ANTM4 Ep.4 Recap: The Floundering Fish Who Almost Foundered

[spegs]

Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl

Plus, my prediction that an ANTM model will have crustacean parts at the end of her limbs comes true!!! Move over, Miss Cleo! Get bent, Dionne! In yo punkass face, Nostrodamus!

“Crazy Girl” (coincidentally also the name of a fine topless establishment in Hollywood)

See girls? Your Mama was right, all that makeup does make you look slutty [SFG licks finger and wipes eyeliner off your face in motherly gesture].

This guy might look like someone’s grandpa, but make no mistake: HE…CAN…SERVE.

In short: he hits because he cares, and strangely, the girls don’t seem to mind (Hello Kinky!).

[SFG runs in slow motion à la bad action picture, hand outstretched, with a low cry of “Nooooo!”]

I’m thinking thank God I don’t have Smell-o-Vision™.

Well, TyraMail authors aside, nooo, no it is not okay to physically abuse someone simply because they’ve annoyed you.

(still, WATCH YO ASS IN THAT PARKING LOT, BITCH, I’M WARNING YOU).

What the hell is that, TyraMail author’s little sister?

With Michelle, I’m guessing…um, zero? Oh, just keeeding, you dear, little Sapphic spitfire (see you at Girl Bar).

Or be the 12 Apostles and recreate the Last Supper (Tyra, naturally, would be Christ)—but nooo no one ever listens to my ideas.

She did look good out there, but damn it, now I’m hungry.

Call me now, at 1-900-555-SNOW, for all your psychic needs!

!!! Snowy, every week you stun me with your genius! I always think "it can't get better than this!" and then it does. You rock !!

[Google]

 

[mom2]

As always, awesome recap, SFG.

And I shared a tear of joy at the end as well.

[SARA_MODEL]

Once again, and amazing recap for the 4th episode by Snowflakegirl! SFG, you never disappoint us readers, and the humor is absolutely great!

I really enjoyed reading this one particularly Brandy being Eliminated! Finally My prediction came true

What a huge relief, she kind of reminds me of Ebony from season 1, with the huge temper and other similarities, doesn't it?

[roseskid]

I have no idea how I have lived so long without watching ANTM or reading you recaps, Snowy. I caught my first show Friday night, and I was hooked immediately. The whole time I was watching, I was wondering if Snowy was the writer, and indeed you are. I loved it.

SNOWY + ANTM = GENIUS

[CourtneyLove]

SnowFlake, I knew I loved you last season, and I'm glad you haven't let me down yet. I KNEW you would quote the two best lines of the show, Brandy's " if we didn't get kicked off for fighting, Yo' ass'd be to'e up right about now" and Tiffany's "All y'all bitches evil!" because you totally get what's great about the show. Once again, an amazing recap!!

[justhere]

Anyhooters, with twelve girls, it is the perfect time to do the twelve signs of the Zodiac! Or be the 12 Apostles and recreate the Last Supper (Tyra, naturally, would be Christ)—but nooo no one ever listens to my ideas.

Okay sorry, but thats the best line ever! That just provided the funniest visual. Great idea, you have my support. Hilarious recap, I was laughing the whole way through!

[ness]

SFG . . .

Just finished reading your recap.

As usual, my howls and screams (of laughter) were misinterpreted by my neighbors.

I am writing this "Thank You!" after having been to my front door (aGAIN) to explain to the cop someone called that no, my husband is NOT in here bitchslapping me, but I've just finished yet another SnowflakeGirl ANTM recap!

(BTW, the cop was really understanding . . . He simply shook his head, then requested I plaster my mouth with duct tape BEFORE reading your upcoming recap, as they get a little tired of coming by here to make sure no one's being murdered!)

I am anxiously awaiting your next recap with duct tape in hand!

BRAVA!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tomgross999]

Hilarious, and oh so true.
Thanks again, SFG.

[HelenHandbasket]

Ack! What happened to this site? I'm just glad it's up again in time for the next recap. It was stressful couple of days for me, let me tell ya.

[SnowflakeGirl]

It has been brought to my attention that a term I have used in my recap may be considered offensive or inappropriate to some. I hadn’t realized it at the time I used it because in the area where I live, the lesbian community has reclaimed and been proudly using this term publicly for years. Still, because it may be a loaded moniker, I have chosen to change it to the more playful “Sapphic Spitfire” in order to be sensitive to the feelings of certain readers.

As many of you have already read the recap, I did also feel it important to post this message in order to clarify that I did not mean the term I used in any negative or derogatory manner at all, especially as I have strived to be an advocate for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender rights my entire life. In fact, I did try to balance the sentence out by saying "See you at Girl Bar" which is meant to be a wink to the reader that I am speaking in jest. (But it could also be taken as a real directive. Hey, I actually have been to Girl Bar and this is the best lesbian club in L.A.; Michelle should go there! )

Perhaps because it is my modus operandi to make a lot of irreverent and off-color jokes (my Grandma, God rest her soul, would slap me for imagining models posing in the Last Supper the day before Good Friday!), I didn't recognize what I said to be out of line with the rest of my humor. Nevertheless, I do hope no one has been offended and people realize that by my remark, I was no more judging or making assumptions about Michelle’s actual sexuality than I am seriously alleging that in real life Brandy is an evil McBitchnugget, or Rebecca a bum-killer (although, in this case, lock your cardboard box tonight--you never know).

Thanks for your time, and much love to EVERYONE,
Snowy