Last week's episode took us all over the country in search of the Next Great Invention. Something that will revolutionize the world. Either that or make us laugh our asses off. If you didn't see anything during last week's auditions that made you stand up and say "yes, dammit, I want one of those!", you might fare better this week. This episode we travel to Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, and Atlanta in search of amazing inventions...
The Field of Broken Dreams
Starting the night off with a bang is the Flatulence Deodorizer. Yes, it's a fart pad. Basically it consists of a pantiliner on steroids with a charcoal filter layer that you stick in the back of your underwear to take care of those "smelly episodes." The guy presenting this wonder says his creation was inspired by his wife, and I'm sure she's proud to hear this on national TV. Peter says that it's not the smell, it's the noise that bothers him. Thanks for sharing, Peter. The judges muffle their giggling long enough to give it a unanimous thumbs down.
Next we have two very enthusiastic presenters with the Receiver's Training Pole. It's a foam-covered pole attached to a vest that is worn while practicing football, supposedly to help receivers with the problem of catching the ball too close to the body. The guy who sounds like Chris Rock is the ringleader, and they give a great presentation that the judges enjoy. The contraption gets three yes votes, with Doug being the lone dissenter.
Two women presenting the Naughty Knot are next. This is nothing but a long piece of fabric tied around the upper body, covering the breasts. Well, until the two decide to demonstrate how easy it is to untie. The model promptly unties the bow and the fabric falls to the ground, leaving her topless in front of the judges. Mary Lou proceeds to have a freak-out worthy of a stint in a Tizzy Tube while the male judges giggle like schoolboys. Calling the other judges juveniles and telling the model that she's a "naked stupid girl," Mary Lou then lays into the other woman, calling her a loser and a fake. The topless girl is given a coat and they are told to leave, with Doug still snickering away.
Probably the saddest story of the night is brought to us by the inventor of Bullet Ball. This guy claims he has spent the last 26 years of his life on this project, selling his house and everything he owns, and sleeping in his car. Bullet Ball is supposed to be the next big Olympic game, but is nothing more than a small round table with sides and colored balls. The object is to hit your ball through your opponent's slot on the other side. Kind of like air hockey without the air. The judges are less than impressed and tell the man to get his life back and get a job.
Next up we have a lady with a simple invention - a Door Clip used to hold restroom doors shut in the event that they are broken. This probably didn't hold much appeal to the men in the audience, but any woman who has tried to pee with one foot holding a broken door shut will appreciate it. It's small enough to be carried in a purse and is also made to hold a pack of travel tissues just in case. The judges are pleased and give it a unanimous yes.
The Niya Doll is the next creation. This is a multicultural doll that is able to speak more languages than I can: English, Swahili, and Spanish. The doll is patterned after the lady's daughter, and all four judges are impressed, passing it through to the next round.
Following the doll is a kid who claims to have created Invisible Tear Gas. Insert your own fart jokes here. In a Forrest Gump-like accent, the boy tells the judges that he came across the formula by accident while in class, causing the room to clear out. It sounds like a variety of the old grade-school standard of mixing baking soda and vinegar to get a "volcano," with some hot sauce added in for good measure. The judges are impressed with his creativity but tell him to keep trying.
Go Towards the Light...
Interspersed throughout the show are a few quick montages of inventions that we didn't get to see much of. In the hell, no column we have the Dog Exercise Wheel (a huge version of a hamster wheel), Star Dial (I have no idea what that was supposed to do), an Aquarium made out of a two-liter soda bottle, and a Foot Washer for those who have no bathtub, I suppose. A few inventions that got passed through: video tattoos, a waterproof baseball glove, and the Heart Bra. Of course, we also had the clips of people standing against the incredibly weird bright white background. Oh, and lots of crying. Lots.
Finally, we come to the last two presentations of the night. The Headliner is brought to us by a woman suffering from alopecia, and is an adhesive, disposable liner meant to absorb sweat caused by wearing wigs or hats. It sticks to the inside of the wig and is supposed to make the wearer more comfortable. Dramatic music plays as Mary Lou's eyes tear up and she proclaims this to be the greatest thing yet. Ed agrees and gives his thumbs up. Then we come to Doug, who doesn't seem to like anything, and he shoots the idea down. It's up to Peter, who doesn't see the marketability and also votes no. Mary Lou does everything short of jumping up and down on the table to browbeat Peter into changing his vote, and he does. Probably just to shut her up. The Headliner passes through.
Last and most definitely least is My Therapy Buddy. While this was probably a good idea in theory, it was rather creepy in conception. Looking like a blue Shmoo (anybody remember that cartoon?) with skinny arms and legs, the fuzzy pear-shaped creature was meant to comfort the depressed. What it succeeded in doing was freaking out the judges, causing Ed to exclaim that he'd be locked up if someone saw him carrying that thing down the street. It wasn't the Buddy's appearance that was scary, it was it's voice. Sounding like something out of a bad horror flick, the judges recoiled as it kept repeating "Everything is going to be alright." Everything was not alright as all four judges voted a resounding no to the Elmo-wannabe, and the man left, clutching his Therapy Buddy for comfort.
Join us next week as American Inventor will audition more people from San Francisco, Denver, and New York in the hopes of finding the next big thing. Anything with a "Buddy" attached to its name need not apply.
If I have to hear that thing one more time, I'm going to need therapy....firstname.lastname@example.org