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Thread: AGT 07/13 Recap: More Gooey Filling Than A Twinkie

  1. #1
    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    AGT 07/13 Recap: More Gooey Filling Than A Twinkie

    You at home, was your television on, and your finger at the ready on your phone? I ask because this week we finally have the opportunity to go from an observer’s position to one of authority. By voting from home, we can help decide who advances toward the million dollars. Woot! I’ve been watching the show, but more importantly, faithfully reading SnowflakeGirl’s recaps, the most recent being here, so I knew exactly who I was voting for. Also, I’m a professional reality show watcher, and I’ve picked up a few tricks along the way, so I’ll share who I voted for. But not yet. Maybe at the end of the recap. If you‘re good.

    As you may remember, last night Reeg informed us we’re finally at the first of the semi-final shows. The camera scans the audience, and we see the hopeful, nervous faces of the contestants as they await the verdict. Will they be going forward, or will they be returning home to a parade down main street, optimistically attended by at least 10 or more friends and family members?

    For the twentieth time already this season, Reeg introduces the panel of judges: “The Big Hasselhoff,” Brandy, and Piers Morgan, who like Simon Cowell, gets a smattering of applause mixed enthusiastically with boos from the crowd. I’m eternally grateful Mary Murphy, the caterwauling judge from So You Think You Can Dance, isn’t on the panel. But who cares about the judges, let’s get on with the contestants, shall we?

    Ten contestants were showcased last night, and they were:

    Taylor Ware - a pre-teen yodeler
    All That - five clogging young men
    Hoopalicious - a scantily-clad, golden, belly dancer/hula-hoop woman
    Vladik - a juggler/acrobat/dancer
    L.R. Johns and His Best Friends - a performer with well-trained dogs
    The Miller Brothers - one brother who sings and plays guitar, and his younger brother who rawks on a harmonica
    Kevin Johnson - a ventriloquist with edgy puppets
    Alexis Jordan - a 14 year-old singer/dancer who shines
    Shawn Ryan - a cabaret jazz singer
    Corina Brouder - a beautiful harpist/singer

    We're Unique, Honest

    You might think this is exactly like the show American Idol, but oh no, you’d be wrong. You see, on this show not only do we lazy Americans who enjoy voting from the comforts of our easy chairs, get to choose one act to continue for the Big Bucks, but the judges are also allowed to pick a favorite. See? This is new and different! Last night, the judges picked The Miller Brothers, and tonight we find out who the home audience chose. If you’re like me, I’m sure the suspense is killing you.


    The Judges’ Pick The Miller Brothers (hey, is that a young Wayne Newton up front?)

    As an encore (and more realistically to help fill the next 30 minutes), The Miller Brothers perform Sweet Home Alabama. The older Miller seems to add a lot to their act, so I’m a little confused as to why last night Piers said Little Miller should dump his older brother. Little Miller tromps around stage rather Frankenstein-ish-ly, but the kid can sure entertain with a harmonica, and the crowd loves them.

    Fill ‘Er Up

    There’s still more time to fill, and nobody is more seasoned about stretching time than Simon Cowell. So before the winner is announced, we’re forced to endure some of the weird and wacky talent that America has to offer. As if we need further clarification, Reeg tells us these next acts have absolutely nothing to do with the million dollar prize. Nevertheless, the studio audience is asked to vote for a winner of this senseless contest. First up is Calvin (Kelvin?) Gordon, a contortionist. He’s wearing a catsuit, and is a well-toned, muscular man, who somehow manages to squeeze through three tennis rackets. From there he jams himself into a small box. I picture him as a youngster hiding in small cabinets and scaring the daylights out of his mother. Next up is James Thompson. Picture a 53-year-old Black Richard Simmons, except about a foot taller. He’s definitely got Richard’s fashion sense, as he’s sporting a red wife beater, and stars and stripes leotards. He wants to break his own personal world record of jumping rope over 20 times while three young ladies straddle him. He succeeds in jumping 22 times, then collapses, eventually crawling off to the back of the stage. Rudi Macaggi from Italy is next and lip syncs an Italian aria as he performs handstands and back flips. I actually find him hilarious, but much too quickly, his turn ends, and Mike Lloyd enters center stage. His talent? He kicks himself in the head. Yes, you read that right, and I have to wonder…is there much of a call for that? I suppose Excedrin executives are thrilled, but I don’t quite see the talent in kicking yourself in the head in order to break a can, a balloon and an egg or two. I've found it's much more fun to do it with my hiney. Thankfully, it’s time for the studio audience to choose their favorite act, and the big winner (of nothing) is Rudi Macaggi.

    But The Real, Almost-Winner Is

    The two most popular semi-finalists that America chose are Taylor Ware and All That. Reeg asks The Hoff if he agrees with America’s choice, and we can all sleep well tonight, because he concurs. But wait, he’s got more insight for us. He says since only one act can go on, whichever act wins tonight, should hire the other, and that way, they both win! Ladies and gentlemen, he’s incredible, as wise as Solomon! Maybe he was the brains who built KITT, and not simply the driver, as we were lead to believe. After what seems like another hour, Reeg finally makes the announcement we’ve all been sitting on the edge of our seats to hear. The winning semi-finalist who will be moving on to vie for the million dollars is…Taylor Ware, the cute little yodeler.


    Taylor Ware - Like Dorothy minus Toto

    She gets one more chance to dazzle us with her expertise, and she belts out I Want To Be A Cowboy’s Sweetheart again, and her little brother looks like he’s about to burst with pride. Okay, you’ve been patient and very good, so as promised, I voted for Hoopalicious. I’d like to point out my voting record of never choosing the right contestant to win, remains unchallenged. Do you want to be a cowboy’s sweetheart? If so, contact me at roseskid@fansofrealitytv.com.
    Last edited by roseskid; 07-14-2006 at 09:06 PM.
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  2. #2
    FORT Fogey CupidGuest's Avatar
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    Thank you RosesKid for the refreshing recap!
    I did not see the results show but feel like I did thanks to your recap.

  3. #3
    Chihuahua's rule! drkim's Avatar
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    That was the most worthless results show ever. roseskid you are a brave soul to watch that and then have to think about it further to write about it. I had already forgotten that wasted 30 minutes of my life. I'll just read the recaps from now on on results night! Thanks for doing the dirty work!
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  4. #4
    Courtesy and Goodwill Mantenna's Avatar
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    Great recap, Roses! I love all the little quips that you threw in, given the veritable smorgasbord of "talent" that was just thrown at you.

    Lovely job, you poor thing!

    Quote Originally Posted by roses
    But not yet. Maybe at the end of the recap. If you‘re good.

    See? This is new and different!

    Picture a 53-year-old Black Richard Simmons

    His talent? He kicks himself in the head. Yes, you read that right, and I have to wonder…is there much of a call for that? I suppose Excedrin executives are thrilled

    Taylor Ware - Like Dorothy minus Toto
    Last edited by Mantenna; 07-15-2006 at 03:02 AM.

  5. #5
    When I'm 64 William13's Avatar
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    First let me say how shock I am that America didn't choose the guy who dressed up his dogs. I guess America's Got Talent, but American's don't recognize talent.
    The real talent however lies with writing a recap of a show in which nothing happens and making it sound interesting. I suppose that instead of a show awarding $1,000,000 we will get a million shows of someone winning $1. I hope that you will be there to recap that, because it will be the only way that it will be interesting.
    Thanks again for keeping us entertained.
    "The sun rose promptly at dawn."
    Tom Clancy in his novel The Teeth of the Tiger

  6. #6
    Picture Perfect SnowflakeGirl's Avatar
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    Fantastic job, Roses!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by roseskid View Post
    Will they be going forward, or will they be returning home to a parade down main street, optimistically attended by at least 10 or more friends and family members?

    We're Unique, Honest

    hey, is that a young Wayne Newton up front?

    As an encore (and more realistically to help fill the next 30 minutes), The Miller Brothers perform Sweet Home Alabama.

    There’s still more time to fill, and nobody is more seasoned about stretching time than Simon Cowell.

    weird and wacky talent <-- Perfect descriptor!

    I picture him as a youngster hiding in small cabinets and scaring the daylights out of his mother.

    But The Real, Almost-Winner Is

    Ladies and gentlemen, he’s incredible, as wise as Solomon! Maybe he was the brains who built KITT, and not simply the driver, as we were lead to believe.

    Like Dorothy minus Toto.
    You do such a fine job writing it up, that if I had only read your recap and not seen the show, I might have been tricked into thinking the original broadcast was more entertaining than it actually was.

    Your recap gets a hearty check from me!
    Sending good vibes and warm fuzzies your way..., SnowflakeGirl
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  7. #7
    FORT Fogey Add It Up Champion famita's Avatar
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    Roseskid, yet another in the basket of "great recap"! Thank you for not MAKING me watch!

  8. #8
    Schnort! amadeus's Avatar
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    I watched it and still liked the recap

    Quote Originally Posted by roseskid View Post
    You at home, was your television on, and your finger at the ready on your phone? I ask because this week we finally have the opportunity to go from an observer’s position to one of authority. By voting from home, we can help decide who advances toward the million dollars. Woot! I’ve been watching the show, but more importantly, faithfully reading SnowflakeGirl’s recaps, the most recent being here, so I knew exactly who I was voting for. Also, I’m a professional reality show watcher, and I’ve picked up a few tricks along the way, so I’ll share who I voted for. But not yet. Maybe at the end of the recap. If you‘re good.

    As you may remember, last night Reeg informed us we’re finally at the first of the semi-final shows. The camera scans the audience, and we see the hopeful, nervous faces of the contestants as they await the verdict. Will they be going forward, or will they be returning home to a parade down main street, optimistically attended by at least 10 or more friends and family members?

    For the twentieth time already this season, Reeg introduces the panel of judges: “The Big Hasselhoff,” Brandy, and Piers Morgan, who like Simon Cowell, gets a smattering of applause mixed enthusiastically with boos from the crowd. I’m eternally grateful Mary Murphy, the caterwauling judge from So You Think You Can Dance, isn’t on the panel. But who cares about the judges, let’s get on with the contestants, shall we?

    Ten contestants were showcased last night, and they were:

    Taylor Ware - a pre-teen yodeler
    All That - five clogging young men
    Hoopalicious - a scantily-clad, golden, belly dancer/hula-hoop woman
    Vladik - a juggler/acrobat/dancer
    L.R. Johns and His Best Friends - a performer with well-trained dogs
    The Miller Brothers - one brother who sings and plays guitar, and his younger brother who rawks on a harmonica
    Kevin Johnson - a ventriloquist with edgy puppets
    Alexis Jordan - a 14 year-old singer/dancer who shines
    Shawn Ryan - a cabaret jazz singer
    Corina Brouder - a beautiful harpist/singer

    We're Unique, Honest

    You might think this is exactly like the show American Idol, but oh no, you’d be wrong. You see, on this show not only do we lazy Americans who enjoy voting from the comforts of our easy chairs, get to choose one act to continue for the Big Bucks, but the judges are also allowed to pick a favorite. See? This is new and different! Last night, the judges picked The Miller Brothers, and tonight we find out who the home audience chose. If you’re like me, I’m sure the suspense is killing you.

    http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i246/roseskid/agt_105_10.jpg
    The Judges’ Pick The Miller Brothers (hey, is that a young Wayne Newton up front?)

    As an encore (and more realistically to help fill the next 30 minutes), The Miller Brothers perform Sweet Home Alabama. The older Miller seems to add a lot to their act, so I’m a little confused as to why last night Piers said Little Miller should dump his older brother. Little Miller tromps around stage rather Frankenstein-ish-ly, but the kid can sure entertain with a harmonica, and the crowd loves them.

    Fill ‘Er Up

    There’s still more time to fill, and nobody is more seasoned about stretching time than Simon Cowell. So before the winner is announced, we’re forced to endure some of the weird and wacky talent that America has to offer. As if we need further clarification, Reeg tells us these next acts have absolutely nothing to do with the million dollar prize. Nevertheless, the studio audience is asked to vote for a winner of this senseless contest. First up is Calvin (Kelvin?) Gordon, a contortionist. He’s wearing a catsuit, and is a well-toned, muscular man, who somehow manages to squeeze through three tennis rackets. From there he jams himself into a small box. I picture him as a youngster hiding in small cabinets and scaring the daylights out of his mother. Next up is James Thompson. Picture a 53-year-old Black Richard Simmons, except about a foot taller. He’s definitely got Richard’s fashion sense, as he’s sporting a red wife beater, and stars and stripes leotards. He wants to break his own personal world record of jumping rope over 20 times while three young ladies straddle him. He succeeds in jumping 22 times, then collapses, eventually crawling off to the back of the stage. Rudi Macaggi from Italy is next and lip syncs an Italian aria as he performs handstands and back flips. I actually find him hilarious, but much too quickly, his turn ends, and Mike Lloyd enters center stage. His talent? He kicks himself in the head. Yes, you read that right, and I have to wonder…is there much of a call for that? I suppose Excedrin executives are thrilled, but I don’t quite see the talent in kicking yourself in the head in order to break a can, a balloon and an egg or two. I've found it's much more fun to do it with my hiney. Thankfully, it’s time for the studio audience to choose their favorite act, and the big winner (of nothing) is Rudi Macaggi.

    But The Real, Almost-Winner Is

    The two most popular semi-finalists that America chose are Taylor Ware and All That. Reeg asks The Hoff if he agrees with America’s choice, and we can all sleep well tonight, because he concurs. But wait, he’s got more insight for us. He says since only one act can go on, whichever act wins tonight, should hire the other, and that way, they both win! Ladies and gentlemen, he’s incredible, as wise as Solomon! Maybe he was the brains who built KITT, and not simply the driver, as we were lead to believe. After what seems like another hour, Reeg finally makes the announcement we’ve all been sitting on the edge of our seats to hear. The winning semi-finalist who will be moving on to vie for the million dollars is…Taylor Ware, the cute little yodeler.

    http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i246/roseskid/agt_105_01.jpg
    Taylor Ware - Like Dorothy minus Toto

    She gets one more chance to dazzle us with her expertise, and she belts out I Want To Be A Cowboy’s Sweetheart again, and her little brother looks like he’s about to burst with pride. Okay, you’ve been patient and very good, so as promised, I voted for Hoopalicious. I’d like to point out my voting record of never choosing the right contestant to win, remains unchallenged. Do you want to be a cowboy’s sweetheart? If so, contact me at roseskid@fansofrealitytv.com.
    Amadeus

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