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Thread: ANTM8 Ep. 4 Recap: Ty’ll Take You to the Candy Shop

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    Feb 2003
    In the Limelight

    ANTM8 Ep. 4 Recap: Ty’ll Take You to the Candy Shop

    On AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL, things can be delicious, sour, or bittersweet, and this week Tyra and the girls cover the whole range of flavors in an episode that is a feast for the eyes. Care for a slice of life? How would you like your recap served, sugarcoated or straight up? It’s a piece of cake!

    Female Bonding

    It seems Whitney and Diana have “clicked” and they are outside by the pool having a heart-to-heart chat. “I don’t want to be the fat girl,” Whitney pleads plaintively. “I don’t see myself as a fat girl either, I just see curves,” Diana replies in agreement. The two plus-sized models sit commiserating together, while the PA’s for the show look on, nervous they’ll break the expensive rented patio furniture. Just kidding! Seriously, it’s nice to see these two girls bonding and supporting one another, considering they are one another’s biggest competitors—literally. Sorry! I kid because I love!

    I do have to ask: what’s up with Diana getting all Malibu’s Most Wanted all of a sudden, rolling her neck, pushing her lips out, and going, “I never really learned to pose my body to make it look real good, yeah, cuz you don’t want no rolls, like, hangin’ off…” Yo, dawg, fa shizzle! Is she also a secret black person like Jael, Wentworth Miller, or Michael Jackson? Or was it that Homegirl for Dummies course she took before coming out to do ANTM? Hey, “Hooked on Ebonics” worked for me! I’m just sayin’, it wouldn’t be so weird if it weren’t for the fact that she doesn’t, for example, talk this way with Renee.

    Meanwhile, other girls in the house are also finding support and understanding in one another. “Cassandra really makes me find that inner peace,” Jaslene says of the one member of the house who seems the most universally loved. Ever-cordial, Cassandra always seems to know the right thing to say and when to say it. She feels that just because she’s in a competition, it doesn’t mean she can no longer be herself and be nice to people. Bless your little heart, you don’t watch much reality television, do you, Cassandra?

    Another girl gunning for Miss Congeniality (but perhaps more likely to win the title of Miss Unconventionality) is Jael. Hanging out with Jaslene and Brittany (it looks like camps are starting to form in the household), Jael is acting like a crazy court jester, amusing them by pouring plastic streamers over her head. She knows she different from other girls, but fortunately has come to realize the opportunity ANTM is for her, deciding, “I should focus on being the best model I can be.”

    The Devil Wears Curlers

    TyraMail announces, “We cut only one last night, but we’ll cut a few of you tomorrow.” It’s pretty clear what that means…knife-fight challenge! [Snowy waves a switchblade in the air, menacingly] I cut you, man! Awww, but no, the TyraMail, she teases! By cutting, they are referring to that most inevitable of reality television moments: [overly-enthusiastic Oprah voice] MAAAAKE-OVERRRRRS! [audience screams and foams at mouth] After Jael ponders Brittany as blonde, Brittany says, “They can do whatever they want but I’m not gonna be upset.” Those words are like some magic reality TV incantation that pretty much ASSURES that she will, inevitably, be upset—but don’t let me get ahead of things.

    At 6:30 am, a time at which I personally would rather have live moray eels stuffed slowly into my eye sockets than be awake, the girls report to Salon Sessions, where they meet Mr. Jay Manuel, Miss J. Alexander, and esteemed hair stylist Neeko, whom Jay informs us has worked with Tyra since she was but a mere 17 years of age.

    Speak of the devil, Tyra comes padding into the room in ratty house slippers, pajamas, and a head-full of jumbo curlers, looking cranky as hell. Now that’s what I’m looking like at 6:30 am. She asks what’s going on, and when Mr. Jay says it’s makeover day, she responds, “I said we’re not even doing this this season because every season the girls are crying and ‘I don’t want people to see me with my hair weave tracks’ and ‘I don’t wanna cut my hair!’” Tyra asks if the girls really want makeovers, and of course they scream yes.

    So it’s on. Tyra shares their plans for each girl. They want to make Jael’s hair long and dark. They are going to take the wig that’s sewn on Cassandra’s head off and replace it with a big, thick, curly, afro weave. As for Renee, I know what you’re all wondering: can they do a makeover on her nasty, smack-talkin’ attitude? Alas, no; instead, they feel Renee’s strong face and shoulders can take a Yoanna-style chop job, but they’ll leave the color as-is. Whitney’s getting a curly, wavy, big weave. Diana is going blonder and longer. Felicia is also going longer, but with bangs. Dionne is getting the short “Kelis” ‘do. Tyra wants to add some “dirtiness” in Sarah’s hair; I’m not sure what exactly she means by that, but I have a vision of Jonathan Antin flinging poo like a monkey onto Sarah’s head. Tyra wants to take up Jaslene’s length some and give her some flowy body and thickness. Tyra then says Brittany is a girl “who could almost take anything”—that’s what she said when the bed broke! But I digress; Brittany’s getting herself a big, red weave. Last but not least, Natasha is getting a classic Vidal Sassoon cut in chocolate brown.

    Tyra hypes the girls up by asking them if they’re ready. They scream yes. Mr. Jay interrupts this little exchange by saying, “Wait a minute…if they’re ready for a makeover, don’t you think it’s time you do a makeover, because Miss J. and me have been talking.” “I’m ready for anything,” TyTy replyplies. Mr. Jay and Miss J. then unroll a section of Tyra’s hair and, using a gigantic pair of gardening shears, proceed to lop off a chunk of hair while she screams hysterically. They cut and cut until Tyra crawls on the floor screaming over how her boyfriend won’t like her new hair. You know, I never thought much of Tyra’s acting, until now. I mean, she really nails it, but I guess after 8 seasons—er, cycles!—of ANTM, she’s had plenty of time to prepare for this, her Emmy moment.

    For the most part, however, Cycle 8’s girls are real troopers. Sarah is quite pleased with her new, light brown pixie cut, mentioning how it brings out her facial features. “It really is awesome,” she says, and in her confident After picture, it certainly appears that way. Dionne says that while she would never have picked that hairstyle for herself in a million years, “I’m loving it.” I agree; she looks much more polished and sophisticated with the new hair.

    The first girl to put up a fuss is Brittany. She’s kvetching all the while to the various people working on her hair, about the dye job, about the weave, about how dead hair “freaks” her out so much she can’t even stand to clean out her own brush…she finally tells them, “I can put up with it if I have to, I’d just rather not be burned if I don’t have to be.” Press pause on your remote just after this and watch out for the look on the red-headed stylist’s face that says “I would rather stuff live Moray eels slowly into my ears than have to hear any more of this girl complaining.”

    You don’t see Cassandra complaining. She’s been looking forward to getting some new hair. They’ve finally taken off her wig and are preparing to put an afro weave on. Cassandra says she loves how the braids give a “little natural face lift.” “I handled it and endured it and the afro came out fabulous.” She is really working her new look in her After pic; Mr. Jay even notices the new confidence, and asks, “Can you bring a little of this to our photo shoots?”

    Jaslene also is pleased. The stylists cut off a lot of her hair, but rather than cry, she says it feels like “By chopping off all my hair I feel like they chopped off all this anger [and] resentment.” Classic girl thing: getting a makeover does have its psychological benefits, we swear! Trust me, I’d rather see a stylist than a therapist any day. You can tell Jaslene feels good as she swings her hair around, looking and feeling “like a hair commercial.” The new cut is great, in fact, I’ll be hunting down some high res photos of this haircut to bring in to the salon.

    “They’re cutting all my hair off,” Renee says. You can tell she’s trying really hard to hide her displeasure, but it’s there in her eyes and turned-down corners of her pinched mouth. Mr. Jay comes over and explains that the changes they make are “meant to make a difference for you, not just to do it for the sake of it.” She says she’s excited to see the change and will work with what she’s given, but the tone of her voice and the look in her eyes says: Waaah waaah waaah, why is Jaslene given the hot hair cut? I know I could rock that better if they gave it to meee…It isn’t fair! Waaah! The cut itself is really quite flattering for her…but tell me she doesn’t look pissed off in her After pic!

    Jael is a little concerned about her makeover before they even begin. Neeko promises they won’t make her look normal. As if she ever could! “I have to be wilder inside to make sure that nobody mistakens my normal hair for a normal attitude.” Hmm, is she taking grammar lessons from Natasha? The truth is, I’ve grown so accustomed to that Jael look, that it does look a little weird to see her with just brown hair. And the color job is only the first step in the 8 hour hairstyle gauntlet they have for her today.

    Someone sits pouting underneath a bird’s nest of hair. Mr. Jay Manuel walks up to the person in the chair, murmuring, “This doesn’t look like one of the girls we were supposed to make over today.” That’s because it’s Miss J. Alexander underneath that all that hair. Mr. Jay advises they chop off Miss J.’s hair into a “Mia Farrow” and Miss J. gets emotional and whimpers, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Lucky for Miss J., Neeko and crew don’t lop off his locks, and instead take his tangled mop and make it smooth and sleek. Ooh la la! Love you working the flat, Miss J.!

    Felicia was assigned “bangs and a darker color,” which seems to be the trend this season. In Felicia’s case, the makeover, I think, is a huge improvement; the old hair color washed out her features, and now I can see the bone structure the panel oohs and aahs about. “I think this is perfect,” Felicia says, and her After picture is sultry and rich.

    Mr. Jay tells Natasha that he loves her spirit and he knows “you have model in you.” They take her blonde hair and also give her a heavy fringe of bangs and dark, almost black color that makes her look like Vidal Sassoon by way of Cleopatra. With her ever-positive spin, Natasha says, “I think that this proves any look can work for me.” I like the exotic look, but she’s almost unrecognizable; personally I prefer Natasha as blonde. We’ll see how she works it.

    Brittany is wincing, crying, and exclaiming “Ow ow ow!” as she gets her weave sewn in. But they finally finish, and her makeover is not as bad as expected, although it looks much more Annie red in the salon video than the dark auburn of the After picture. She can’t believe how long it all took, and says she would never have done this herself.

    Whitney says her lush, long locks makeover is everything she could have wanted “and more.” She loves it, and you can tell by her sexy sassiness in her photo that she is feeling the new hair. Her homegirl Diana says she was blonde before, but it was a home dye job. The stylists give her a really pretty, soft, multidimensional blonde that looks great with her skin tone. She likes it and says she’ll keep itthat way for a while.

    “It takes about 8 hours to complete my new fabulous do, and it hurts like hell,” Jael says. We watch as they glue multiple tracks onto a grimacing Jael’s head. Cassandra is sympathetic, and says she feels sorry for Jael and Brittany having to get the hair put in because “I know that hurt like crazy.” After going through the whole ordeal, Mr. Jay comes up and says he’s been talking to Tyra and they have decided that this is not working, so “We’re gonna take the whole thing out.” They couldn’t have decided this a little earlier? Jael looks like she’s going to pass out and this is one time Mr. Jay and crew actually say, “I understand the tears…for a minute.” Sarah feels bad for Jael, imagining how awful it must be to go through 8 hours of such pain for nothing; even Renee is only slightly smirky over the events. Ultimately, they give her the ever-popular Rosemary’s Baby/Mia Farrow cut they so seem to love, and despite feeling “traumatized” Jael decides that she’s going to “own” her new look. “I can work with any hair, I’m a rocker,” she says.

    For Crying Out Loud

    TyraMail at home reads: “For those of you who didn’t make the cut, you have one more chance to make it up to me.” They’re guessing tomorrow will bring a make up challenge, but for tonight all they can do is wait and get used to their new looks. Felicia is helping Brittany blow dry her hair, as Brittany complains about how bad it itches. In the confessional, Brittany whimpers as she scratches her scalp madly that she’s “really not trying to complain, it just hurts.”

    Diana says Brittany “wants sympathy from others and I’m, like, so sick of it all ready.” Outside, Diana gripes to Whitney and Jaslene about Brittany, asking, “Are you crying all ready?” When Jaslene asks what she’s crying about, Diana and Whitney say in unison, “Everything.” Wow, finishing each other’s sentences and talking at the same time, those two are getting tight! Whitney says that Brittany cries so much, she just wants to “smack her and say ‘Girl I will give you something to cry about.” Whoa, Whitney just channeled my Grandma right there!

    Whitney actually does try to put things in perspective for Brittany. In the kitchen, Whitney asks her to think about why she’s crying all the time because where Whitey’s from, if someone’s crying it’s “because her boyfriend got shot or we’re crying because our roommate got shot…people don’t cry over every little thing, people cry about major stuff in their lives.” Brittany says nothing, and just holds up a steak on a fork (symbolic of “stick a fork in me, I’m done”?).

    The next morning, Jael calls a friend of hers and gets tragic news. A close friend of hers has died from an overdose. Jael is so devastated, her grief is almost palpable. Brittany holds her hand as Jael sobs violently. Now this is a reason to cry, and many of the girls rally around to comfort Jael. “This doesn’t make any sense,” Jael moans. “Life doesn’t make sense sometimes,” Cassandra says. Jael is clearly heartbroken, but decides that perhaps modeling is a “good distraction” for her right now.

    Make Up In The Garden of Good and Evil

    Later on, the girls are brought to a beautiful garden. Brittany feels “really ill” with “digestive issues” (i.e. vomiting). Renee suggests she go sleep in the limo (thoughtful advice, or sneaky way to eliminate your competition, Renee?). Jael encourages Brittany to “pull it together” despite Renee’s warning to “think about what you’re doing.” Sarah puts her arm around Brittany and also encourages her to stay.

    In the garden they meet CoverGirl make up artist Roxanna Floyd and Seventeen magazine entertainment director Carissa Rosenberg, who present the CoverGirl’s spring color collection and the girls’ challenge: a make up competition! The winner of the challenge and two friends get a spread in Seventeen magazine.

    Before they begin, the girls change into spring dresses, very floral and feminine, perfect Easter dresses for church or High Tea at Huntington Gardens. Diana is worried nothing will fit her, since most of the time they have only sample size dresses on the rack. Speaking of racks, hers is bustin’ out of the dress she eventually dons!

    Outside, the girls have 10 minutes to create a fresh spring face at several stations filled with CoverGirl products of all kinds. It’s another mad dash to the tables, where girls elbow one another out of the way for mirror space. Brittany still feels really sick but tries not to let is show…until she barfs on a rose bush. Easy, breezy, barfing…CoverGirl!

    The ten minutes goes by fast, and as it winds down Cassandra decides she needs a bit more eye shadow. As the girls run back to the countdown of the last ten seconds, Cassandra trails behind. Everyone makes it back on time, except for Cassandra who literally gets caught on thorns in a rose bush. She looks beautiful, but she is disqualified. She is upset because she felt she had a chance of winning this challenge.

    As the camera pans the girls, I see some interesting make up jobs. I’m not hatin’ because really in 10 minutes I’d have put an eye out with my mascara brush. Still, whoa, Natasha looks like she got a makeover from China Blue, high class prosti from Crimes of Passion. In general, Roxanna tells the girls that in a make up challenge, you really need to “go for it”—except for Natasha who went a leeettle too far, especially with the bold lip. Ultimately, they pick the girl that they say picked good colors, blended them well, and made them her own…Brittany!

    Because they encouraged her when she felt she couldn’t do it on her own, Brittany picks Jael and Sarah to join her for the photo shoot. Jael is excited to do something fun to take her mind of the loss of her good friend. Sarah hugs Brittany in thanks. The trio has fun doing their spring hair accessory story. Jael compliments Brittany for taking “the most amazing photos,” adding, good naturedly, “I think Brittany’s awesome, we’re all jealous.”

    You know who’s really jealous, and not so good naturedly? Renee, she of the severe psycho stare, is shooting mind bullets at Brittany during her shoot, commenting, “Brittany does not stand out to me, she’s boring. I don’t understand why she keeps winning these challenges. If she wants to win all the little battles, and I’ll win the big war, that will be fine. I really don’t care.” But you do care, Renee, otherwise you wouldn’t be bitching so much about it. All. The dayum. TIME!

    Sweet and Sour

    TyraMail hints at the upcoming photo shoot: “Sundae is not just a day of rest.” The next day, sour-faced, sour grape-sucking sourpuss Renee gabs with Diana on the patio over how she can’t stand Brittany, asking, “Do you think Brittany’s fake?” No, but I think you’re a total Coochie snorcher, Renee. Kthxbye!

    Brittany overhears their exchange and decides to confront Renee by saying, “The walls in a house full of women are paper-thin.” Confucious say! Renee squats down and claims, “I’ve been nothin’ but nice to you, nothin’ but genuine to you.” If going around behind someone’s back and calling them annoying and fake is her idea of being nice, I hate to see her way of being mean! Renee then has the nerve to accuse Brittany of being immature, when she’s the number one junior high level smack talker in the house. “I still can kick your ass in this competition,” Brittany tosses out. Then oh-so-mature Renee flips Brittany the bird as she leaves. I’m sure her son will be proud when he sees this.

    Jael is still grieving for her friend. It’s painful, but Sarah thinks maybe that the event is letting out emotions that could eventually be a good thing for Jael. Brittany comforts her on one side of the pool while across the water Diana and Renee are smoking like chimneys and emitting foulness—and I’m not just talking secondhand smoke. Brittany notices them looking over and then whispering to one another. We hear Diana tell Renee, “I can’t stand the bitch either” and Renee crab about “fake bitches.” What the heck happened, did I miss something? Is this just about the crying because they’re acting like Brittany strangled their grandmothers!

    The limo heads to Siren Studios where Mr. Jay stands in front of a candy colored set, holding a pint of ice cream, which says is one of Tyra’s and his favorite treats. Today the girls will be the treats, so hair, make up and wardrobe will be candy, “which means you’re going to be nude.” The girls cheer (this a mostly agreeable group of models this cycle), well except for Brittany. Jay notices her pouting slightly, but she says she’ll “deal.”

    The photographer Joseph Cultice will shoot the girls, who head back to get styled—er, garnished? Brittany’s displeasure is increasing, because she says when she gets home she knows her parents will be “really mad” she took her clothes off. Dionne notices Brittany “pouting around, all this girly mess, like a kid. Brittany, get over it.”

    Cassandra has Jelly Beans painted on her body and is glued all over with multi-colored sprinkles. She has to hold up a handful of pink ice cream, which is “intensely cold”; she doesn’t want to complain though, good girl! I think the contestants on this show are finally learning. Jay yells at her not to lose her neck when she poses. Jay has some problems directing Cassandra and says she needs to practice more in the make up room.

    After hearing that Cassandra’s hand went numb after holding the ice cream, Brittany worries aloud that her hands won’t react well. Felicia simply says, “Nobody’s hand is,” which is, well, absolutely true. Sarah, as Hard Candy, gets a glop of ice cream in her palm, and Mr. Jay says he likes this shoot because finally she’s not second guessing herself. I like it too because finally she’s not reminding us she’s a photographer every ten seconds. Dionne is the Candy Cane girl, and gives a cute, vintage pinup “oopsy” face that Mr. Jay loves. Dionne says she feels more comfortable naked, to which he replies, “That’s, um, interesting.”

    Brittany, the Banana Split, has been watching on in dread; and the girls roll their eyes at her complaints of being cold, uncomfortable, etc. But you know what, when it comes time to get in front of the camera, for all her complaints, Brittany does not choke. Mr. Jay loves the body language and Sarah says the shots are “something you could see in Vogue” without once mentioning her own “experience”—she gets a gold star for being most improved! Even self-appointed arch nemesis Renee has to admit that Brittany “rocked her photo shoot...I just wish that she would shut up.”

    Diana has some trouble as the Gummy Bear girl. Jay thinks she doesn’t seem to know what to do with her body, and instructs her to suck in her belly and stick her booty out. He also thinks she needs more “mirror time” to practice. “Even perfect bodies need to suck it in when they’re on camera,” Jay bellows. Really? I thought that was what Photoshop was for! Diana says she’s not the size of Jaslene, so she’s not that comfortable with nudity.

    Jay is actually pleased with Renee on her Candy Necklace shoot, saying, “Look at you, you little professional!” He is all love and compliments for Renee today, marking her improvement, and as much as I want her to choke on a piece of candy, she lives another day.

    Whitney is the sexy Chocolate Kiss. Jay says she has a “great shape” and should “work it.” Whitney loves being the “little chocolate goddess.” Jael, despite hurting inside, turns all her switches on for her shoot as Birthday Cake. Mr. Jay and the photographer give her a lot of praise for her sense of fun. Jaslene later compliments Jael, telling her that she was ”amazing” and really rocked her shoot.

    Felicia struggles with her Lollipop. Yikes, that sounds a bit obscene, but what I mean is as pretty as she looks, Mr. Jay thinks she’s only giving “one expression.” Jaslene is coated in caramel for her turn as Dulce De Leche. Ay que linda! Jaslene keeps in mind that Tyra wants her to show more personality, so she hopes she’s “shining through.”

    Natasha’s portraying Gumballs. Jay thinks it’s looking rather “burlesque.” Maybe it’s the Dita Von Teese cup she’s posing in? Jay is determined to bring out that “model inside of Natasha,” and for her part, Natasha really seems to be trying harder. Sarah thinks she looks like Kate Moss, and Renee disagrees, asking if she even knows who Kate Moss is. Sarah looks at her as if dying to say, “Do I have to remind you of all my experience in photography and modeling?” To her credit, she does not.

    The girls go home, receive the elimination TyraMail, and begin the requisite fretting over who might go home. Cassandra is worried that she was late for the CoverGirl challenge. Jael, of course, still has her friend’s death on her mind. There is a touching moment when Whitney takes Jael’s hands and prays to God to relieve her pain and protect Jael. At the end, she cradles Jael in her arms and tells her things will be okay.

    Nice Girls Finish Tenth

    Panel Time begins with a cute picture of Tyra dressed like a little girl in pigtails, with a lollipop. In the judging room, Tyra looks a little less innocent (not too mention her hair has mysteriously reappeared after being “chopped off” on makeover day). She reiterated the prize package as she does every week, and presents the judges: the delicious Nigel Barker, the spicy J. Alexander, and the delicate Twiggy, joined this week by cute little toffee drop, hair stylist Neeko.

    Evaluations start with Jael, whom Tyra declares “so modelicious” after her makeover. Jael gets upset, and the judges ask why she’s crying when they’re telling her she looks beautiful. With the encouragement of the rest of the girls, she reveals to the judges that her friend passed away. The panel is sympathetic. “This is the one time when it’s okay to not be a model, it’s okay to just be real and be a human being.” Tyra relays her sympathies to Jael and the girl’s family. Jael’s Birthday Cake turns out to be a piece of cake. The panel loves it. Nigel exclaims, “What a shot!” and Twiggy likes how she connected with the camera. Tyra says this photo accentuates some of the ethnicity in Jael they haven’t seen before, adding that it’s good to be able to play up the different sides of herself. Jael dedicates the photo to her friend.

    The panel tells Natasha to take her hair down, because “when we give you a makeover we want to see what it is.” Natasha lets down her hair, bangs and all. They like the new hair, but not her outfit, which is “too much…shingshingshingaling,” says Miss J. That’s rich coming from the guy in the room with more ruffles going on than Elizabeth the First. Twiggy thinks her picture is “gorgeous” although Nigel finds it a bit “squinty” (I notice Natasha has a tendency to squint, and I wonder if they should have sent her to an optometrist for makeover day). Natasha says she likes the photo “because it is so much better compared to other pictures I have.” They give her credit for being a good “salesman.” Tyra says her film was “not good” mentioning that “beauty does’t make a model, that’s why you see all those weird, funny-looking girls, like ‘Why is she a model?’ Because she knows how to project and be a model.”

    Felicia dances out to the front of the panel. Tyra commends for doing something memorable, but not for her outfit, which is “way too video” and suggests a tank top and stilettos in lieu of crop top and sneakers next time. Her Lollipop picture, however, is divine; it’s Nigel’s favorite shot so far, and Twiggy likes the close up. Tyra tells her that girls will relate to her, but she needs to “soak up more fashion.”

    Whitney exclaims “Call me Beyoncé!” so Tyra asks her to give that Beyoncé head shake. As for her Chocolate Kiss, it has Miss J. in a tizzy, “Girl you have whipped cream in all the right places, Lord have mercy.” Nigel and Twiggy find it “stiff” and “forced” though; Tyra agrees and thinks that stiffness is coming from her face.

    Brittany comes up and when the panel flatters her new red weave, she mentions how much it hurts. “Hair weaves are so painful, oh my God,” Tyra agrees. Tyra then catches Brittany patting the back of her head, and exclaims, “You doing a ‘Black Girl Pat’; yeah, that’s what you do when your hair weave itches!” Wait, don’t tell me now Brittany is a Secret Black Person too! Curiously, as Tyra congratulates her on being the challenge winner, Brittany appears to wipe tears from her eyes. Of…joy? Okay, yeah, I love Brittany, but she does cry a lot for no apparent reason. Her Banana Split picture is a big hit. Twiggy says it’s a “very fashiony” shot and Neeko declares it “Fashion Week 2008.” Renee looks like she’s going to puke.

    They don’t like Cassandra’s shoes, or her Jelly Bean picture. It’s met with silence from the judging panel. Not a good sign. First thing Nigel says is she lost her neck. Tyra says she continues to “lose her pretty.” Next is Renee. Even my satellite hates her, so the audio drops out for part of her eval, but I’m able to catch that they want Renee to mess up her hair and make it edgier. In her Candy Necklace picture, Tyra says her eyes are “almost there” but not quite.

    Tyra shreds Dionne’s ensemble as “beyond mall” and has her strip off almost all her accessories and one of her shirts. They do love her Candy Cane picture, commending her for being one of the few to catch the “fun side” of the photo shoot. Diana comes up and Tyra is mad that yet another girl has pulled back the hair they went to all the trouble to make over. They like the hair. Her Gummy Bear photo is nice in the close up, but as Nigel says, “I’m not crazy about the long shot.” Tyra says exactly what Jay was trying to get her to do in the shoot, suck the belly in/stick the booty out (Words to live by—that’s my new bumper sticker!). Neeko thinks Diana seems uncomfortable; Tyra asks Diana if she has any ideas why; Diana says, “Oh I don’t know.” Awkward pause. “Maybe some self reflection,” Tyra suggests.

    They love Sarah’s new wood sprite look, and her picture is a revelation. Nigel says Sarah finally “brought it.” Twiggy finds it “brilliant” and the “eyes connect.” Tyra calls out Renee to look at Sarah’s photo as an example of how her eyes should be in a photo. Renee nods like a good girl, but her inner child must be clawing at the walls.

    Tyra gives Jaslene some styling tips: fluff up the hair, lose the chandeliers dangling from her head. “So much earrings…you just can’t help yourself!” Her Dulce De Leche picture is some sexy caramel (although if Janice was her, she’d be mentioning something about how she looks like an amputee in the leg area), Twiggy says the camera loves her, Nigel says she looks the most comfortable in front of the camera. The panel, however, thinks she doesn’t stand out in person as a model. Oh my God, the judges drive me crazy when they pull this amnesiac act. “But back at home I’m real Cha Cha,” Jaslene protests. Tyra says, “Culture is beautiful.” Yeah, free to be you and me, right Tyra! Except if you’re Danielle and talk like you’re from the country, then culture needs to be eradicated!

    The judges do that deliberating they do, then get to the business of handing back photos. The first photos go to the Three Amigas: Brittany, Jael, Sarah. They’re followed by Dionne, Felicia, Renee, Whitney, Natasha, and Jaslene. In the bottom two: Diana and Cassandra. Tyra says Diana is beautiful but does not stand out strongly enough and is fading into the background; Cassandra, the girl who gives everyone strength and spirituality, is just not delivering in the photo department.

    Teardrops roll when they call Diana’s name. Everyone rushes up to hug Cassandra, and everyone seems truly sad to see her go, particularly Whitney and Jael. Cassandra waves goodbye to everyone with a smile on her face, saying she’ll miss everyone. She’s sad to be leaving so early but says she’ll keep practicing and appreciates the shot she got. Don’t give up Cassandra, until your personality shines through on film, because if you had a picture one tenth as beautiful as your soul, it would definitely be a winner.

    I’ll take you to the candy shop, I’ll let you lick the lollipop, keep going to till you hit the spot—Whoa, these lyrics are dirtier than I thought! It’s like the modern day “Afternoon Delight.” Email high res photos of good hair cuts to snowflakegirl@fansofrealitytv. com
    Sending good vibes and warm fuzzies your way..., SnowflakeGirl
    All New AMERICA'S TOP MODEL Recaps! Premiere Pt. 1 & Pt. 2, Ep. 3, Ep. 4, Dinah's Dynamite Ep. 5, Ep. 6, Ep. 7, Ep. 8, Ep. 9, Ep. 10, Ep. 11, Finale
    Relive every beautiful moment of America's Next Top Model...Click here for links to prior season recaps & interviews.

  2. #2
    hilarious. good job.

  3. #3
    - P A R T Y - Yep, that's me!'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Currently, in my house
    Great recap...I loled a lot

  4. #4
    FORT Fogey canadian_angel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    the province with the really long name
    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl;2282168;
    The Devil Wears Curlers
    That made me laugh and I found myself nodding in agreement. Great recap!

  5. #5
    FORT Fogey hot_chocolate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl;2282168;
    The Devil Wears Curlers

    By cutting, they are referring to that most inevitable of reality television moments: [overly-enthusiastic Oprah voice] MAAAAKE-OVERRRRRS! [audience screams and foams at mouth]

    Tyra says exactly what Jay was trying to get her to do in the shoot, suck the belly in/stick the booty out (Words to live by—that’s my new bumper sticker!).
    Great recap!
    "In spite of all the temptation you have endured, all the suffering, you remain pure of heart, just as pure as you were at the age of eleven, when you stared into a mirror that reflected your heart's desire, and it showed you only the way to thwart Lord Voldemort, and not immortality or riches."

  6. #6
    Thinking femme fatale's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    In a world of my own
    Great recap Snowy!!

    And yes, I do agree that Renee was giving us the evil eye in her makeover picture.

  7. #7
    Special withoutasol's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    San Jose, CA
    hi snowy, still love your recaps as always! great minds think alike!

  8. #8
    Ann Markley: my top model Astridr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Thanks Snowy!
    You make this show taste better!

  9. #9
    Rylani Rylani's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    That was a great recap, thanks for another great laugh
    Nice to know, impossible to forget

  10. #10
    Survivor Forever ahsien's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Awesome Recap!!! thanks.. so much fun!!!
    The real original AMERICAN IDOL KELLY CLARKSON's new single NEVER AGAIN is now availlable on ITUNES !!!!

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