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Thread: ANTM7 Ep. 4 Recap: No Mo’ Moanique McNasty

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    ANTM7 Ep. 4 Recap: No Mo’ Moanique McNasty

    I do my best to bring you all the most complete recaps I possibly can, so it is with great regret that I inform you that this week I have only 75% of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL to present to you. You can thank my local affiliate of CW for that; seems their sucky new network is still working out broadcasting bugs and decided to black out 30 minutes into the program. I am lucky to have even 75%, as the show never came back on at my house—luckily I had a trusty friend with me that night, who called her husband, who was able to record then deliver the last 15 minutes of show for us (THANK YOU). Still, I apologize, fellow ANTManiacs, and for the first time I might have to ask you guys to recap that part of the show for me, since I never did get to see what happened on that runway. Fortunately, or perhaps, unfortunately I didn’t miss Monique hitting a new low in reality TV wretchedness. Read on for what we did catch.

    Slip ‘n’ Slide

    The girls try their hand at extreme sports by setting up a row of mattresses down the stairwell and sliiiiiding down headfirst on sofa cushion sleds. Wheeeee! CariDee thinks a little goofiness is great way to alleviate the stress of competition. With my crappy luck lately, I’d be the model to barrel down, miss the pile of rugs, crash into the wall, and crack my skull open all over the beautiful, plush carpeting which the production assistants are hoping has stain guard so they can get their deposit back.

    Speaking of stress, Jaeda is still not over her haircut. She laments over how much she misses her hair and how she’s waiting for it to grow back with all the sorrow of a military wife waiting for her man to return from war. GET OVER IT! It’s just hair, and besides, the short style looks great on you! Being in the bottom two seems to have been a wake up call, however; Jaeda knows she can’t screw up an opportunity like this just because she doesn’t like her new hair. That’s probably the smartest revelation on the show so far.

    A.J. says she misses Megan, as she wipes away a tear (or maybe some of whatever gunk she uses to spike up her hair got in her eye). I do agree with A.J. when she says there are other people more deserving of the boot, like Monique and Eugena, due to their “terrible attitudes.” Melrose, target of most of Monique’s rage and recipient of the icky Wet Hand to the Face Award from last week, agrees. What the hell was that wet hand about anyway? That was like some creepy Multiple Miggs, slime-slinging action right there.

    Melrose is not the only person to whom Monique has shown her nasty side; evidence clearly shows her lashing out at nearly everyone in the house at one time or another, for one reason or another—and sometimes no good reason at all. Monique could quite possibly be the worst, most malicious, blatantly bitch-o-matic ANTM contestant ever. She makes Camille and Jade look positively cuddly in comparison…uh, Tyra what happened to your saying you didn’t want to cast any more “black bitch” types (your own words, Tyra)? I’m not sure I have ever wished physical harm to anyone on a reality show ever before, but let’s just say I wouldn’t mind if Monique had busted her head open on the stairwell. Sadly, she was not one of the sliding girls.

    Walk the Line

    “Watch your step because your butt is on the line,” reads their latest TyraMail. At dusk, the girls head out in the limo to a big, open yard that I swear was the same one they used on “Who Wants to Be a Superhero.” Maybe during the day Stan Lee’s show taped there, then at night came Tyra’s. Supermodel/Superhero, same difference. They both have to be able to look great in ridiculous outfits. Speaking of superheroes, my personal hero, the Amazing Miss J. Alexander happens to be up on a rig in the middle of the yard, wearing a tutu and balancing on his delicate tippy-toes atop a tightrope. Miss J. gracefully walks across the high wire like a seasoned circus performer (though I wonder how many takes it took to get that shot) in order to demonstrate the lesson of the day: posture and balance.

    Stunt coordinators like Richard Gaona are there to help teach the girls to walk a half-inch wire, with the reasoning that if they can walk that, they can walk anything. This reminds me of when I used to be in ballet, and they made us walk a high beam blind-folded to perfect our balance. I don’t know how I managed to escape crashing to the ground and cracking my skull open, but I bring this up to show that this is not a wholly unrealistic exercise.

    CariDee goes first, joking that they’re making the blonde do this first, and adding, “I can’t even walk a straight line when I’m dead sober, so hell if I’m going to walk a little tiny rope.” The normally goofy blonde looks more serious than I’ve ever seen her as she tries to navigate the high wire; unfortunately, she doesn’t make it all the way, and about three-quarters of the way falls into the arms of a stunt coordinator waiting down below (and don’t worry, the girls are also secured by a wire rig from above too). She tries not to worry over it; CariDee’s strategy is not be the top right now, just to make it to the next stage.

    Anchal is next, Megg, and A.J. are next. It looks difficult, but they do their best, not without a little griping though. “No whining in modeling!” Richard orders A.J., who’s shown herself to be in a league of her own when it comes to crying and complaining like a colicky child. As Eugena walks the line, she is aware of Tyra’s warning: she needs to show more emotion or she’s nicked; Richard comments with disapproval that she’s “not smiling.” Amanda says she and her sister both have problems with their feet; Michelle is apparently “flat-feeted” as Amanda charmingly calls it. Amanda asks for a “one-way ticket” but everyone has to walk both ways on the high wire. Jaeda makes it across with determination. Richard compliments Brooke for becoming comfortable up on the wire, but she says, “Let’s just hope I don’t fall and screw it all up.”

    Melrose is the best so far. She gets praise from Richard for walking “like she has her heels on” and even gets an enthusiastic “Perfect!” and even an “Awesome!” If this were elementary school, she’d totally be getting the little gold star sticker. Monique is again seething, this time with jealousy. She looks determined to show up her nemesis, Melrose, as she gets up on the wire. You can’t fight the seether, can you? Melrose doesn’t even want to, she says she’s just trying to avoid Monique now. Monique insists she is “Top Model material,” making it wicked sweet to see her careen and eventually fall off the tightrope. Unfortunately, the guys were there to catch her before she fell onto her head and smashed it open like pumpkin—perhaps a seventeen-year-old pumpkin?

    This Girl is Sick, Part I

    Back at home, TyraMail says, “We all love to be in an expensive designer frock, but tomorrow you’ll rock your own line.” While most of the girls mull that over, Melrose decides to seize this rare moment of Monique not hogging the phone and make a call to her mother. She’s not on long before Monique throws a tantrum over how she “specifically called first for the phone.” After the three hour phone hostage situation from last week, I would not blame Melrose if she decided to get Russell Crowe on Monique’s ass and pitch that receiver right at her deluded psychobitch face, but Melrose tries to calmly say that she’ll only be 20 minutes. “I shouldn’t have to wait,” Monique says with a maddening tone of privilege. Well, others shouldn’t have to get assaulted by your slimy towel hand, Monique!

    Monique insists on invading Melrose’s personal space, hovering around her in the phone room while she tries to talk to her mom. Finally, Melrose kicks the door shut on Monique’s ass. Literally. The door hits Monique in her bitchy booty. There is a moment of terrifying silence, the kind that seems to precede almost all catastrophic events. Brooke pleads, like a child in an abusive household, “Oh guys, please don’t start it again.” Monique is too angry for words even, and a quiet Monique is almost more frightening than a moaning one.

    When Melrose finally leaves the phone room, Monique purposely walks into her on her way in, and in the process she violently shoves not only Melrose but Anchal, who is innocently having a snack in the kitchen. Oh of all the crimes, don’t disturb a girl while she’s eating! Monique calls her mother and says, “Mom, I about to [bleep] her up, excuse my French.” First of all, that’s not French. I don’t know much of the language myself, but I’d like to say to Monique, Va te faire futre! Second of all, I can’t believe her mom puts up with this, what is wrong with this family?

    Another thing I don’t understand? How did Eugena and Monique become the best of friends, after the peepee in the bed-e-bye incident? Eugena is the first (well, probably only) housemate Monique complains to of this run-in with Melrose. Then, as Melrose climbs into bed, Monique shares her secret, evil plan with Eugena. Her secret, evil, disgusting, nasty ass plan: “I’m going to take my undies and rub them all over the bed.” Eugena does nothing to stop her, only telling Monique that she is “so bad.” Bad? That’s beyond bad, or even bitchy. Monique is just plain foul.

    I keep praying that Monique does not really mean to do this, but before you know it, she has dropped her chonies and runs over to Monique’s bed clad in a towel with the undergarment in her hand. While Melrose innocently tries to sleep, Monique does exactly what she says: she rubs her underpants on the surface of Melrose’s bed, waking up her poor victim in the process. “That’s so icky,” says witness Jaeda. Then Monique has the nerve to go and brag about how she rubbed her nasty panties all over Melrose’s bed.

    PUKE! This girl is definitely SICK!!! She’s gone over the edge from uncivil to just plain unsanitary. I really don’t find this funny—who knows what manner of foulness Monique could have between her legs? Smeg, crabs…I shudder to think. And just what is wrong with this woman? What is with her weird obsession with crotch-based crimes (the undies, the “bed-wetting,” possibly also the hand smear, although I’m still not sure what happened there)? Oh I have seen some wack things on reality TV, and I have seen some wicked things, and this is just wackèd. MAD WACKÈD!

    While Monique gloats over her vile victory, the girls feel terrorized by her. Jaeda calls her “crazy” and says they’re worried she’ll chop up all their clothes; CariDee says Monique is “capable of anything” and that’s what she hates the most. Anchal fears Monique could “throw lemonade” on her in the middle of the night; oh you’d better hope that liquid is lemonade and not this hooch’s cooch juice, at the rate she’s going. All I know for sure is I can’t stand seeing Monique on my screen any longer, and I pray to the Almighty above for something, anything, to get her off the show as soon as possible.

    Rise and shine, Top Models! You ever hear that term, “Who pissed in your cornflakes?” Watch out! It’s probably Monique. In the morning, Monique not only admits, but fully gloats to everyone about how she buffed Melrose’s blanket with her bikini bottom. “I just wiped it on the bed or whatever, with my little thingy.” You can hear the Ewwwww’s around the world. I don’t want to hear another word about Monique’s “little thingy,” thankyouverymuch.

    Melrose, meanwhile, tells one of the twins that she has defended herself against tougher opponents than Monique, and the only reason Monique is behaving the way she is because “she can’t get attention otherwise, she has no personality.” She doesn’t want to make up with Monique, because she feels that their conflict is only making Monique’s performance in the competition worse—and Melrose is here to win.

    Thighs Wide Shut

    Up in the hills above LA, the girls finally arrive for their challenge. Like me, they wonder if the message means they’re going to be designing their own clothes to model, but oh those tricky TyraMails, how they do mislead. Instead, Miss J. comes out in a crazy carnival mask and bell-shaped costume, perfectly tromping down a line set down in tape above the stone floor in killer red high heels.

    Following after is, according to Miss J., “one of the best walkers yet”: Cycle 5’s Bre, also in a big, Venetian/Cirque du Soleil/Eyes Wide Shut mask has me nervous that the girls are going to be involved in a twisted orgy with scientologists. Bre hoofs it down the cobblestones with nary a stumble (although I have to point out, she’s not directly on top of the line like J. was), and show her signature shoulder pivot at the turn, which honestly always kind of bugged me.

    Miss J. explains that their challenge today is to walk a straight line on broken slabs of concrete in masks and high heels, all while maintaining poise and balance. This is a challenge that is, apparently, much easier said than done. I have a hard time walking on cobblestones in flip-flops, personally, so feel for the girls. Brooke psyches herself up by saying it’s “just like the tightrope.”

    Amanda comes out strong, but falters just as Miss J. compliments her; she twists her ankles more than once, and he compares her walk to a drunk person’s. Megg almost makes it halfway before stumbling big time. He thinks Michelle needs to walk more like a girl. Bre, meanwhile, is having way too much fun laughing her ass off at the girls’ mistakes. There’s a supportive mentor!

    A.J. makes the challenge look like a breeze. She says that she has discovered in the course of training that her feet naturally walk in a straight line, one in front of the other. Jaeda goes a little too slow for J.’s taste, but I see no major trip ups. Monique makes it down the line without stumbling either—damn! Melrose makes a big slip, and never quite recovers; J. scolds her for losing her nerve. Monique laughs at Melrose’s pain, like the compassionate person she is.

    Eugena’s walk was too “safe” for J.; Brooke’s got that “wind in the hair” model look down; Anchal is a little bit clumsy, i.e. doing a rendition of the SnowflakeGirl walk; CariDee is Careen-a-Dee, looking a bit like a runaway train, but Miss J. and Bre seem to love her sexy, fun attitude.

    Miss J. informs the girls that today’s winner will fly out to Austin, Texas tomorrow to model in the Dennis Quaid charity benefit fashion show. Hmm, odd, I wouldn’t normally associate Dennis Quaid with fashion necessarily. Really, I always found Randy Quaid the chic fashion maven. The lucky line walker is A.J., who gets to choose two girls who will accompany her and also model in Austin. Brooke is dying to return to her hometown, and begs A.J. to pick her. Sorry! A.J. selects CariDee and Megg (ROCK ‘N’ ROLL!!!) instead. “That sucks,” Brooke says, getting teary-eyed.

    Walker, Texas Runway

    The White Girl Rock ‘N’ Roll Model crew heads to LAX to hop their plane to Texas. Yeehaw! A.J., CariDee, and Megg are treated like VIPs and ultimately head to the Dennis Quaid celebrity fashion event, where they meet the show organizers on a set with a big HEB sign. No, HEB is not a glamorous brand like MAC; I have relatives in Texas and I can tell you that it’s a supermarket, like Ralph’s or Safeway.

    There, the girls meet up with their fellow walkers for the night. Yes, they will be sharing the runway with some models you might recognize…Oh who? Alessandra? Carmen? Gemma? Natalia?!! Are you kidding me? This is ANTM (and CW to boot) you get these girls instead: Rebecca (cycle 4), Coryn (cycle 5), April (cycle 2, squeee!), Shannon (cycle 1), Mercedes (cycle 2, I’m so happy to always see this girl working), Brittany (cycle 4), and Camille (cycle 2). Oh but who am I trying to fool, I love these girls, and in fact I miss seeing many of their faces (exception: Camille).

    Nervous, and now completely intimidated after talking to Camille, A.J., CariDee, and Megg practice walking runway behind the building. Someone interrupts their practice session, however; it’s none other than Dennis Quaid, who honestly seems like one of the nice guys in Hollywood and my God he looks good for his age! CariDee seems the most star-struck at meeting Dennis; A.J. and Megg say the experience is “awesome” but don’t seem quite as impressed. What, is Greg Kinnear (also in the audience) not ROCK ‘N’ ROLL enough for ya?

    The fashion show is fun to watch, and no one trips or falls. It’s nice to see the familiar faces of some of my favorite former Top Models. A.J. finds walking down the runway a huge “adrenaline rush.” Megg says, “Let’s ROCK ‘N’ ROLL.” Is there anything else in this girl’s vocabulary? She reminds me of the Wayne’s World theme song, “PARTY TIME! EXCELLENT!” only with much less variety. CariDee wants to savor this high point, even though her stop at the end of the runway is a little awkward and looks like she got turned around at the bus stop.

    This Girl is Sick, Part II

    Meanwhile, back at the farm, Monique has fallen mysteriously ill; fever, headache, exhaustion, the whole nine yards. As she lies looking near death in her bed, I wonder…Is this God answering my prayers? Is this Karma, punishing her crimes of the crotch? Did she just happen to eat some tainted spinach? Or perhaps the e-coli came from another source and, as my friend theorized, did someone finally get back at Monique by sticking MoMo’s toothbrush up her butt?

    Melrose has her own theory, she thinks the competition has simply caught up with her, and Monique really has made herself sick. Oh Monique, you really are sick, in every sense of the word.

    TyraMail says that the girls are going to “walk the plank” for ther next photo shoot. They are excited at the prospect of dressing up like pirates. “I love pirates,” Amanda (or is it Michelle) says, winning my heart, yaaargh, and me hook hand. Brooke very approaches Monique, who is collapsed in her bed looking bad as hell warmed over like a twice-baked potato, asking if there’s anything she can do for her. Monique asks for a drink, and Brooke rubs her shoulder and says she’ll say her prayers for Monique to get better. Wow, Brooke is impossibly nice—and brave, I might add! Watching her even touch Monique makes me clench up in fear, like footage of Steve Irwin wrestling with sea creatures.

    Eugena, Monique’s best buddy, helps her homegirl put on some shoes and wrap up in a blanket. She says Monique is getting sicker by the minute, and she actually is scared for her. Eugena even accompanies her when production drives her to the emergency room. Monique says the experience at the hospital was “miserable” but all the doctor seems to tell her is that she’s dehydrated and needs to drink more fluids. It must be all that peeing in the bed she likes to do.

    The next day, Eugena wonders aloud whether Monqiue should go, considering how bad she looks. Hmm, caring friend…or is this how Eugena eliminates her competition? Monique manages to drag herself out of bed, knowing how important it is for her to have a photo for the week.

    White Girl Rock ‘n’ Roll Crew (or as Jay Manuel calls them, the “Jet Set” girls) arrive back in LA and go directly to the set on very little sleep and after spending barely 24 hours in Texas. Welcome to the life of a real model, girls! They reunite with their housemates just in time for Jay to explain that today’s shoot will actually be taken from the photo pen at the end of a runway—just as in a real fashion show. They will be modeling for designer Charlie Altuna (he’s not the guy form Ozomatli?) and Emiliano Moreno. Charlie tells them they have to be careful because a lot of the pieces are delicate. Think that’s the hardest part of this challenge? Not a chance. The girls haven’t seen their runway yet.

    Monique is milking her illness, and complaining loudly. She finally tells Jay, and he has a driver come to pick her up and take her home. Monique says her “heart and mind” want to do this but her body won’t let her. Michelle points out that Cycle 6 winner Danielle looked to be on her deathbed in Thailand, but she pulled the damn tubes off her and ran away from the hospital just to climb an elephant and rock her shoot. I cross my fingers, hoping this will impact judging.

    Pool Party

    Girls, meet your runway. It is a series of floating blocks set in the middle of a gigantic pool. Not a stable wooden plank, more a series of flat, bobbing buoys that are not as steady as they look without a body standing on top of them. Jay says he’s walked it himself all afternoon, “and clearly I’m fine.” I doubt he was in high heels and a big ass Dynasty-lookin’ dress, but okay, I’ll take your word. Actually [remembering his drag moment from a past episode], maybe he was in high heels and a dress after all. Still, his signature bleached out platinum head hasn’t turned all green, so I assume he hasn’t fallen into the pool.

    The girls get dressed up in Altuna/Moreno’s 1980s-meets-mobster moll collection and hit the planks. Jay says Brooke was actually pretty composed for being the first to go. Unfortunately, she nearly takes a dive on the way back from the end of the catwalk. Jaeda nearly falls in before she reaches the photo opp at the end; Jay is also impressed that she maintains her composure, despite nearly getting tipped in the pool. Anchal does not do quite so well; Jay hollers at her to hurry up, and she ends up looking like me in P.E. class (not a good thing).

    Then comes CariDee. Dear, sweet, CariDee has a wardrobe malfunction the second she steps on the runway: her entire left booby is hanging out. She walks out so nervous and obviously concentrating on not falling into the water, that she doesn’t notice it at all. With a laugh, Altuna says he loves the booby moment, declaring it, “So Paris!” Did he mean Paris, France or Paris Hilton?

    Jay screams for Megg to give him more energy. “Is she asleep?” he asks. That’s not very ROCK ‘N’ ROLL! (Maybe just rock ‘n’ roll.) Jay finds A.J. “breathtaking”; Michelle “owned the end of the runway”; Amanda was :the best at keeping up her pace”;

    Technical Difficulties

    It’s at this point in the show that my screen freezes then turns black, only on the CW. I freak out and try calling my television cable provider. I’m on hold just long enough to see a message on my screen say, “No need to call us. Your local station is working to restore their signal as soon as possible. This TV station is having technical difficulties.” Translation: ghetto ass CW doesn’t have their shiznit together yet.

    I just reorganized my make-up kit, so to kill time since my friend was over, we had girly girl make-up play time. Here is the makeup we were wearing that night. On my friend: MAC lipstick in Russian Red, layered over with Bloom lipstick in Pash, Zhen face powder in Bamboo, Vincent Longo cheek stain in Liquid Kiss. On me: Urban Decay lip gloss in YDK, with a dab of MAC lipglass in Oyster Girl, NARS blush in Sin, Stila eyeshadow in Moonlight, L’Oreal HiP shadow duo in Sassy as an eyeliner (teal on top, taupe on bottom), and Blinc Kiss Me Mascara (the only mascara I can wear all day without looking like Rocky Raccoon at the end of the day).

    All’s Well That Ends Well

    Skip ahead to the judging ceremony, Tyra squeezed within an inch of her life in fab-u-lous corset with boning that must be made of adamantium or whatever is in Wolverine’s skeleton, because that bitch is straining to keep Tyra’s boobiliciousness in. Joining the panel of Nigel Barker, Miss J. and Twiggy tonight is the designer of the wobbly fashion show, Charlie Altuna.

    This week was all about balance, so the challenge tonight is for the girls to do their signature walk all while balancing a bowl of fruit on their heads. Tyra says that if Nnenna from Cycle 6 can do it, then so can they. To be fair, Nnenna had a towel wrapped around the container to keep it steady and, well, she’s from Africa. Women carry things on their head their out of necessity there, not just for silly fashion shows.

    Amanda is first and the bowl drops fairly quickly, arousing laughter from the panel. Anchal can’t hardly make it but a few steps before things fall apart, leading Tyra to ask is she has a “cone up there”; Anchal seems to just give up. Megg’s bowl rocks and rolls right off her head. Michelle (I’m pretty sure it is anyway) dos her best but it falls off anyway. A.J. makes it as far as the end of the runway, with just a wee wobble.

    Jaeda does a great job, giving Carmen Miranda a run for her money. Melrose looks strong, but has to put her hand up to hold the bowl in place. Eugena seems to do all right, but CariDee, not so much, that thing slides down to the merriment of the judges; she puts the empty bowl on as a hat. Monique comes down with one drop, but makes it back fine. Brooke’s bowl falls down with a painful hit to the shoulder (that could leave a bruise!) but her fun and funky attitude wins the judges over.

    Evaluations begin with Jaeda; Tyra gives her kudos for not being “Miss Droppy Droppy: and proving that balancing a bowl of fruit on your head can be done. The judges have a mixed reaction to her runway photo; Tyra’s not too impressed, but Twiggy says she sold it. Amanda was messy with the fruit, but came out clean as a whistle with her runway shot; Nigel likes the balance and determination in her eyes. Tyra didn’t feel like Michelle cared during the demo tonight; lucky for her, the judges love her photograph, they just aren’t sure about her personal presence.

    The judges love Megg’s ROCK ‘N’ ROLL personality; Charlie doesn’t like her mouth in the photo, however, Tyra begs to differ—she thinks Megg’s carrying the “fierceness” in her mouth. Even though CariDee messed up a lot with her fruit, she brought a sense of fun to the walk that Tyra liked; Tyra does not like her “PollyAnna” sense of style though. They love her winking runway pic, and Tyra compares her favorably to Karolina Kurkova. Even though they love her sense of fun on the runway, CariDee is warned to be more conscious about selling the clothes.

    Monique is seen as “completely vacant” tonight and she cries about being sick. Tyra says the industry doesn’t care if she’s sick or tired, in the real world, you have to work no matter what. She doesn’t have a photo this week, so Tyra says they will have to determine her fate based on her past body of work, her performance in the challenges, and her overall potential. Melrose is next, and they liked that every time the bowl fell, she just posed. Tyra likes that Melrose gave good angry model face, and Charlie thinks she was the best walker of the show.

    Brooke is seen as a bit of a “fruit and nut” and they like that about her. Her picture, Tyra says, should be used in the dictionary to illustrate “wind in hair on runway”; apparently, Tyra says girls can generate their own wind-blown hair look when walking by propelling their heads forward. Who else is going to try this on their way to the mall/bank/grocery/work tomorrow? Just me? The judges like A.J.’s zen-like walk, and congratulate her for winning the challenge this week; they also like her runway photo, the way she looks balanced and held together.

    Tyra thinks Anchal wasn’t trying hard enough during the test tonight; her picture gets a lukewarm reception, with her outfit getting more compliments than her face. Eugena was too slow on the walk tonight, and her picture is seen as “disappointing”; she mentions that she fell and hurt her knee (which I didn’t get to see, waaah!) but the judges only care about the photos. They think she looks dead, disconnected. Jay’s notes mention she was the only girl to fall, “the worst of the day.”

    After the judges’ deliberation and gospel musical interlude, they reconvene for the photo distribution. The lucky girls to get their pictures back are: A.J., Jaeda, Brooke, Anchal, Michelle, Melrose, Megg, Amanda (About whom Tyra comments, “Still two left feet, what is up with you and your sister?” My friend again had a brilliant theory; perhaps one was born with the two left feet, and the other with the two right?), and CariDee. A nervous CariDee thanks Tyra for believing in her, and Tyra calls her “Jade” (referring to Jade’s habit of saying “Thank you for believing in me” every time she got called).

    This leaves best buds Eugena and Monique on the chopping block. Forget Tyra’s speechifying, here’s the good news…Tyra calls Eugena’s name, and it’s official. MONIQUE IS GONE!!! Forever! Never to rub her dirty drawers on anyone’s bed ever again! [SFG does Cabbage Patch Dance of Joy] Bravo, Tyra and Co. for doing the right thing and not keeping Moan-Ick around for drama. This spoiled pumpkin can now go home. With typical graciousness, Monique simply calls her time on the show “a waste.” I’m just glad they got rid of her before she could squat down and all fours and leave a Chicago Steamer on someone’s bed—because I wouldn’t put it past her.

    Tell me what happened during those missing fifteen minutes or what make-up you’re wearing: snowflakegirl@fansofrealitytv. com
    Sending good vibes and warm fuzzies your way..., SnowflakeGirl
    All New AMERICA'S TOP MODEL Recaps! Premiere Pt. 1 & Pt. 2, Ep. 3, Ep. 4, Dinah's Dynamite Ep. 5, Ep. 6, Ep. 7, Ep. 8, Ep. 9, Ep. 10, Ep. 11, Finale
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  2. #2
    Tyra, shut up. StarbucksLover's Avatar
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    Haha! once again SnowflakeGirl, you produce another good recap. You are one step closer to being America's Next Top Recapper. Congratulations. Oh and Nnenna wasn't from Africa. Her parents were.(Nigeria) She was from Texas. She just spent 12 years in Nigeria.

  3. #3
    Picture Perfect SnowflakeGirl's Avatar
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    Thank you for believing in me, StarbucksLover [sniffles as she accepts photo]. And thanks for clarifying that info about Nnenna.
    Sending good vibes and warm fuzzies your way..., SnowflakeGirl
    All New AMERICA'S TOP MODEL Recaps! Premiere Pt. 1 & Pt. 2, Ep. 3, Ep. 4, Dinah's Dynamite Ep. 5, Ep. 6, Ep. 7, Ep. 8, Ep. 9, Ep. 10, Ep. 11, Finale
    Relive every beautiful moment of America's Next Top Model...Click here for links to prior season recaps & interviews.

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    didn't see the episode, but i am really curious as to why monique is such a bitch, it must get tiresome

  5. #5
    Ann Markley: my top model Astridr's Avatar
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    Woot, yay for more SFG recaps!
    I like that you played with make up while the bowl falls, I mean while the network failed. Always entertaining?
    I was waiting for more punches from SFG on the damn witch and I like that we're closing her appearance on the show. Now more screentime for others.

  6. #6
    piece of me~ BigMacs4Life's Avatar
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    OMG, I loved reading this recap! Seriously, what is up with Monique's crotch-based crimes though? Haha! Great job, SFG!

  7. #7
    FORT Biscuit VeronicaBelle27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl View Post
    You can’t fight the seether, can you?

    You ever hear that term, “Who pissed in your cornflakes?” Watch out! It’s probably Monique.

    April (cycle 2, squeee!),

    Is this Karma, punishing her crimes of the crotch?

    With a laugh, Altuna says he loves the booby moment, declaring it, “So Paris!” Did he mean Paris, France or Paris Hilton?

    I’m on hold just long enough to see a message on my screen say, “No need to call us. Your local station is working to restore their signal as soon as possible. This TV station is having technical difficulties.” Translation: ghetto ass CW doesn’t have their shiznit together yet.

    Skip ahead to the judging ceremony, Tyra squeezed within an inch of her life in fab-u-lous corset with boning that must be made of adamantium or whatever is in Wolverine’s skeleton, because that bitch is straining to keep Tyra’s boobiliciousness in.
    SFG: Well, we have our roving reporter Veronica Belle out in the field in North Jersey, to catch us up on the CW-goodness we missed, Veronica?

    {camera pans to a professionally made up, but sloppily dressed "associate" sitting on her bed in sweats and a sloppy bun, but with her Shisheido plum lipstick and liner, Smoky Eyes care of Cargo eyeshadow and liner, and her ever-present Great Lash Mascara in place}

    VB27: "Well, Snowy, you missed a delightfully mishy-mashy wishy-washy runway show/photo shoot combo! We were privy to a whole lot of nothing while watching the camera arc wildly between the lensemen, Mr. Jay, the audience, and the models walking the plank. Well some of them, anyway, Eugena stumbled a lot before actually falling into the pool--but managed to save her 'delicate' garment from ripping and providing indecent exposure. Caridee wasn't so lucky, but she 'worked it' anyway. Finally, at the end of the show, the girls had to endure even more torture as they were forced to walk the runway a final time as a group, complete with holding each other up, tipping each other over, and all the good stuff you'd hope for in this catwalking competition! I turn it back over to you and your always amazing recaps!"

    Thank you Snowy! Another winner!
    Last edited by VeronicaBelle27; 10-06-2006 at 11:59 AM.
    Could does not mean should

  8. #8
    Premium Member
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    Fab-u-lous job Snowy. I loved it!

  9. #9
    FORT Fan Stellaluna's Avatar
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    great recap!

  10. #10
    FORT Regular Marie Black's Avatar
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    Fantastic Recap

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