Hi-ho, hi-ho, I'm off to recap this show... Yeah yeah, looney, I know. Let me ask you something. Do you think this season is AMAZING? Are any teams ruining the experience for you? Kevin & Drew are gone, so there's no more watching that doofus Drew fall on his rear and complain. David & Mary are gone, so there's no more listening to "If you'da jest follower'd what I was sayin', David, we'da come in first! I could jest kill ya David, iffin' I didn't love ya so darn much!" So, well, there IS that to be thankful for, because I couldn't stand another second of them. But who do we have left? Who's left that really, really grates on your nerves? For me, it's Charla & Mirna. I can't tolerate that loud witch and her midget cousin. That's right, I said midget. As in midget wrestling, midget tossing, or "that Charla is a midget." You'll not find any politcal correctness here, people. As you know it's not my style. Now, will the people from S.H.O.R.T. (Society Honoring Only Really Teeny) write and complain? My email is waiting, bring it on!
They're Leavin' On A Jet Plane
The last leg ended in Southern Chile, so that's where we begin. Rob & Amber are first to leave at 6:11 AM. They open their clue: Fly to the city of Punta Arenas, Chile. Teams must fly over 800 miles and when they land, they'll travel 15 miles by taxi to Lord Lonsdale's Shipwreck, where they'll find the next clue. They have $302 for the this leg of the race. You know, this is probably just me, but I'd like to see how they spend the money as they race. Do they buy food? Do they spend it all on taxis and/or bribes? Do they pick up souvenirs? Do they use it at "massage" parlors? This cat is curious...enlighten me!
I always like to look at the times teams leave, to see if they make up a lot of time at the end, etc. Yeah, I'm a freak that way, and the way they bunch the teams up at airports and everything really negates this, but if you're a freak like me, here's the departure times of the remaining teams:
Uchenna & Joyce 6:26 AM
Eric & Danielle 6:28 AM
Dustin & Kandice 6:48 AM
Danny & Oswald 6:51 AM
Teri & Ian 6:53 AM
Joe & Bill 8:05 AM
Charla & Mirna 8:11 AM
As you can see, there's a full two hours between the front runners, Rob & Amber, and the last team. Will that mean anything in the end?
Rob & Amber get to the airport and get tickets on a flight leaving at 9:40 AM. They go to research the Lord Lonsdale's shipwreck on the internet. Uchenna & Joyce, Eric & Danielle, Dustin & Kandice, and Oswald & Danny all get on the 9:40 flight as well. Teri & Ian are told that it's closed, but after Teri offers them bodily favors (okay okay, she offers cash!) they do get on the same flight. Joe & Bill and Charla & Mirna are on a flight at 11:15 AM, trailing the other teams by an hour and 35 minutes.
Rob Kan't Spel
Four of the teams get to the shipwreck and clue box within seconds of each other, but Rob pulls out the first clue, which is a detour. In this detour, teams have to choose between two activities, tied to one of Punta Arenas' most famous visitors, the explorer Ferdinand Magellan. They can choose between "Navigate It" or "Sign It." In "Navigate It" teams must use a map to get to the town plaza, where a sailor will give them a compass. Heading directly South they must find the Nautilus building, which is a deep-sea salvage business, where the proprietor will give them the next clue. Sounds easy enough, it's not like they have to go in more than one direction, it's just South! In "Sign It" teams must choose a pole and a set of building supplies, carry them up some stairs, then use a map to plot out Magellan's 14 ports of call on little signs they'll nail to the pole. They should start and end with the same city, and spelling counts, people!
Rob & Amber pick "Sign It" as Rob thinks he's better at building stuff. Uchenna & Joyce and Dustin & Kandice also pick "Sign It", while Oswald & Danny, Eric & Danielle and Teri & Ian pick "Navigate It". Rob gets off to a strong start, knowing that Magellan started in Seville, while Uchenna & Joyce start off with Guam. Rob misspells "Philippines" on his sign like this "Phillipeans". All I can figure out is that maybe he was trying to spell it like the book in the New Testament "Philippians" as I am sure he's a good Catholic boy and everything. At any rate, Rob, way to insult your Filipino viewers! It was right in front of you on the map! Rob puts the completed pole up for judging and can't believe it's not right, and actually says "It had better not be the spelling thing." Wouldn't that very thought lead you to check your spelling on every sign? Nope, not Rob! He's back to rearranging ports of call on the pole.
Eric & Danielle find the Nautilus building first, thanks to Danielle's magic boobs. They get the next clue: make their way to the airport and sign up for charter planes that leave 3 hours apart. The charter planes will take them 165 miles to Ushuala, Argentina. Once there, they need to make their way to Playa Larga beach, where they'll find their next clue. Oswald & Danny find the clue just as Eric & Danielle are catching a taxi.
Uchenna & Joyce put their pole up for judging (hee, that sounds sort of dirty, if you're of a twisted enough mind) and are told that it's not right, either. Because they have "Guam" first. Dustin & Kandice are trying to make sure that their signs point in the right direction, which isn't necessary. Uchenna & Joyce go for another try and are shut down again. Meanwhile, Teri & Ian have found the Nautilus building, and are off to the airport for the charter plane.
Danny & Oswald make it to the airport and are first to sign up for the first charter plane. They do a cute dance in celebration. Eric & Danielle get the second spot on that flight. Teri & Ian make the 3rd team on that charter. Back at "Sign It", Amber, the voice of reason, tells Rob that they need to know when to quit, that they should stop with the sign making and do the other task, while they're still sure that they have at least two teams behind them. Rob is a stubborn-headed mule and won't quit. Those other two teams show up on the last flight, and Joe & Bill pick "Navigate It", while Charla & Mirna pick "Sign It". Uchenna presents his pole (hee!!) for the third time, and finally gets it right. Does THIS make Rob quit and try the other task? Nooooooo. I can't lay all of this blame on Rob, though. Even though Amber is trying to get him to move on, she could be checking his spelling, too.
Uchenna & Joyce make it to the airport and are first on the 2nd charter. Remember, these are 3 HOURS apart. Eeek. Back at the signs, Dustin & Kandice approach Rob & Amber about working together. They all grab maps and run off to do "Navigate It". Charla & Mirna and Joe & Bill get their clues. Charla & Mirna pick "sign it" while Joe & Bill pick "Navigate It". Charla & Mirna see that no one is doing the signs, yet still head off for the supplies. Mirna starts screaming at Charla, about her not picking up the right things, about her wasting a lot of time. I HATE how she yells with an accent when she doesn't have one the rest of the time, over-enunciates and well, I just hate everything about Mirna. I wish Charla would go punch her right in the kneecaps. "Go quickly! Just leave it! I'll do it! We don't need that!" Damn bitch, shut up already.
Rob & Amber and Dustin & Kandice get their compasses from the sailor, and then are shocked to see that Joe & Bill have caught up with them. Rob thinks he knows exactly where they're going, and Dustin & Kandice just smile their pageant smiles and go along with him, as Rob leads them to the wrong place. Joe & Bill actually DO know where they're going, get the clue and head off to the airport, where they're 2nd on the 2nd charter. Charla & Mirna give up on the sign making, and run off to find the sailor. Rob & Amber, Dusin & Kandice, and Charla & Mirna all find the Nautilus building, and are 3rd, 4th and 5th on the 2nd charter plane.
The End Of The World As We Know It...And I Feel Fine
Charter 1 lands, and Teri & Ian are first to get to Playa Larga, but they run down the wrong way looking for the clue box. Oswald & Danny find it first, and get the next clue: make your way to the post office at the end of the world. Teams must travel by taxi to a bank (I think they said bank!), Bahia Lapataia, then they'll take a boat which departs every 20 minutes to Isla Redonda, also known as the end of the world. Once there they'll find a post office where they'll get the next clue. Eric & Danielle get the clue as well, while Teri & Ian get un-lost and also get the clue. Eric & Danielle and Oswald & Danny get to the boats. Each one can hold two teams, so they leave together. Once on Isla Redonda, Oswald gets to the clue first, which is a roadblock. Only one person may perform a roadblock. In this roadblock, a team member must sort mail. They must pick a mailbag and sort through 1600 letters to find one of two letters addressed to their team. Everyone's letter was written by a team from their original season on the Amazing Race. Once they find their letter, they must read it aloud to their teammate to receive the next clue. Oswald and Eric decide to do the roadblock for their teams.
Teri & Ian's boat leaves just about the same time that the 2nd charter is landing. Most of the teams grab taxis, but Rob & Amber and Charla & Mirna can't find one. Charla calls for one, but Rob & Amber are walking on the road the taxi arrives on, and take the taxi, so they have to get another one. Back at the end of the world, Oswald finds their letter and it's from Blake & Paige, the cute brother/sister team. Oswald says it's a sweet letter, and they get their next clue: search the island for the next pit stop. Teams must search the island for Mastil de Belgrano, an overlook at the southernmost point of South American, for the pit stop. The last team to check in may be eliminated. Eric finds their letter, from their former teammates Dani & Jeremy, who tell them "no babies on the race". Whether they mean not to get pregnant or not to be babies themselves remains unsolved. I would assume it's the one with the sexual overtones. Teri & Ian arrive and Teri is performing the task for her team.
Joe & Bill, Uchenna & Joyce and Dustin & Kandice all get to La Playa and get their clues. Rob & Amber arrive some time after them, and Rob leads Amber down the same wrong path that Teri & Ian took. Charla & Mirna arrive and follow them, and Amber tries to throw them off by yelling "got it!" as they run back in the right direction, making Charla & Mirna think it's on the path. Honestly, they just took your cab, why would you believe them now? In confessional, Mirna says that she knew that Amber was lying to her, as an attorney she can tell when someone is lying. Well it sure didn't keep you from LOOKING, now did it bitchy-pants? Rob & Amber and Charla & Mirna both get to the correct place and get their clues.
Teri finds her letter, it's from Flo (noooo! not HER!) and Zack. Teri & Ian head off towards the pit stop. At the boats, Joe & Bill and the Beauty Queens share a boat, while Amber tells everyone left tales of how she tried to mislead Charla & Mirna. Charla & Mirna arrive at the boats, and Charla confronts Amber on why she lied about the clue. Amber says she wasn't talking to Charla & Mirna, she was talking to Rob, saying that she "got it, figured it out". Hee, nice lie! Rob & Amber share a boat out with Uchenna & Joyce, while Charla & Mirna will be on the last boat 20 minutes later.
Joe & Bill and Dustin & Kandice arrive at the post office, and Bill and Kandice will be the ones sorting mail. Bill finds his quickly, and reads some long hip-hop like letter from Frank from the first season of the Amazing Race. Kandice gets their letter, and it's from Lyn from Team Bama of last season of TAR. They laugh about Karlyn not signing it, but are pleased that it says "TAR 10 for the win". Rob & Amber and Uchenna & Joyce arrive at the post office, with Rob and Joyce sorting mail. Charla & Mirna catch up, and Mirna sorts mail because she is a bitch and doesn't think Charla can do anything.
Joyce finds their letter, from Susan & Patrick from their season. Ugh, I detested Patrick, what a worm. Their letter says "Don't trust you-know-who". Who, Lord Voldemort? I mean, they can't even invoke the names of who they really mean, Rob & Amber? Stupid constantly-tucking-his-hair-behind-his-ear Patrick. Anyway, Uchenna & Joyce take off towards the pit stop. While Mirna is sorting through letters, Charla is trying to tell her which ones to look at. Rob says that she can't talk to her, and Mirna tells him to shut the @#$%* up, that she was saying "pray to our deceased grandmother to help us". I'm sure that your deceased grandmother would love your potty-mouth, Mirna. And I am pointing this out to show that Mirna of her "high moral integrity" or what the hell lies just as much at Rob. AND, while I'm at it, who here thinks that Mirna has like never, EVER had a boyfriend, or any male companionship of any kind? That's what I thought. That girl needs some lovin', maybe she'd calm herself down then.
Mirna finds their letter, and it's from Lance & Marshall. It's a totally insulting letter, which of course cracks me up. They head off to the pit stop yelling "lying bitch, bitch!" about Amber. Rob is still looking for their letter, finds it, and it's from that punk Patrick and his mom again. It says that he hopes the letter finds them broke, hungry, lost and in last place. Well, he got one out of the four right. Rob says it's just insulting. So it's a race for last place between Charla & Mirna and Rob & Amber, with Mirna screaming all the way. Mirna grabs Charla's hand like she's a 6 year old, and Charla face plants right into the ground. I admit it, I laughed. We don't see how much actual time is between the last two, but the teams finish like this..
1st: Oswald & Danny ~ who win a trip to Maui. They invite Phil to come along, but he says that's a whole different reality show. Well, it's one I'd like to see!
2nd: Eric & Danielle
3rd: Teri & Ian
4th: Joe & Bill
5th: Dustin & Kandice
6th: Uchenna & Joyce
7th: Charla & Mirna (bitch!)
Eliminated: Rob & Amber
That's right, the sound you heard 'round the world was of people cheering that Rob & Amber were eliminated. I wasn't one of them, as I really like them, and think they're one of the strongest teams to ever race. They are smiling as they are eliminated, and conduct themselves in a proper manner, unlike some big huge crybabies from a couple of legs back (yes, Drew, I mean YOU.) I'm sorry to see Rob & Amber go, but I know that if it was a non-elimination leg for them that everyone would be crying foul. I'm sure we'll see them on "Rob & Amber: Against The Odds, Season 2". (yes, I watched season one, SO?)
The previews for next week show a rat the size of Charla! Look for Waywyrd's brilliant, insightful recap of that, full of spiffy pictures and everything!
For casting information for "Maui Wowie: Phil & the Cha-cha-chas in Paradise" send me a PM here.