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Thread: ANTM Ep. 9 Recap: The Elephant Who Forgot to Watch Her Weight

  1. #21
    When I'm 64 William13's Avatar
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    Wah wah, it’s so hard to be pretty and skinny and tall as a teenager, pity me, pay me more attention! How I love it when models lie about how their young lives were a hell of gawkiness. LIES! MENDACITY!
    Once again you have turned a lump of coal into a diamond. As I feel more and more alienated from ANTM I have to pay attention, because I know that somehow SFG will turn the least interesting details into a satirical analysis of the human condition - and I am afraid that there might be a test at the end of the series.

    Another brilliant recap!!!

  2. #22
    I'm not completely insane quanahg's Avatar
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    re: michelle's elimination...i think i agree with you. her roots were horrid, and she needed them done again. yes, they are too cheap, and that's why she got the boot. it should have been keenyah.
    like i said in another forum, why would someone in a modeling competition start eating bad? how much of a genius is she?

    wonderful, as always, recap.

  3. #23
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    Educators, break out the Kleenex, because once again the girls demonstrate the appalling state of our American school system when at least 3 out the 6 have no idea what “aloof” means (hint: it’s not a sponge for exfoliation—and no, you cannot ask me what exfoliation means!!!).
    I laughed so hard reading this that I started choking and my husband came to check on me! Great recap, all around. Bravo!

  4. #24
    Milk in MY cocapuffs? r0guish's Avatar
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    "The Elephant Who Forgot to Watch Her Weight" - what a cute title lmao

  5. #25
    E is for Ernest SisterGracieLou's Avatar
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    William13 hit the nail on the head. Snowy, thanks for making an otherwise so-so season well worth watching.

  6. #26
    FORT Fogey Tobi's Avatar
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    I think it was time for Michelle to learn this lesson: being hyper vigilant about your sensitive feelings is a real yawner for everyone else and soon you become too much of a burden on others. All the time you are thinking you are being "oh so hard on yourself" "beating yourself up" it's just so tedious for everyone else. It's also a form of self absorption cloaked as self deprecation. When I saw this, I learned a lesson, constantly making others pick you up off the floor is a burden and so unattractive and time consuming and requires attention from others that is ANNOYING and so tiresome.

    EVERYONE has doubts but not everyone demands the attention from others to GET ON WITH IT, get over yourself before you have alienated YOURSELF from others and not the other way around. Take this advice so that you can have a better life now and not have to wait a lifetime like I have to stop boring everyone with your lack of self confidence and the need to blab it to everyone and anyone who will listen. It's really the same as Brittany, always needing attention but just getting it in a different way. It's almost more devious in the end. Wish I'd learned this sooner.

  7. #27
    FORT Fox likeafox's Avatar
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    The only thing this recap is missing is a joke about the animation of a plane flying the models to Africa. When I saw how lame it looked, I thought about how I couldn't wait to see what SFG would write about it.

  8. #28
    Nicole, Melrose, & Claire Erin_go_bragh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl
    You and me, baby, ain’t nothin’ but mammals, so let’s model like they do on the Discovery Channel!

    Am I having déjà vu or does every episode start off like this?

    The girls muse whether this will involve animals or making a “music video,” causing me to shudder at the thought of another “Shake Ya Body.”

    I don’t know what she’s worried about, since I’m sure even the fiercest of creatures would be frozen in the frigid throes of her icy psycho glare.

    He stands up on his hind legs and lifts a paw high up in the air as if reaching for, I dunno, a way out of this humiliating existence.

    At one point, J. says, of her paw-swiping tiger pose, “I love that Christina looks like a lawn jockey. I want to put a lantern in her hand.”

    Finally, J. says that they have yet to see the “fiercest animal of all.” After a leopard, a tiger, and a bear, what could be left? Why it’s none other than Tyra, who bounds out into the pouring rain with news to perk the spirits of the waterlogged model wannabe’s—but not until after she gives one of her “When I first started modeling…” stories (moral of the story: don’t take the animal mimicry too literally, adapt it to your own style—which actually backs up what Keenyah was saying) and one of those cheap ANTM psych-outs.

    But nah, they’re not getting Roman on us and throwing the girls to the lions, it’s all just a setup for Tyra to say that with the cold and the rain, it might be better to do this shoot…in SOUTH AFRICA!

    In the car, someone says they need some African music, and Brittany obliges by singing a song that sounds more like a drunk Chinese guy speaking Yiddish with a speech impediment than any African music I’ve ever heard.

    Maybe she is to ADD what Mercedes was to Lupus?

    As the Ladies of Luxury toast with champagne to being in the luxury hut, we watch in Blair Witch cinematography as the Happy Campers struggle with adjusting to the great outdoors.

    Next thing we see is Brittany, Keenyah, and Christina in bikinis climbing into the hot tub, which is filled not only with rose petals, but with some creepy crawly bug friends as well. Turns out life in the VIP is not all it’s cracked up to be, at least at Aquila. Even in the room, the screaming Ladies of Luxury wave away insects, brush bed bugs off their sheets, and whack at roaches with magazines.

    “When I’m under a lot of stress, I find a real comfort in eating,” Keenyah admits, and from the looks of it she must be hella stressed right about now.

    Keenyah cries, “It’s just yogurt!” which would have been well and fine for breakfast if it didn’t come after her South African Grand Slam. Brittany buries her face in her hands, frustrated, as if to indicate: you can lead a horse to the trough, but you can’t make it stop eating.

    Between this and Gluttony, just what message is Jay the art direction team trying to send, hmm? [scratches head in confusion]

    One extreme closeup of her belly shows it expanding outward when she exhales, accompanied by a timpani sound effect to emphasize her admitted poochiness.

    Wah wah, it’s so hard to be pretty and skinny and tall as a teenager, pity me, pay me more attention! How I love it when models lie about how their young lives were a hell of gawkiness. LIES! MENDACITY!

    All the girls are joking and laughing, except for Michelle, whom Naima turns to and suddenly asks, “Do you feel alienated?” There is a screeching halt and everyone looks over at Michelle. Good going, Naima, way to make the social outsider feel right at home! Michelle, looking startled and thrown off by the question, just shrugs and mumbles, “I don’t know.” Well if I was Michelle, if I didn’t feel alienated before, I would definitely be feeling it now, thankyouverymuch.

    I don’t usually comment on “My Life as a CoverGirl,” but may I just briefly say (and please, let it be known that am a big Eva fan) that Tara, the Star beauty editor’s lips were latched so hard in an ass-kiss on Eva that I feared she was going to suck the intestines right of Eva’s behind. Her shrill flattery (“You just look like ANGEL! Squeeeeeeal!”) was insufferable. It almost made me miss Jay and Elsa’s reveries on lip gloss and cupcakes.

    ROLL THE GOOFY POSING MONTAGE!

    Educators, break out the Kleenex, because once again the girls demonstrate the appalling state of our American school system when at least 3 out the 6 have no idea what “aloof” means (hint: it’s not a sponge for exfoliation—and no, you cannot ask me what exfoliation means!!!).


    Yet another ‘Thanks, I think’ moment.

    Tyra calls Christina out on her “insane,” “HAHA-I’m-gonna-getcha” face as well as her less-than-passionate passion pose.

    “You don’t need surgery,” Tyra says, taking out a tissue and rolling it up into a tiny joint and having Christina tuck it up under her upper lip. Everyone oohs and ahs, though frankly, I don’t see much difference.

    Nigel leans over the dais excitedly, and with a huge grin, offers, “Perhaps I should get involved.” As a hysterical Tyra collapses on the floor in a fit of laughter, Janice rolls out from underneath her, mounts her from behind, and humps her just enough to make me want to break out my water bottle and spritz her. Down, Janice, down! Bad Janice! Why do I feel like I’m writing slash fiction? I’m sorry what are we doing here again?

    Seems unfair to blame Naima for what is clearly a lapse in Tyra’s memory due to her advancing age. Scores of voters seem to remember Naima well enough to make her CoverGirl of the week for umpteen consecutive weeks, but nevertheless,

    Did Michelle really deserve the toss or, I wonder, were the show producers just too cheap to touch up homegirl’s new growth, and so dumped her in order to avoid bleaching her roots?

    Could the wiry wrestler use her brute strength to pummel the panel into a throbbing little pulp for giving her the hard goodbye? Of course she could! But Michelle, polite and pleasant to the very end, merely says thank you as she walks out the door. We’ll see you in the ring, Michelle.
    SNG! You get better every week. This is one of the few things I can read and actually laugh out loud about!

  9. #29
    Staying Afloat speedbump's Avatar
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    Wow, Snowie! That was a great read. It's your hidden and thought provoking gems of sarcasm and wit that truely make your recaps special. You go girl!
    You got to cry without weeping. Talk without speaking. Scream without raising your voice.- U2

  10. #30
    Lauren Bacall:My TopModel MarryMeYoanna's Avatar
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    Snowy inspires me to lyric poetry...

    Ahem..

    Ode to a Fallen Flower

    Why did Tyra send home Michelle?

    After comparing her to gazelle?

    It just makes me say "Why?' though

    This girl beat impetigo !

    Now I just sigh and say what the hell..
    You don’t need to repeat this, there is no ceremony any more, everybody is gone and you say this out loud to yourself. I was alone at the time and the time now is always. Always was a word that you used in promises, it is valueless.
    -Ernest Hemingway

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