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Thread: ANTM3 Ep. 9 Recap: The Invisible Tard Who Got Tossed in Translation

  1. #11
    lurking fiend geobabe's Avatar
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    Oh Snowy.. you are wonderful. I wish I weren't too sad to laugh, because so many things should have had me convulsing on the floor.

  2. #12
    Staying Afloat speedbump's Avatar
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    Once again, another Snowie-riffic recap. I'm running out of creative adjectives to use, so bear with me if I'm sounding redundant. Love your 'caps Snowie! *dashes off to steal Shazzer's book of funny sayings*
    You got to cry without weeping. Talk without speaking. Scream without raising your voice.- U2

  3. #13
    Ann Markley: my top model Astridr's Avatar
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    Heh thanks! Great as usual and ^5 to "shiznit" !!

  4. #14
    daydream believer oneTVslave's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl
    She says this, not in a warm, cuddly I-wanna-be-just-one-of-the-gang-type way, but rather in a cold, calculating, I-hate-these-stupid-earthlings-yet-must-remain-incognito-in-order-to-achieve-total-domination-of-their-planet-type way.

    A TyraMail card arrives that says, simply: "Prepare to die. Be ready at 9:15." Silly show producers. They have confused the real piece of TyraMail with one that a psychotic homicidal stalker has written to lure the girls into an abandoned warehouse where he plans to skin them then wear their hides as a suit while he does a happy dance in the moonlight. Oopsy! Should have noticed it was written in blood and contained a human ear.

    methinks someone's been dropping LSD around the Waldorf loft, and it ain't just the interior decorators!

    The red-haired chick--yeah, Nicole, that's the name, thanks--anyway, she doesn't answer Sande's question because, "The first thing I saw was not appropriate, so I had to just say I didn't see anything." Now what do you think Nicole was seeing? You think she might have been picturing herself dancing in a suit made out of her competitors' skin in the moonlight? She fits the serial killer profile: quiet, keeps to herself, nothing too distinguishing about her...[cue theme from Psycho]

    I guess this is Amanda's thespian equivalent of a twice-baked potato: the twice-dead corpse.

    Don't worry there's an interpreter; a heavily-accented, mousy little woman whose English diction makes me wonder if she's the one who writes all the instructions for imported electronic products. "So now I gonna exprain you zuh concept of commushuh Campbell's soup," she says

    "I'm so white, I glow on my own/I'm so white, I glow on my own." Is this the B-side to her smash hit "Certain Bitch"?

    popping the umeboshi into her mouth and chewing as if they'd asked her to eat pickled dookie

    It's almost like Tyra had underwent the Lacuna Inc. treatment from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to have Nicole erased from her memory.
    Excellent Snowy! Can I come over and watch with you next week? I'll bring the Campbell's soup!
    Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
    - Albert Einstein

  5. #15
    {Nik - Kim for ANTM5} FairytaleDREAMS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl
    This week, the girls are killing themselves to win the competition, turning Japanese, and, of course, someone gets eliminated--but funny, I just can't for the life of me remember who. [scratches head, bemused]

    ...or some third person saying she covets thin thighs because she's always felt hers have been too big--funny, for the life of me, I just can't remember who it was that said that...
    Hehe poor Nicole! She was my favourite and I was so gutted when she left. I swear to god the whole forgetting thing was staged! Especially when Tyra and everyone keep telling Nicole EVERY week that she is forgotten so easily..

    Anyhoo, thank you lots SFG!!

  6. #16
    What's The 411? Fanatic277's Avatar
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    Another hilarious and insightful recap Snowy, I love your humor!
    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl
    This week, the girls are killing themselves to win the competition, turning Japanese, and, of course, someone gets eliminated--but funny, I just can't for the life of me remember who. [scratches head, bemused]

    We sincerely feel sorry for Norelle as she talks about wanting collagen injections to plump her upper lip, or Ann saying she dislikes her own big shoulders and has always wanted to have Norelle's (GET A ROOM, you two! Oh, wait you already have one...Pink Positive!),

    She says this, not in a warm, cuddly I-wanna-be-just-one-of-the-gang-type way, but rather in a cold, calculating, I-hate-these-stupid-earthlings-yet-must-remain-incognito-in-order-to-achieve-total-domination-of-their-planet-type way.

    Sande starts them off with some lame, method-y acting exercise that entails placing one hand on your stomach and the other on your heart. Then you have to rub one and pat the other at the very same time--wow, that is hard! Okay, not really, the exercise is to "see with your mind's eye." Amanda sees roses and rain, then her son's face, and begins to cry; methinks someone's been dropping LSD around the Waldorf loft, and it ain't just the interior decorators!

    Network execs ideal viewer reaction: You don't say! It's also on UPN and just so happens to be on right after ANTM too? Well, how convenient for me! I don't even have to change the channel! Sure, I'm impressionable and lazy, I'll check it out!

    Reality: Eh, he's cute enough, but I'm dying to watch the episode of Lost I taped while watching ANTM.

    Sande doesn't give a crap about being nice, she looks like she's rushing the girls out because she has another class coming in or a gynecologist's appointment to hop to;

    The scene stops just as Taye calls for a nurse, then out from the wings saunters none other than Miss TyTy in the sort of nurse's "uniform" that exists only in pornos and the closets of middle-aged couples that wish to "spice up" their intimate relations.

    And because they're in Japan, of course that commercial is for Campbell's Soup (Huh? Couldn't it at least be for Cup O'Noodles?).

    Ann appears to feel bad on Norelle's behalf, especially because, "I feel I'm just as close to Norelle as I am to Eva now." Ah, young love!

    Is this the B-side to her smash hit "Certain Bitch"?

    Tyra repeats a criticism she's made before, "It's almost like I didn't remember when you finished. Not memorable." It's almost like Tyra had underwent the Lacuna Inc. treatment from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to have Nicole erased from her memory.

    Finally, regarding Eva, Nolé declares her a "Tokyo disaster" and a "Cocoa Puff mess" (What, is Cocoa Puffs also a sponsor?),

    Eva is next (and she looks shocked as shiznit), because of the pleasant tone of her voice (I didn't realize Tyra is also looking for America's Next Top Voiceover Artist and/or Phone Sex Operator);

    A Top Model has to humble and likeable." Well, except for Naomi Campbell, but that's another lawsuit for another time, kids.
    Fantastic recap as always, glad you noticed the hunky interpreter too!

  7. #17
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    if a personality exists in the middle of a forest, with no one around to see it--does it make you a Top Model?

    I-hate-these-stupid-earthlings-yet-must-remain-incognito-in-order-to-achieve-total-domination-of-their-planet-type way."Prepare to die. Be ready at 9:15." Silly show producers. They have confused the real piece of TyraMail with one that a psychotic homicidal stalker has written to lure the girls into an abandoned warehouse where he plans to skin them then wear their hides as a suit while he does a happy dance in the moonlight. Oopsy! Should have noticed it was written in blood and contained a human ear.

    Looks like Norelle missed class not only when they studied the Far East in World Cultures, but also verb-subject agreement in English.

    There were so many funny lines in this, I only quoted a few. You do such a great job with this show, Snowie!
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  8. #18
    I'm not completely insane quanahg's Avatar
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    damn, i laughed out loud at least 5 times reading this. whenever you write a book, please inform us. you know you would have a bestseller with just us buying it and telling everyone.
    anyway, about the show. i wasn't too sad that nicole left, we didn't know her. she was some phantom who would come in and take amazing pictures. i think that yaya should have left though.
    when she spat that food out, i kept saying, "respeito bitch...respeito". my boyfriend thought i had tourette's.lol

  9. #19
    I'm not completely insane quanahg's Avatar
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    oh, and taye diggs is beautiful. and, hunky translator...nice. he should translate instead of the barley speaking english one they had.
    you are a fool for putting how she talked. i couldn't read that straight through. i had to stop and crack up.

    as always, you were incredibly hilarious this time.

  10. #20
    FORT Fogey Salome's Avatar
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    SnowflakeGirl, you are amazing. I love the way you're so far above anything harsh or sadistic for the sake of humor - with reality tv, it's tempting - but still manage to poke fun at everyone. And it's always, always funny.

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