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Thread: ANTM3 Ep. 11 Recap: The Banana Who Snubbed Her Shorty

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    ANTM3 Ep. 11 Recap: The Banana Who Snubbed Her Shorty

    On this, the penultimate episode of America’s Next Top Model, the final four get a crash course on Tokyo street fashion, a style of dress that has inspired many with its fearless color, boldness, and originality. Rocking style maven Gwen Stefani was so enamored with the phenomenon, she even wrote a song about it:

    Harajuku Girls you got the wicked style/I like the way that you are, I am your biggest fan
    Harajuku girls, I'm looking at you girls/You're so original girls/You got the look that makes you stand out
    Harajuku Girls, I'm looking at you girls/You mix and match it girls/You dress so fly and just parade around
    Arigato

    --“Harajuku Girls”


    As ANTM comes down to the wire, will the girls be just as inspired to bravely stand out and make a bold impression of their own? Or will the pressure of competition crush their spirits and turn them against each other? Oh, no doubt.

    Hysteric Glamour

    The show opens with Miss Ann-ger Management taking her frustrations out on Eva yet again. When Ann, unused to wearing high heels or makeup, expresses aggravation with the pressures of being on the show, Eva tries to empathize, saying she doesn’t really wear makeup either, “You know damn well that you put it on every day,” Ann snaps with unnecessary antagonism. In private interviews, Eva admits that she feels their fast friendship has “drifted apart”; Ann once again displays her predilection for the double-negative by saying, “I know we’re not gonna not be friends, but since the whole Norelle situation, it will never be the same.” Well I would not not be surprised if Ann traded Eva’s ass for cigarettes, the way she’s treated her so far in Cell Block Pink Positive.

    Amanda, seemingly in the best spirits among all of the girls left (perhaps appreciating raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, and bowls with Yaya really does help—or can you get a medical marijuana prescrip for Retinitis Pigmentosa?), verily sings the new TyraMail: “Do fashion designers inspire street style or does street style inspire fashion designers?” Well, it doesn’t even sound like the TyraMail writer is even trying anymore…have we drifted apart too?

    The girls are whisked to J-Pop Café in Shibuya, where they meet Sawa Vaughters, super-colorful stylist with the look and enthusiastic cheeriness of a kids’ TV show host, who is donning a “Mr. Potato Head hat,” as Amanda so accurately describes (“but she rocked it,” Amanda adds, “it was so cute”). Actually this type of small top hat (worn slightly askew) is all the rage in contemporary Japanese street fashion, a style of dress which the girls are here to learn more about.

    Sawa summons up several living, breathing examples of “real Tokyo street fashion,” four girls decked out in multiple layers of color and texture, most notably a girl in a ruffle-riddled, floral/gingham print dolly dress with dainty headpiece, typifying the Country Lolita look (I prefer the Elegant Gothic Lolita look myself). “Where was your mirror this morning?” Ann snarks; same place your winning photograph is, Ann. “Wow, this is not a joke. This is really your everyday get-up,” Yaya says, awe-struck.

    Gesturing to a rack behind her loaded with clothes from the kawaii label Milk (which my inner J-Pop star covets), Sawa tells them that they must now create their own interpretation of the Japanese street style look. Ann instantly has issues over finding Japanese clothes to fit her 5’11” frame, making more of a fuss than plus-size Toccara did all her days on the show. Amanda tries to help by offering Ann some of the clothes she found, like a cute mustard yellow shirt, literally off her back (granted she was wearing three shirts on it at one time). Ann angrily tosses the shirt back to Amanda when it doesn’t please her. Even though everyone, especially Eva, takes the time to help Ann find clothes, she remains incredibly pissy and unappreciative.

    Just as Ann wonders how much time they have left, Sawa calls everyone out from the dressing room. Sawa tells the Amanda, “You look amazing!” and likes the way she has coordinated different patterns and colors into a Girl Scout-on-acid ensemble. The camera pans up Yaya: from biker’s boots, to ashy knees (girl, get yourself some shea butter, for Chrissake!), to micro shorts, to small top, to cute puffy vest. “Style is good, but maybe you need a…giant jewelry?” Sawa suggests, for whom the phrase “Less is more,” has obviously no meaning. When she gets to Eva, Sawa purrs, “Ooh, schoolgirl!” Eva, in plaid pleat skirt, tie dye top and bright red revisionist letterman jacket, laughs expansively; Sawa suggests she needs a little more contrasting coordination with a different color. Finally, she looks at Ann, Plain & Tall, standing with defensive, arms-crossed body posture; in a simple skirt and sleeveless shirt of only two colors and no patterns, she looks more Gap than Milk. Sawa politely says she might need more accessories, or color, or something, anything.

    Run, Lolita, Run

    Now it’s time for the real challenge: the girls will be let loose in the streets of Tokyo with a map, a T-Mobile sidekick [cue annoying T-Mobile tinkly sound], and ¥ 20,000 yen (approx. $200.00 USD). They must kill each other off until only one is left, and if they do not, the monitoring jewelry around their necks will explode taking their heads off with it—I’m sorry, that’s Battle Royale; rather, our girls are given three hours to shop at four specific places (the fabulous Metamorphose, Closet Child, Who's a Yellow Ruby? and Maria's Closet) for clothes to assemble a Tokyo street-style outfit that must “inspire the Japanese designer Milk,” the theme of whose next collection is “BabyDoll Lolita.” Sawa warns them that they must be dressed and ready to meet the designer at the specified location by 6pm, or they will immediately be disqualified.

    All four head their separate ways. Our legally blind blonde finds navigating her way through the humid streets of Tokyo while visually impaired to be difficult, at best. “When you’re looking for something, vision’s important,” Amanda says, cheekily. She manages to find Metamorphose (incidentally, one of my favorite Lolita shops), where the sales staff is friendly and helpful, plus, fortunately, “everything is BabyDoll.” Who says all blondes are dumb? Amanda wisely decides to do all her shopping in one place, so she doesn’t have to risk getting lost finding the other stores. It’s a strategy that gives her plenty of time to get dressed and find her way to the go-see at Milk. She is out the door toting her Metamorphose shopping bag with a good 2 ½ hours to spare.

    Yaya heads to Martha’s Closet first and spends over half her money on just a few small items. “¥ 20,000 yen really doesn’t go a long way here,” she laments. At Closet Child, Ann is able to find “all these amazing clothes” but has trouble deciding what items to buy, as there are still three more stores to look at. “It’s kind of like that whole…This is Door Number 1. Do you want to keep this or do you want to give it up and take Door Number 2?” She decides to get only one item, a “capri/skirt thing” for $40.

    Meanwhile, Eva’s inner Ugly American comes out as she wanders around Tokyo, lost. “What does that say?” Eva gripes, squinting at a street sign, “It’s not English, it makes no sense in the world.” Well, actually, it does make sense, in this part of the world, called JAPAN, especially to Japanese people. You know, the people whose country you’re in?!! “A lot of the characters are written in Japanese,” Eva marvels. The nerve of these people, to put signs up in their own language without thinking about Eva’s needs! She resorts to flagging down folks she thinks might speak English to ask for directions. Ann, also lost, asks strangers for help in desperation (so much for the Sidekick, is this how you advertise, T-Mobile?).

    Eva and Ann meet up in a Brian De Palma split screen moment. Eva calls out “Banana!” to a suddenly smiling and relieved-looking Ann, who admits that all the tense friendship funkiness from before gets “thrown out the window because we both needed help.” They work together to find the next store, which isn’t a hell of whole lot more effective, as they pass right by Metamorphose. They run around frantically looking for the store that was literally just under their noses (Eva demonstrates the definition of “futility” as she yells “English, people!” to no one in particular). It starts to rain.

    Amanda, in the meantime, is cuddled up, nice and dry, in a corner outside the Milk pressroom, applying her makeup. With less than an hour left, Ann and Eva finally find Metamorphose, but soon regret not having bought some of the items they liked earlier at the other stores. They make some last-minute desperation purchases (something some of us will be able to relate to this Christmas) and run through the wet streets in their new clothes, with only plastic bags wrapped around them in protection of the elements. With under half an hour until appointment time, the remains of Pink Positive tromps up the steps to the Milk pressroom, which, by the way, is next door and upstairs from the actual Milk boutique.

    Right about the same time, Yaya finishes her shopping, but can’t resist stopping off at one more shop to buy herself a kimono. It turns out to be a big NoNo for YaYa. With only ten minutes to spare, dashes into what looks like an underground stairwell to emerge, superhero-quick change style, in her street style get-up. She looks, however, less superhero, and more “special needs” kinderwhore. At two minutes till go-see, she rushes off in search of Milk. Outside, the Milk Pressroom, Eva and Ann are doing last minute makeup and checking their outfits. Ann thinks Yaya will win again, because all three of them have inadvertently chosen the same leggings. One minute to go, and the girls start to wonder where Yaya is. “I hope she’s not just standing outside the store face,” Amanda says. Talk about your Psychic Friends Network, that is exactly where Yaya is, staring forlornly at the Closed sign on the door of the Milk shop. She looks at the map, checks her T-Mobile Sidekick, heads back onto the street.

    At 6:00, Amanda, Eva, and Ann head into the Milk, Inc. offices where the designers of Milk (Hitomi) and MilkBoy (Shingo) immediately notice that someone is missing. When the girls are dismissed so that they can conduct the go-sees one-on-one, guess who barges in? None other than Yaya. Hitomi and Shingo greet her politely, but no amount of apologizing in Japanese is enough to get them to see her. “Unacceptable,” Shingo murmurs to Hitomi as she leaves. A crestfallen Yaya heads for home. “Yaya’s won like 5 times, but she ain’t winnin’ this one,” Amanda laughs.

    Neither are you, Methuselah. Hitomi and Shingo like Amanda’s walk, but balk when they learn she’s 25. “Too old,” they say, regretfully. They spend little time on Ann, probably unimpressed with the lackluster answer she gives when asked to described what inspired her outfit (It’s not pants, it’s not a skirt, it’s a robot! Transformers™, more than meets the eye). Eva comes in and hits a home run. When she tells them she’s 19, the designers smile. “Perfect!” Hitomi declares, flipping through Eva’s book. Eva charms them with her idea of Japanese street style, showing off her pièce de resistance a Baskin-Robbins-bright polka-dot shirt emblazoned with the oddly-prescient slogan, “Don’t You Blame Me.” When the girls are called back in, Shingo explains that Hitomi was most inspired by Eva. “My idea was find things that don’t go together and look really stupid and you’ll win. How dumb do I look?” Eva deadpans. She wins breakfast with a “very important person in the Japanese industry” and she selects Ann to join her, “because there’s just no one else I’d want there but Ann,” Eva says. Awww…perhaps there is still hope for Pink Positive.

    Jewelry Makes All Marriages Better

    All this time, Yaya’s been kickin’ it Macauley Culkin-style—home alone, that is, doing facials and keeping up on her dental hygiene. She says to the camera in the snootiest conceivable tone that, she did everyone a “favor” because “my non-presence there gave someone else a chance to win.” At last, she realizes that her presence is not always the “blessing” she (or her sister) would like us to believe. When the girls get home, she brags about having the day to herself, to relax in the tub (someone off-camera, either Ann or Amanda, sneaks in the remark, “boiling your face”—conjuring the creepy image of Yaya at a stove stirring up a pot of pimple stew). Amanda believes that even though Yaya appears nonchalant, inside she’s worried over panel getting a whiff of her tardiness.

    In the morning, Eva and Ann meet their mystery guest in a “very elite part of town.” The second I see the black Mikimoto store-front I scream, “Pearls!!!” They meet the genteel, handsome Toyohiko Mikimoto, chairman of one of the renowned purveyor of the world’s finest cultured pearls, Mikimoto. There is something about the incongruity of the two blowsy, American young girls meeting the older, clearly refined-looking Japanese gentleman that makes me wonder if Tyra has sold them to him, but no, they’re just here to have breakfast. Eva has recognizes the name, but Ann looks confused throughout the whole meal but pretends to know him anyway. At the conclusion of breakfast, Toyohiko says that he has a surprise gift for them, and inside Eva is singing, “Mikimoto, that’s jewelry, right? Hold up! I’m gonna get some jewelry!”

    Indeed, they retire to the downstairs where they browse the entire store and try on the luxurious pearls, each selecting a necklace they get to keep (Eva picks a short strand of black pearls and Ann, a choker of cream-colored). Toyohiko then sits down with them at the VIP table and presents them each with a second surprise: another strand of perfect pearls that are worth at least $5000. “Mine are pink!” Eva croons, looking about to swoon. Again, I’m getting a rich businessman/escort vibe. The girls thank Toyohiko profusely, and even Ann realizes the value of Eva selecting her to receive this gift, “This is something that will last me for the rest of my life, and something that will remind me of this experience for the rest of my life, so I’m so grateful that she picked me. We’re still Ann and Eva though we had some ‘marriage problems’.” As I tell my husband repeatedly, nothing else soothes in troubled times quite like expensive jewelry.

    Outside, an ecstatic Eva and Ann scream and leap with joy. A touch of the “In Yo Tall Bitches’ Face” Evil Eva pops out when she gloats, “Yaya, your five things all put together…don’t equal this!” When they return home, Ann visits the Yamanda room to tell them how the morning went. “It was amazing,” Ann says, telling them they met Mikimoto, and showing off the pearls they got. “Oh, okay,” Yaya says dismissively, not even looking up from her makeup mirror to acknowledge Ann. “Are you jealous?” Amanda whispers to Yaya, like a fool waving a pork chop in front of a lion’s cage. “That they got pearls? No,” Yaya says. That anyone could possibly be better than her at anything and is capable stealing any of Yaya’s precious thunder? A resounding yes.

    Eva comes in bearing TyraMail that reads: “Get ready to handle life in the Fast Lane.” Ann frets that there will be a photoshoot. “Like on the street,” Yaya guesses. Eva suggests maybe the fast lane means runway, and Ann, knowing she has a less than stellar track record in photos but is “always fierce on the runway,” gets her hopes up, begging, “Can we please do runway?” Looking at Ann as if she’s made of dookie, Yaya says, sooo condescendingly, “We can.” Like she has any say in the matter! Maybe Yaya will have a little talk with the judges about it later.

    Harajuku Talkin' Bout, Willis?

    Our girls are carted off to the Harajuku district, famed for its funky street fashion (as illustrated in a nanosecond montage), where Jay meets them and informs them that they will be participating in a photo shoot that he has designed around a popular street style—the rest is a surprise. He dismisses everybody to hair and makeup, and when Ann tries to touch his jacket from the Chairman Kaga collection, he tells her not to touch him and says in his half-bitchy, half-joking way, “You better be lucky you still in this competition…you barely got a photograph.” Ann takes the comment very hard, as if Jay was saying, “You don’t deserve to be here.” He’s only saying what everyone and their brother has been moaning for weeks! That’s right ANTM producers, for weeks.

    Danilo and crew give the girls a serious kabuki/anime work over before they are spirited away in a trailer to the photo shoot location: a street in the middle of the über-urban, neon nirvana that is Tokyo at night. Miss J. and Mr. Jay meet them and explain that today they are portraying Harajuku Japanime Girls. “This is really how the girls dress walking in the streets.” They will be posing on Pagsta motorcycles, and so must bring motion as well as emotion into their pictures. Mr. Jay emphasizes how important it is at this point in the competition to step up their game. Miss J. concurs, then gives it to Ann, saying, “I have a habit of throwing you a kitchen sink, and you never throw me back a bathtub, you throw me back, like bathwater, splash!” [This metaphor brought to you this week by Home Depot] Anyway, Ann is pissed to be singled out yet again.

    Amanda hops onto the bike first, looking perfectly kawaii in a pink vinyl outfit with super-happy flower accessories. Photographer Takashi Miesaki gets to snapping her pink cuteness as traffic rolls past, and the shoot is a success. According to Jay, Amanda was great and totally picked up on the Harajuku vibe. Yaya follows and, aside from looking like the female Gremlin in Gremlins 2 and having Miss J. tell her “We don’t want an educated model…leave your education back there for this photo shoot,” she also has problems with the photographer, whom she feels is too quick with the trigger finger. She asks him to hold up and hold on repeatedly, as if aggravated that anyone but her gets to dictate the pace of the shoot. Karma bites her in the ass as she almost falls off the bike. “Yaya keeps giving Miss Attitude and she’s slowly making me dislike her,” Jay moans. Eva comes out looking Geisha-licious, and fumbles a wee bit trying find poses on the bike that will help her look “longer, stronger, taller, fiercer.” She loses her shoe, but not her sense of humor, quipping, “I’m rolling down the street, honey!” Jay thinks she’s playing it too coy, and yells at her to bring out “More Grrr!” Jay says that he loves Eva’s personality, but “today she fell flat.”

    Finally, it’s Officer PVC Ann’s turn. Jay tries to rally her by saying, “Give it to me,” possibly the first and only time he’ll ever say these words to a woman with such vehemence. Takashi takes some shots, and Jay is worried that the energy is “dead.” At one point, Jay actually stops the shoot in frustration, saying, “We’re on the streets here in Tokyo, you’ve got this amazing background, this bike, you look incredible, we’re down to the final four” and yet why can’t anyone or anything get Ann to deliver? Ann starts to cry, saying she doesn’t feel like she deserves to be here (Norelle fans everywhere let out a collective sigh). Jay tries his damnedest to eke out some kind of spark from Ann, asking her if anything there reminds her of any kind of reference. Crickets chirp. “Did you at least see the Matrix?” he asks, desperately. A tumbleweed blows past. Jay recalls Ann’s inability in the past weeks to connect with any reference point he gives her. Just nothin’, Ann has apparently never seen or even heard of any movie ever produced ever in the history of cinema. The shoot must go on, however, and Takashi’s back to snapping. As he’s done before, Jay tries provoking her, “You look like a flight attendant gone wrong. Work it! You hate me! Let’s go!” It’s only when he calls her names that she ever seems to respond. Hmm, kinky.

    Blatant Practice for Future Talk Show, or, Oops, Did I Accidentally Switch Channels over to Oprah?

    The next day, Tyra pulls another one of her ninja stealth wake-ups on the girls, only this time she’s brought back-up: her Mama, Carolyn London. They are both wearing their favorite wigs. La TyTy explains that instead of the usual one-on-one, today will be a two-on-one; a heart-to-heart-to-heart, if you will. Amanda is first and, as expected, the waterworks come. Amanda says she feels “sad” because her family “needs money,” and Mama-san, fanning herself and sitting like a big, golden Buddha, tells her “We as women want to do everything for everyone, and we always place ourselves last. We can’t help anyone till we place ourselves first.” Ah yes, Mama-san, you are as wise are you are wide.

    Next, YaddaYadda also cries, complaining that she’s having a hard time being “seen for what I am…being a model, it’s easy to get looked over, like ‘Oh yeah she’s just a pretty girl’…but I also write really well, and do all these other things.” Oh puke. Don’t worry, YaYa, after seeing your behavior on this show, no one will ever mistake you for pretty ever again. Mama-san gives Yaya the best advice in the nicest way possible: “You don’t have to advertise your intelligence, it shines on its own.” (Translation: stop showing off like you’re fancy, you uppity beeyotch, and get over your own triflin’ ass!)

    Tyra asks Eva how she feels now, after having started out as being the “negative girl” on the show. Eva says she feels “misunderstood,” and cries, of course, because everything she says or does is misinterpreted. What does Tyra do to make everyone cry, is she pinching them off-screen, holding chopped onions under their faces, holding their mothers hostage, what? Mama-san advises Eva to look inside herself. Eva cries and cries over how hard it is to become a better person, “I just gotta try to remember to bring myself up and try not to tear other people down at the same time.” Tyra tells her to check it, “Eva’s not feeling that great about herself, so she wants to throw a dagger,” she mimes pulling a dagger out, “Pull it back.” Tyra then mimes holding the dagger back. I’m waiting for her to pull rope and get stuck in a glass box too.

    Ann is last and, as you may have guessed, cries and cries over how hurt she felt when everyone was talking about how she should have gone home last week. Mama-san says she’d better get a thick skin because this is an industry where everyone gets told to their face that they’re not right for a job. Tyra says, “You’re still here, it’s up to you to work it.” Yes, Tyra, and please tell us, why is Ann still here? Huh? [shakes fist angrily] Huh?

    There are hugs all around, then they go fill up some time with a visit to Tyra’s Japanese family (her sister-in-law, adorable hapa (bi-racial) niece, and other assorted relatives) for dinner. They return home to TyraMail announcing the next elimination and, as usual, fret over where they stand. Eva worries not only about her own position, but Ann’s, saying, “Honey Child, I hope you got a good picture in there somewhere because I do not want to see you go home.”

    Ann-other One Bites the Dust

    The girls file into the judging room to face the panel for the 11th cut of the competition. Joining the regular judges today are Hitomi and Shingo of Milk and MilkBoy, who will administer today’s test: they have 15 minutes to go change into something that expresses their own personal street style. It’s off to their bedrooms for the mad dash to dress, before they return.

    Yaya, in a small pink halter top and booty shorts, is evaluated first, and Nolé is “not a big fan” from the waist down. That’s got to be a blow to the ego: Hello, I hate half of your entire body. Tyra likes it because it looks like she doesn’t care and yet “you’re serving it.” Shingo says they think she looks great, but oh-so-subtly works in the fact that she was not at the go-sees the other day. Yaya says, “I looked at the map and misunderstood it,” conveniently leaving out her kimono-buying side trip (ironic for the girl who was so self-righteous when go-sees were held up during Amanda’s shoe-shopping sojourn earlier this season). Janice can smell the dookie, and waves off her excuses, yelling, “Wrong, wrong.” Her photo draws wows from the panel, with Janice remarking it’s some of the best hair and makeup she’s ever seen (“Japanese Vogue”), but Nigel criticizing how “chunky” her “muscular body” looks. Tyra suggests posing differently, Janice concludes, “Hair and makeup: 10. Body pose: 2.”

    Next up is Amanda. Hitomi doesn’t like her socks, belt, or multiple shirts, so Amanda strips them off before panel. The street fashion photo, however, gets rave reviews. “Gorgeous,” deems Tyra. “You look like the perfect anime Barbie doll,” comments Nigel, his only problem being the position of one hand that appears to be jutting out from her waist like a birth defect or a tiny conjoined twin.

    Ann steps up in the same shirt she wore coming in earlier (at least it’s not stained this time, although it must be pretty sheer as two, floating, pixellated pasties will hover over her nipples for the remainder of the episode), and a skirt that’s “killing” Janice, and not in a good way, so she takes it off. She must ditch her bag, socks—if Janice dislikes anything else, the poor girl will be naked (and the pixellation guy will have to work overtime). Nigel asks what is up, and tells Ann it’s as if she’s “fast asleep.” “I’m just taking in what you’re saying,” Ann says, afflicted with the same pod person disease Toccara had when she got eighty-sixed. Nolé implies that Ann has no change of expression; Nigel says she at least needs to be more alert. Her picture is a big flop. Nigel says, “At this stage, this photo is not good enough.” Janice says there’s no energy coming from within. Jay must have been talking smack about Ann before panel, because Tyra starts quizzing on who her favorite actress is, what music does she like…Ann has no answer, and Tyra says the problem might be that she’s “not pulling from inspirations.” Ann gets defensive and, on the verge of tears, blames the show for not allowing them to go to the library or watch movies. “We can’t believe you haven’t had references from before,” Nigel says, incredulously. Nolé asks what her passion is, and Ann insists it’s modeling, otherwise she would not be wasting their time. What about our time, damnit? Can anyone tell us why they wasted our time by keeping Ann another week?!! Hitomi tells Ann that her sadness is beautiful.

    Eva comes last, and the judges are not at all into her look; Hitomi even comes out with a pair of scissors to hack her cut-off jeans sky-high. The panel is underwhelmed with her Japanime girl shot. “Clearly this is just a beauty shot for you,” Janice remarks, feeling that while her faces is undeniable beautiful, the rest of the shot lacks strength. Nigel and Nolé dislike it even as beauty shot, feeling that she lacks the light that used to be in her eyes. “What happened to the model in Eva Diva?” Janice queries. “She didn’t go anywhere, I guess she didn’t perform as good as she thought,” Eva replies.

    This time, we get to see the girls in the holding room as panel deliberates. Ann believes, “there’s no chance in hell that I’m staying.” So much for Pink Positive! Sounds more like Pink Pessimistic. She gripes over the criticism that she does not have ready answers for the judges’ questions, then proceeds to attack Eva for no apparent reason, basically accusing Eva of “lying” and “pretending to know” things about fashion that she doesn’t really know. This from the girl who pretended to know Mikimoto all throughout the day when she had no clue—on an excursion that she wouldn’t have gone on had her friend Eva not chosen her to share her reward. Ingrate! Eva is appalled, and says she’s never pretended to know anything about fashion that she really didn’t know, but Ann tries to shut her up simply for defending herself. [Cue theme from Psycho] I pity the future fools on her restraining order list. Ann then goes off to be comforted by, of all people, Yamanda, leaving her former best friend, Mama, and Pink Positive mate all by herself. “I prayed for Ann so much,” Eva says, tearing up in a heartbreaking moment, “We’re both in competition but I prayed for that girl so much…I saw good in her, so I was like, ‘I hope she does well,’ and if I don’t win, at least I know a good person did win.” I

    Meanwhile, the judges are getting ready to break another heart, as they decide who should go home. Nolé loves Yaya’s photo, but Shingo and Nigel don’t. “She looks like a sort of big purple bumblebee,” Nigel. Janice thinks Amanda “reeks of a model” but Nigel doesn’t like her in person. “You’re wrong!” Janice snipes. Ann is roundly criticized for having shown no growth this entire cycle. The regular panel thinks Eva has done better in other shoots, but Hitomi thinks it’s the best photo of the group (Hitomi got a little soft spot for Miss Eva, apparently). Tyra thinks Eva doesn’t always look like a model, and in her opinion a model should look like a model no matter what, even if she’s in a “paper bag sack.”

    The girls are called back for the moment of truth. Everyone, the girls, even the panel, looks tired and tense. Tyra says that with one week left in competition, they need to step up their game. She hands Amanda her photo first, and asks her to give her own critique this week (First TyraMail writer, now this…is everyone slacking this week or what?). Amanda knows she has to work on her “presence in person.” Next person in the top three: Yaya, who says that she knows it’s important for a top model to be “likeable.” Good luck with that, YuckYuck.

    So the bottom two, as predicted by drama queens everywhere, consists of the former best friends and Pink Positive mates, Eva and Ann. Tyra feels that Eva blames others instead of looking on the inside, and that Ann does not take enough responsibility in doing the hard work it takes to be a better model. Enough dilly-dallying, Tyra hands Eva back the final photo, and Ann is dismissed. Ann blows a kiss to the panel and walks off to hug Yamanda, while Eva stands forlornly in the corner. When Ann disengages from Yamanda, Eva looks up expectantly, as surely her best friend wouldn’t leave without some sort of goodbye. But no, Ann just blows another strange kiss at the judges to avoid facing Eva, and walks right past the dejected-looking Eva without so much as a glance in her direction. Stone-frickin’-cold. Yeah producers, you got the drama you wanted all right.

    Before leaving, Ann scrawls out a note to Eva that begins, “Sorry I didn’t say goodbye properly but I still think have a lot to talk about…” About her very public diss, Ann says, “I think she will be sad that I didn’t hug her, but if she lets that affect her friendship, we were never meant to be friends in the first place.” Huh? What kind of circular, self-serving logic is that? I would definitely think twice before getting involved with this Single White Female. Anyway, Ann leaves by saying she was “sick and tired of getting in front of panel…Tonight was horrible.” Wiping her eyes, Ann says, “That’s it. I’m done, I can’t cry,” before she walks off into the dark obscurity of Tokyo at night.

    After all we’ve been through, you wouldn’t leave without hugging me would you? Send your email to snowflakegirl@fansofrealitytv. com.
    Last edited by SnowflakeGirl; 12-10-2004 at 07:14 AM.
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    Tinkly<---my new favorite word I'm running out of funny, quirky, and orginal things to say, so I'll be straight to the point: Your recap(s) are freakin recap gold. Love 'em everytime, Snowie!
    You got to cry without weeping. Talk without speaking. Scream without raising your voice.- U2

  3. #3
    When I'm 64 William13's Avatar
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    Another great recap.

    I love all the appropriate nicknames you manage to find for Yaya.

    Apart from that there is too much that I like, so I can't quote it all. But if I had to pick a favourite it would be (possibly because it reminds me of a Twix commercial they show up here in Canada) :

    Finally, it’s Officer PVC Ann’s turn. Jay tries to rally her by saying, “Give it to me,” possibly the first and only time he’ll ever say these words to a woman with such vehemence.
    I am sad that we are coming to the end of the series. Not because I am going to mix Tyra and Janice, because I won't. But I don't know what I am going to do without my Snowflake Girl fix each week. Maybe there's a support group I can join for people suffering from Snowflake Girl withdrawal.

  4. #4
    FORT Regular VSU1995Female's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl
    Ann instantly has issues over finding Japanese clothes to fit her 5’11” frame, making more of a fuss than plus-size Toccara did all her days on the show. Amanda tries to help by offering Ann some of the clothes she found, like a cute mustard yellow shirt, literally off her back (granted she was wearing three shirts on it at one time). Ann angrily tosses the shirt back to Amanda when it doesn’t please her. Even though everyone, especially Eva, takes the time to help Ann find clothes, she remains incredibly pissy and unappreciative.
    Hahaha....Great recap Snowy...Ann feel Toccara's wrath.
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  5. #5
    Plotting spegs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl
    Well I would not not be surprised if Ann traded Eva’s ass for cigarettes, the way she’s treated her so far in Cell Block Pink Positive.

    (perhaps appreciating raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, and bowls with Yaya really does help—or can you get a medical marijuana prescrip for Retinitis Pigmentosa?)

    ...a Girl Scout-on-acid ensemble.

    She looks, however, less superhero, and more “special needs” kinderwhore.

    “Yaya’s won like 5 times, but she ain’t winnin’ this one,” Amanda laughs.
    Neither are you, Methuselah.

    Jewelry Makes All Marriages Better

    There is something about the incongruity of the two blowsy, American young girls meeting the older, clearly refined-looking Japanese gentleman that makes me wonder if Tyra has sold them to him, but no, they’re just here to have breakfast.

    It’s only when he calls her names that she ever seems to respond. Hmm, kinky.

    Don’t worry, YaYa, after seeing your behavior on this show, no one will ever mistake you for pretty ever again.

    Tyra then mimes holding the dagger back. I’m waiting for her to pull rope and get stuck in a glass box too.

    Yes, Tyra, and please tell us, why is Ann still here? Huh? [shakes fist angrily] Huh?

    ...his only problem being the position of one hand that appears to be jutting out from her waist like a birth defect or a tiny conjoined twin.
    Amazing, Snowy. Every week, you work it like the rent is due tomorrow Fabulous!
    "Look, you love me, and I love you. Maybe in a different time, a different place, this would work out. But we both know that only one of us is leaving this room alive, and I'm the one holding the flame thrower." - Film Fakers

  6. #6
    CCL
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    Climbing Solsbury Hill CCL's Avatar
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    On this, the penultimate episode of America’s Next Top Model
    Whatever will we do without ANTM and our weekly Snowflake recap?
    “Yaya’s won like 5 times, but she ain’t winnin’ this one,” Amanda laughs.
    Neither are you, Methuselah.
    Ooh...nice slam.
    Indeed, they retire to the downstairs where they browse the entire store and try on the luxurious pearls, each selecting a necklace they get to keep (Eva picks a short strand of black pearls and Ann, a choker of cream-colored).
    Hmmm...I missed that. I thought they just got the necklaces he gave them (in the boxes). 2 strands of pearls....nice. Why do I think that Eva & Ann sold them as soon as they got back to the US though? Particularly Ann whose casual vibe doesn't really go with pearls.
    Finally, it’s Officer PVC Ann’s turn. Jay tries to rally her by saying, “Give it to me,” possibly the first and only time he’ll ever say these words to a woman with such vehemence.

    What does Tyra do to make everyone cry, is she pinching them off-screen, holding chopped onions under their faces, holding their mothers hostage, what?
    I mean, really. Oh no, another one is crying. I half-expected to see a Kleenex product placement.
    After all we’ve been through, you wouldn’t leave without hugging me would you?
    Of course not!
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  7. #7
    FORT Fan Stellaluna's Avatar
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    Great recap as always! There were just so many lines in there that had me cracking up.

  8. #8
    FORT Fanatic starlette01350's Avatar
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    It’s only when he calls her names that she ever seems to respond. Hmm, kinky.
    Absolutely hilarious! Thanks, SFG!
    Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

  9. #9
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    Snowie, this recap was riveting. It was so much more exciting than watching the episode for me. I love your take on the girls, the fashion, the culture clash, and the drama! Your writing is a joy to read.

    Stellar, fantastic, excellent, yummy recap!
    You've gotta hustle if you want to earn a dollar. - Boston Rob

  10. #10
    Rude and Abrasive Texicana's Avatar
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    I loved your Battle Royale reference, Snowy! Awe-inspiring work from you, as usual!
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