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Thread: ANTM6 Ep. 3 Recap: The Icy Hot and the Icy Not

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    ANTM6 Ep. 3 Recap: The Icy Hot and the Icy Not

    It’s a strange and uncanny, like a Time Life “Mystery of the Unknown.” Am I so tuned in to AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL that I’m now starting to live my life in parallel? Without even knowing it was makeover week, I, for the first time in years, got my hair cut in a different style. Also, though not forced to pose on a block of ice, I did freeze my ass off last night posing for family snapshots in the wintry air—perhaps a judging panel could evaluate them? [Fuzzy dream sequence:] “Snowy, when I look at you, I don’t see ‘model’ so much as ‘hairless ewok.’” (Er, maybe not.) Is the power of Tyra that strong, I ask you? If you catch me working on my “signature walk” next week, then the answer is yes.

    Jaded

    The episode kicks off immediately after the first elimination, with a TyraMail that commands them to think about the night’s cut because there will be another made tomorrow morning. All the girls look like they want to puke as they recall their first experiences before the panel.

    On girl in particular is shaken by what the judges had to say. Previously on “The Jade Show”: Nigel chastises Jade for her arrogance, and Jade talks back like an insolent child—not exactly the way to prove she’s as “humble” as she says. She insists she wants people to see ”who Jade really is.” If she means a delusional, whacked out, slightly-past-her-prime model version of Baron Münchhausen who likes to talk about herself in third person, then we see you fine, Jade.

    Gina, on the other hand, was relishing every moment of the judges’ tongue-lashing of Jade, who saw it as karmic revenge for having attacked the adenoidal Asian-American for not loving herself as much as Jade loves her own fine, proud, “biracial butterfly” self. Is that really fair? No one in the entire bloody world could possess as much of an abundance of self-love as Jade has—or at least purports to have.

    Furonda earns decent-person-points for calling Jade out to her face on being too harsh with Gina. Furonda is on to Jade, seeing her has the kind of person who finds an “easy target” and works it over. Furonda, having just been in the bottom two, is aware that she is at the “bottom of the barrel” but she’s not afraid of the Big Bad Jade. If Jade comes for her, Furonda says she’ll “deal with her.” Catfight! Catfight!

    Meanwhile, some of the girls note that Wendy often looks “zoned out.” She admits that she has been having a hard time focusing on the competition because she is distracted by, oh, matters of life and death!!! Hellooo,unlike some of the other girls who cry over things like getting called names or a having bad hair day, Wendy didn’t know where her parents were for months, okay? They have since gotten in touch, thank goodness, but it’s clear that Wendy still isn’t over Hurricane Katrina’s devastation of her hometown, New Orleans.

    Cut to the Chase

    To the tune of a royalty-free ripoff of EMF’s “Unbelievable” (it’s like the aural version of those fake fragrance knock-offs of designer brands), the girls are spirited away to the Warren Tricomi salon yet again. This time, it’s no fake out—we’re here for the all-important makeovers, followed by the post-makeover portrait shoot. “The Master of Color,” Joel Warren, and “the Master of Cut,” Warren Tricomi, are introduced by “the Master of the Universe,” a.k.a. Ty-Ra, Princess of Power, who is accompanied by Mr. Jay and Miss J. (looking like a suburban 50s housewife with his head full of hair curlers).

    Jade thinks aloud how much she needs long hair—future contestants, take note, as this on-camera comment assures that there is zero chance in all the circles of hell that she will ever get long hair, at least on this show. If you want something specific, you must use reverse psychology to get it, because ANTM is all about tricky reversals of fortune.

    So Tyra gives the girls the rundown on who gets what: Kari’s getting the big, sexy “Bridgette Bardot”; Leslie will go “thick and luscious”; Sara will receive a short-sided, long top ‘do in “Brigitte Nielsen platinum blonde,” and the mere mention of the Insane Dane make Sara’s face collapse in worry; Danielle will get a side-part long weave of “Spanish wavy hair”; Brooke will get Gisele Bundchen, just-finished-having-dirty-hot-sex-and-rolled-out-of-bed hair; Joanie’s going “icy”; Nnenna’s getting buzzed; Furonda is saying hasta la vista to her tragic trim and hello to long locks à la Tiffany of ANTM fame—and ain’t no stank ho pouring beer on this weave; Wendy will be “lighter, brighter honey”; Gina gets edgy angles to make her more high fashion and less strip mall; and Tyra will finally get the Mia Farrow she wanted since Cycle 5 (but was denied by Miss Teen Sociopath, Cassandra) on Mollie Sue.

    Last but not least, Tyra turns to Jade. Per strict reality show rules, Jade will be—you guessed it—the very opposite of everything she wanted, that is to say, short and blonde. Naturally, Jade freaks out at the prospect, because ”in the modeling world, the girls that work have the long hair.” Really, Jade, if you know so diddly-arn much about modeling, why is it you are on this show and not already a success on the runways? In contrast, Furonda is thrilled to finally get rid of her “disaster haircut.”

    Once “Edward Scissorhands” and his crew get to work, Jade isn’t the only unhappy camper. Sara is likewise freakin’ over her Mohican. Even as the stylists show her different things she can do with her new style, Sara’s face grows grimmer. She grumbles to Kari how her boyfriend works for a “conservative senator” and how she won’t be able to attend the Christmas party this year. She still can’t out-complain Jade, who won’t stop griping. She gets a multitude of angry glares, and even a couple of “shut-up’s” (from Joanie and Mollie Sue) but this doesn’t stop her.

    As the girls get snipped, Jay walks around asking them what they feel their personal style is; Brooke is dubbed “1940’s-50’s vintage.” Her hair looks beautiful post-makeover, but not particularly “vintage” to me—but when I think vintage, I think of Betty Grable rolls or Rita Hayworth waves. Brooke, who’s also the first girl to get her post-makeover shot taken, talks about how her hair is the “most drastic change” she’s ever had, but she loves it. This is drastic for her? It really doesn’t look dramatically different to me, though it does look improved.

    Gina feels her new style is “simple and sophisticated.” YAWN! She would have liked something more drastic, but all they did was leave her long, straight, black hair long, straight, and black. As far as I can tell she just got a trim with a few more layers. She’s okay with it though. No, wait she’s not. She is? I dunno! Er eee aiiiigh [head explodes]! Gina does look good in her black bikini during her shoot.

    Mollie Sue is “really excited” about her new look, and so am I. She proves you can rock the Rosemary’s Baby look, and in bright, Strawberry Shortcake red besides! Jay tells her trends are “moving to an updated version of mod” and Mollie Sue says she can handle it. Twiggy will be so proud, especially when she gets a gander of her sassy “after” shot.

    Furonda’s look is supposed to be “quirky beautiful.” I don’t know what the hell that’s supposed to mean, but her weave looks amazing! And she is working that weave with a vengeance. Now this looks like a transformation, as Furonda goes from a Geico Gecko to Glamour Girl in her after shot.

    Kari tells Jay she likes 60s, so he suggests “bohemian chic” as her style. With her gigantic blonde bouffant, I’m seeing more of a Sixties Fun Barbie. As we see her before and after pictures, I wonder why the hair they have in the salon is not the same as the hair in the post-makeover photo shoot. I prefer the smoother look in the salon to the conventional curls they choose for her shoot.

    Nnenna decides to call her looks the “new African queen.” Bald is bold, but this a look only someone like Nnenna can pull off. She says she has to work a little bit harder because now she has no hair to hide behind. On the bright side, she’ll save tons of money on styling products. And she no longer looks like 1980s era Bobby Brown with the Gumby slant.

    Sara’s new personal style is “street chic,” a look that she finds completely foreign to her own personality. “I have to redo new wardrobe,” she jokes. Though clearly unhappy, she tries to tough it out, saying she doesn’t want to be “the girl in the salon crying about her new makeover.” So she looks like a cockatoo now, big whoop.

    Joanie is digging her hair, saying it has boosted her confidence. She walks around swinging her long blonde hair in the air, as if to taunt Sara and Jade into tackling her down on the ground to rip those pretty locks right out of her scalp. Her look is simply “all American” which does nothing for me other than give me a serious craving for apple pie. Again, her appearance in the salon does not resemble that of the after picture. It is much smoother and sleeker in the salon.

    Leslie is “simplistic sexy chic.” Jay really seems to be running out of names for “looks” this cycle. For example, where is the originality in the next two: Wendy is compared to J. Lo, though I’m seeing more Donna Summer, and finally declared “urban glam”; Danielle, with her “long rapunzel hair” is “hip hop glam.”

    Jay tells Jade he sees her as a “fashionista girl” but she fancies herself “bohemian.” How would I define her post-makeover look? I would call Jade’s new personal style “angry Art Garfunkel impersonator.” She groans over the fact that Furonda got the long hair extensions she hoped she would get. Instead, she looks like an alpaca. An angry, angry alpaca.

    If you thought that was the last of our makeovers, you are mistaken. In fact, there is one left: Miss J., who is defining his personal style as “ghetto project fabulous.” Mr. Jay takes out Miss J.’s curlers and decides that he prefers to call this personal style “the Al Sharpton.” Now that’s what I’m talking about when I say to put a little originality in there.

    At the end of the day, Jay tells all the girls to really think about their personal style, because the next day they will be attending the GenArt fashion show, from which they must select an outfit that is appropriate for the personal style they discussed today.

    4 Simple Rules for Hatin’ Furonda

    On the way home, Jade still won’t shut up. She flips through a magazine, repeating her old protest about how only long-haired models are working. Her delusions of grandeur grow ever more elaborate: she feels like the powers that be are “testing” her because “the judges don’t want to make it look easy” because the whole wide world surely will recognize her once she’s on TV, even though somehow the whole of New York missed her greatness the first time around. Jade notes with bitter jealousy that Furonda is feeling her hair, and whenever there is a mirror, she is sure to be all up in it, fixing her new long locks. “That is a true Miss Diva,” Jade surmises, like the pot calling the kettle a big black bitch.

    Back at home, Furonda decides it time she hand out her rules. Yes, her rules, typed up nicely and printed into convenient copies to hand out to everyone. What are “Furonda’s Tips for Successful Interaction”? They include handy directives such as:
    1. I will treat you in a way identical to, or worse than, the way you treat me.
    2. I am the best person to discuss me with.
    3. If you need anything other than emergency items, please do not ask me.
    4. Stay out of my personal business unless I invite you in.
    If you think this overboard, stick around for the PowerPoint presentation!

    The response to Furonda’s rules ranges from Sara’s mocking laughter to Danielle asking if Furonda now thinks she’s a “primadonna” or “the queen bee” now. Everyone blames this sudden boost of confidence on Furonda’s new hair. Jade drowns her sheet of paper in the pool, as if fantasizing doing this with the long-haired Furonda herself, and sneers that Furonda thinks she’s the “imitation of Naomi Campbell, but she’s got it all twisted.” Only thing I see twisted around here is Jade’s Napoleon Dynamite ‘Do, though. In fact, I think I’ll call her Nappy Dynamite. “Dang, you got a sweet hair weave…Lucky!”

    Furonda and Jade clash horns, where else, in front of the bathroom mirror. Applying her makeup angrily, like Nomi putting on her blush in the middle of the nipple audition of Showgirls, Jade wonders how Furonda is going to rock the pink princess crown she likes to wear. Furonda says, not unkindly, that Jade can wear it, but Jade scoffs, “I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that, sweetheart.” Jade’s not getting under Furonda’s skin today; she just keeps on playing with her long weave in the mirror. Knowing full well that it is driving Jade absolutely ape in the process.

    Meanwhile, Sara, who didn’t want to be the girl crying in the salon did become the girl crying to her boyfriend at home on the phone. As her boyfriend, the one who works for the conservative senator, I presume, dutifully tries to comfort her, Sara’s floodgates open and she cries about how it’s not really a bob or Mohawk, and whines, “It’s not me!” Aw, poor thing…Sara want a cracker?

    Style Counsel

    The next day, the girls attend the GenArt fashion show to pick an outfit fits their personal style. Wendy again finds it difficult to keep her mind from drifting to New Orleans during the show, which features the works of up and coming fashion designers. After the show, the girls are let loose among the racks backstage to claw each others’ eyes out like value-seeking vultures at a Barney’s warehouse sale.

    Armed with their selected outfits, the girls head on to the second part of this challenge, which takes them to another part of town to meet Rachel Zoe, celebrity stylist to such luminaries as Misha Barton, Nicole Richie, and Lindsay Lohan. I am almost impressed, until I realize I hate all those bitches.

    Rachel Zoe has a sleepy, slutty look about her, like she is a tired, blown out porn actress on a break from a gang bang. She explains to the girls that they have 15 minutes to throw up whatever they ate today—oh I’m sorry, this is just the advice she confidentially gives her star clientele—do their own hair, makeup, and wardrobe with a little bit of help from an “actual Cover Girl.”

    Before you start to get your hopes up, it’s only Naima. She comes in to provide her usual, ineffectual, obviously scripted shill under the auspices of “help.” She talks them up about CoverGirl’s new “Queen Collection,” which I will allow her to hawk because it’s by Queen Latifah for women of color. I loves me some Queen La! Before anyone worries that the fairer girls will be sporting Bamboozled blackface, Naima assures them they have the other girls’ shades covered too.

    The winner of the personal style challenge will win a $5000 shopping spree with friends at Nanette Lepore, Rachel says, slowly, as if still tuckered out from a night of sniffing rails of coke with Tara Reid in the bathroom of a nightclub and puking her soulless guts out.

    When the challenge begins, it is a crazy rush of half-nekkid girls and hasty cosmetic application. Naima pretends to be useful by giving tips like, “I would pale you out,” to Brooke and “blend it down to your neck” to Gina. Suddenly Naima’s a certified makeup artist? On the other side of the room, Wendy finds that no one is available to help her pin her jacket back. Time is up quickly.

    The girls line up for evaluation. Rachel thinks Jade’s lace-up shoes say “gladiator” more than “bohemian.” Leslie got “simplistic sexy chic” down handily, but really, how hard is it to peg “simplistic” (I hate to quibble over diction, but doesn’t “simplistic” imply something overly simple—they should just bloody say “simple”!). Sara in teeny tiny hot pants and big blazer, does not achieve the proper look. Rachel says she love how she went for the “androgynous” but threatened to go beyond sexy into inappropriate. Rachel’s humdrum estimations make me miss les bons mots of Simon Doonan, who would have said something like, “Put out the red light, Roxanne. You just crossed the line between ‘street chic’ and ‘street walker’!”

    Gina, “simplistic chic,” was on the right track, but the high hem of her mini dress sort of took her look too far into mod territory. Incidentally, Gina also seems to have picked the polka dot dress the only Asian model wore on the runway at GenArt. I guess Gina is trying to get in touch with her people. Way to show yellow pride! Wendy is docked points for wearing a jacket that’s too large. “You’re not going to see J. Lo wearing clothes that are too big for her,” says Rachel, whose undereye bags (are those Balenciaga?) are too big for her tiny lollipop stick body.

    Joanie had too much going on (too many accessories, clothing pieces) and Danielle too little (looked naked, needed some pants); Brooke was close to vintage, but her bracelets too bohemian; Kari’s bright yellow belt was, alas, decidedly un-bohemian; Nnenna looked “fresh” and “true to [her] look”; Mollie Sue confused mod and punk elements (Two cycles with Twiggy, and people still can’t seem to grasp the concept of mod, come on now!); Furonda did a sufficient enough job.

    Nobody beats Nnenna, though, who truly embodies the notion of “African Queen” (and provides an easy product placement segue to the CoverGirl Queen Collection). Furonda’s upset over not winning. Nnenna chooses Gina and Jade to join her at Nanette Lepore; not only are they her roommates, but would-be peacemaker Nnenna hopes that going on the shopping spree together will the help the two adversaroes get to know each other better. [Cue the obligatory shopping sequence!] They all have a great time shopping, but Gina still hates Jade. Sorry, Nnenna. [Cue defeated wuh wuh wuuuh trumpet sound effect.]

    Broke Ass Mountin’ (Tension)

    Back at the house, Wendy mentions how everyone in her family was displaced after the hurricane. She gets on the phone with her mom and has her conversation interrupted by Jade, who says she hasn’t gotten a chance to the use the phone and wants to use it now with the petulance of Veruca Salt. For Pete’s sake, Jade, Wendy didn’t know if her mom was dead or alive for months and you want to interrupt her conversation? Unless you want to call your lost or possibly dead mother, cut Wendy some slack.

    Jade hasn’t talked to anyone since her makeover—GASP! You’d think she had enough of griping over her blonde sheepskin cap, but no, she has to bitch long distance too. Jade moans, “I’m tired of struggling…I feel I am the undiscovered supermodel of the world.” Think hard, Jade, there must be some reason you were passed over in NYC all those years. You definitely have a unique and beautiful look—mayhaps it’s that nasty attitude you’re sporting? Just a thought.

    Mollie Sue and Furonda laugh at Jade’s dramatic monologue, causing Jade to lash out like Jessica Lange in Carrie. “This is not America’s Next Top Best Friend,” Jade shrieks. No? What channel is that on? Because I wanna flip to that channel instead of watching Jade go ballistic about how she’s the best and is going to win and looks damn good in her panties, etc.

    Jade then turns her death beam on Furonda, insulting her princess tiara with a spiteful, “Broke ass crown, they ain’t even real diamonds.” NO! You’re kidding me! Furonda, go ask for your money back, you got gipped, girl! “You need to not take your attitude out on other people,” Wendy says to Jade when she finally leaves the room. Jade calls her “J. Lo” which is clearly the height of namecalling.

    While Jade blows her mom’s ears out with her caterwauling, the rest of the girls all seem to agree that Jade has a nasty habit of tearing other people down just to build herself up. Sara’s hypothesis is that the “Peroxide’s messing with brain,” although, let’s face it, Jade was messed up long before she ever stepped in that salon. Furonda’s rules are starting to look pretty damn reasonable now.

    Chillin’ Like a Villain

    TyraMail warns: “Don’t blow your cover,” before they are transported to big, chilly warehouse in the middle of nowhere. If this were “The Sopranos” I might start to get nervous, but luckily, it’s ANTM, so the girls aren’t going to get iced Mafioso-style—instead, they will be posing in, on, and around a set made entirely of ice for a magazine cover type of photo, which reminds me of this Devil’s Tail box cover shot of Asia Carrera.

    And they’re not kidding, it is clearly “hella cold,” as Danielle says, up in this bitch. Jay Manuel is clad in a fur lined parka and gloves, and when he speaks, there are “I see dead people” wisps of breath in the air as he introduces their photographer Richard Reinsdorf. “Imagine you’re somewhere warm,” he says. Thanks, numb nuts in the leather jacket with a hot cuppa coffee in your hand. Danielle is “shakin’ like a little Chihuahua,” and they haven’t even changed yet. Behind the scenes, hair and makeup do their thing. The girls are given a fabulously frosty Ice Queen makeup job, and are dressed in ridiculously skimpy outfits that look like the kind of costumes teenage comic fanboys draw on female superheroines when they’re doodling.

    Sara is first, and while she looks great, Jay points out that she has a problem with leaving her mouth hanging open. Nnenna, the consummate professional, tries to think of the desert and other hot things, but none of that helps her. She is clearly uncomfortable, especially when she must sit down on that ice bench. “Mother of God!” she yelps. I understand models must sometimes work under difficult conditions, but come on, they could have used fake ice at least for the benches, if they weren’t so terribly cruel. Jay says that Nnenna was obviously “shocked” by the cold and it showed all over her face and in her body language.

    Mollie Sue looks cute and interesting, but the photographer seems to think she is lacking in “range of emotion.” Danielle is warned that her poses “every once in a while get a little ‘ho’” for Jay’s tastes, but otherwise does a fine job. Joanie is more “princess” than “high fashion.” Jay feels Wendy looks like a “frightened bird” and he feels like when she walks onto a set, he instantly sees the “weight of the world on her shoulders.”

    Outside, Joanie talks about how when they’re sitting on the bench, they start to “meld” with the ice, and a terrible notion gets stuck in my head. Remember the tongue-sticking-icy-pole scene in A Christmas Story? I’m just imagining it, [i]down there[/w], in ye nether territories, so to speak. Yeeeowch!!!

    The shoot continues: Kari looks a wee too “playmate” at times; Leslie’s face is freezing up in front of the camera. Back in hair and makeup, Jade’s egotism shows signs of breaking down, when she admits to some of the girls that they look glamorous and beautiful, and she wishes she looked beautiful too. “I want to be beautiful,” Jade says with atypical genuine humility. She hides behind huge sunglasses, adding that this experience has already had “too many mindtrips” and she can’t take it anymore.

    Gina just looks “frozen” and Jay says her first 50 frames are “completely useless.” She struggles to make her last few frames better. Jay is all compliments for Brooke, calling her “pretty” and saying she can exude “sex appeal without it looking sleazy.” Jade says she “didn’t feel beautiful” in her makeup and all she could do was stand there in her bathing suit, “half ass naked.” True, her makeup did look like a Ganguro Girl gone wild, still she could have put more effort in. Jay has some problems with her onset, and later deems her a “true Ice Princess”—and not in a positive way.

    Last but not least is Furonda. Jade wants to go in and see how Furonda does, and possibly hex her with the evil eye, but her bad mojo ain’t going to work today. Furonda rocks her shoot, with Jay praising her performance the whole while. Jay marks that Furonda “let go” on this shoot and did much, much better than she did on that first shoot. Still, Jade criticizes her performance, saying she felt Forunda “did really bad.”

    Gone with the Wendy

    Another day, another elimination. Tyra introduces the regular panel to everyone (Nigel, Twiggy, and Miss J.—who is keeping with his theme of appropriately numbered shirts), joined this week by guest judge, evil pro-ana/mia celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe. Tyra says that this week’s shoot was designed to teach them how to pose for a magazine cover; a certain connection must be made between the model and the passer-by in order to compel them to buy that magazine. In simulation, each girl’s photo is made as a mock-up mag with their name on the cover.

    They start the judgment with Danielle; she is complimented for her “commanding presence” in the photo, but docked points for her bad hair in person. If you ask me, though, it looks like a lot of the girls are already having trouble maintaining the styles they were given, and I feel their pain, having not been able to reproduce the same bangs with which I walked away from the stylist the next day. Tyra instructs Danielle to do the “white girl” head shake, which also looks like she could be headbanging to “Bohemian Rhapsody,” Wayne’s World style. I’m waiting for someone to loop that and put it up on Youtube.

    Kari’s icy siren look gets high marks; Twiggy likes that Kari was able to go from “dollish” to “sexy” and Tyra likes that, when posing, she’s “not afraid to do an ugly move” because that same move can go from fugly to fierce in a photo when cropped right. Leslie’s picture looks too “men’s magazines”—and this not a compliment; Tyra suggest she try some odd, masculine angles.

    When Mollie Sue strides up in her little Mia Farrow hairdo, Tyra declares her “my fantasy girl.” Why, Tyra, we didn’t know you swung that way! Miss J., who we know wouldn’t swing that way even if you pushed him at the playground, scolds Mollie Sue for wearing flats, because she is one of the shortest girls in the group. They do like her cover shot, though, finding it au courant with current fashion trends, especially edgy “European” ones.

    Wendy’s is “not bad,” but “too safe.” Nigel thinks the volume of her new hair is too broad for her shoulders; Tyra agrees, then says it should be slicked back. A guy comes out from nowhere to pour water on Wendy’s head and slick back her hair. Who is this guy? I hope he works for the production, and isn’t some creepy stalker. They ask her if her misfortune resulting from Hurricane Katrina has any impact on her performance in this competition. Wendy says she has been trying not to let that get in the way.

    Tyra’s big on challenging folks for safeness this week. Even though Twiggy likes Joanie’s proud Ice Queen shoulders, Tyra finds the pose way to safe. What do you want, Tyra, people standing on their head? Sara’s picture disappoints the judges; they seem to sense her discomfort with her new look. Brooke is deemed “so wrong” she’s “right.”

    Furonda gets a mixed response. On the one hand, Nigel seems ot feel she lacks presence in person, however Rachel seems to love her cover shot. Tyra says this week’s Furonda is “a different girl” than the one who almost got a boot for her E.T. headshot last week. Nigel betrays his yellow fever once again by cooing to Gina that she needs to learn to “work [her] beautiful face”; Tyra finds Gina’s photo “beautiful” but not a cover shot. Nnenna’s picture is “fashion forward” but Tyra cautions that every now and again Nnenna can get “awkward.”

    Twiggy confesses that Jade scares her. Then, apropos of nada, Jade starts blaming the other girls in house, saying that she is having “problems with some of the girls.” The rest of the girls respond with expressions on their faces that range from WTF to I know she didn’t! If Jade thought to curry favor this way, she is mistaken; Nigel curtly dismisses her, adding the advice to “leave the baggage at home.” Jade keeps playing the blame game when her cover photo turns out less-than-stellar: this time she blames her makeup job. Tyra explains that as a model, they must cater to the client above all. Unless you reach a certain status, it’s not about what looks good on you, it’s about whatever the client is trying to sell and “it’s up to you to make that amazing.”

    Deliberations don’t yield too many shattering revelations. Everyone loves Nnenna’s “quiet confidence.” Nigel thinks Gina’s weakness is that in person she looks “dazed and confused” (cut to shot of Rachel Zoe, sitting next to Nigel, looking…well, dazed and confused. Miss J. declares that with Brooke’s “pout she can never be out.” Twiggy can’t keep her eyes off Brooke. Sara has a “great look” but unfortunately did not connect with the camera this week. Joanie is pretty with her mouth shut but, as Nigel points out, when she opens her mouth she has a crazy, rogue chomper that could use some fixing. Wendy gets no love; Leslie needs to learn “what the heck fashion is”; and Mollie Sue prompts Miss J. to quip, “Mollie Who?”

    Rachel waxes panygeric over Furonda, singing her praises and talking about she can see totally see her working all the runways—while the rest of the panel looks at her like, you cracked out bitch. Miss J. looks particularly incredulous. Nigel wants her out, calling her “E.T.” again, but this time “with a wig.” They all want to see more of Kari and Danielle. And Jade? Nigel’s assessment is that “Jade just needs to get laid.” Exsqueeze me? Where the heck did that come from, and who is he suggesting do the damage?!!

    Tyra gets down to biznazz, and hands back photos to: Brooke, Danielle, Nnenna, Kari, Furonda, Gina, Mollie Sue, Leslie, Sara, and Joanie. That leaves Jade and Wendy on the bottom this week. Tyra tells Wendy that the judges do see a model there in person, but have not been as impressed with her photos. Jade is there because she is “full of excuses” and unwilling to take responsibility for her own screw ups.

    Alas, it looks like Tyra has it out for sweet, southern girls, because the phot is handed to Jade, meaning it’s Wendy who must pack her bags and leave, displaced yet again, though this tima as an evacuee of Hurricane TyTy. Wendy hugs everyone goodbye and says, tearfully, that she thinks her loved ones will be proud of her for making it as far as she did, and won’t look at this as the end of her modeling aspirations. Here’s to hoping that this is indeed a new beginning for Wendy, both professionally and personally.

    The original Ice Princess: snowflakegirl@fansofrealitytv. com
    Last edited by SnowflakeGirl; 03-24-2006 at 12:39 AM.
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  2. #2
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    Op! You had me so confused there. This is episode two, not episode three as it says in the title.

  3. #3
    CCL
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    Climbing Solsbury Hill CCL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by explodethisbody View Post
    Op! You had me so confused there. This is episode two, not episode three as it says in the title.
    The premiere was 2 episodes.

    Too many quotables! Well done Snowy - I see all the birthday revelry didn't damage your sharp writing skills one bit! A couple of parts I particularly liked:

    I would call Jade’s new personal style “angry Art Garfunkel impersonator.” She groans over the fact that Furonda got the long hair extensions she hoped she would get. Instead, she looks like an alpaca. An angry, angry alpaca.
    Rachel Zoe has a sleepy, slutty look about her, like she is a tired, blown out porn actress on a break from a gang bang. She explains to the girls that they have 15 minutes to throw up whatever they ate today—oh I’m sorry, this is just the advice she confidentially gives her star clientele.
    2 hits in 2 lines with the above Rachel Zoe quote. No filler! Nice!

    Really, I could quote the whole recap. It was fab!
    If you type "google" into google you can break the internet.

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    FORT Fan Stellaluna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl View Post
    Armed with their selected outfits, the girls head on to the second part of this challenge, which takes them to another part of town to meet Rachel Zoe, celebrity stylist to such luminaries as Misha Barton, Nicole Richie, and Lindsay Lohan. I am almost impressed, until I realize I hate all those bitches.
    I loved that part! Great recap!

  5. #5
    FORT Fogey hot_chocolate's Avatar
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    Great recap!!!
    "In spite of all the temptation you have endured, all the suffering, you remain pure of heart, just as pure as you were at the age of eleven, when you stared into a mirror that reflected your heart's desire, and it showed you only the way to thwart Lord Voldemort, and not immortality or riches."

  6. #6
    straight guy, not a girl i love kahlen's Avatar
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    If you think this overboard, stick around for the PowerPoint presentation!
    great job SFG

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    FORT Fan MidniteLace's Avatar
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    Great Recap!!

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    E is for Ernest SisterGracieLou's Avatar
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    Bobby Brown, Showgirls and angry, angry alpaca: Your references had me literally laughing out loud. Thanks again, Snowy!

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    Team Natasha! nora's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl View Post
    Furonda and Jade clash horns, where else, in front of the bathroom mirror. Applying her makeup angrily, like Nomi putting on her blush in the middle of the nipple audition of Showgirls, Jade wonders how Furonda is going to rock the pink princess crown she likes to wear.
    Hilarious AND a Showgirls fan!??! SFG, where have you been all my life?? Great recap, like always! Merci!
    Last edited by nora; 03-17-2006 at 07:44 PM.
    "At this point I'm assuming their child is dead. Most likely crushed beneath a mountain of corn dogs. Not that Britney or Kevin would notice. Arguing and drinking seems to take up most of their time. As does Britney's attempts to turn herself into a giant blob of jello."

  10. #10
    Certified Snarkypants SaucyRedhead77's Avatar
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    Sooo many priceless references! Showgirls ahh, where to even begin with that one? (It's Versayse)
    Loved Jade as the angry Art Garfunkel/angry angry Alpaca (I smell an intriguing board game,) and all Napoleon Dynamite references are amazing in my book.
    “Dang, you got a sweet hair weave…Lucky!”
    Beautiful.
    Good Things Come to Obsessive Compulsives Who Fixate

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