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Thread: ANTM3 Ep. 6 Recap: The Sloppy Slut Who Threw a Fit Over Her Precious Brownies

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    ANTM3 Ep. 6 Recap: The Sloppy Slut Who Threw a Fit Over Her Precious Brownies

    Is America's Next Top Model on the rag this week? Because this episode was all about being petty, bitchy, tired, bloated and emotional. Further proof: all the drama revolves around a little old plate o' chocolate brownies. Before all the heterosexual males run fleeing out of the thread, might I suggest watching this episode with your TV on mute? It's worth it to get to the Girls-on-Trampolines photo shoot; there's plenty of pixellated goodness, and even a bonus "wardrobe malfunction". Yes, there's always something for everyone on ANTM.

    The Quicker-Puker-Upper

    The show opens on Kelle who is in the phone room talking to her father in what I am sure is her Buy-Me-These-Gucci-Pants-Pretty-Please Voice. "Daddy," she whines, "I don't have intensity in my eyes." I'm sorry, Kelle, that's one thing Daddy's money just cannot buy for you. Cassie seems sad that her only phriend Jennipher was eliminated last week. No matter; Cassie says she is used to being a "loner" (isn't this how mass murders are always described?) and if she has to sit on her bed by herself, she's fine with it.

    Meanwhile, Amanda, in Monk-mode, goes from room to room picking up rubbish. "It's like living with eight other beautiful pigs," Amanda laments, remarking that people have been leaving food out on the counter and the garbage can is so full that people are leaving trash around the trash. Cassie, whom I guess is more likely puke up than pick up after herself, is singled out as the sloppiest of all. All those tell-tale Diet Coke Cans littering the kitchen earn her the lovely moniker "sloppy slut" from Amanda, who has finally completed her transformation from Earth Mama to Mommy Dearest.

    Ninja Tyra stealthily sneaks into the suite, then wakes up the girls by jumping into bed with, and in same cases on top of, them. That sure beats my alarm clock, although I wouldn't know what part of her to press for snooze. Of course, there's never time for snoozing for our stalwart would-be models, and today Tyra assembles them for a little workshop on "eating, body image, and the pressures to have to fit into a certain mold" (punctuated with a TIGHT close-up on Cassie).

    Assisting Tyra with today's talk is Kate Dillon, a friend of Tyra's (who isn't?), here to talk about her experience in the industry, such as being the first plus-size model ever to appear in Vogue. Toccara perks up at this news, declaring her new goal to be the first black plus-size model in Vogue. Kate reveals that she wasn't always a plus-size model. In fact, she started out as a "skinny model" whose struggle to keep thin developed into an eating disorder, where she would eat little to nothing for days (shot of Cassie looking guilty). Kate says she was "unhealthy [and] miserable," and finally quit the business, gained 50 pounds, but eventually returned to become a successful plus-size model. Kate warns the girls that modeling might not turn out to be the right career; it's certainly not worth it to "manipulate yourself at any cost to fit into" the industry's expectations.

    Tyra likens models to athletes in that they must work to keep their bodies in shape for careers that are temporary. Ideally, this should be done in a healthy manner, so Tyra's enlisted the help of Joy Bauer, a nutritionist who has helped models manage weight for years. It's basically damage control for paper-eaters time. "It's all about balancing, moderation, and consistency," the Maria Shriver lookalike drones. Cassie raises her hand during the group discussion and says she does a "low carb" diet, although wouldn't be more accurate to describe it as the "no carb, no protein, no nothing except for Diet Coke" diet? Joy tells her what I have been screaming for years: that carbs are not the enemy, everything in moderation, etc.

    Tyra invites the girls for one-on-one nutritional sessions (I hate to be pedantic, but since it's Tyra, Kate and Joy doing the sessions, wouldn't it be three-on-one?). Surprisingly, Cassie requests a session, and during hers, gives a monologue that is simultaneously delusional and a cry for help. "I feel like I should be skinny," she begins, "I won't say that I have an eating disorder, but I worry about what I eat 24/7...I have had several times where I have thrown up in the past, but I never considered myself bulimic because I didn't throw up after every meal and I would just do it at night if I thought I ate too much..." While Cassie goes on rationalizing her disorder, Tyra works her concerned face and Joy says what we've all been wanting to say to Cassie for weeks (sans the bitch slap): "I get nervous when you tell me you've thrown up...Maybe we should explore having you talk to somebody, only because it can really spiral out of control."

    Just when you hope they've made a breakthrough, Cassie says, almost defiantly, "I don't feel like I can talk to someone and they will know how I feel. You can't tell me I shouldn't do that all you want, but if I feel like I'm still gonna do it, I'm never gonna be helped." On that note, Cassie walks out. What, pray tell, was the point of bringing this up to Tyra & crew? Was Cassie just expecting them to give her a big thumbs up, or two helpful fingers down her throat? Tyra seems shocked and disappointed; Kate, who seems less surprised, whispers, "People with eating disorders are hardcore." Meanwhile, Cassie calls her boyfriend, C.J., for comfort, saying, "I think they want me to go to a counselor...for you-know-what." How can this girl claim she's not bulimic, especially when the problem is so well-established that everyone is aware of it?

    Klaatu Barata Respeito

    Upon exiting the phone room, Cassie sees a healthy lunch laid out on a table (actually, a treat for all the girls from Joy Bauer), as if to taunt her. She goes and tells the girls about it, but doesn't appear to touch a thing on the table (perhaps she can hear the fresh, vibrant fruits and vegetables laugh at her as she walks past). Instead, she goes into the kitchen to make a pan of brownies. Special, low-carb, $6-per-bag-of-mix brownies, apparently. All I've seen Cassie eat this whole show is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Diet Coke, and brownies. No wonder this girl is a barf machine; eat something sensible!

    Cassie cuts out a piece of the brownies and walks off to eat (or whatever she does to) them, leaving the rest of the pan in the kitchen. The brownies aren't the only thing she leaves there, uncovered and in the middle of the counter. She also leaves behind dirty utensils, cracked eggshells, everything she used to make them. You couldn't send a better invitation to salmonella poisoning if you engraved it on elegant card stock. I'm wondering if maybe all of Cassie's puking is just food poisoning from her slovenly food preparation practices.

    Ann, enraged by Cassie's mess, decides to take action--with a knife (cue theme from Hitchcock's Psycho). Instead of talking to Cassie like a mature adult, her clever plan, in collusion with Eva (serving as instigator and look-out) is to write an eloquent and witty message in the brownies with said knife: "Clean up your sh**."

    When Cassie comes into the kitchen and sees the message, she is hardly delighted with Ann's little joke. She storms around the house questioning everyone like a manic Miss Marple, because, as Yaya recalls, "someone had the audacity to mutilate her precious brownies." Eva denies any responsibility for the brownie stabbing (if the fudge don't fit, you must acquit!) although Cassie seems to feel that Eva knows something. "And who else is under Eva's butt the whole time, except Ann?" Amazing powers of deduction, Cassie! When Cassie confronts Ann, Ann flat out lies, saying she did not write in the brownies.

    Amanda says, "No one will admit to the 'incident'--Brownie Gate '04." Most of the girls laugh off the whole thing, but Yaya decides crusade for Cassie by donning a shirt emblazoned with the word "Respeito," which she seems to take inordinate pleasure E-nun-CI-a-TING. She has it on when the girls head out for dinner at cute veggie café, Teany, where Ann asks her what it means. "It's RES-PEI-TO which, in Portuguese, means 'respect'. There's a big lack of it in the house, so I felt the need to wear it today." How convenient that Yaya has a shirt for such an occassion. What other handy shirts must she have in her wardrobe? "Excepto as Baleias" (Save the Whales in Portuguese), "kan ik een taxi krijgen" (can I get a taxi in Dutch), or "Klaatu Barata Niktu" (alien order to Gort).

    Ann takes offense to Yaya's accusations of disrespect and immaturity, and finally admits she wrote in Cassie's brownies. Ann claims that she did it "to be funny...not to hurt" Cassie, but accompanies her defense with a sarcastic apology. Yaya argues on Cassie's behalf like a lawyer, asking, "Do you have a relationship with Cassie where you thought she would obviously find it funny? Maybe if you did it to Eva, you'd be like 'Hahaha'." Speaking of whom, Eva sits next to Ann this entire time, not stepping up to defend her girl once.

    The fight goes on, and on, and on, getting increasingly ugly. Ann says, "Sorry you don't have a sense of humor." Yaya says, "Some people think it's funny to kill people, that doesn't make it funny." Cassie tells Ann not to touch her stuff, to which Ann replies, "When you were making yourself throw up, and you didn't want anyone to talk about it...we stopped talking about it. So stop talking about me." RoWRRRRR!!! Cassie says she won't stop talking about Ann, so Ann shoots back with, "So I'm gonna talk about how you're bulimic," and threatens to tell Tyra, not knowing Cassie's already brought it up today. Recriminations and curse words continue to fly until Yaya gestures dramatically at her shirt again and says "RES-PEI-TO" is what it's all about. Um, okay.

    The day ends with Cassie wondering aloud why she is getting singled out as being a slob when "there is a ton of dishes in the sink right now and none of them is mine." Close on shot of Cassie leaving the kitchen at night with her grungy brownie pan, measuring cup, and utensils, sitting in the middle of the sink. I feel like a mom who wants to scream, "Those dishes are going to wash themselves, you know!"

    Combat Babies

    TyraMail asks if they "have what it takes to rise to the top"; and at 10 o'clock the next day, the girls arrive at a posh, indoor boot camp/obstacle course--the kind of place where rich socialites pay to pretend like they're Private Benjamin for the weekend. There, they meet Captain Leif Wade, an ex-Marine who now heads this "Pure Power Boot Camp." He gives them a speech about how today's training session is about tenacity and perseverance; he's there to toughen them up because "when you come across rejection in the modeling world, you cannot quit." That last sentence makes his tough guy factor dissipate into thin air like a poof of cheap perfume.

    Yaya, a pacificist, is not into military aspect, "putting on fatigues and pretending to kill people". Ann, however, is "pumped as hell." The girls run through the obstacle course with varying degrees of intensity and success. On the low end of the scale is Cassie, who falls several times, and appears weak and unenthusiastic. She puts as little effort as possible in, and whines about how, "I don't want to do this anymore...I don't want to be here right now...I want to go back to Oklahoma right now."

    At the end of the day, even Eva gets the message: "When it seems extremely hard, don't give up." Captain Wade congratulates the girls on the job they did today and says, mysteriously, "You will see me again." The girls leave, exhausted, and flop into the cars only to be taken to another location where they are promptly met by...Captain Wade! He tells them that they now have a challenge: they must race to the top of the stairs of this 14 story high rise. The fastest time wins will get today's special prize.

    They go up one-by-one. Ann and Yaya are excited and shoot up the stairs like lightning, while others struggle a bit more and some just end up barely getting there. At the top of the steps, each of the exhausted girls are greeted by Captain Wade yet again, who informs them, "Top Models need to look good on a moment's notice, you now have a photo shoot." Whaaaaat? Eva can't even breathe, and wretches a few times from fatigue; still, she gets herself together and manages to smile for her photos. Most of the girls limp over in disbelief to have their pictures taken by Ché Graham. Toccara says, simply, "No I don't," when Captain Wade tells her she has a photo shoot. "No I don't," she repeats, as if saying it several times will make it true.

    The girls all give it a valiant effort, however, with no one quitting. Captain Wade announces everyone's final times. Kelle came in last, followed by Norelle, and Toccara. "Good for Toccara," Ann says, "but how does Norelle and Kelly feel that they just lost to a girl who weighed 50 more pounds than them?" Next came Amanda, Cassie, Nicole, and Eva. Not surprisingly, it's down to Ann and Yaya. With a time of 1.10, Yaya wins the challenge for the day, and picks Toccara to join her for the prize which turns out to be an evening at Clay Spa. Not only that, the losers must all walk home after their physically brutal day. But they're not bitter, just ask Eva, who snipes, "The person who needed the facial, got the facial."

    During her massage, Yaya mulls over the judging panel's criticism of her being "too dancer-ish." During their loooong trek home through the dirty, gritty concrete jungle that is New York, Cassie is disabused of her idealized image of the Big Apple. "I think I had the Hollywood image of New York City," Cassie says. I think that's your problem, Cassie. Hollywood, New York--two different cities, baby, should have paid attention in Geography. Kelle, the NY native, plays tour guide, and is pleased that "finally, there's something I can do." If by that you mean trip over Amanda's cane, then yes, Kelle, at last you've done something of note on the show.

    At home, Cassie calls her boyfriend to share her disappointment in the city and the competition. Sorry, Cassie, it's not like Barbie's Dream House made it out to be. Wah wah, it's "dirty," "expensive," and you're not the prettiest girl in town. "I feel like all my spirit is gone here," Cassie mumbles, sounding defeated, "Will you be mad if I come home early?" Funny how the judges were all over Jennipher's ass for "not wanting to be there"--Cassie sounds like she's already given up.

    Girls on Trampolines

    TyraMail tells them they will need to get a "jumpstart" on their day, and at 7:30 in the morning, they all head out to an airplane hangar where Jay informs them that they will "need to learn how to pose while in flight." Ann makes a sign of the cross, saying, "Honestly, my heart stopped. I'm deathly afraid of airplanes," as if we need reminding after her psychotic episode en route to Jamaica. Jay introduces them to photographer Sascha Pflaeging, who scares them by describing the shoot today as "demanding physically," but gives no other clues as to what the shoot will entail, so during hair and makeup the girls speculate that the shoot will involve bungee jumping or sky-diving.

    Jay interrupts Danilo and crew as they prep the girls (more of that punk rock dolly look) to put all their fears to rest. Today's shoot, for YJ Stinger energy drinks, will involve action shots on a trampoline. Kelle interjects during Jay's announcement that it would help her if he didn't just tell her she's "doing great" when she obviously isn't. She asks for more constructive criticism she can use to help improve her shots. Jay says, flatly, "I can't baby you through every frame." Later, he tells the camera, "I'm tired of talking about Kelle, I'm tired of talking to Kelle, I'm tired of seeing Kelle cry..." My goodness, I've never seen Jay so cranky!

    Cassie is up first. Sascha comments that she's "very comfortable jumping up and down"--ahahahah, I'm not gonna say a word. Eva, according to Jay, "was excited and gave me energy." On Toccara, Sascha says, "For being a little bit bigger girl, she was really good." Nicole comments on how difficult it is to pay attention to all the aspects of the shot: dress, face, product, etc. Sascha finds Norelle "a little bit scrawny and a little bony"--this criticism sounds like he is evaluating birds to roast for Thanksgiving.

    Boob alert! Kelle keeps popping out of her first dress. Everytime she jumps into the air, her entire (pixellated) chest is exposed for the whole world to see. The problem is so bad, Sascha calls for warddrobe to fix the "malfunction" with another dress, this one considerably more Muppet-looking than the last. She still seems to fare no better--Jay is seen laughing at poor Kelle, and declares that she "flunks as a model"; Kelle cries, again, over how hard a time she is having.

    In wardrobe, Ann's outfit looks--wow! Her left boob threats to pop out of the leatherette truss. She gets on the trampoline, and true to her athletic nature, gives it 110%. Sascha remarks that Ann didn't seem concerned about hurting herself, and we see her flinging her body around violently, givint it her all in hopes of landing that perfect shot. "Less is more," Sascha tells her, so try dialing it back to, say, 95%? Jay deems her, simply, "a big flop." She scrapes herself up; messing up her chin, her elbow, emerging from the shoot looking less like a model than a kid who just got roughed up on the playground during recess.

    Yaya decides that today she will try not to be dancer-y, so she attempts to work against any instinctual moves she might make that could display "danceration," resulting in a lackluster shoot. She is followed by Amanda, who gets universal praise for her moves on the trampoline which are surprisingly...dancer-y! Eva observes, "Amanda was doing dancer-like poses and Yaya was getting pissy over there." While Yaya stews on the sidelines, Jay calls Amanda over and says, for everyone to hear, "You super-impressed me...In my opinion, you're the only one who got this today, and I haven't commented on anyone."

    If looks could kill, Amanda would be cream cheese. Yaya, killer laser beams still shooting from her eyes, decides, after the shoot, to get up on the trampoline as if to show off what she can really do. Jay asks why she didn't do any of that earlier, and Yaya says she held back because of the constant criticism she gets from the panel to not be so dancer-like. Jay responds with this ever-so-helpful advice: "You shouldn't take everything as a hard-and-fast rule. In this world, ten people are gonna say, 'Don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this' and you know what you're going to end up with? Nothing to do!" Okay so...listen to the panel, but don't listen to the panel. Is this one of those Buddhist koans?

    High Flying, Adored

    Speaking of the panel, it's judging time again. The girls assemble before Tyra, Janice, Nigel, Nolé (accompanied again by Empress Minnie--I guess she's back from her vacation in the Riviera) and guest judge Kate Dillon. When Tyra says this week is all about fitness and motivation, I'm scared that I fell asleep and woke up during a Bowflex commercial, then she goes on to say that the girls will be judged on the photos they took after their 14 story staircase race, as well as their trampoline shots.

    Norelle is up for evaluation first; Janice says, "It doesn't look like she's exhausted, it looks like she's in pain." Nolé, however, likes the shot, deeming it "modern" and "grungy." The panel seems to like her trampoline shot, describing it as "lovely," "amazing," and "relaxed." Kelle steps up next, and of her "exhausted" shot is unanimously shot down. Janice remarks, "It's really bad. I can't even look at it, it's that bad." The best Tyra can manage is, "A for effort, but F for final product."

    Nicole is told that she "doesn't really look like a model" in her post-race pics, and Nolé advises "Every time a camera is on you, you should always strike a pose, because you never know." For example, Nolé says even in snapshots, Tyra works model magic. The second Nicole's YJ Stinger shot comes up, though, the panel is bowled over. "Fierce," it's proclaimed, and Tyra commends Nicole for the innovative way in which she held the can. "This is fashion," Tyra says, recreating Nicole's eagle claw.

    The panel gives Toccara props for giving "intensity with no hair and makeup" in her rooftop shots, but her in-air photos look like "a raging bull" according to Nolé. Kate appreciates the "sense of freedom" Toccara has in her body. Cassie is told she looks "too model-y" (perhaps they mean affected) in the post-race picture, but that's not half as bad as Janice's criticism of her trampoline picture: "You look like you belong in a cornfield, scaring crows away." Tyra says the photographer mentioned "Cassie looks tired and weak, like she's not sure she wants to be here." Eat something! Eva tell the judges she gagged after running up 14 flights of stairs, and earns high marks for looking so "pulled together" despite the fact that she was "feeling sick." She gets called out, though, for her "flared nostril thingy."

    Amanda is, per usual, told she is the bee's knees. They all tell her that her post-race shots are "not bad at all," even "beautiful" (for the record, I didn't find them better than anyone else's). She is also told that her mid-air shot is "gorgeous" and the photographer called her "the superstar of shoot," while Yaya seethes in the corner. Speaking of Yaya, she comes up next, wearing another Portuguese shirt, this one a tad more loquacious (it reads "FÉ, HONESTIDADE, LUTA, ESPERANÇA, RESPEITO"). Nigel thinks her post-race photos are very "sportsperson," however, the panel overall seems to think they are "beautiful." They don't like her trampoline photo, though, and Yaya explains that she was experimenting with not doing dancer-type moves. She adds that she now feels mad at herself for it, and Tyra says she should be. "There's an art to taking advice," Tyra explains, saying that the panel's earlier criticism meant "less Cirque de Soleil, more couture." Nigel says the trick is to find her strength as a dancer and "translate" it into modeling. Yaya tells them it's hard "finding that balance," and then waves her had dramatically in front of her face to keep herself from crying. Janice says, "I'd like to see that in pictures," meaning Yaya's hand wave.

    Ann is the last to be critiqued, and her post-race shots are called "pedestrian." Nolé says she's "just not getting it." Nobody's getting her mid-air photos, they just don't like it at all. Nolé mourns the fact that she's "so beautiful, it just doesn't come across in these photos at all." Janice closes the discussion by saying, "No ifs, ands, or buts about it. This sucks."

    After judges' deliberation, the girls reassemble before the judges and the photos are handed back to: Eva, Amanda, Nicole, Yaya, Toc, Norelle, and Cassie. Tyra gives special notes to Yaya ("It's about balance...taking critique and...then coming up with what works for you.") and Cassie ("I notice a certain sadness about you; I think maybe talking to someone could get that out."), then turns her direction to the bottom two: Ann and Kelle.

    Tyra says, "I'm giving both of you the exact same critique. Both of you, absolutely beautiful girls to the eye, but it doesn't translate to your photographs. You all are the walking signpost for 'pretty girl, not photogenic.' But the judges feel that one of you may have a little bit more potential than the other." And that girl is...Ann.

    To her credit, Kelle leaves without a single tear, maybe because even she realized she'd stayed long past her time. She says she really tried, but "there's only so much humiliation I can take." She says that despite being called a multitude of bad names, she's grown from the experience. And on that note, the snout is out.

    "But Jay, whot about my chopped leeps? Eet smells like cupcakes!" Email me your beauty teeps at snowflakegirl@fansofrealitytv. com
    Last edited by SnowflakeGirl; 11-04-2004 at 09:32 PM.
    Sending good vibes and warm fuzzies your way..., SnowflakeGirl
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  2. #2
    FORT Fogey Frostelized's Avatar
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    Kick butt, Snowflake!

    Love the title

    Cassie seems sad that her only phriend Jennipher was eliminated last week.
    Last edited by Frostelized; 10-28-2004 at 09:03 PM.

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    FORT Fogey Milay's Avatar
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    One and only!

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    Rude and Abrasive Texicana's Avatar
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    Great, Snowy, now I want a brownie. Not a Diet Coke, I have taste buds, and they tell me this recap was dee-lish, as usual !
    " I look like Nigella Lawson with a $#*!ing hangover."

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    FORT Fogey Anonymous's Avatar
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    Brilliant recap.

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    FORT Fogey
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    As always, sooo beautifully written

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    I'm not completely insane quanahg's Avatar
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    i'm surprised tyra wasn't too pissed with cassie.
    did anyone notice how her boyfriend seemed sleazy? i mean, if he knows about her disorder, don't you think he would be concerned for her? it seems like he just cares about her making that money on the pole.lol

    i thought kate dillon was beautiful.

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    FORT Fogey DjDeluxay's Avatar
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    I always wonder of why they always change the lighting to the opposite of what the scene actually had.
    Jamaica and this weeks they both had good lighting. But then they make them all dark.
    But its up to them.
    This week seem to be really interesting. No one was the same this episode. Ann and Eva changed. Yaya seemed to be the focus this episode even though Cassie was a target.

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    FORT Fanatic Naptown730's Avatar
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    Let me just say that immaturity was evidently the theme of this episode.

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    Plotting spegs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl
    Is America's Next Top Model on the rag this week? Because this episode was all about being petty, bitchy, tired, bloated and emotional. Further proof: all the drama revolves around a little old plate o' chocolate brownies.

    The Quicker-Puker-Upper

    Cassie, whom I guess is more likely puke up than pick up after herself, is singled out as the sloppiest of all.

    Was Cassie just expecting them to give her a big thumbs up, or two helpful fingers down her throat?

    (if the fudge don't fit, you must acquit!)

    Yaya decides crusade for Cassie by donning a shirt emblazoned with the word "Respeito," which she seems to take inordinate pleasure E-nun-CI-a-TING.

    That last sentence makes his tough guy factor dissipate into thin air like a poof of cheap perfume.

    "But Jay, whot about my chopped leeps? Eet smells like cupcakes!"
    You are so good at this, Snowy. It's magic every week!
    "Look, you love me, and I love you. Maybe in a different time, a different place, this would work out. But we both know that only one of us is leaving this room alive, and I'm the one holding the flame thrower." - Film Fakers

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