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Thread: ANTM3 Ep. 10 Recap: The Lionesses Who Turned On the House Bitch

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    ANTM3 Ep. 10 Recap: The Lionesses Who Turned On the House Bitch

    Last Thursday might have been Thanksgiving for us Americans, and yet the night before America’s Next Top Model producers were already serving up leftovers (mostly reheated recrap and old insider videos) on last week’s “special” episode. Well, now that we’ve all had a chance to digest all that jive turkey, let’s get back to the real meat of the matter: the final five fighting for the prize. It’s a competition so tight now that anything could turn on a dime. The girls are still turning Japanese (I think they’re turning Japanese, I really think so), Ann turns the tables on Pink Positive, and just about everyone turns on Eva. Of course, someone must return home—whose turn is it this week? From this point on every elimination is gonna hurt like hell. Except for Yaya’s, that is…Is there anyone left in this world who wouldn’t want to see Miss Toplofty turned out on her ear?

    Movin’ On Up, to the Far East Side

    Day breaks at the Fontaine Akasaka, and the perpetually perky Koko Niwa arrives! And greets the slumbering girls! With! As much! Alacrity! As ever! If looks could kill, Eva’s not-a-morning-person glare would have melted the smile right off Koko’s sunny face with a powerful laser beam [insert your own pyew-pyew sound effects here]. A new TyraMail, apparently written by Yoda, says, “Pack your bags and get ready to go, at 11 o’clock, a new home you’ll know.” The girls are excited to finally check out of their little capsules, though Pink Positive has some trouble getting up: Mama Eva tries to stroke Ann’s sleepyhead awake; poor, sweet Norelle bumps her widdle biddy head on the way out of her peapod bed. Oh no! Be careful, Norelle, mind you don’t shake the little walnut of your brain out of its place.

    As they get ready to move out of their pint-sized digs, Yaya reflects upon the last elimination noting with a hint of resentment that Tyra’s criticism was of her “character,” not her “performance”; still, the girl who must have graduated from her Ivy League college with a degree in Advanced Asskissing says, “I’m going to take that and I’m going to swallow it. Thank you,” with such a simper on her face it makes me long to see her swallow somebody’s fist when they slug her in her smug little mug.

    Norelle is just shocked to still be in the running (repeat after me, dear Norelle: you’re good enough, you’re strong enough, and gosh darn it, people like you!). The relationship between the rest of her Pink Positive cohort—I just realized they make a Pink Triangle, honestly (if you don’t laugh at the lesbian subtext, at least laugh at the Weezer reference)—is showing signs of strain. Ann says she is surprised at how fast things have changed between her and Eva; from instant rapport to the current animosity. We’re treated to a flashback of their whirlwind romance: from their first toast, to an odd snippet of what looks like Unfrozen CaveWomAnn dragging Eva about in a bit of rough foreplay, to Ann’s Fatal Attraction “You will be at me wedding” speech, to Ann’s proposal to Eva under the Christmas Tree in Rockefeller Center, to their first kiss under the stars in Central Park (okay those last two were in Ann’s imagination). Ann says that her opinion of Eva has changed drastically as a direct result of her comments toward Norelle during the soup commercial, but the editor’s sly inclusion of Ann’s remark that “It’s really annoying when you know she’s gonna take a good picture…and I have absolute terrible pictures,” suggest that perhaps Ann’s change of heart might, in fact, be motivated by professional jealousy more than moral outrage.

    In the van, Amanda and Yaya occupy the back seat together, while Ann sits with a protective/possessive arm around her femme girlfriend Norelle. Eva sits apart from everyone. Amanda notices the alienation of Eva, remarking that, “The house has to have a target, that’s just mob mentality and human nature in competition.” A short debate (no pun intended) over Kate Moss’s height breaks out, in which Eva claims the superwaif to be 5’5” (it’s more like 5’6”-5’7” depending on who you ask). As Ann watches Eva chat amiably with Koko, she describes her old friend as “fake” adding that “people don’t buy into it.” Not like you did a mere few weeks ago? My God, but Ann’s fickle; she’s a fine one to talk about loyalty to anyone.

    They finally arrive at their new place; as Eva describes it, a “decked-out Japanese-style home in Tokyo” replete with sliding doors, tatami mats, tranquil gardens and serene ponds of Koi. Eva talks about how the environment of Japan makes her feel more relaxed and quiet; all Ann does is laugh about how low everything is. They split up into two rooms, with Pink Positive taking up one and Yamanda (who appear to have now formed their own tight bond—“It’s just a whole different mindset that we have,” Madame Yaya insists) in the other.

    Kumeo Koike, the kindly looking middle-aged man who is their homestay owner, welcomes them into his home by inviting them to try some seasonal local delicacies. Most of the girls pick at the sweets politely, except for Norelle who looks like she’d rather eat . “I do not understand Japanese food. I do not eat Japanese food. If I do, I eat like Panda Express.” I don’t know if I’m more disappointed in Norelle’s inability to distinguish between Chinese and Japanese (two entirely different countries and styles of cuisine), or between real food and the commercialized crap they serve at the local food court. Actually, what I’m most disappointed about is Norelle’s cultural resistance to a society that would totally frickin’ adore her. Expand your horizons, little one; there is a whole world outside your mall waiting to love you!

    Tea, No Sympathy

    The girls are hustled off to a teahouse where they are greeted by chado expert Yoko Takahashi, who says, “As a top model, you must learn to interact with people around the world,” therefore, she will instruct them on the venerated Japanese tradition of the tea ceremony. Some of the girls, like Yaya and Amanda, approach the lesson with sincere interest (okay, the sincere part is debatable for Yaya, but Amanda’s multi-culti lovin’ side seems pretty into it), while the others don’t seem to take as seriously, particularly Norelle, who is sporting the exact same oh-my-good-please-get-me-out-of-here expression that I wore in every single math class I’ve ever had. “Japan and Japanese anything is like space!” Norelle exclaims with frustration. Norelle, just because your head is in outer space, doesn’t mean that Japan is.

    Back on Planet Earth, the girls learn all the nuances of the millennia-old tea ceremony, from how to enter a room, the etiquette to follow when eating kaiseki, how to properly appreciate the tea bowl, bow to the host, etc. Norelle is clearly flummoxed by this foreign ritual, unlike the oh-so-seasoned traveler, Yaya, who says, “I’ve traveled the world and people everywhere tell me how respectful [and] humble I am.” When she successfully says, “Osaki-ni” with a deep bow, Yoko compliments her, and Yaya beams with a teacher’s pet grin that indicates she must have double-majored with Advanced International Asskissing as well. Meanwhile, the tranquil calm of the teahouse setting is disrupted by a small skirmish between Ann and Eva after Ann makes a gaffe during the lesson. Eva feels that whenever Ann gets frustrated with her own mistakes, she takes it out on Eva, a classic sign of domestic abuse.

    When Yoko explains that behind the elaborate ritual is appreciation for a unique moment of gathering that can never be recreated, Amanda to weep right then and there, then waxes poetic: “With my blindness, I appreciate every sunrise, butterfly, the dewdrop on a petal…When the sensei was talking about appreciating the opportunity for that moment, it’s so true.” I, too, find myself pondering the transience of beauty [pitch in SFG’s voice rises with emotion], and how after just a few weeks we will no longer gather for our weekly recaps of ANTM together [SFG blubbers, overcome by the moment]. “I have a deep respect for their rituals; I was definitely not as deep as Amanda, who cried,” Eva remarked. “Japan is the most difficult place I’ve ever been in my life,” Norelle states, not too hard to believe when the most difficult place she’d probably ever been to prior to this was shopping at South Coast Plaza.

    The next day, the girls are at back at the house dreaming of American food when TyraMail arrives, telling them that they are invited to a “Mystic Tea Ceremony.” They pretty much know what’s in store: that their tea ceremony knowledge will be put to the test. Respectful and humble Yaya says, “I’m confident. I’m winning all these challenges, I can do it.” Ann channels some Yayattitude when she says, “I’m gonna stay longer than you, Eva, and you’ll see.” [cue audio of angry cats fighting] Less sure of herself is Norelle, who points out that there is little room for error with this few girls left in the running, and sums it all up by saying, “You really have to give it everything you have or else you will go home.”

    Yoko greets the five girls outside the teahouse to tell them they will participate in a traditional tea ceremony garbed in ensembles by famous kimono designer Kyoko Higa. Now, I just so happen to lurve kimonos and the gorgeous textiles they’re made of, so I’m drooling at the sight of the electric pink bags which hold the girls’ wardrobe. Yoko also informs them that the winner today will get a visit to Japanese hot springs with a friend, then it’s off to get outfitted in their luxurious, elegant kimonos and cram for the tea test. Norelle notes, with a tone of bemusement, that Amanda and Yaya are taking the whole thing very seriously. In fact, it’s a good that at least some of the girls are handling this event with the respect it deserves; especially when the rest are handling it with all the reverence and enthusiasm as a gynecological appointment. “Old socks and bikinis” is Norelle’s mnemonic for “Osaki-ni”; Yaya glares at Norelle and Eva like a nasty hall monitor when they giggle during practice.

    Finally the girls are “thrown to the lions” as Eva describes it: they must come out and perform the tea ceremony before a panel of “tea ceremony experts” (basically three guys who never get a name credit—poor guys, and Kyoko Higa. Now, the Japanese tea ceremony is by nature obsessed with minutiae, the intricacies of which I do not profess to understand, nor am equipped to describe. To hold your chopsticks the wrong way, or place your bowl down in the wrong spot is already a major blunder. Rather than give a play-by-play each of the girls’ performance, suffice it to say that no one, not even Miss Yaya, got away without making some mistakes. Imagine an “I Love Lucy” episode set in a Japanese teahouse, and you’ve got some idea how it went for nearly everyone.

    Not surprisingly, Norelle seems to have the most difficulty, even dropping a chopstick (gasp!). Yaya looks like she is giving the best performance, enhanced by the fact that she took the time to learn some phrases in the local language which always makes a good impression on people when you come to visit their country. Even I was impressed when Yaya whipped out “I am very pleased to be here” in Japanese. Actually, I would be more impressed with Yaya if she weren’t so frickin’ pleased with herself every time she did something clever (it’s the shiznit-eating grin that gives it all away). One thing you can guarantee, though, Yaya will come home telling all her friends how to say “RESPEITO” in Japanese keigo. Not surprisingly, Yaya wins, and not surprisingly she asks her new best friend by default (in terms of who despises her least, I suppose), Amanda, to join her. Amanda’s not so blind that she can’t see the meal ticket, saying “More power to her, ‘cuz I’m sharing the fruits of her labor.” They head off to the breathtakingly beautiful spa at Hakone Hot Springs, where they laugh and frolic and appreciate bowls in the lap of luxury like rich bitches. “It’s nice to be relaxing and away from all the noise of the other girls,” Amanda says, soaking in the crystal clear springs. Oy vey, it’s the first class plane trip all over again.

    Back the homestead, the silence is deafening, as Pink Positive steeps in quiet desperation. Eva says that they’ve been wondering why she has been so quiet, and Eva feels “The atmosphere calls for a calming personality.” Ann is having second thoughts about her relationship with Eva because “I don’t know who she is anymore.”

    Lionesses, Tigresses, and Bitchesses, Oh My

    Yamanda return home and all the girls “decide” to go out on the town tonight, and by that they must mean that the producers have arranged for them to get liquored up on a rooftop with the Tokyo night skyline as a backdrop to further drama. While the other four take pictures together on the roof, Eva is again off on her own, just staring out at the admittedly stunning view (she admits to feeling weird energy and says she doesn’t feel close to anyone in the house anymore); however, this creates a division that Ann notices as “the four of us and Eva.” Even visually, Eva is set apart by being the only person wearing white while everyone else is dressed in black.

    As they toast themselves for being the final five, Tyra floats in unexpectedly in a cloud of multi-melon colored chiffon and her favorite red wig (you just know she’ll be wearing that same, shabby thing when she’s 70). TyTy does her little talk show thing, talking about her experiences traveling the world as a model, her special connection with Japan, and the first phrase she learns in every new place she goes to. I know you’re thinking it’s “Excuse me, may I take over your country in a media blitzkrieg and rule over you with an iron fist in a fabulous velvet glove?” but actually it’s “I’m hungry.”

    Enough of this feel-good crap, it’s time for Tyra to stir the pot. She asks how the girls feel “competition-wise.” Ann can barely contain herself from ratting out on Eva, saying, “I feel I’ve seen another side of people here.” I wonder who she’s referring to, hmm, let’s see…Tyra goes make another inflammatory inquiry, asking if anyone had a problem trusting other girls (Eva raises her hand, yes) and managing to slip in a plug for her girls’ “Camp T-Zone” (way to kill two birds with one stone, TyTy). At the camp, Tyra says she teaches the girls about “sisterhood,” something that’s important in an industry where you’ll work with other women all the time.

    Sisterhood doesn’t get you ratings on UPN however, and just as fast as you can say “sweeps week” the girls are back to bitching. Eva tries to show her softer side by talking about she really came to care about others through the course of the competition, “even with Yaya.” Yaya appears to freeze over like one of the circles in Dante’s Inferno. Ann won’t drop her not-so-subtle crusade to crucify Eva in front of Tyra, talking about “people you think are your friends, but you don’t see the other half of them.” [insert more angry fighting cat sounds here] The comment is clearly directed at Eva, whose face begins to glow red, and I don’t think it’s all her Cover Girl blush. Tyra defuses the situation by saying, “People have so many layers. I always say there’s no such thing as a bitch, there’s always a hurt soul just underneath that.” Eva can hardly conceal the fact that she’s on the verge of tears. “Whenever I get real gossipy, it means I’m being insecure. I check it, because she’s great, she’s talented, she’s gorgeous, and that’s why I’m hating right now.” Ann can hardly conceal the fact that she is harboring violent feelings inside (she gives Tyra a look just as withering as Eva’s morning face-melter). Yup, that comment is clearly directed at you, Ann [cue theme from Psycho].

    Tyra leaves after a round of hugs, but as soon as she’s gone, the words “trust” and “sisterhood” are on no one’s lips. Ann is immediately on Eva again about her remark wishing Norelle would do badly. “It hurt me, and it hurt Norelle…That is [bleep]ed up that you will sit there and be best friends with Norelle, then turn around and say ‘I hope Norelle bites it.’ That is not even right.” “My intention was not to hurt anybody,” Eva says softly, then for absolutely no reason other than she missed hearing the sound of her own voice, Yaya weighs in with her opinion, “You go around saying, ‘Everybody here’s fake and I’m real, everybody’s two-faced’…well, you seem like the one person that embodies that the most now.” Ann says she doesn’t know who Eva is anymore. Amanda sees that the girls are moving in for the kill, and remarks, “When the lionesses are hunting in a pack, when there’s a flaw you see it and everybody goes for it.” Sounds to me like someone’s spent a few nights high on the couch watching the Discovery Channel.

    Either it’s some funky editing or there’s an echo in the room, because Ann repeats her earlier indictment and Eva says again that she didn’t intend to hurt anybody and “I do apologize for that because that was very rude.” Eva apologizes several times, humbly and politely, but Ann just keeps on going, like some Energizer on the rag. When Ann wonders aloud if Eva talks about her behind her back, Eva fights back by pointing out that Ann herself has “said things, so don’t even!” Poor Norelle says, “I’m so confused. Pink Positive, what is happening? Are we gonna get a divorce?” Mount Ann erupts and denies ever having said anything. Eva says they’ll talk about it later, but Ann insists on knowing now. “You never said you don’t think Norelle’s pretty,” Eva throws out. “We talked about how she had a ‘different look’,” Ann admits. “No, about her size,” Eva discloses. “She has a bigger midsection; that to me is factual.” The whole thing is spiraling out of control, and in the middle of this maelstrom is a hurt-looking Norelle, who says, “Oh my God, my one friend wants me to go home, my one friend thinks I’m fat.”

    Again, Yaya interjects her opinion into a conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with her, saying to Eva, “Seriously, you make me want to study psychology more.” And Yaya, you seriously make me want to hit you over the head with a frying pan more. After shushing Eva, Yaya says, “The bitch of the house, anyone could say that it is you.” Eva can’t think of a reason why Yaya felt like stepping into the discussion of her comments toward Norelle (in fact, everyone’s been talking except for Norelle, other than perhaps Yaya is reacting out of fear of Eva as her competition. “We’re both short, we’re both black, there you go,” Eva sums up. As for her former best friend, Eva says, “I think Ann knows I’ve been nothing but a friend to her, so for her to put bring that situation on the table without trying to understand me…is like…‘You are so whack.’ I guess you never did know me from the beginning.”

    Watch and Learn

    A cryptic TyraMail arrives saying, “Bust out from the old, embrace the new, get ready to walk in my footsteps…” At 8am the next morning, the girls meet up with Jay for a photoshoot that is “modern/traditional” for T-Mobile. Jay says that he feels like at every shoot he’s always telling them how Tyra does things, so for today’s shoot why not just bring out the TyTy, and sure enough, on cue the old pro herself comes leaping out. Tyra, like God, must be omnipresent. Also like God, silly mortals would do well to emulate her ways lest they be ousted from paradise. Today Tyra will be a doing photo shoot with the girls and coaching them at the same time.

    Everyone gathers around as Tyra gets her makeup on. Norelle is the first to break out with, “Last night we went from toasting to fighting.” Norelle explains what caused the rift in Pink Positive: how Eva wished she would go home and Ann called her fat. Tyra says, “That’s what makes beauty interesting, is when it’s debatable.” She goes on to say that they must realize that everyone talks about everyone, the important thing is to think about what is motivating the talk. “Is it coming from an ugly place? Is it coming from just a chatter place? Is it coming from a helpful place? Everyone talks about everyone. I’m talking about best friends too.” I can almost see the More You Know PSA star fly across the screen

    Eva and Norelle go out to talk privately (as they should have all along, without Ann, the psycho girlfriend or Yaya, the solipsistic interloper) in the garden, where Eva makes a sincere apology, which Norelle accepts with a hug. “I don’t care,” Norelle says, proving that Ann and Yaya are ten times more outraged by Eva’s slight toward Norelle than the girl herself is “I love Eva to death regardless of what happens.” These are the moments that most make me want to adopt Norelle as my own, and hug her and squeeze her and call her George—as opposed to the Panda Express comment, you see.

    Back at the shoot, Tyra in lingerie, a kimono, and a wig styled into rag doll bob, explains that she will be doing very strong poses today, as kimonos are very dramatic and they don’t want to “waste all that drama on boring poses.” The photog gets snapping, and Tyra does indeed show everyone how a pro does it, by seamlessly giving a new pose for each frame and oozing presence with every movement.

    Does any of the Tyra magic rub off on the girls? Amanda, according to Jay, “tried to pick up a little bit of Tyra, but she’s just not getting it.” Same as you on the docks trying to get a date, Jay. Yaya gives it her all, but Jay seems unimpressed; under pressure, she even drops the cell phone with which they’re supposed to be posing. Norelle looks amazing, like an exotic dragon lady villainess in a 1920s movie, but fumbles and seems unsure of herself when she’s posing in front of the cameras. An exasperated Jay tries to coax some life out of Norelle by suggesting, “You’re a princess, you’re in your palace.” When she doesn’t get his verbal cues, he comes out and demonstrates what he wants from her. He then goes back to his command central to make catty comments about her behind her back (Tyra was right, everybody really does talk about everybody).

    Jay has high hopes that perhaps watching Tyra will finally unlock Ann’s inner supermodel. Jay’s hopes are immediately dashed as he spends the next few minutes reminding Ann repeatedly to close her mouth. He says everytime he works with Ann, “I just give up.” Ann, in what looks like a recycled Tyra wig, lumbers about with all the grace of a rhino that just got hit with a tranquilizer dart. As she struggles with his directions, Jay yells at her to pose “in a graceful way, not a linebacker way.” She also can’t seem to get rid of the retard wrist she’s giving with her right hand.

    Oh those cruel ANTM producers, they know how to play people off of each other. Eva comes last, after Ann, and Jay tells her, “You need to step up to the plate…I’m trying to show Ann a little grace; there’s a pose no one’s been able to nail yet.” Eva rises to the challenge and garners much praise from Jay, who showers her with compliments like, “You working for the children as if the rent is due tonight.” (Translation: excellent job, I am most impressed with you performance)

    At the end of the day the girls return home where TyraMail announces yet another elimination. Eva’s smoking, Norelle’s breaking out, and Ann has a stain on her shirt. Pink Positive is looking a right mess at this point. How much longer will the trifecta last?

    Bye Bye Kawaii

    The final five meet the judges yet again, the usual suspects accompanied this time by kimono designer Kyoko Higa. The challenge this week is to walk for the judges in one of Kyoko’s designs, in a way that is “fashionable yet respectful according to local customs and etiquette.”

    The girls are evaluated in front of a rack of what appears to be Tyra’s old weaves (keep your eye out for it, it’s creepy). Amanda goes first and; like Gallagher and Carrot Top, manages to wow the crowd with her use of props (Tyra loves it when she suddenly flicks out a fan from nowhere). Janice felt Amanda was “delicate like the bonsai butterfly.” Next they check out her photo (I know what you’re thinking, Hedwig in a bathrobe), which learns adjectives like, “beautiful”, “heaven”, “strong”, and “statuesque.” Ann comes out and does a walk that Kyoko finds “powerful” which is fine when you’re wearing jeans, but not when you’re wearing a kimono. They flash Ann’s T-Mobile shot on the big screen (I know what you’re thinking, “It puts the kimono on Buffalo Bill”), and the panel responds with universal horror. The only thing the judges seem to like in the picture is Ann’s face, but as Nigel points out, “Every picture can’t be judged on the closeup.”

    Yaya comes out and does her Eddie Haskell best, and her excellent foot shuffling made her one of Kyoko’s favorites. Judges confound me by pulling another one of their glaring contradictions. Nigel says what he didn’t like is that he “didn’t see Yaya in there” and Tyra doesn’t like the fact that Yaya changed her hair to do the walk. I don’t get it, one week they want you to be less true to yourself, then the next they complain you’re not yourself anymore. Her picture is ripped to shreds by the judges who think she looks like a “bonsai tree…too round and cumbersome” and her flat foot stance makes her appear 5’4” [SFG weeps that she barely clears 5’2”]. Norelle is next, and Nolé says, “You look completely sick…as if you’re going to pass out.” Nigel tells her it’s important that she make sure she looks like “perfection” when she hits the catwalk. Kyoko likes the way Norelle looks in a kimono, “natural” according to the designer. The panel seems to like her photo, and Nigel aptly observes, “You look like a Japanese cartoon character.” It’s true Norelle has such a perfectly kawaii look, you’d swear she was designed by a team of computer graphics programmers in Japan. Tyra is “pleasantly surprised.”

    Uncharacteristically, Eva does poorly with tonight’s walk. Janice didn’t feel any “grace” and noticed that Eva seemed “way out in space.” Nigel notices that she looks “sloppy and down” telegraphing that she’s having a bad week. Tyra says she looks “sad.” Eva gets emotional in front of the panel, admitting that for the first time in the competition she feels “drained.” Everyone loves Eva’s picture though. Nolé congratulates her by saying, “You look like a model, someone who really is working every element.” Tyra likes Eva’s pointed foot, which helped to elongate her, important since she is one of the shorter girls in the competition.

    The judges deliberate: Amanda is fabulous on paper but underwhelming in person (Janice really likes her though). Tyra thinks Ann (“The Man” as Janice calls her) should go home, citing that when she was demonstrating posing the other day, she was doing it largely for Ann. She hopes Ann would pick up on it in “monkey-see-monkey-do” fashion, however, Ann ended up committing a “monkey-don’t.” Nigel likes the “glint” of confidence Ann showed in person today. Kyoko, with her crazy UFO looking bob, confirms what many of us have believed all along: “If she [Norelle] come to Japan, she will be popular.” Nigel rather rudely interjects, that this isn’t “Japan’s” but “America’s” next top model and Norelle does not have “a face for America”. Kyoko gives him bone-chilling stinkeye. Nolé said Norelle looked “wet” and “greasy” today, a description that makes me want to go shower. Tyra notices her lack of confidence, implying that if Norelle doesn’t believe in herself, why should any else. Everyone agrees Yaya could do better, and that Eva’s picture rocked. Tyra says that tonight she lost “a lot of the love I have for her tonight” because “you gotta know how to go home and cry to your momma but show the world a bright and happy face.”

    The girls are called back in and Tyra hands photos back to Amanda and Yaya, leaving all of Pink Positive in the bottom three, as opposed to the top three positions they had hoped for once upon a time. Tyra then calls Eva up, saying “You are standing before me by the skin of your teeth. You lost it today…Leave your problems at the door.” The bottom two are Ann and Norelle, who hold hands as Tyra drags out the drama with another one of her inane, sanctimonious speeches that make less sense the more you think about it. What is boils down to is what’s more important? Looking good in a photo or strong in person?

    The answer is neither: what’s most important (to ANTM producers anyway) is keeping your ratings up with dramatic parlor tricks, and Ann, who has been in the bottom two for four…thousand five hundred sixty two times (!!!) lives to see another day in Tokyo, proving she has more lives than a cat, Jason Voorhees, and the great Buddha’s Jatakas combined!

    No, no, not Norelle! Even Ann seems upset that she was chosen over her dear little girlfriend. Can’t the Japanese computer programmers give her another life? Norelle leaves with a sweet smile on her face, and a hug for everyone. Although she does get a little emotional talking about how proud she is to have made it to the top five when she wasn’t even sure she’d make to callbacks, she seems very accepting of her dismissal (perhaps relieved that she can now go home and eat some food she’s used to). She leaves little pink notes back at home for the girls, including one with hearts addressed to Eva and Ann, and one just for Ann that says, “Please take a good pic!” Endearingly ditzy and refreshingly unaffected, she was never the brightest bulb in the pack, and yet she always knew how to shine. Shine on you crazy Norelle, shine on.

    Yeah, I’m bummed Norelle’s gone too. This recap was hard to write. I miss Pink Positive! Comfort me at snowflakegirl@fansofrealitytv. com.
    Sending good vibes and warm fuzzies your way..., SnowflakeGirl
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  2. #2
    FORT Fogey nausicaa's Avatar
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    I explode with YAY!!!

    This comment'll have to be quick, as I have to go to class, but you are the Tom Wolfe of recaps. Energizer bunny on the rag...

  3. #3
    Staying Afloat speedbump's Avatar
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    Oh Snowie, don't you ever go two weeks without posting a recap again! I literally went through withdrawals and spent the latter part of last week curled up in a corner sucking my thumb.

    You always have me giggling like a fourth grader, which usually draws strange looks, but I don't care. Your 'caps are way to funny to suppress any laughter!
    You got to cry without weeping. Talk without speaking. Scream without raising your voice.- U2

  4. #4
    FORT Fanatic
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    Wow. I came from TWoP forums and someone kept going on and on about your recaps and I had to check it out for myself. I must say you definitely live up to the hype.

    BTW: I love your avatar, i really have to get one.

  5. #5
    FORT Fan HughFire's Avatar
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    Ann, in what looks like a recycled Tyra wig, lumbers about with all the grace of a rhino that just got hit with a tranquilizer dart.

    Ainsi stupéfiant ! Si drôle ! Déesse d'histoire !

  6. #6
    FORT Regular alfred_cec's Avatar
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    I haven't watch the episode but really enjoy your recap!
    Norelle really gave that pink note to Ann for encourage her??
    I love Norelle!!She's so sweeeeeeeeeet...

  7. #7
    When I'm 64 William13's Avatar
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    An astounding recap. Apart from being iconoclastically funny, the number of cultural references is amazing.

    I fell in love when you refenced the vapors.

  8. #8
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    Snowy... so funny!! This is really a talent you have.

  9. #9
    hellooooooo sher's Avatar
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    wonderful recap, snowy! i loved it, as always!!

  10. #10
    What's The 411? Fanatic277's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl
    poor, sweet Norelle bumps her widdle biddy head on the way out of her peapod bed. Oh no! Be careful, Norelle, mind you don’t shake the little walnut of your brain out of its place.

    We’re treated to a flashback of their whirlwind romance: from their first toast, to an odd snippet of what looks like Unfrozen CaveWomAnn dragging Eva about in a bit of rough foreplay, to Ann’s Fatal Attraction “You will be at me wedding” speech, to Ann’s proposal to Eva under the Christmas Tree in Rockefeller Center, to their first kiss under the stars in Central Park (okay those last two were in Ann’s imagination).

    particularly Norelle, who is sporting the exact same oh-my-good-please-get-me-out-of-here expression that I wore in every single math class I’ve ever had. “Japan and Japanese anything is like space!” Norelle exclaims with frustration. Norelle, just because your head is in outer space, doesn’t mean that Japan is.

    When she successfully says, “Osaki-ni” with a deep bow, Yoko compliments her, and Yaya beams with a teacher’s pet grin that indicates she must have double-majored with Advanced International Asskissing as well.

    Actually, I would be more impressed with Yaya if she weren’t so frickin’ pleased with herself every time she did something clever (it’s the shiznit-eating grin that gives it all away). One thing you can guarantee, though, Yaya will come home telling all her friends how to say “RESPEITO” in Japanese keigo.

    Sisterhood doesn’t get you ratings on UPN however, and just as fast as you can say “sweeps week” the girls are back to bitching.

    Ann can hardly conceal the fact that she is harboring violent feelings inside (she gives Tyra a look just as withering as Eva’s morning face-melter). Yup, that comment is clearly directed at you, Ann [cue theme from Psycho].

    Again, Yaya interjects her opinion into a conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with her, saying to Eva, “Seriously, you make me want to study psychology more.” And Yaya, you seriously make me want to hit you over the head with a frying pan more.

    The girls are evaluated in front of a rack of what appears to be Tyra’s old weaves (keep your eye out for it, it’s creepy).

    The answer is neither: what’s most important (to ANTM producers anyway) is keeping your ratings up with dramatic parlor tricks, and Ann, who has been in the bottom two for four…thousand five hundred sixty two times (!!!) lives to see another day in Tokyo, proving she has more lives than a cat, Jason Voorhees, and the great Buddha’s Jatakas combined!
    I had to delete so much of my post as I practically quoted the entire recap, another fantastic recap Snowy! The show isn't the same without them and I can't wait for the next one.

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