Itís been a pretty decent season so far, but I do have one complaint: where are the tasks involving ornery animals? Those are always the best. Who wouldnít love to see Tina and Terence use their winning personalities to try and coax a stubborn donkey somewhere, or have to carry a ticked-off chicken around for the rest of the leg? Heck, for that matter, how about a gross eating task? Imagine Terence, the lean mean whining machine, having to eat 23 pounds of boiled Polish sausage or some such thing. Now thatís good tv. Hint hint, producers. We need more drama!
Once again, teams take off in the darkness (11:22pm, ugh) for their next destination: Delhi, India. Because we havenít seen enough of India in the other 2000 times The Amazing Race has blown through there. Nick and Starr leave first, reaching the travel agency just ahead of Toni and Dallas. This suits Dallas just fine, as he tries to flirt with Starr the best he can with his mom in the background, cramping his style. He declares her ďthe worst wingman ever.Ē Starr confesses there is an attraction, while Dallas grumbles about not being able to spend any alone time with her. Mind on task, big boy. Youíre still in a race, remember? Race?
In a little bit of foreshadowing for Kenís Big Blowup at Tina later on, he gripes about feeling useless as Tina takes charge of everything, practically shoving his butt out of the way and commandeering the computer. Another funny is Nick and Starr ragging on Kelly and Christy for their clothing, or lack thereof. Never mind that Starr has her puppies on full display, they think the divorceesí short shorts are guaranteed to get them groped in the crowds.
Terence and Sarahís 30 minute penalty for the speeding ticket fiasco last week? Amounted to squat. They catch up easily and all teams end up on the same 2000 mile flight to Delhi. Snore.
The teams all expected chaos when they got to India, and they werenít disappointed. Dan thinks itís brutally hot, and the traffic is awful. Beyond awful. Cows wander the street, leading Christy to chime in with her two cents, declaring that the cows werenít afraid of being hit by cars because they know theyíre sacred in India. Well that explains it, then. Iím starting to think those cows may have a bit more mental horsepower than our girl Christy. Or she's been watching too many Chik-fil-a commercials.
Step Aside, Earl Scheib
Off to Moonlight Motors (talk about a cheesy name) and their first task, a Roadblock. One team member gets to paint the black part of a black and yellow rickshaw green, to signify that it now runs on natural gas. Lots of taping, masking, and newspapering ensues. Starr, Andrew, Kelly, Toni, and Sarah don their respirators and begin the messy task of painting the little cars. Ken? He and Tina are circling the streets outside in their taxi, driven by a dropout from taxi school. The guy canít find the car lot, ensuring Ken and Tina get to the Roadblock last. The dysfunctional duo bicker about which way to go, and as always, Tina insists sheís right. Ken looks disgusted. Iím still waiting for The Big Blowup we were promised.
Oh, the frat boys. While I enjoyed their snarking on Terence - they thought he was quite a tool for his non-stop bitching at Sarah during the task - and was glad to see them finish the Roadblock first, Dandrew managed to blow their new lead immediately by bumbling around in the street, unable to find a taxi. Nick/Starr and Toni/Dallas pass them up. Even Ken and Tina pass the frats, after Tina nitpicked Kenís masking job to death. I kept waiting for him to turn the spray gun on her and paint that scrunchy face green. Ken and Tina also thought themselves quite clever for making their taxi driver stay and wait for them. Yeah. The same guy who got them lost before, they wanted to keep. This dude couldnít find his own behind with both hands and a map, yet they trust him to carry them to the next destination?
Teams now head to the Ambassador Hotel, where a doorman awaits them with the next clue. Itís a Detour, of course. Our intrepid Racers can choose to Launder Clothes, where they must iron twenty pieces of clothing with an unwieldy-looking charcoal heated iron, or Launder Money, where they have to create a traditional wedding necklace made out of ten rupee notes that must add up to 780. No change? Tough. Youíd better find a passerby who can make change for you. From your own stash of cash. In the middle of the freaking night.
And thatís just what Ken and Tina and Terence and Sarah choose to do. Everyone else chooses the laundry task and gets busy with the smoking hot irons. Smarties Nick and Starr pull out their gloves that theyíve been carrying around as the other teams wish theyíd had the foresight to bring things they might actually need, instead of makeup and hair products. Kelly and Christy glower at their arch-enemies and are forced to use pieces of clothing wrapped around the handles of the irons. Dandrew grumps about ironing, period. ďThereís never any ironing going on in the frat house,Ē snips Dan. Iím willing to bet thereís never much of anything going on in your frat house, guy.
Over in the other half of the Detour, Terence and Sarah and Ken and Tina are scrounging for change to make their necklaces. They manage to find some locals to give them change (seriously, flashing piles of money to strangers on a dark street in a foreign country isnít my idea of a good time). One guy wants a kiss from Sarah in return for the change - she declines, but I bet Terence sulked about that for hours. Then comes the hard part: making it through the throngs of the wedding party to the assembly table. This doesnít look like a wedding celebration so much as a mosh pit at Lollapalooza. Must have been one hell of an open bar.
While Dandrew struggles with the highly complicated task of ironing clothes as the wind blows their work all over the ground and the inspector continues to fail their pitiful efforts at folding, the other teams are headed for the Pit Stop at the Bahaíi House. Well, except for Ken and Tina, who have taxi issues once again. They finally dumped their doofus driver from before, but canít find a replacement. After running to another, busier, street, they finally find an available rickshaw. And this driver promptly gets lost, too.
Pulling over for directions, an infuriated Tina gets out and scares the locals into giving her some info. But she refuses to get back in until Ken moves his backpack, laying on the floor of the cramped little car. Where he was supposed to put it, I donít know. As Tina waffled around, wasting time, I think he was about ready to put the pack where the sun doesnít shine as he yelled at her to ďPlease, get in!!Ē
Wait. What? Thatís it? That was The Big Blowup we were promised from last week? Oh, brother. What a letdown. You got me again, editors. Not funny.
So, the Pit Stop. A windblown, sweaty Phil awaits the teams next to the greeter oí the week, a cute girl with a firepot on her head. Iím not terribly familiar with Indian custom or costume, so I have no idea what the flaming head was all about. But, ouch. Teams hit the Amazing Bathmat in this order:
1st - Nick and Starr, each winning an electric car and all the Amazing taxes that go with.
2nd - Kelly and Christy, happy for a change.
3rd - Toni and Dallas. ďYou have fire on your head - thatís insane!Ē he tells the greeter.
4th - Terence and Sarah. I want to put the firepot on his pointy little head.
5th - Andrew and Dan. They canít believe theyíre still in it. Neither can I.
Philiminated - Ken and Tina.
Oh, wait. Not! Itís a non-elimination leg, and the soon-to-be-divorced couple get another chance. Uh, yay for them. I guess. Iím trying to be excited here, but it ainít working. Phil informs them of the Speedbump awaiting them in the next leg, and they look downtrodden. Ken talks of wanting to be the comeback kids and how much they want to be in it, and save their marriage, and....*sniff* chokes up with tears in his eyes, unable to continue. Tina looks up at him and manages a smile/grimace, commenting that ďIt takes going to the bottom sometimes to get to the top.Ē
Next week: Tina and Kelly have meltdowns as they get pelted with some kind of colored powders. This better be good, editors. Or Iíll find out where you live.