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Thread: ANTM3 Ep. 8 Recap: The Spider Who Shagged Eva vs. The Hat That Smelled Like Dookie

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    ANTM3 Ep. 8 Recap: The Spider Who Shagged Eva vs. The Hat That Smelled Like Dookie

    This week's America's Next Top Model explores what makes a star a SUPERSTAR [leaps forward, striking Mary Katherine Gallagher pose]. Is it beauty, charisma, the ability to command attention wherever you go? Or is it, in fact, a battery of stylists and publicity parasites that pump prefab personages out of a fame factory like generic little hot dogs of celebrity? Aside from this, there's spiders and diamonds and red carpets, oh my! Also, call 911--some POD PERSON has taken over Toccara's personality!

    Ty Gets So Emotional, Baby

    Oh beloved fellow ANTManiacs...The soft, squishy, sentimental underbelly of your SnowflakeGirl is finally exposed. Just as you all have become dear to me in the time we've shared together [slow-mo flashback to our avatars strolling on a sunlit beach, ogling pixellated bodies in hot tubs and pouring beer on each others' weaves], so the remaining models manqué of ANTM have grown on me. We've finally reached the point in the cycle where it pains me to see any of our girls have to go.

    But mine is not the only emotional underbelly to be laid bare before your eyes tonight. The show opens, peculiarly, with Tyra and her mother lounging in bed, having a heart-to-heart talk. Do they really expect us to believe that Tyra has cameras on her and is thinking, living, and breathing ANTM 24/7 (remember in episode 2, when Tyra checked out the Jamaican pictures from in bed)? Did they tape a bunch of these segments of Tyra in sleepwear all at one time, like the "Beauty Tip of the Week" spots? As Elsa herself would say, "Clue me eeen!" But I digress...

    Tyra and Mama share a "Lifetime: Television for Women" type moment over Cassie's bulimia. Tyra recalls Cassie's confession and subsequent refusal of help. Tyra tears up, questioning what more she could have done to help the puking pole dancer from podunk. Even without makeup and crying, Tyra still looks lovely. "You can only do so much to help a person that is basically lost," Tyra's mom reassures her. The cynical side of me thinks the producers cooked up this little segment to get them off the hook for not treating Cassie's regurgitation situation more proactively, but the the soft, squishy side sees real compassion behind TyTy's tears.

    Back at the Waldorf homestead, the girls are in full fret mode. Toccara was taken aback by judging panel comments that "America is not ready to see a plus-size top model," still she strives to break the barriers and prove that "big girls can do high fashion too." Eva, in the kitchen making some tasty looking bean and cheese burritoes for the girls' dinner, bemoans the fact that people think of her as "loud and crazy" when "I have feelings, I have emotions, I have layers."

    As everyone gathers for dinner, Yaya contemplates the fact that she feels she comes from "a different place" than everyone else in the house; and the disdainful tone of her voice indicates that this place is atop a gigantic pedestal high enough in rarefied air that one cannot detect that one's own fecal matter stinks. Ann lets out a loud belch and Yaya gives her the Livid Glare o' Death™, before ridiculing everyone elses' low carb dietary practices in a maddeningly haughty tone. Ann says Yaya has a "bitchy attitude" and "thinks she knows everything." Yaya says she is getting, "swept away in this superficial world."

    Just Be Yourself, Except Wear What We Tell You and Say What We Say

    As if on cue to "superficial," a knock comes to the door. Stylist Rebecca Weinberg and publicists Paul Wilmot (old sleazy publicist guy) and Hampton Carney (young sleazy publicist guy) saunter in unannounced to give a kamikaze crash course on "image," particularly, how to dress and act during high profile events. The publicists start with Yaya, and Rebecca begins with Amanda.

    Yaya sits down with the publicists and immediately gives a monologue about how she just graduated from an Ivy League college, is "worldly" and can talk to anyone about anything. Young sleazy publicist guy tells her, "Never think that you know all the answers. People will like you better and I think you could take it really far that way." Um, not sure about this advice. Sure Yaya could use a little humbling these days but it smacks too much of "playing dumb will make you more popular and attractive to the high school quarterback." Yaya attempts to maintain a polite expression but her eyes can't conceal the fact that she thinks young sleazy publicist guy is a complete choad wad (which he most certainly is).

    Meanwhile, Rebecca is raiding Amanda's closet. "You know I have to say, when I look at these things, they look a little cheap," Rebecca snaps. I feel real sympathy for Amanda, especially when she openly admits, "I'm very poor." She's got JaWolf to feed for Pete's sake! Rebecca says the trick is to take cheap things and give them a twist to make them look like more than they are. Oh I see, it's a game of opposites; that must be why Weinbitch is wearing what I imagine are very expensive clothes, yet on her they look like garbage. See, for a woman whose job it is to make people look good, especially one who's won an Emmy (as she is quick to inform us), Rebecca looks surprisingly bad. I mean she looks swap-meet clearance bad, has a lame "R" tattoo on her shoulder, and acts like a total cooz.

    Eva's reputation, it turns out, must precede her--the sleazy publicist guys already have her pegged as "Eva the Diva." She says she gets this everywhere she goes, so how does she not get pigeonholed as "Eva the Diva"? Good manners, old sleazy publicist guy tells her, will prove that she's a "nice person." Well, you can't go wrong with good manners, I guess; thanks for the advice, Professor Higgins!

    Rebecca roots through Yaya's closet like a pig on the hunt for truffles. "Very earth mother," Rebecca says in a condescending tone that kicks Yaya's condescending tone's ass. Yaya, trying to maintain some shred of dignity, says she would like to keep this look, and Weinbitch snarls, "If you're gonna go into a toothpaste ad, are you going to go in a dashiki or are you gonna go in a t-shirt and jeans?" Yaya, justifiably this time I think, argues that she doesn't want to conform just to be successful in this business; Weinbitch maintains the wardrobe lacks "variety."

    The image machine moves on--Ann says she's "not the most proper" and young sleazy publicist guy tells her, "If you're going to say something naughty, at least say it intelligently." Weinbitch rags on more people's wardrobes: Toccara "lacks personal style" due to overly trendy, "throwaway clothes"; Eva's clothes "don't say much"--what the hell, woman, do you want those pants to get on stage and deliver Hamlet's bloody monologue to you?

    Amanda tells the sleazy publicists she is unique because she is legally blind, and they lap up the possibilities of her becoming an "emblem for success" among people with her condition. Weinbitch tells Norelle her clothes are "high school" and she has to grow up. Nicole worries her lack of care for current pop culture will be a problem, such as not liking Jessica Simpson (for shame) and the sleazy publicists say while she doesn't have to like these things, she should never say anything negative about them either. Weinbitch thinks Ann needs something dressier. Toccara talks about being plus-size with the sleazy publicists, and they think she has a wonderful career ahead of her.

    After the whirlwind of image-making and soul-sucking, Weinbitch and the sleazy publicists say their goodbyes. Old sleazy publicist guy leaves clapping and yelling, "Make millions, make millions!" I am convinced this man is the devil. Yaya seems to think he is a big joke, sneers, and says, "I don't care," as they depart.

    Haha Funny? Or Haha, I'd Like to Punch Your Lights Out?

    The girls go to Uncle Jack's Steakhouse for dinner, and toast to being the Final 7. Guess who's coming for dinner? Sidney Poitier? No, silly, it's Tyra, who plunks herself down at the table and proceeds to eat off of everybody else's plates. Talk about a producer who keeps a tight rein on the budget--Tyra, just buy your own damn dinner. Norelle asks Tyra some questions...I think...because all I hear is "Like, like, like, like, like," (this girl really is from Orange Country). Their little smooch session must have made Ann more comfortable with Norelle, because Ann stares intensely at Norelle as she's speaking, and even fixes the little label sticking from the back of Norelle's shirt. Mayhaps Ann has a new crush? (I'm a believer in the small, but significant gesture).

    Tyra tells them it is a "luxury" for them to be able to hear the criticism they might normally get behind their backs. I don't know if I'd call it a luxury--taking a milk bath is luxury, having the cast of "Manhunt" massage me with oils and fan me with palm fronds is luxury--listening to people insult my physical appearance and tell me I don't belong week after week after week? Let's call it a "unique opportunity." Toccara asks Tyra what she thinks about the oft-heard remark that the world isn't ready for a plus-size model, and Tyra answers that the things she hears about plus-size models now remind her of the things being said about black models back in the day before Beverly Johnson, Iman, and Naomi Sims broke through. Tyra says, like those black pioneers, as a plus-sizer, Toccara has to work that much harder and do that much better than her competitors just to "get the same amount of respect that they get."

    The next morning, Nicole spots new Tyra Mail. Just before she reads it out loud, Ann and Eva persuade her to make up a fake message; Eva is the one who comes up with "Pack your bags, you have 20 minutes..." Nicole reads out, "To be in Europe!" The three scream convincingly enough to get the whole apartment whipped up into a frenzy--they are only busted when Toccara asks to see the card, and Nicole will not produce it. The pranksters break out laughing, especially Eva and Ann, who are (literally) on the floor, busting their guts (figuratively--I think, although Ann claims she's going to "throw up from laughing so hard"). The rest of the house is not amused, actually "pissed" is how Eva describes them. Yaya says that when she joined this competition, she did not anticipate "feeling like I was in junior high school."

    Red Carpet Resentment

    The Tyra Mail actually reads: "Get ready for a 21st century red carpet ride." The girls are whisked away to Century 21, a department store where they are greeted by Rebecca Weinberg, with her stupid two-toned hair, stupid fishing tackle earrings, stupid sofa upholstery blouse and stupid unflattering big ass knickers. Century 21, we're told, is a great store where you can get "big designers for ridiculously cheap." Honey, hide my AMEX. Their challenge: they have 15 minutes to pull together a head to toe look from anything in the store. Weinbitch starts the timer and gives them the go.

    Century 21 is a maelstrom of action for the next quarter hour. The girls run back and forth trying to find outfits that either conform to the advice they received earlier (like Ann) or not (Yaya, natch). One person having issues is Toccara--even in a huge department store like that, she is still having problems finding her size. It was such a "downer" for her, that Toccara even considered "blowing off the competition" altogether.

    Weinbag gives them the time's up and tells them that what they have is what they'll wear to their "daytime event"; there's a limo on its way to pick them up from their apartment and they have a scant few moments to get dressed for success. At home, Eva helps Toccara get dressed and boosts a discouraged Toccara's spirits; Toccara describes Eva as "very sweet," saying that "she has turned out to be really optimistic about me, which helps." This episode is all about the softer side of Sears, isn't it?

    Unaware of their destination, a limo picks the girls up. Once the girls are dropped off, they exit one-by-one, immediately, into a mock red carpet event, replete with flashing cameras, paparazzis calling out their names, a big screen projecting their faces larger-than-life, and press. Eva goes in first, and saunters down that red carpet like a true star, sunglasses and all. She is met at the end by Sarah Pyper, a reporter from US Weekly magazine, who administers a test of questions you might get on the carpet, from "What are you wearing?" (and no, not in the obscene phone call sense--Eva's in Valentino, by the way) to the more inflammatory, "Who's the most annoying girl in the group?" Eva says the sleazy publicists have prepped her on how to answer such potential questions, recalling particularly their advice to "never disclose a name, never do a thing to pinpoint anyone." She slides out of the trap by deeming everyone in the house "equally annoying"; the perfect answer to follow the publicity rules and yet still be truly Eva.

    Yaya, in "mostly Moschino" also performs well, despite admitting she "was not prepared for what we walked into." When Sarah asks with whom she most has problem in the house, Yaya answers, with perhaps a tad too much fakeness, "I don't have a problem with anyone." The tight rictus on her face might betray otherwise. Norelle (also in Moschino but looking a little less elegant than Yaya), is asked whom of the group she has not really "clicked with." Norelle--poor, sweet, dear, young Norelle--hesitates, then blurts out, "Her name is Yaya." GAH! Norelle, everyone knows the first rule about Fame Club, is you do not talk about Fame Club! The second rule of Fame Club? You DO NOT talk about Fame Club! The third? Don't mix paisley with plaid--but how could you have missed those first two, especially with the sleazy publicity guys prepping you. Or did they?

    Conspiracy theorists--talk amongst yourselves. I'm just sayin' everyone else manages to sidestep the trick question. Amanda hams it up on the red carpet, and when Sarah asks if anyone in particular makes her want to scream, she says, "That's confidential," playfully. Smooth. Even Ann, who's a little awkward and clearly very "new" to the red carpet, answers, "there hasn't really been anyone I've butted heads with." When asked who's to blame for tension in the house, Nicole says, "you really can't pin it on one specific person."

    Alas, no one prepped Toccara on how to pronounce Jean Paul Gaultier. *gasp* Sacrilege! Someone bring me smelling salts! When I come to, I see the girls are in what I suppose is their green room, and Norelle has confessed that she named Yaya during her interview. Yaya gives the eeriest, fakest laugh ever, but her eyes are all Livid Glare o' Death™.

    They reassemble before Sarah, who gives them notes on their red carpet sojourn. Eva walked the runway "very nicely"; Norelle was "the only one to name names--you don't want to be seen as bitchy" (Livid Glare o' Death™ still shooting from Yaya's eyes); Amanda "posed very well"; Yaya gave off a "definite diva attitude which sometimes comes across badly" (Confused Stare o' What the Hell™ from Eva); Toccara is told "If you're a model and you can't pronounce the name of the person who's designed your clothes, it's not good"; Nicole did not give enough of her personality; and Ann posed and moved very well.

    Sarah announces whom she thinks did the best today. Even though she came off as diva, the winner is...Yaya! Eva gives off the Deluxe Version of the Confused Stare o' What the Hell™; even I am giving the Home Edition of it myself. Ann points out Yaya's won three times in a row, and Yaya says, very neener-neenerly, "It feels good to win. I want to be America's Next Top model." To share her surprise prize, Yaya picks Norelle, to "make her feel like I'm more approachable, or warmer."

    The prize patrol, actually a pair of personal chefs from NU Kitchen, comes to the Waldorf to prepare a special dinner for Yaya and Norelle, who take the opportunity to have a nice, long chat about their recent differences. Norelle admits she feels Yaya "has a wall built up" around her. Yaya answers, dramatically, "maybe it is a wall, with nine blocks that spell out 'competition'." But...nine blocks would only spell..."c-o-m-p-e-t-i-t-i"? Is "COMPETITI" a new word Yaya will print on a shirt to wear, like "RESPEITO"? Norelle chomps on her asparagus, confused, as Yaya continues in sanctimonious mode, opining that Norelle "could use the word 'growth'." And you could have used some basic math classes at your Ivy League College, Yaya, but I'm not gonna be like that.

    Eight Legged Freak

    Tyra Mail announces: "Tomorrow you will be draped in the finest silk in the world…" At 8 in the morning, the girls report to Industria Superstudio where Jay announces that they will be doing beauty shots with diamonds from the Verragio Platinum Collection! "Yaaay!" Eva shouts, jumping and flapping her arms wildly, inordinately excited at the thought of bright, shiny objects. As the girls get made up in super-smoky glam, Toccara peps herself up by saying she's "ready to work this," Eva delights in the fact that today they will be doing beauty which is "so easy" for her (an over-obvious clue from the editors that, in fact, it will not be), and Jay gets all stage-mom on Ann, saying she needs to be "in a mirror practicing your face right now."

    Ah, with reality TV there is always a catch. Before the girls go out to shoot with Bill Diodato, the photographer, Jay announces one more little, tiny thing: "We do have someone else for you to pose with today, in this shot." Out comes an animal wrangler with [scary zooming closeup] A BIG, FAT, FURRY TARANTULA [shudder]! Ann breaks out into laughter, but her Mama is not so tickled. "Are we posing with her," Eva asks desperately, "or the spider?" It's fairly obvious from the looks of the animal wrangler that she is not the one joining them in the shot (I'm sorry, I'm sure she's a perfectly nice person, but Gemma she ain't). The spider crawls around in her hand, trailing a thick, visible web from her fingers. "The tarantula is very safe," Jay says brightly, "But we do have EMS on the side." This freaks Eva out even more, "What do you mean it's very safe?!! Why would you have to have EMS if it's safe?!!"

    Jay says they always have EMS, and it's true when you think about it that they were probably in more danger of getting hurt at the trampoline shoot than here; but Eva, it turns out, has had "horrible" arachnophobia her whole life. "I don't like spiders, I don't want them to touch me, I don't want to be near them," she confesses, and her face clearly displays pure terror at just the sight of the creepy critter.

    Nicole goes up first, and doesn't seem to bothered to have a GINORMOUS TARANTULA [shudder] crawling all over her face. In fact, she giggles because "he's tickling my face." Eva watches in horror. "Really bad ass Miss Diva couldn't handle it," Nicole says scornfully, "I don't think she's the toughest and baddest of us all, she's just the loudest." Jay declares Nicole "a pleasure to shoot; 50% of her frames today were amazing, and for any top model that's a feat."

    Meanwhile, Ann gives Eva a hard time for "flipping out like a child," adding a "Hello, MacFly" for good measure. Well hello, MacFly to you, lady! Who was it bawling like a baby and crying for her "Mama" on the plane to Jamaica? Yaya does a "fantastic" job; but Amanda, after worrying that the "spider will put its claw into her cornea" [shudder], is criticized by Jay for looking too "commercial." "This close up, I'm just not sure she's a beauty girl," he ponders. Ouch!

    Back in hair and makeup, Eva has begun to cry, not aided by remarks like Jay saying, "Let's just hope that spider doesn't think those lashes are his partner." There's a comforting thought--A GIGANIMOUS TARANTULA MAKING LOVE TO A HUMAN EYE [shudder--wait, is this a German porno again?]! Eva, though upset, doesn't take her trouble out on anyone else, in fact, she apologizes to her makeup artist for crying. Amanda thinks seeing this side of Eva makes her appear more "human."

    The shoots go on. Jay and Bill have trouble coaxing beauty out of Norelle; Bill thinks Toccara had "great energy" and is a "sweetheart" but is "not a great beauty girl"; Jay gets so frustrated with Ann, he snaps, "Help me help you overcome this, cuz I'm like totally at a loss." Finally, it's the moment we've all been waiting for with bated breath: EVA vs. THE ENORMOUS ARACHNID. It's not an entire success. Eva starts crying halfway through and her shoot is interrupted as Jay comes in to fix her face; Jay is uncharacteristically gentle and Eva is uncharacteristically apologetic. Gotta give Eva credit, even when she is under extreme duress, she always pull herself together and gives it her best shot. Jay's not entirely convinced, saying he's worried that "she could get cut 'cuz of this."

    Back at home, Eva does what every girl does after having a nightmarish day--she calls home to cry to her mother, worried that the problems she had today could send her home. Ann registers surprise that "hard ass" Eva is crying so much about a spider. Again, did she develop amnesia after the flight to Jamaica or does she not realize what a spectacle she made of herself on the plane? I guess Ann doesn't have to be so nice to Eva now that she's hot for Norelle.

    Toccara expresses her own fear of elimination. Though she says she's "still gonna be fabulous," there is a strange tone of defeat in her voice, as if the weeks and weeks of relentless physical scrutiny and critque has somehow broken her down. She does not sound like her old, confident self. Maybe this show is bad for peoples' self esteems and leads them to eat paper. Ann is also worried that if she doesn't get a good shot, she's splitsville. Who wants to start laying bets on the bottom two tonight?

    Mad Hatters

    The girls line up yet again to meet [cue ominous music] The Panel [shudder]. Tyra, ditching her favorite red wig for big, natural Yaya hair tonight, introduces the judges who need no introduction (Janice D., Nigel, Nolé), who are accompanied tonight by Rebecca Weinbeeyotch, my favorite Emmy-winning stylist [eye twitch] who administers tonight's test. There are five different hats to choose from: a cowboy hat, biker cap, tiara, African kofia, and vintage-looking chapeau with veil. Each girl must choose a hat, then has "10 minutes to build an image around your hat of choice." There is a frantic scramble in the bedrooms to pull their looks together before they reassemble in the judging room for evaluation.

    Nicole strikes out with her odd pairing of the biker cap with the tiara on top; "too fantasy, not fashion" declares Weinhag, although I'm not sure what fantasy this is--leather fetishist prom queen? Her Verragio pic gets pretty good reviews, overall. Nolé is impressed with her ability to "transform." "You have the power to become a good beauty model," Nigel says.

    Toccara is criticized for just looking like she dumped a hat on her head without even attempting any kind of look. Janice wonders why she didn't come out with her normal Toccara magic, charming the room with her strong personality. Toccara, acting like she's been shot with a tranquilizer dart, merely says, "I hear you...I'm just soaking it in." Her picture gets an even worse reception. "The tarantula is taking over your face...it's like a big hairy mole," Janice says [shudder yet again!!!]. When Janice asks what it was like having the spider on her face, Toccara numbly answers, "It was a great experience." Finally, everyone in the room wonders, like me, WHERE THE HELL THE REAL TOCCARA IS! "Where are you?" Tyra asks, aghast, "Something's weird..." Nigel says, "You need to install your personality chip back into you." Toccara just says, "Okay." Did the sleazy publicity guys succeed in sucking out her soul entirely?

    The judges like Amanda's look, a mix of vintage and modern ("drop dead", "like a star"); her picture, however, gets a lukewarm response, as "old fashioned" and "stiff." Next, "Yeehaw Annie" comes up, and the panel ain't likin' her cowgirl slob look. Nigel even notices her t-shirt is dirty--eliciting a gasp from his fellow judges. Her picture is also universally panned; again, they see her as a gorgeous girl, but unable to translate that into a good photo. Also, the photographer said her eyes were "dead" and she "only had one good shot"--a damning disclosure to the panel.

    Norelle's dainty gamine outfit combined with the feathered chapeau garners her praise for being "the prettiest" Nigel's seen of her, though WeinSkag thinks a "red lip and some attitude would have taken it over the top." As far as her beauty shot, the judges notice that her mouth still seems to be tense, and she must work on relaxing her lips. Eva's leather biker babe look is considered "cheap" and "like a go go dancer on her way home after a night out" by the judges. Her spider photo, however? "You totally nailed it," Nolé congratulates her. Even the hard-to-please Janice gives it a 10. When Eva reveals how petrified she was at the time, they are even more impressed.

    It's Yaya's turn, and she chose the cowboy hat as a simple jumping-off point to accessorize and express herself "without being cliché." Nigel commends her choice, adding that people might have "pegged her" to select the African cap. Nolé doesn't like it though, "Half African, half cowgirl...I feel like you're gonna ride a giraffe." WeinBigot criticizes Yaya's "tendency to want to prove [her] Africanness." Tyra shoots her a Cracker, Please Look o' Consternation™. Yaya gets choked up as she attempts to stick up for herself, deriding the "very artificial, very cheap fabric" of the "fake Kente." I'm actually behind Yaya on this one, even though her defensiveness is not very becoming. Maybe Yaya's just tired and cranky, and who wouldn't be after all they've gone through, like having to put up with these shallow svengalis; but all the things I initially admired in her (her pride, her intelligence) are starting to work against her. "There's a difference between explaining yourself and being defensive," Tyra points out, "I'm all about expressing yourself and your culture, but it still has to be in a fashion way." Her photo, however, earns massive praise from the panel. Tyra exclaims, "Now that's a star people want to look at." Janice actually raises her arms up and cheers, "GORGEOUS!"

    The Big Bounce

    The judges deliberate. The first point of discussion is how Toccara has become a "shell" a "ghost of her original self." They all mourn the loss of her "bubbly personality." Tyra thinks she "gave up." Nolé thinks Norelle is "really trying, but just hasn't mastered it yet"; Tyra finds "something special" about her in pictures. Eva "slam-dunked the shoot" according to Nolé; Janice thinks she's "flawless except for her hands, that look like baseball mitts." Yaya's picture is clearly the favorite tonight; Janice thinks she's an "ad campaign winner"; "kind of like a chocolate Barbarella with the hair" Nolé rhapsodizes. Tyra notes that Yaya takes beautiful photos effortlessly, though Tyra finds her "superiority" and "condescending attitude" to be ugly. Nicole is seen as taking a good picture, but maybe not having what it takes to be a star. Ann is "almost incapable of taking a good picture," Nigel feels; Nolé feels her "run is over for me. She's out." Amanda is "resting on pretty, she needs to step up her game or else she'll go bye bye."

    Tyra calls the girls back in to hand back photos to (in order): Nicole, Eva, Amanda, Yaya (whom Tyra reprimands big time for her earlier behavior, "it's like you were on this pedestal and that hat smelled like dookie," and demands she apologize for insulting Rebitchca), and Norelle. I guess it's true that even cowgirls get the the blues, as a desolate-looking Toccara and Ann, both in cowboy hats, white tanks, and jeans, stand before the panel as the bottom two. Tyra speechifies on how badly Toccara used to want this, and how competitive Ann used to seem, "but right now neither of you look like models...You both failed miserably, but we can't send two of you home because maybe one of you wanted it more than the other." Tyra hands the photo back to...Ann!

    Toccara just smiles, and waves brightly at everyone, thanking the panel, and hugging her Mamas goodbye. As she gets ready to leave, she talks about how she's proud of herself for simply being the largest girl to make it this far. "Someone has to start to break the barrier, so hopefully the next plus-size girl that comes along, she makes it a little bit further...I'm just grateful that maybe I made a path for someone else." In the end, Toccara proves that big girls, in fact, don't cry; they leave with poise and grace.

    Have I been replaced by an alien pod person this week? How would you know? How would I know? How do I know you're not a pod person? Maybe we're all pod people! I just don't know anymore!!! Sorry, much betta now. Email me at: snowflakegirl@fansofrealitytv. com
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  2. #2
    FORT Fan saab9x's Avatar
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    i haven't started reading the recap, yet, 'cause
    i'm still laughing at the title.

    it's already great!

    kthxbye.

    b.

  3. #3
    CCL
    CCL is offline
    Climbing Solsbury Hill CCL's Avatar
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    Applause, applause, SnowFlakeGirl. I particularly liked the trademarked looks ( Livid Glare o' Death, Cracker, Please Look o' Consternation - ). And I get the impression you didn't like stylist Rebecca much - heh heh.
    If you type "google" into google you can break the internet.

  4. #4
    FORT Fan AfricanQueen's Avatar
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    Talk about a producer who keeps a tight rein on the budget--Tyra, just buy your own damn dinner.

  5. #5
    FORT Regular PJinNH's Avatar
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    Great review...loved this bit (and had to agree with you wholeheartedly):

    "Tyra tells them it is a "luxury" for them to be able to hear the criticism they might normally get behind their backs. I don't know if I'd call it a luxury--taking a milk bath is luxury, having the cast of "Manhunt" massage me with oils and fan me with palm fronds is luxury--listening to people insult my physical appearance and tell me I don't belong week after week after week? Let's call it a "unique opportunity." "

  6. #6
    Put the pieces together Quack-Wabbit's Avatar
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    Brava, SFG, great recap.

    My own favourite part (and something I admittedly didn't catch at the time of viewing):

    "The prize patrol, actually a pair of personal chefs from NU Kitchen, comes to the Waldorf to prepare a special dinner for Yaya and Norelle, who take the opportunity to have a nice, long chat about their recent differences. Norelle admits she feels Yaya "has a wall built up" around her. Yaya answers, dramatically, "maybe it is a wall, with nine blocks that spell out 'competition'." But...nine blocks would only spell..."c-o-m-p-e-t-i-t-i"? Is "COMPETITI" a new word Yaya will print on a shirt to wear, like "RESPEITO"? Norelle chomps on her asparagus, confused, as Yaya continues in sanctimonious mode, opining that Norelle "could use the word 'growth'." And you could have used some basic math classes at your Ivy League College, Yaya, but I'm not gonna be like that."

    I did, however, notice Ann fixing Norelle's tag as she spoke, and no one else did. They all thought I was lying. But who has the last laugh now? Yes, yes, the plan is all coming together...

    I'm sorry, where was I?

    Oh yeah, great recap.
    GREAT MOMENTS IN SURVIVOR HISTORY...

    "Richard catching fish hasn't come into foreplay yet..."
    -- Susan Hawk

  7. #7
    Life is good KatieKat's Avatar
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    Excellent!!! I missed the show (Lost was on and my VCR is on the fritz....), and still plan to catch the rerun, but I'm 110% sure that it won't be NEARLY as enertaining as a Snowcap! Thanks for doing the work that you do so well!

  8. #8
    LG.
    LG. is offline
    FORT Writer LG.'s Avatar
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    great recap, Snowy! For some reason, this just cracked me up:
    Guess who's coming for dinner? Sidney Poitier? No, silly, it's Tyra,
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

  9. #9
    FORT Fogey
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    Yaya answers, dramatically, "maybe it is a wall, with nine blocks that spell out 'competition'." But...nine blocks would only spell..."c-o-m-p-e-t-i-t-i"? Is "COMPETITI" a new word Yaya will print on a shirt to wear, like "RESPEITO"?
    This recap was superb! Great, great recap!

  10. #10
    FORT Fan saab9x's Avatar
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    every paragraph has a "quotable." (that's some
    _serious_ talent!)

    ...wish i could be half as perceptive, creative,
    and "worldly" as "sfg."

    *breathless*

    kthxbye.

    b.

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