Well, it’s a good thing I happened to set my recorder to begin taping a half hour early last night, because NBC, in keeping with it’s constant shifting of air times for AGT, once again had the show air at a different time than had been advertised. If I hadn’t caught the first half hour, this recap would be half as long, which now that I think about it, wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. Anyhoo, I was simply delighted to get an additional half hour of Reeg, The Hoff, Brandy and Piers, and I know you’re anxious to read what happened to all those wacky talented Americans, so let’s get it on.
More Of The Same
Reeg reminds us that two acts have already made it to the finals: The Millers (two brothers, one of whom plays a mean harmonica) and Taylor Ware (a yodeling Wizard-of-Oz-like preteen). Reeg also promises us the show will be packed tighter than the Hasselhoff’s swim shorts. Now, he doesn’t clarify what it will be packed with, so immediately my imagination takes over. It could be packed with lots of smaltzy acts, or packed with green Jell-o®. Hey, if the Jell-o guarantees an appearance by Bill Cosby, I’m voting for the Jell-o. Actually, now that I think about it, whether or not it brings with it Bill Cosby, I’m voting for the Jell-o. Reeg is still upset that the judges couldn’t come to any kind of conclusion last night (not half as angry as Yardgnome), and he lets us know that tonight an additional two acts will be moving on to the finals. I call B.S. on the supposed tension-filled-we-just-can’t-decide-yet ending to Wednesday’s show, and the pretentious we-bicker-just-like-those-AI-judges crap these guys insist on engaging in. The Hoff, and Piers explain the problem the other night was in trying to figure out what type of act should be put through. See, they have the horrendous pressure of trying to determine how you compare the value of a singing act vs. a juggling act vs. a dancing act. Now that they’ve explained it to us, I don’t understand how they sleep at night with such a heavy burden. After much more flapping of jaws, The Hoff finally says they eventually chose Realis to move on. Realis you may remember is an acrobatic team of two, who are quite impressive with their gymnastics partnering.
Realis showing us how they balance work and family.
More Weird Americans Vying For Their 15 Minutes
The Powers That Be have decided a good way to use up the additional 30 minutes tonight is to showcase more weirdos that didn’t make it through. These next few acts aren’t vying for the money, they’re not even vying for a donut and a cup of coffee. They’re simply showing off their talent. The first fellow ‘plays’ songs by running his fingers around crystal glasses filled with water. Next up is a husband/wife team where the husband snuffs lit candles held by his wife, by whipping them with lassos. The third act is a young lady who hopes to break a world record by winding 20 hula hoops around her neck for three full revolutions. She begins her act by artfully maneuvering hula hoops around her waist and arms, but from what I could tell, she was not successful with the 20. Don’t fear, Camille, however, because with any luck, Trump will be calling you for a shot as his Apprentice, because you’re adorable. The fourth contestant is a fellow who calls himself a cigar box manipulator (not to be confused with a juggler). He’s actually very entertaining, and I can see him bringing home loads of cash and pińata candy from kids’ birthday parties. Number Five is an amateur drummer/boxer who is trying to create a new art. He demonstrates his talent by hitting a punching bag and drumming with the other hand. He seems like a sweet guy, but basically *yawn* *sssnnnnoorrrrrreeee*…
The audience votes for their favorite, and they choose the first contestant, Douglas Lee, who played the water glasses. What does he win? Nothing. Isn't this a great show?
More Senseless ‘Entertainment’
For no particular reason than to use up more time, Teddy Geiger comes onstage to sing and play piano. He’s pretty entertaining, but I have no idea what song he sang, as NBC didn’t put his name or the song title on the screen. Shouldn’t his agent be making sure he gets the most exposure out of appearances like this? I had to Google his name in order to make sure I spelled it correctly. Good luck, Teddy.
More Drama Than A Soap Opera
We’re reintroduced to last night’s performers, and the top two have the possibility of moving on.
1. Dave the Horn Guy - the idiot with horns glued all over an orange jumpsuit. Going home.
2. Mark the Knife - another idiot who combined a baby doll with fire and knives, and then chopped lettuce with a lawn mower. Going home.
3. Vladimir - metal pyramid balancer. Going home.
4. Bobby Badfingers - a unique dancing and finger-snapping entertainer. Going home.
5. At Last - an all-male a cappella singing group who blow away all others. Staying.
6. Leonid the Magnificent - an emotional Russian acrobat, who should perform at Kathy Griffin concerts. Going home.
7. Sugar and Spice - an adorable family of young girls who could easily snag any commercial calling for cherubic, angelic faces, but unfortunately don’t have much talent in the way of dancing or singing. Going home.
8. N’Versity - three young singing ladies, dressed somewhat provocatively, but lacking polish. Going home.
9. Natasha Lee - an eight-year-old amazingly-talented girl who plays piano like Liberace (and is easier on the eyes). Staying.
For clarification, tonight’s top two acts vying for their spot in the finale are At Last and Natasha Lee, with America having chosen At Last to be the talent going forward from here. Little Natasha Lee takes the tough news with a smile, and there’s probably no doubt her mother was being slipped agents’ business cards before they even hit the parking lot.
The future looks bright and sparkly for Natasha Lee.
At Last outlasted the other acts and will be moving on up.
This week ends with Realis and At Last moving on to the finals. Next week NBC guarantees more wacky talented people for us to enjoy and be repulsed by. If you think the lighting on this show is the best you’ve ever seen, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.