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Thread: ANTM6 Ep. 10 Recap: The Elephant in the Elimination Room

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    ANTM6 Ep. 10 Recap: The Elephant in the Elimination Room

    The word of the day is Preposterous and it’s brought to you by the model Jade! She will also teach you some (erroneous) things about zoology, and that the best way to help someone with a migraine is TO TALK REALLY LOUDLY, REALLY CLOSE TO THEIR HEADS (this helps aid the “releasement” of pain by redirecting the nervous system towards annoyment rather than painness). For this week’s photo shoot, the girls will pose with elephants. Think this is a preposterous idea for a photo shoot? Maybe you’re not familiar with Richard Avedon and his famous photo of Dior-clad Dovima (the world’s real first supermodel, Janice).

    Words of Wisdom

    After a brief glimpse of life in modern Thailand, we are reunited with our beloved Top Modelettes who are enjoying another wonderful day at the Plaza Athenee. Danielle, feeling contemplative, shares her favorite quote, the words by which she says she lives: “What we do does not define us, what defines us is how well we rise after falling.” Ah yes, now, from whence do these words of wisdom originate…surely some profound philosopher or famous statesman, perhaps a literary classic. Or how about that cinematic masterpiece…Maid in Manhattan? Wow, I have been deeply inspired by many things in my life, but never a J.Lo film.

    Let the fretting begin! Furonda feels that being in the bottom two last time puts her in a “vulnerable position because it’s fresh in their minds [that] ‘This is the girl we almost sent home last week.’” She applies lotion to herself with more intense vigor than I’ve ever seen in my life—one almost worries that Buffalo Bill is standing over her, commanding, “It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.” Then one realizes with relief, what could he make out of her skinny ass anyway…a bracelet, a belt at the most? One also might note, “Hmm, SFG makes an awful lot of Silence of the Lambs references, should one be worried?” One might…now put the lotion in the @#$% basket!!!

    For Sara, whom we see practicing good oral hygiene in the bathroom, it’s la même litanie. Although she feels like she is a confident person in other ways, she is still not feeling the confidence in terms of her modeling. She decides that her strategy will be to fake it until she makes it. Or is that shake it before she bakes it? Take it if you’re snake bit? Oh hell, whatever it was, it rhymed.

    Joanie and Jade are seated at the dining table with a huge, colorful and delicious-looking array of food laid out before them. What the hell, is that all just for them? I feel like sliding into an empty seat and hollering, “You gonna finish that?” before tucking in with a fork. Anyway, Jade is entertaining Joanie with her unique brand of charming conversation, like telling Joanie she sees her as “demanding” and “a little bit two-faced.” Whereas Jade’s mojo-sucking technique might successfully deflate the ego of someone weaker (e.g. Gina), Joanie just looks at Jade over her plate of food with mild disdain and keeps on eating. “I just don’t feel like Jade’s a good person on the inside,” Joanie says later, “I feel like America’s Next Top Model needs to be someone that others can talk to, look up to.” Amen!

    Jade goes on talking smack about how Joanie doesn’t look like a model to her, and if she went to New York, “people would laugh at her.” This is rich coming from Miss Malaprop over here, who needs to learn how to use a dictionary and is probably the biggest source of Not-with-Her-but-at-Her laughter of this entire cycle.

    Meanwhile, Danielle sits in front of her bedroom window with its stunning penthouse view, intently studying a book. She says that when things get tough, as they most certainly have been lately, she likes to stop and read some scriptures to get herself together again. Of course, you have to get right with Jesus, after all, he is the original Mr. J.

    U Can't Touch This

    TyraMail says, “You may find yourself in a strange position tomorrow.” Don’t tell me the next challenge Tyra’s going to sell these girls into the illegal sex trade industry! [Gasp!] Knowing ANTM, it won’t be anything as exciting. [Sigh.] In their rad hyper-pink space van the next day, Furonda is babbling to herself semi-coherently in the back seat. It’s the sort of mad rambling you might hear from the chatty crackhead on the corner, who likes to scratch the pavement outside in hopes of finding a lucky rock (call the cops). Danielle thinks that she is “putting too much thought” into the competition and seems to be “choking.” She needs to calm down, take a deep breath, back away from the pipe.

    All five girls arrive at the Patravadi Theater (although they don’t all leave together; more on this later) where they are greeted by Patravadi Mejudhon, artistic director and founder, who says that she will be teaching them Thai classical dance in the hopes that it will “enhance” the expressiveness of the face and hands in their modeling work.

    First, a demonstration: four dancers come out in a flash of gold, dressed in traditional Thai costumes including the crowning glory, the elaborate Thai headdress. The girls watch the elegant and dramatic performance intently; Joanie found it “breathtaking” and Jade studies them closely, even mimicking some of the hand movements, noticing how far back the Thai dancers can bend their hands. One thing I notice is that while the dancers are fluid and graceful with their hands on top, on the bottom their feet are working at a nimble but frantic rate—kind of like how ducks glide by smoothly on top, but underwater their feet are paddling like mad. It’s impressive though, and as Joanie describes, “very precise.”

    Time for class. First, Patravadi sits them down and explains how the dance is like a language all its own, and each hand movement has a specific meaning. It can represent objects like flowers or birds; emotions like shyness or anger; or even more abstract things like love or “I am.” She warns them, however, that the hand must never go above eye level for women (eyebrows for men) as this is a sign of “arrogance” (and this just a nanosecond after we see a picture of Tyra posing with one hand clearly above her head, har har). Jade thanks Patravadi for the warning, because “I don’t have an ounce of arrogance in my body.” You just keep on believing what you want to, Jade. I also knew someone who claimed to have never farted in their entire life, and I never tried to disabuse them of that notion either.

    Next, the girls put on Hammer pants and learn their footwork. Stop, Furonda time: she fumbles over the foot moves, says she’s “confused” and admits that when she’s nervous she doesn’t retain information very well. Not good. Danielle is not feeling well; in fact she’s starting to feel “faint” as if having an “outer body experience.” Also not good. Others are even starting to notice, like Joanie who says that Danielle is such a strong person that seeing her looking so “woozy” must be a sign that something is “really wrong.” Jade, ever the helpful one, comforts Danielle by TALKING REALLY LOUDLY, DIRECTLY INTO THE EAR of the person with the MASSIVE HEADACHE. Yeah thanks, now SHUT THAT NATTERING PAD THAI HOLE THE HELL UP.

    Wake Up and Smell the Bitch

    When they break for lunch, Danielle sits by herself with her head in her hands, obviously still afflicted with some kind of malaise while the rest of the girls chatter around the table without her.

    Joanie and Jade, in particular, seem to be locking horns. “You’re always so defensive,” Joanie says, to which Jade replies, defensively, “I AM NOT!” While the two of them go at it, Sara and Furonda sit like children of a dysfunctional family used to tuning out their parents’ mudslinging. Furonda even does her impression of what they sound like: “Wah wah wah, wah wah wah,” à la the adults in Charlie Brown.

    Joanie says she doesn’t think Jade has any respect for her, adding, “Even when I’m sitting next her, all I smell is just bitch.” She says this with a wave of her hands as if to illustrate the bitchified fumes rising off of Jade (see, the Thai dance class has had an influence on them). This all makes me wonder, hmm, just what does “bitch” smell like? Maybe Jade could license her scent out, like so many other “celebrities” including Sarah Jessica Parker, and Britney Spears. I can see it now…Jade’s “Bitch: Eau de Twat” opens with assertive acid notes that hinge on a musk of malice and then lingers with an acrid accord of discord.

    Emergency Zoom

    All this fighting has kept everyone so distracted that no one has noticed that Danielle is gone! Cut to a shot of Danielle being carried out of the house in the arms of a big, burly white dude. For a split second, I am scared that she is being kidnapped! Nooo, unhand poor Danielle! Silly me, then I realize this dude is probably some crew member enlisted to do some “heavy lifting” so to speak. He takes her out to a silver version of the girls’ crazy, winged van—I guess they must have two of those for the talent and the crew—which zooms her away for some medical help.

    All the while, Danielle is breathing raggedly, with her eyes closed, looking barely conscious. When she finally gets to the hospital, Danielle looks on the verge of death, like how vampire victims are portrayed. Obviously, Danielle is in a very bad way. Later, she says her whole body was numb, and she was involuntarily twitching and shaking. At this point, Danielle was less concerned with the competition than with her health, and who could blame her.

    As the staff wheels Danielle into the ER, her voiceover explains that she’s never been in the hospital before, so she doesn’t understand what is going on. It probably doesn’t help that she’s so far from home and in a foreign country, poor girl. Who could blame her for being scared? The last thing we see of Danielle before we check back in with the other girls is her limp body curled up in fetal position in a hospital bed, oxygen tubes sticking out of her face. I know what you all are thinking…Bird flu. Now, now, no need for alarm; I’m sure it’s something much more innocuous, like illegal harvesting of human body parts for sale.

    Dance Dance Evolution

    Back at Patravadi’s, the girls reassemble, sans Danielle, in the garden theater, where gigantic drums are set up. Patravadi informs them that the girls will be performing there this afternoon, before an audience and three additional judges. Joanie wonders if Danielle’s absence will pose a problem for her in panel. The girls head backstage to get prepared for their dance debuts by getting swathed in gorgeous Thai silks and various gilded adornments. Oh, and of course, the contractually obliged CoverGirl.

    The girls file onstage in their ornate gold costumes, and then one by one, do a brief performance for the audience based on what they’ve learned. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m actually quite impressed with how all the girls do based on one, single day of dance training…but being is nice is boring. Let’s talk about what went wrong!

    First up is Jade, who says that she sees how she can “fit the image of Thai and it’s tripping me out.” Or maybe just tripping…what are you talking about, you crazy, delusional loon? According to Joanie, Jade tries to be “precise” but “never smiled.” Patravadi concurs that Jade looked uncomfortable, adding that “her eyes looked quite worried.” Characteristically, Jade is oblivious and thinks she rocked the house.

    Joanie said she felt pretty confident until she got center stage and started to shake. Despite her nerves, she keeps a serene expression on her face the whole while. Jade acknowledges that Joanie’s “doing great job” but is quick to add, “I’m not intimidated; she’s just not on my level.” No one is on your level, Jade, but that’s only because you exist in a circle of Dante’s inferno for which even the most demonic of personages don’t have clearance. Patravadi, in contrast, describes Joanie’s dance as “poised” and “elegant,” and says that she appreciates the smile she keeps on her face throughout the dance.

    Sara comes out looking a little gawky and awkward—gawkward, if you will. She keeps a smile on her face throughout, but she’s just so lanky and gangly—langly, if you will—that the whole thing is as strange to watch as a giraffe tapdancing—girapdancing, if you will. Patravadi thinks that if she was “more confident” in what she was doing, “she’d be much better.” Story of Sara’s life on this show, but she did give it the old college try. “I don’t think I have a career in traditional Thai dancing,” Sara accedes.

    Furonda admits she’s nervous and anything she might have learned today just flew out the window. She says her nerves took over and she just did “whatever,” which is probably the best description for the ridiculous mish mash of movement she made on stage which Joanie says in no way resembled anything like Thai dance, “It was hula, it was club, it was everywhere.” I think I even saw a little “talk to the hand” in there. Also, Furonda repeatedly stuck her hand waaay high up in the air in the gesture of “arrogance” Patravadi had specifically warned them against. Furonda may not be the best Thai dancer, but she is good comic relief. She has the audience in stitches with her antics, but while Patravadi acknowledges she is a “good entertainer” she laments that Furonda’s lack of discipline and “she should pay attention more in the techniques and the knowledge.”

    Patravadi introduces all the judges who have hella long Thai names that would give me carpal tunnel to type out. The important thing is they all agree on one winner: Joanie. She is delighted to win a challenge for the first time. When prompted to select a friend to join in her prize, she chooses Sara, then announces in front of everyone that she selected Sara because she’s “never won anything.” The comment stings Sara, who doesn’t want to be picked out of pity—or maybe just doesn’t appreciate it being pointed out in public. The girls’ prize will be dinner with Siri Udomritthiruj, publishing director of Elle Thailand. It’s no diamond ring, but hey, it’s something.

    Meanwhile, Danielle is at the hospital with tubes sticking out from all over. She imagines what everyone else is doing: dancing onstage while she’s lying in bed with an IV in her arm. Apparently, she suffered really bad dehydration and the doctors want her to stay in the hospital, but she refuses and decides to leave without the doctor’s consent. “There’s no way that I’m leaving the competition,” Danielle says as she stands up shakily and leaves the hospital still looking pretty tore up. Talk about commitment!

    Joanie and Sara meet Siri at Supatra River House for a lovely repast. Siri presents her with a reward for being the best dancer: a beautiful, glass-encased Warrior Head that Joanie says she will place on the coffee table at home to show Jade that “there is a warrior looking at her all the time.” Siri warns them that they must be ever aware of the “repercussions of what you do each day” and “keep in mind who you are”—good advice for anyone really. She tells them both to keep in touch if either of them ever comes back to Thailand. Oh yeah, I’m sure they’ll just pop by the neighborhood again sometime soon.

    Trunk Show

    The next morning, the Warrior Head is, as Joanie promised, on the coffee table. It’s Sara’s turn with the Chip & Pepper shirt again. And Danielle is still not well. TyraMail says to “Burn your bikinis, you have to rock it in a pair of trunks.”

    The photo shoot is the last thing Danielle’s in the mood for. She is complaining that her whole face is still numb, and it’s clear she is in no condition to be in a photo shoot today. Furthermore, she feels it’s her fault for leaving the hospital without the doctor’s permission after being diagnosed with exhaustion, dehydration, and food poisoning. After the pinky toe incident, hasn’t this girl gone through enough? She battles against her instinct to give up and go home, and decides to tough the day out just so she doesn’t miss the all-important photo shoot. [soapbox]While her dedication is admirable, should we really be encouraging girls to compromise their basic health in order to pursue success?[/soapbox]

    The girls are brought to a place called the “Jungle House,” where monkeys munch on bananas and from the trees emerge gigantic elephants. Astride one is none other than Jay Manuel, who asks, “See how I got to work today?” Well, it beats being stuck in L.A. traffic, I’m sure. Jade is awed by the size and presence of these large beasts, so awed in fact that she makes yet another one of her stupid ass Jadisms: “To be next to a creature that preposterous and that big, it was just, ‘Wow.’” Wow indeed, you effing moron. You’re the one who’s preposterous (which more precisely means “absurd” or “inviting ridicule”).

    The shoot today is for Venus Vibrance, the first razor for women who are curious about sex toys, but are still too uptight to actually buy one. The only way to get their location in the middle of the jungle is by riding the elephants there. Then the harnesses will come off and they will pose with the prodigious (is this the word Jade meant to say?) creatures. Thank God Nnenna was eliminated before she started making out with this co-star. Danielle looks nervous, but Jay assures her these are gentle giants.

    The girls hop onto their pachyderms, and head out into the jungle, where someone utters the obvious line, “Welcome to the jungle.” Jay is shown conspicuously telling the girls to get some water (is this the producers’ way of making it clear they’re not responsible for Danielle’s dehydration?) before heading into hair and makeup. They meet their photographer, Pongsak Tangtiwaja (Is he at all related to Pootie Tangtiwaja?). Okay, so Pongsak is a name that soundly vaguely obscene, but Jay tells us he’s a fabulous photographer.

    Product placement on this show can sometimes be preposterous, but in this episode, it’s just beyond the pale. They set up a “shaving station” in the middle of the bloody jungle where Jay sends the girls off to shave their legs on little plastic lawn chairs amidst the foliage in order to demonstrate how convenient the new battery operated Vibrance is. Who the hell shaves their legs outside in the middle of the day? And are we to believe it’s safe for the environment for them to leave all that shaving cream and whatever stubbly detritus there is all over the ground?

    Danielle, who really looks sick, gets to go first. Jay tells her to let him know when she’s reached her limit, and she says the only thing keeping her going right now is her drive. Jay wants the focus to be the legs in a “strong fashion shot.” When Danielle climbs on her elephant, she’s ready to go, but the elephant isn’t. Apparently frightened by the camera flash, it moves away with trepidation whenever it goes off. (Who was it that said that you should never work with children or animals? Whoever it was, was a wise person indeed.) All this motion is not easy on Danielle, who feels like she’s “about to regurgitate on somebody’s face right now.” Despite her terrible sickness, however, she pulls out a fine performance. “Like a pro, I love it,” Jay says proudly.

    Jade remarks on how Danielle wasn’t feeling well, but adds, “When you model, and you travel, you have to look your best on these shoots no matter what, and I’m ready to rock.” She goes and does her thing, and says she’ll never forget this experience, “shooting with an elephant that reminds me of an ancient dinosaur, because they are in the dinosaur family.” I can’t believe this woman wants to teach children! I fear for our youth. For the record, no, elephants and dinosaurs are not in the same family (they are an extinct group of reptiles whose modern descendents are actually believed to be birds), and the only ancient dinosaur around here is [points to the old lady]…yes, that’s right, over-the-hill Miss Jade. Jay gets frustrated with her and gives up on trying to give her direction, as she reacts to it “like it’s a critique.” Oh but how can that be, Jade’s not defensive at all…such a claim is positively preposterous!

    Furonda looks at this shoot as another chance to redeem herself. Jay unfortunately does not seem too impressed, saying that she looked beautiful, but the second she had to pose, she’d get stiff and strange. Jade, looking on, feels that Furonda is “the weakest link.” To what, the dinosaur family? Luckily, the last shot is a good one, and Jay compliments her by saying, “When you get it, it’s genius.”

    Joanie, who says that with so few girls she is feeling the pressure and wants to focus on doing the best poses, decides to innovate. She suggests to Jay and the photographer a different pose, not just sitting on top of the elephant like the other girls, but hanging off the side, from its leg. “All right Joanie for trying something new,” Jay gushes. Then she further impresses Jay and the crew by climbing up her pachydermal partner and magically becoming one with it in a series of fluid poses. Jay is nothing but praise for Joanie, “You better work, bitch…somehow you have got some magic with that elephant.”

    Off on the sidelines, Sara has been studying all the girls in hopes of learning something she can use to improve her own performance. It’s one thing to watch and learn and adapt it your own repertoire, but another to buy it completely wholesale. Sara decides she wants to do Joanie’s elephant leg pose, and even Jay mumbles, “She gonna start off trying to do the same foot thing Joanie did, so she’s basically biting her idea.” He goes on to say, “Sara didn’t execute it in nearly the same graceful fashion as Joanie did. You’ve got to make your shots your own,” he chides. Even on top of the elephant, Sara continues to do some of the exact same poses as Joanie, albeit with slightly less integrity, like a photocopy from a Xerox machine that needs more toner. Joanie resents that Sara is “copying” her, because at this stage in the game, she doesn’t want to be helping her competition get the upper hand.

    Back at home, Furonda believes everyone got a great shot today, so she thinks it’s down to how their personalities impress the panel. Jade posits that because she’s a “threat,” everyone would be happy. Nope, wrong again, Jade. They’d be frickin’ ecstatic (look that one up in the dictionary if you’re not sure about that one, girl). It looks like Danielle and Sara are talking about Sara’s appropriation (nice way to say stealing) of Joanie’s poses. A defensive Sara justifies her action by saying Joanie should consider it “flattering” and “I thought it would be fun to balance on an elephant’s foot for once in my life.” Danielle says that coming right after Joanie, it did look like “it was just biting real bad.” Danielle has her own problems; she’s worried about what Tyra will say about her missing the Thai dance challenge.

    Dancing Away to Her Own Drum

    After a portrait of “Thai-Ra Banks” (dressed up in traditional costume and in a wai pose), we meet our girls in the elimination room. The judges (J. Alexander, Nigel Barker, and Twiggy) are joined today by Siri Udomblahblahblah, whom you’ll remember is from Elle Thailand.

    We move quickly to the challenge, for which a mysterious gold box has been wheeled in. Tyra says that they will have to express three emotions using only their body. Why? In the box is a Thai mask which will obscure their face for the challenge. Furonda is up first, and she busts out pose number one before Tyra has even told her what emotion to portray. Tyra finally announces that emotion number one is “sensuality.” The girls all portray this one differently: Furonda with a big sweeping arm movement like she’s about to waltz with a really tall guy; Sara with a coy pose; Jade and Joanie do more traditional Thai dance moves; Danielle creeps slowly toward Miss J. in a way that makes him back up in horror, like it’s not Danielle behind that mask, but Jason Voorhees [ch ch ch ha ha ha].

    The next emotion, “despair,” causes Furonda to go on one knee on the floor, like she’s going to propose to the guy she just waltzed with; Sara just puts her head down; Joanie does more Thai dance; Danielle seems to a Bollywood dance; and Jade does some kind of modern interpretive dance. “Compassion” prompts Sara to swoon to the side like a silent film actress; Joanie’s still doing Patravadi moves, as is Jade; Furonda does an arm move that is more “Price is Right” than “compassion”; and Danielle attacks Miss J. again.

    Furonda gets evaluated first; Miss J. has only one word for her poses, “Ouch,” but Nigel says she brought great “energy” tonight and she made him laugh. If this was “Last Comic Standing,” Furonda would have this in the bag. Tyra says she thinks Furonda did her movements without thinking it through, was just doing anything. The panel seems to like her elephant picture though, with Nigel even going so far as to say she “nailed it” (though Miss J. doesn’t like the legs). Tyra says, however, going through her film, she’s either “great” or “horrible,” a lack of consistency which Siri says does not inspire clients to want to use her repeatedly.

    Sara gets high marks from Tyra for actually getting the emotions clear on the poses—still, she wasn’t modeling. When asked if she was “thinking model,” Sara admits that she wasn’t, to which Nigel responds, “Just got a memo, this is a modeling competition.” Her photo is “beautiful” though; Miss J. loves the leg extension, and Twiggy remarks on her use of her entire body in this shot and the fact that she finally looks comfortable in front of the camera. Tyra, however, says Jay snitched on her: “You copied some of Joanie’s original poses and didn’t make them your own.” Miss J. says, “If you were going to that, you would have to take it to such a level that just knocks the socks right off of her shot.” Tyra says that the key is to “steal from the best and make it your own.” Or as Tyra likes to pronounce it, “your ooooown.”

    Jade gets spanked for being to Thai dance-y. Tyra says that she purposely did not tell the girls that they weren’t supposed to recreate their teaches and challenges to see how they take what they’ve learned and applied it to their modeling. Her photo is “awkward,” according to Nigel, it looks like she’s flying and was plopped on top of the elephant. Tyra thinks Jade’s film is more stiff than elegant, then walks away before Tyra says her eval is over. “She just dismissed herself,” Tyra notices, especially when she realized her critique was going south.

    Joanie too is criticized for incorporating too much Thai movement into the emotions exercise. They adore her elephant photo though. Miss J. gives Sara thumbs down for attempting to copy Joanie, whose photo he feels is “fabulous,” adding that she does “great things with [her] legs.” Twiggy commends her for consistently doing well, and Nigel loves her “vivid body language” but feels she doesn’t bring that in person still. Tyra tells her to take off the top layer of her tank tops, because it was making it look like Tyra’s own pooch. They all agree her photo is “stunning all around” and now when she goes into a casting she needs to “strike that pose.” “Well, not exactly that pose,” Siri jokes, as Joanie’s limbs are splayed apart on top of her Ellie Phant.

    Danielle’s emotion performance made Miss J. feel like he was “being attacked” but Tyra liked it because to her she could see great photos she could capture in that. Danielle has to admit she wasn’t at the dance performance due to being in the hospital for “dehydration, exhaustion, and a little bit of food poisoning.” Nigel suggests, “You’re a little high maintenance aren’t you?” Good Lord, there is a difference between high maintenance and being truly physically incapacitated! But the proof is in her picture. The shot is “brilliant,” “gorgeous,” and Tyra says that in her entire she never noticed her looking ill once. Tyra says that she has a painful stomach condition of her own (what, ate too much barbecue?) but she just has to model through it, and that’s what the girls need to do themselves.

    They adjourn for deliberations, which is made all the more difficult this week due to the fact that everyone had beautiful pictures. They mull over everyone’s pros & cons: Jade is photogenic but is still, well, Jade; Danielle turns out one great pic after another, but they feel she’s not very articulate; Joanie performs well everywhere “except for judging”; Furonda has a good photo this week, but “in person she’s all over the place”; they like Sara’s improvement, but ponder if it’s “too little too late.”

    Finally, it’s time for Tyra to hand back photos. She gives them to Joanie, Sara, and Danielle, but not without giving them mini-speeches on what the judges feel needs improvement. So Jade and Furonda are the bottom two. As they walk up to Tyra they both give each other the kind of look that freeze a lake solid. Tyra tells Furonda that while the judges see someone with a fun personality but “doesn’t quite get it,” meaning you “tell her one thing and she does a whooole different thing.” Tyra says that even though the judges joke about how “Jade is Jade,” all the Jadenicitude is starting to wear out its welcome. Tyra dramatically says “They feel like you’ve come to your end…” [pause] “Of adapting.” A bad Tyra dub-over interjects that if Jade really knew best, she’d be a supermodel already. Who goes home? Looks like Tyra’s seeking to milk Jade’s drama udders dry, so the picture goes to her instead of Furonda.

    And so it is that Furonda dances off the show—actually she struts right out the door with her showy signature walk and dead right arm, even giving a twirl and final pose at the end. When Furonda hears that she marches to the beat of her own drum, she doesn’t feel a negative; in fact, she says “That’s something that I’m probably going to always do.” She’s surprised they sent “The Fabulous Furonda home” joking that “the judges must have lost their heads,” but then admits she feels good to have just made the Final Five after being on the chopping block the first week out. She may not have gotten the title of Top Modell, but she still has her crown—and she rolls out of the suite with her princess tiara on and her head held high.

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  2. #2
    piece of me~ BigMacs4Life's Avatar
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    I just loved reading it! Hilarious! Bitch is now my fave word!

  3. #3
    Hooked on ANTM MsBarbados's Avatar
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    Thanks SFG. Enjoyable as always!
    Smile Sara, you're gonna be a Top Model!

  4. #4
    REMAIN INDOORS MotherSister's Avatar
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    The word of the day is Preposterous and it’s brought to you by the model Jade!

    Sara comes out looking a little gawky and awkward—gawkward, if you will.
    but she’s just so lanky and gangly—langly, if you will ...
    a giraffe tapdancing—girapdancing, if you will.

    Jade, looking on, feels that Furonda is “the weakest link.” To what, the dinosaur family?

    Nope, wrong again, Jade. They’d be frickin’ ecstatic (look that one up in the dictionary if you’re not sure about that one, girl).
    Ab fab as always! The way you deliver these gems each week is positively preposterous.

  5. #5
    Thinking femme fatale's Avatar
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    Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m actually quite impressed with how all the girls do based on one, single day of dance training…but being is nice is boring. Let’s talk about what went wrong!
    Loved this quote

    And the rest of the recap as well!

  6. #6
    FORT Newbie mtommy33's Avatar
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    SFG your recaps are truly "preposterous" i missed the show on Wednesday and couldn't wait till today to read your recap. Your metaphors and your wit are "positively preposterous", kind of remind me of something from the dinosaur family . Poor Jade somebody please buy her a clue. Outstanding job as always Snowy. Love the Jade 'Bitch: au de twat'......truly priceless. Where oh where do you come up with these ideas?
    Last edited by mtommy33; 05-05-2006 at 11:17 AM.

  7. #7
    FORT Newbie
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    Hello I am new to this site. I miss the show on Wednesday I am a little dissapinted that Nnena is not there any more. Thanks for a fun recap you are amazing.

  8. #8
    CCL
    CCL is offline
    Climbing Solsbury Hill CCL's Avatar
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    Snowy - I like to read your recaps slowly so that I can get every single last word in & not jump past anything. Sometimes I come onto the site and only have a couple of minutes. I see that your new recap is up but I can't read it because I would have to rush through. So I try to stay away. Sometimes that works. More often I have to put other things aside & immediately devote myself to your fabulously witty recaps. They're just so good. This week's was no different. From the MC Hammer references (Stop, Furonda time!), to calling Jesus the original Mr J (), to attacking Jade for her, frankly, preposterous use of the English language...all in all, you provide some terrific entertainment. I salute you!
    If you type "google" into google you can break the internet.

  9. #9
    agent provocateur... the ampd chick's Avatar
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    I love the smell of bitch in the morning!
    I love this show.. Now if only there was a MA version... woohoo.. TYra goes wild!!!Thanks SFG...
    Idle time is the devils playground... anyone go t a hula hoop?

  10. #10
    E is for Ernest SisterGracieLou's Avatar
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    I'm going to speculate again that Jade possibly meant "prehistoric" because she kept mentioning dinosaurs...but who knows...

    Thanks for a huge helping of giggles with my coffee this morning, Snowy. It is greatly appreciated, as always.

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