a family, a husband “living on the beach” (whatever that means), a son “living with his mom,” a lot on her shoulders, blah blah. Okay, so Nayien,, excuse me, Renee’s not just bitter, she’s bitter with baggage. And just what does any of this has to do with being a balls out beeyatch all the time is beyond me, but she goes on with every reality show cliché she can think of. The old “I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to win this competition” excuse.
When Tyra asks the group if Renee has rubbed anyone the wrong way, they all nod, and say, “All of us.” Tyra actually seems shocked that it’s everyone. Renee plays the part of the shocked martyr, then tries to deflect the accusations by saying “You guys are all treating me like I’m such a bad person, and I’m not.” Tyra asks Renee to sit next her, and says that the best thing to do “when you’re attacked is for everybody to go and say how you hurt them.” Take a number! You mean, we’re actually going to sit here while everyone gets to air out their grievances over Renee’s perpetual bitchiness? Sit down, this could take a while.
The girls are not shy. Grab your torches and pitchforks, it’s an angry mob! Dionne jumps right in, saying that Renee’s said so many negative things about everyone so many times, how can anyone believe her anymore? Natasha says “At the casting, you were not saying very good things.” Jaslene feels like Renee has “issues” she needs to deal with and “it’s all a front.” Sarah feels Renee has a tendency to “talk down” to people. Jael points out that Renee says different things to different people, for example, that she would say things to Brittany or Sarah that she would never say to Jael. In other words, she’s deceptive and two-faced.
I’m sure it was a long day in the editing room getting this segment down to size. Renee is finally given the chance to address these issues, and with tears streaming down her cheeks, she says, “I’m sorry for anything I might have said to hurt or offend you guys. It’s a defense mechanism…I’ve been hurt by anyone I’ve ever loved besides my husband and my son…so I’m very sorry.” No one looks especially moved by Renee’s apology. Tyra says Renee’s revelation is that “Hurt people hurt” and she needs to cope with her [insert inane pseudo-psycho babble]. Cue sensitive music, and it’s off to commercial.
Just Shoot Her
TyraMail warns of the upcoming elimination. Whitney “obviously” does not want to be in the bottom two again, and Sarah cries on the phone to her mom that “girls are going home for one shoot.” This practically guarantees that they will be the bottom two for the week.
Tyra’s four-faced photo shows the many sides of La TyTy, from the “entrepreneur” to the “supermodel,” the “empathetic” side, to the “silly.” If I might play the panel for card this week, I’d say she loses her neck in “entrepreneur” and “empathetic” is too similar to “supermodel.” Girl has got “silly” down pat though.
They run through the usual formalities, including introducing the judges. Nigel Barker, J. Alexander, and Twiggy are this week joined by Benny Medina, whom Tyra mentions is not only her manager, but the producer of her talk show. [MUST WATCH HER TALK SHOW! MUST REMEMBER VALUABLE INFORMATION ON HOW TO RUB VASELINE ON BOOBIES TO MAINTAIN FIRMNESS OF BREAST SKIN!]
The evaluations begin with Jael. The panel congratulates her for having the confidence to stick to her own name. So much for the whole “finding your inner secret super self” thing. Despite Jay’s reservations with Jael’s look in person, her four shots, “sexy beast,” “anarchist,” “revolutionary,” and “dominator” come off excellently and are very highly received by the panel. Nigel and Twiggy feel it’s the best work they’ve seen from her so far. Tyra notes that her “dominator” pic looks like she’s a “dominatrix” with the whip cropped out of the shot. They do remark that all the poses are very “strong” looks and Twiggy would like to see a more vulnerable side. Tyra, however, says “Well done,” and as the person who edits the film, she had a hard time choosing which shots to pick from her film.
Regarding Renee’s supermodel super name “Nayien,” Nigel reminds everyone that there is a “Naima.” The panel prefers “Nene” which to be honest doesn’t sound any more unique to me than Renee. In her photos, “sexual,” “dark side,” and “motherly” she strongly resembles the woman who plays Number 6 on BATTLESTAR GALACTICA (I mean that as a compliment), but her “sorrow” picture looks like a headache commercial. [MUST BUY HEAD ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!] Nigel thinks Renee needs to “push it” further, adding that she’s “so pretty, you could afford to get a little ugly.” If only they could photograph her from the inside out, there’s plenty ugly there! Benny concurs, she doesn’t go far enough.
Natasha announces that her super self name is “Nata” which reminds me of a delicious, sweet coconut treat form the Philippines. Random, but dang, now I have a craving for it. But I digress. Her photos (“happy,” “surprised,” “sad,” and “sexy”) turn out really well—and she’s standing right side up even! The hard-to-please Benny compliments her performance, saying the first one looked like “you were selling a fantastic vacation, the second one I wished I was there with you.” Strangely, Nigel loves the “sexy” picture despite the fact that she is doing two things they blasted her for doing before, i.e. squint and push out her lips. Nevertheless, Tyra said Natasha “shocked the hell” out of her, and her film blew Tyra away, “a model has finally emerged.”
Brittany, a.k.a. “Brit” manages to transcend her nappy red weave and deliver great shots yet again. She portrays “innocent,” “spacey,” “secret evil,” and “goofy” with aplomb. Twiggy deems it very “Parisian Elle.” Ooh la la! Tyra says the close up of “innocent” is very “I Love Lucy.” Twiggy says it’s sweet and she’s loves it.
Whitney comes up as “Whitelle.” Nigel says it sounds like a “department store.” Her shots are “secretive,” “peaceful,” “thinker,” and “comedian.” Nigel feels they look “amateur.” Tyra warns that she needs to learn to control the dramatics in her pictures because she does it a lot and “it tends to look harsh.”
Jaslene stuck to her own name, and Tyra mentions that she’s glad that she and Jael kept their own names as they are the two most original. Her sides were “sentimental,” “drag queen,” “cha cha diva,” and “modelesque.” Nigel says they all look beautiful but all look the same. Miss J., says that he finds her a dead ringer for Janice Dickinson, and while I totally agree, is he passive-aggressively implying that Janice D. only has one facial expression? Well, she only has one now because of all that plastic surgery! (I kid because I love ya, Janice D!)
Benny points out that every time Sarah says her super name, “Moe,” she does something goofy to accompany it. I don’t think he’s complimenting her. Her pictures are “innocent,” “angry,” “sad,” and “happy.” Nigel says they look “posed” and none of them look “natural” because she doesn’t let her “guard down.” Sarah does not look happy at this criticism. At the close-up of “happy,” Benny shoots it down as “corny…not interesting at all.” Tyra thinks the styling is too “commercial.”
The panel laughs off Dionne’s “Wholahay,” so Tyra renames her “Brown” in reference to her skin color. Is that seriously better than Wholahay? In fact, Wholahay has grown on me after this episode, I can’t stop saying it now! Wholahay, Wholahay! The newly dubbed Brown’s photos are “friendly,” “evil,” “hood” and “seductive.” Benny obviously loves Dionne; when Twiggy says “hood” looks like a “pissed off housewife,” he declares, “Girl from the hood, pissed off housewife, same thing.”
The judges judge and then it’s time to hand out the photos. Jael, Natasha, Dionne, Brittany, Renee, and Jaslene all know they’re coming back. It’s down to Whitney and Sarah. Tyra thinks Sarah is too “posed, Modeling 101, but I don’t feel like there’s anything extra.” The judges feel Whitney’s photos are “pretty but not a model.” The photo goes to a stunned Whitney, who hugs a clearly devastated Sarah.
So Sarah goes home. Tyra advises her to “relax” and trust her own beauty. Jael, who seems to have gotten really close to Sarah, comes up to hug her first, but so many of the girls look sad to see her go. Sarah admits she’s “disappointed” because she wanted to win ANTM more than she wanted anything else in her life. She said she tried so hard, which was perhaps the problem. It seemed like the more she opened up, the better she was doing. Anyway, for all the jokes about Sarah’s experience, she does have a lot under her belt and lot of opportunities available to her when she gets home. I’m sure she’ll be fine, whether it be in front of or behind a camera, in the future.
My sides are Happy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Dopey and…oh wait, those are the Seven Dwarves. Anyway, send your Super Selves to: snowflakegirl@fansofrealitytv. com
, SnowflakeGirl
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Originally Posted by femme fatale;2316426; 
